Married Shmarried.

[xoswtdreamsxo]

I honestly don't get the majority of folks here. I don't think either the MM/MW/OW/OM are selfish. I think the logic behind relationships in general is utterly ridiculous and ludicrous. Relationships are driven by unrealistic standards and illogical ethics that are mostly based on ideals, possessiveness, and jealousy. You get married to someone because you feel like, (out of 1 billion people in this entire world, they are the one.. which is already unrealistic/illogical in the first place), then ya both try to fight the possibility that you may become interested in one of the other 1 billion people in the world that the universe has provided for you because that's what the "relationship rules" say. One of you is becoming disinterested in your spouse, so now you find yourself dwindling and to even THINK that you could have the desire to want to be with one of the other 1 billion persons throughout the world, makes you a selfish person.. -- It makes you a realistic human being... not a psychologically manipulated robot out of touch with spirit.

 

The issue in relationships in the first place is labeling them. The only good thing that comes out of labeled relationships are kids who are raised correctly in this western world. The only thing that could make you selfish is lying to your husband/wife.. but at the same time, you got married, which was an illogical thing to do to begin with.. Then you have pressure on you by the world to stay faithful to 1 out of a billion people.. THEN, you don't want to hurt the spouse or have the spouse take the kids. You've got all that mess to deal with, yet.. you both are called selfish and etc..

 

I honestly don't find anything wrong with seeing others if you're in a relationship or married because the issue in the first place is getting into a labeled relationship. Of course a husband/wife will LIE to their spouse.. they don't want to hurt their feelings. Don't you guys lie everyday when someone asks you how their clothes, hair or etc looks? It doesn't matter how BIG the lie.. We are human.. of course we will like more than 1 person at a time. How about humans just love other humans and enjoy their company and that's it? Why must we possess each other and caress our jealousies and what not?

 

Relationships such as marriage and boyfriend/girlfriend teach us that it is okay to say, "This is mine" and it's really not yours. It's like standing out in a field and picking a wildflower and saying, "I saw it first and picked it first, it is mine!" -- Marriage and relationships are childish and elementary and they do more harm to the psyche than good.

 

I don't regard the unrealistic ethics and caressing of the jealousy/possessiveness like most people do. Okay, your feelings will be hurt that your husband is in love with another woman? -- Fine. Deal with it however. And trust me, I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I've been hurt.. probably have been cheated on... but after I learned better that labeled relationships should be more about freedoms than anything, I stopped regarding them and getting into them. Nobody belongs to you, no matter what a piece of paper says or what you say. They don't. Until humanity learns that, marriages will continue to fail and schemes will continue "behind your backs." (And it only hurts because you care due to possessiveness and jealousy.. and MAYBE the lie hurts as much... MAYBE...)... Even the MOST *seemingly* faithful of husbands, (& some wives).. especially aren't as faithful as some think.. and I would know because I've been the OW a billion times and watched public figures fake their images of their relationships.. then would come back to me in private. I hold all of these secrets and know the ins and outs to everything. Humanity is deceiving itself with all of these rules. It's a waste of life/time. Do you. Don't commit and just try not to zap others of their freedom. I'm not saying to go get an STD because that would be stupid, too.. I'm just saying.. labeled relationships are based on stupidity.

 

It hurts having to let someone go whether you are the OW/OM/Spouse. That's just the way life is... and at some point you will have to anyways. So whether you are the OW/OM or MM/MW, enjoy the one you're with and leave the labels out of it. If you find freedom, you will be happier and lighter and won't concern who yourself with WHO your love interest is seeing other than you. You won't carry all that negativity around and thinking another human being, "belongs" to you.

 

And don't think of saying, "Well, I'd love to see how you would act if you were married" because I'm not dumb enough to get married. I KNOW too much. The ONLY thing worth holding a marriage together for is the KIDS. That's it... but husband/wife can learn to do that without being romantically in love.

Edited November 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[xoswtdreamsxo]

I honestly don't get the majority of folks here. I don't think either the MM/MW/OW/OM are selfish. I think the logic behind relationships in general is utterly ridiculous and ludicrous. Relationships are driven by unrealistic standards and illogical ethics that are mostly based on ideals, possessiveness, and jealousy. You get married to someone because you feel like, (out of 1 billion people in this entire world, they are the one.. which is already unrealistic/illogical in the first place), then ya both try to fight the possibility that you may become interested in one of the other 1 billion people in the world that the universe has provided for you because that's what the "relationship rules" say. One of you is becoming disinterested in your spouse, so now you find yourself dwindling and to even THINK that you could have the desire to want to be with one of the other 1 billion persons throughout the world, makes you a selfish person.. -- It makes you a realistic human being... not a psychologically manipulated robot out of touch with spirit.

 

The issue in relationships in the first place is labeling them. The only good thing that comes out of labeled relationships are kids who are raised correctly in this western world. The only thing that could make you selfish is lying to your husband/wife.. but at the same time, you got married, which was an illogical thing to do to begin with.. Then you have pressure on you by the world to stay faithful to 1 out of a billion people.. THEN, you don't want to hurt the spouse or have the spouse take the kids. You've got all that mess to deal with, yet.. you both are called selfish and etc..

 

I honestly don't find anything wrong with seeing others if you're in a relationship or married because the issue in the first place is getting into a labeled relationship. Of course a husband/wife will LIE to their spouse.. they don't want to hurt their feelings. Don't you guys lie everyday when someone asks you how their clothes, hair or etc looks? It doesn't matter how BIG the lie.. We are human.. of course we will like more than 1 person at a time. How about humans just love other humans and enjoy their company and that's it? Why must we possess each other and caress our jealousies and what not?

 

Relationships such as marriage and boyfriend/girlfriend teach us that it is okay to say, "This is mine" and it's really not yours. It's like standing out in a field and picking a wildflower and saying, "I saw it first and picked it first, it is mine!" -- Marriage and relationships are childish and elementary and they do more harm to the psyche than good.

 

I don't regard the unrealistic ethics and caressing of the jealousy/possessiveness like most people do. Okay, your feelings will be hurt that your husband is in love with another woman? -- Fine. Deal with it however. And trust me, I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I've been hurt.. probably have been cheated on... but after I learned better that labeled relationships should be more about freedoms than anything, I stopped regarding them and getting into them. Nobody belongs to you, no matter what a piece of paper says or what you say. They don't. Until humanity learns that, marriages will continue to fail and schemes will continue "behind your backs." (And it only hurts because you care due to possessiveness and jealousy.. and MAYBE the lie hurts as much... MAYBE...)... Even the MOST *seemingly* faithful of husbands, (& some wives).. especially aren't as faithful as some think.. and I would know because I've been the side-chick a billion times and watched public figures fake their images of their relationships.. then would come back to me in private. I hold all of these secrets and know the ins and outs to everything. Humanity is deceiving itself with all of these rules. It's a waste of life/time. Do you. Don't commit and just try not to zap others of their freedom. I'm not saying to go get an STD because that would be stupid, too.. I'm just saying.. labeled relationships are based on stupidity.

 

It hurts having to let someone go whether you are the OW/OM/Spouse. That's just the way life is... and at some point you will have to anyways. So whether you are the OW/OM or MM/MW, enjoy the one you're with and leave the labels out of it. If you find freedom, you will be happier and lighter and won't concern who yourself with WHO your love interest is seeing other than you. You won't carry all that negativity around and thinking another human being, "belongs" to you.

 

And don't think of saying, "Well, I'd love to see how you would act if you were married" because I'm not dumb enough to get married. I KNOW too much. The ONLY thing worth holding a marriage together for is the KIDS. That's it... but husband/wife can learn to do that without being romantically in love.

 

Oh.. and to make myself CLEAR, I NEVER want a MM to leave his wife. I honestly don't make it my business what they do because it's none of my business. As a matter of fact, I'd never want to hurt their kids like that, so I've learned to play my position very well. I'll even wish him/her a good time on their anniversary when he announces it publicly or something so that I can continue to destroy my jealous emotions AND keep his trust. Even if he did end it with me or whatever.. I'd still never tell the wife because why do that? Most of the time, when the married person ends it, anyways.. that means they are not interested.. and why go ruin the family simply because they are not interested? That's ridiculous. By the way, I also never SLEPT with a married man.. I'm also not promiscuous either. I'm just throwing that out there because when people have no good arguments, they start insulting others based on pure emotional rage.

[S2B]

Do these MM pay you money or buy you things?

[xoswtdreamsxo]

Do these MM pay you money or buy you things?

 

Nope and I don't care. I hate when men offer to buy me things. The only boyfriend I had bought me a bunch of stuff and I hated it. I don't need anyone buying me things. If I hang out with anyone, I do it for the pleasure of their company and connection and that's it. I don't have all these rules like you people do.

[xoswtdreamsxo]

Nope and I don't care. I hate when men offer to buy me things. The only boyfriend I had bought me a bunch of stuff and I hated it. I don't need anyone buying me things. If I hang out with anyone, I do it for the pleasure of their company and connection and that's it. I don't have all these rules like you people do.

 

You didn't hurt my feelings. I feel like you were striking out at me because I went against what you believe in. I expect people to lash out but I just wanted to put out a different perspective. Concerning the "pain" I feel -- If I were going to type based on emotional pain I've felt from relationships, I'd be on here ranting and raving about how I want these MM to leave their wives and only be with me... because that is what my emotions tell me. However, I'm more geared towards logic than I am emotion, so what I'm typing to you guys, here.. is coming from my intellect. It's not that I don't understand why someone would be hurt if their spouse was cheating but I think it's unhealthy to caress that hurt because I feel the foundation of it comes from us wanting to feel whole and wanted/needed. Even if your husband/wife was to come to you and honestly say they wanted a divorce, the hurt would be the same because you'd miss the person and what you are hearing is, "You're not good enough anymore" or "I don't want you anymore." It is rejection. All I'm saying is that labeled relationships mask the truth of our needs/wants and only helps to caress our jealousies and possessive feelings.

 

By the way -- To make myself a bit more clear let's look at friendships. In friendships, do we make our best friends sign a "best friend" contract and tell them they aren't allowed to have other "best friends?" -- If we don't come down so hard on our best friends for having other best friends, why all of the sudden does it come down to that for romantic relationships? There's a double standard and it clearly shows the dependency on another to heighten our own self esteem, makes us feel more wanted and needed, and makes us feel as though we own somebody. Labeled relationships are unhealthy for our psyche but we've spent ages in this dynamic that people are conditioned to think that this is healthy.

 

Lying is not okay. I agree with that. That is my only problem with MM/MW seeing other people but it is understandable why they lie.

Edited November 28, 2017 by xoswtdreamsxo

[S2B]

What is your age?

[xoswtdreamsxo]

What is your age?

 

I'm in my late 20's. Is that supposed to aid you in your responses towards what I've said? I'd like to see the error in my logic... not any ad-hominem. If anyone can show me where my logic is at fault, I will change my position.

[S2B]

I'm in my late 20's. Is that supposed to aid you in your responses towards what I've said? I'd like to see the error in my logic.

 

Aid me? You have your logic and I have mine.

[Cullenbohannon]

Love is not a conditioned response. And therefore lies that fallacy of your logic.

 

Every bit of love, the good and the bad, is based on so many things, but logic is not one of them. Love has a life of its own. It lives, grows and sometimes it dies. That is not smarmy, that is truth.

 

You write of that which you have never known, therefore none of your words are relevant to Love and Marriage

[xoswtdreamsxo]

Love is not a conditioned response. And therefore lies that fallacy of your logic.

 

Every bit of love, the good and the bad, is based on so many things, but logic is not one of them. Love has a life of its own. It lives, grows and sometimes it dies. That is not smarmy, that is truth.

 

You write of that which you have never known, therefore none of your words are relevant to Love and Marriage

 

The issue with your logic is that love is subjective. Nobody can define "love" on a universal scale. It might not exist outside of those who believe in it and give it definition. Love to me might mean spiritual connection. It could mean something else. Love to you means what you've written and then some.

 

One man's trash is another's treasure and therefore, your logic is still erroneous...not mine. By my standards, I have loved... but nice try.

 

Ps - If "love" is truly unconditional, we'd still love people who lie, cheat, steal and etc on/to us.. because "condition" means I will love you until... So, you must love a monster if you're with a monster.. for it to be unconditional, right?

 

You claim that love is not a conditioned thing. Okay, so if I tell you that I loved a married man because I didn't consider the conditions that he was married, is my love not unconditional?

Edited November 28, 2017 by xoswtdreamsxo

[S2B]

Why is it important for others to agree with you?

 

It doesn't matter what you think - I'm glad you believe in something - but it's not important for others to agree.

 

Let's talk about it when you're sixty or seventy years old with more life experience with your strategies.

[xoswtdreamsxo]

Why is it important for others to agree with you?

 

It doesn't matter what you think - I'm glad you believe in something - but it's not important for others to agree.

 

Let's talk about it when you're sixty or seventy years old with more life experience with your strategies.

 

I was waiting for you to use "age" to aid you in a response to me. It really has nothing to do with what I said though because all that I have said makes analytical sense...

 

I don't care that others agree with me. I came here to propose a different perspective and that is it. The ONLY reason I told someone to find an error in my logic is because clearly I hit some type of nerve and my position was challenged. That's what happens during a debate or a discussion when two people disagree. It doesn't mean I need you to agree. I already know that I'm right, whether you disagree or not.

 

There's nothing any of you can teach me about romance. I already get it. I don't need to be 60 to "get it." That's basic logic. You don't ONLY learn from your own experiences...but also from being objective and learning from others' experiences. Having a deeply analytical mind also helps a tremendous, lot. Sometimes, that's all it takes to "get it." It's like having a head-start. I'm lucky enough to have gotten this while I'm still young.

Edited November 28, 2017 by xoswtdreamsxo

[Cullenbohannon]

You asked to see the error in your logic but first look at the error in your words. "Love is not a condition response" is not the same as "Unconditional love". Your rush to respond lead to a error and therefore incorrect analytics.

 

Your attack is on marriage, and since we are talking of love marriages, then you must factor in emotions. Once you bring real emotions into the picture, everything that you are saying is missing a peice of the puzzle. 1 + 1 does not equal 3. When you start missing the numbers, no one will take you seriously

 

Your entire thread is based on love being logical. And since it isn't, then you are incorrect in all your post.

 

It is late, vent away and welcome to the forum.

Edited November 28, 2017 by Cullenbohannon

[sdraw108]

Load of nonsense.

 

It's pretty simple really. When you told someone that you wanted to be in a committed monogamous relationship with them, you took on a moral duty not to betray them.

 

It's fine if you don't believe that relationships and marriage are logical. But then you are free not to get into a monogamous relationship. There are plenty of people out there who are fine with open relationships. Date one of those instead.

 

The fact is that if you choose someone who wants monogamy, knowing that you don't believe in it, then you are lying to them from the very first day. You can pretend that that's not immoral if it makes you feel better, but you're deluding yourself.

[sdraw108]

Also, the fact that your arguments are phrased in terms of possessiveness and jealousy suggests to me that you either have a warped view of what a healthy relationship should be, or you've only had unhealthy relationships and are unable to make the comparison.

 

The fact is that for most people monogamy has nothing to do with possessiveness or jealousy. It's about an emotional bond and trust that two people who love each other form between themselves. When two people have promised each other to be committed and one of them breaks that by cheating and lying, it doesn't mean that someone is upset because they thought they "owned" the other one and now they're jealous. They're upset because the person they loved hurt them in the most awful way, and they never expected that.

[xoswtdreamsxo]

You asked to see the error in your logic but first look at the error in your words. "Love is not a condition response" is not the same as "Unconditional love". Your rush to respond lead to a error and therefore incorrect analytics.

 

It wasn't my rush to respond but rather my lack in comprehension of what you said. I misunderstood but I thoroughly did read it. Misunderstandings happen all of the time, especially on the internet.

 

 

Your attack is on marriage, and since we are talking of love marriages, then you must factor in emotions. Once you bring real emotions into the picture, everything that you are saying is missing a peice of the puzzle. 1 + 1 does not equal 3. When you start missing the numbers, no one will take you seriously.

 

No, my attack is on the unrealistic/idealistic ethical standards that marriage and labeled relationships are based on. Open marriages are a little closer to being reasonable. Emotions, meaning happiness, joy, and etc are not the issue. Aiding unhealthy ones such as possession and jealousy is what my issue is and monogamous relationships are based on possession.

 

 

Your entire thread is based on love being logical. And since it isn't, then you are incorrect in all your post.

 

No.... My entire thread is based on love being free and romantic ethics (which are the basis of most monogamous marriages) being unreasonable, illogical and reflects humanity's double standards. It's not the love itself.

 

 

 

It is late, vent away and welcome to the forum.

 

Thanks.

[xoswtdreamsxo]

Load of nonsense.

 

It's pretty simple really. When you told someone that you wanted to be in a committed monogamous relationship with them, you took on a moral duty not to betray them.

 

I agree with this. The MW/MM made a dumb decision. Okay. It gets complicated though when we consider our own dumb decisions in life.. We shouldn't throw stones while we live in glass houses.. btw... When there are kids involved, what do you do? Do you lie to protect the kids or do you be honest, ask for divorce and ruin your family?

 

Is lying all of the sudden okay if you are no longer in love with your SO for the sake of the children? It's not so black and white, here.

 

 

It's fine if you don't believe that relationships and marriage are logical. But then you are free not to get into a monogamous relationship. There are plenty of people out there who are fine with open relationships. Date one of those instead.

 

That's right. I am free not to get into them and I don't. I'm just here to share a different perspective for those who may be interested. If you're not you are free to move along..or challenge my views. It makes me no difference. I will date whomever I please, as well. I'm not married.

 

The fact is that if you choose someone who wants monogamy, knowing that you don't believe in it, then you are lying to them from the very first day. You can pretend that that's not immoral if it makes you feel better, but you're deluding yourself.

 

I don't lie to people. I tell them right up front I don't like commitment because I don't believe in it. So, there is no deluding going on inside of me.

 

Also, the fact that your arguments are phrased in terms of possessiveness and jealousy suggests to me that you either have a warped view of what a healthy relationship should be, or you've only had unhealthy relationships and are unable to make the comparison.

 

The reason why I said monogamous relationships are based on possession is because they are. "He is MY husband so you should not be with him." The damage is already done right when the labels are put onto the relationships. "That is MY flower! Nobody else can touch it!" It sounds like a 5th grader's argument. Romance shouldn't turn us into children who throw tantrums because someone else's picked the flower they liked. They are unrealistic ideals for humanity.

 

The fact is that for most people monogamy has nothing to do with possessiveness or jealousy. It's about an emotional bond and trust that two people who love each other form between themselves. When two people have promised each other to be committed and one of them breaks that by cheating and lying, it doesn't mean that someone is upset because they thought they "owned" the other one and now they're jealous. They're upset because the person they loved hurt them in the most awful way, and they never expected that.

 

Two people can have an emotional bond full of trust without the labels. The only thing that needs to be present is honesty. After that, everything becomes our own responsibility. Relationships become possessive the minute you make vows to be "each other's" THIS and THAT. (Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Husband/Wife..etc.) When two people have promised each other to be committed and one of them breaks that by cheating and lying the one who broke it by lying is in the wrong because telling a lie is deliberately deceiving another. There shouldn't be any such thing as "cheating" and that is the first/core issue. The committing to one person is foolish, highly idealistic and putting the very nature of humanity into a box/bondage.

 

Even if the person didn't lie or cheat and they told their spouse, "I'm sorry but I am no longer interested" -- The pain is still the same because we have a hard time letting things go. Whether the label is there or not, when someone we love leaves us, we are sad. However, in monogamy, you also begin to feel like you are not good enough and your esteem falls when someone "cheats" for someone else.

 

Sometimes, people just don't know any better until they're given another perspective which is why I am saying what I am saying. If you disagree with my ways of thinking that is fine. It isn't for you. It still doesn't mean it doesn't make sense, though...

Edited November 28, 2017 by xoswtdreamsxo

[sdraw108]

Well, I'm glad that you're up front with people that you don't believe in commitment. On those points we're on the same page and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

Where I still disagree is this notion that commitment = ownership. You seem to be good at recognizing that people's perspectives differ, so you should extend that to this point. For many people (including myself and everyone I've ever dated), ownership has nothing to do with it.

 

When I make a commitment to my girlfriend, I'm not saying, "I agree that you own me". I'm saying, "I agree to treat you with respect and not betray your trust". The whole point is that I don't want to betray that trust, because I love that person.

 

Relationships break down all the time. When you want out, you get to make a choice: (1) do the right thing, break it off, heal, and then date others, (2) start seeing someone else, cover it up, and then break off the first relationship when you've moved on.

 

You say "the pain is still the same" between scenario (1) and (2) but this is generally untrue. Usually a relationship breaks down gradually over time, and both people have some time period to get used to it (scenario 1). Cheaters on the other hand tend to pretend everything is fine and normal, and when their partner finds out it hits them like a ton of bricks. The cheater gets the selfish, easy, way out because they had time to swap their feelings to the new person.

 

There's another fundamental reason why the pain is not the same. In a breakup, the pain is the loss of the person you love. With cheating, it's also the pain that someone who you loved and trusted did something you never imagined possible. That's additional pain on top of the first.

[sdraw108]

Oh, and to answer your question about kids. Yes, that is a different case. It is acceptable (and in my opinion, a moral duty) to do what is right for the children, even if that involves maintaining a sham marriage. This works when both partners knowingly and jointly make the adult decision to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their children. Note that this is not lying. Remember, you're seeing things through your own perspective of lying/cheating. It doesn't have to be that way. You can be honest with your partner and agree to maintain the marriage.

[lana-banana]

Rejection, be it professional, personal, or any other kind, is hard to swallow. Some people spend ten years trying to gets job and rather than accept a lot of wasted effort they tell themselves they never really wanted it anyway. Lots of young women fall headlong in love with dudes who won't commit to them. Instead of saying "screw that, I deserve commitment" they tell themselves the entire concept of commitment is stupid. I know I did it once! But it didn't last, because my "belief" was borne out of pain and a desire to intellectualize that pain, not logic. And so when someone comes in announcing monogamy is dumb and unrealistic, then explains she has ample experience as a mistress to married men, it....well, it makes sense.

 

The concepts of monogamy, and occasional transgressions of that ideal, are as old as humanity itself. Jealousy and possessiveness are human nature. What is relatively new (and thank God for it) is the separation of marriage and societal success. You no longer need to be married to have good social standing. If you don't want to be married, there's nothing stopping you; if your marriage truly isn't working, you can leave.

But people continue to get married and stay married---why? Because they want to. Even if they may fall short of the perfect monogamous ideal, they still value it was something worth striving for. That's their choice.

 

My question is if you're such a self-actualized version of enlightenment and satisfaction, why do you bother with unavailable men?

[No_Go]

Love is not a conditioned response. And therefore lies that fallacy of your logic.

 

Every bit of love, the good and the bad, is based on so many things, but logic is not one of them. Love has a life of its own. It lives, grows and sometimes it dies. That is not smarmy, that is truth.

 

You write of that which you have never known, therefore none of your words are relevant to Love and Marriage

 

OP I congratulate you for the fresh perspective.

 

The truth being - marriage and ‘committed’ relationships in general have NOTHING to do with love. Love is unconditional - in the very second one start thinking ‘I’d love him/her if I receive ....’ love is done. Expectation of any sort means love is over, or it has just never existed.

 

LTRs/marriages have good reasons to exist. Number one is obvious: procreation. It is immediately obvious in all statistics: people do it when they are fertile, older folks rarely bother. The ones that do: second reason: money/tax benefits/property maintenance/asset protection. Practicalities. All solid reasons, just nothing lovey in them. Third reason is religion, and in many cultural groups - especially females tend to think their perceived value somehow links to their relationship status. It’s very common in Asian females, as well as females that were raised in church going families. The only other reason left, which usually leads to LTRs (rarely the ring-or-else threats aka forced marriage) is fear. Fear of being alone. This happens to people that just don’t know what to do with their time and need someone to chaperone them, the more the better. Nothing wrong with that per se - but since there is need involved - there is no love.

 

I personally had to waste 5 relationshipy years with 3 dudes to realize that - something I just suppressed, but knew throughout. Will I get in another LTR or even marry? Yep, for children. I’ll do it with a clear mindset it is not ‘lovey’ nonsense but a stage of life done with a purpose. This will make it palatable and maybe enjoyable

 

I wanted to make a thread where people admit the naked truth about what pushed them into marriages but then I though it will be hard because of all the falseness and fear surrounding the concept. But ask any of your close friends and you’d see what I wrote is exactly how things are. And I think there is nothing wrong with it, I even endorse it - except the false pretenses for Love that really is nothing-like-love (need, demands, expectations and love do NOT and cannot coexist).

[William]

Going to get out in front of this one before it gets rolling and remind everyone that all perspectives and opinions are welcome at Loveshack so long as they are presented respectfully and in line with our Community Guidelines ~T

[BikerAccnt]

 

 

 

No.... My entire thread is based on love being free and romantic ethics (which are the basis of most monogamous marriages) being unreasonable, illogical and reflects humanity's double standards. It's not the love itself.

 

 

Thanks.

 

So if romantic ethics are unreasonable, what of other ethics? Are those as well?

[BikerAccnt]

d.

 

LTRs/marriages have good reasons to exist. Number one is obvious: procreation. It is immediately obvious in all statistics: people do it when they are fertile, older folks rarely bother.

 

.

 

Really? Us older folks don't? In my circle of friends, mostly in our 50's, there have been 3 marriages just this year (2 of them second marriages, one a first) . I myself, may be getting engaged soon.

 

We don't want any more kids, financially we are set, taxes, property and the other things, we both have. So, what's left. Love, and the desire to grow old together.

 

Marriage is a commitment beyond love. It is a choice we freely choose to make. Anyone is free to make it or not. Personally, even at 57, I still like the idea of marriage.

[d0nnivain]

xoswtdreamsxo

 

 

 

 

Here's the thing. You are up front about your beliefs. Monogamy & conventional commitment are not your thing. Others share your view.

I'm not one of them. That makes us incompatible.

 

 

I am married. My husband & I took vows before God, our family & friends to be faithful to each other . . .forsaking all others. If my husband or I were to break those promises yes we would be selfish & hurtful toward the other.

 

 

You would never make such a promise because you don't believe it's possible or necessary. Hence you could never break such a vow because you would never make it. My problem is with somebody who took the vow, then broke it. I can even get past divorce but on going cheating is just wrong. Keep your promises or publically declare you are not going to but have enough integrity to own your choice, which is what you are doing when you declare conventionality is not your thing.