No longer sexually attracted to my boyfriend

[Lex15]

So I’m 19 and in college. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years but I am no longer sexually attracted to him. I can’t really understand why it happened but we haven’t had sex much in the past 6 months. We’ve had issues in the past year with his mom and friends not liking me because they were jealous that he spent more time with me than them.

 

It caused us to almost break up and there was a lot of arguing. We went some time without really seeing eachother because he worked all day and I started getting less attached. Recently now that we are back at school together things have been good because the drama is no longer around but now I don’t want to have sex with him. This might be tmi but anytime We’ve has sex recently I end up in a panic and cry.

 

He doesn’t force me into having sex at all but I feel guilty that I’m with him and I know he’d like to and I never want to. He never makes me feel like we need to and never brings sex up. He’s always very concerned about how I feel and if I really want to but I can’t keep pretending. I love him so much but I feel like now I love him more as a best friend than a intimate partner. He’s adorable and the most amazing person I’ve ever met but I’m scared that because we’ve been together since junior year of high school and I’ve never been with anyone else I feel pressured to make this work.

 

I know I’m sexually attracted to other guys (I would never ever cheat) but I’m saying The problem isn’t with my own libedo, I just don’t see him like that anymore. I feel that college is an important time to meet new people and if we’re not right together I don’t want to waste his time and make him miss out on other dating opportunities. If we break up then I’ll lose him completely and I don’t want that. I’m just extremely conflicted and need advice.

Edited November 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[BluesPower]

This is how it goes...

 

As you grow up, this may happen again. Your romantic relationship has run its course.

 

I happens and it is never easy. And before you ask, ex lovers hardly ever make good "friends", so try not to go there. It is much harder for dumpees than just letting them move on without you.

 

You know what you need to do, it is time to break up and I assure you that he will take it hard. But it is unfair to him to stay with him when you are clearly done.

 

The "love" that you feel for him is more like a brother or friend because the romantic and sexual love for him is gone.

 

At 19, there is absolute no reason to stay in a relationship with someone that you are no longer in love with.

 

It is time to move on...

[sdraw108]

I completely agree with the post above mine. You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you want to date other people. It's completely natural. It would be a terrible mistake to try to stay in this relationship. You're not going to magically get your sexual feelings back, and you'd only be prolonging the inevitable.

 

There will be heartbreak, but it's an unfortunate necessary part of life. Read the No Contact guide (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide) so that you understand the reasons behind it, and then go NC with him, for his sake and for yours. Once the pain subsides you'll be a happier person.

 

You can be friends with exes, but not until the feelings on both sides have faded 100%. As the NC guide says:

 

The only time friendship will be possible, is when you can see them in the arms of another loving partner, completely happy, and holding their child - and think to yourself, "Meh... that reminds me....I need some sweet peppers and tomatoes."

[Mysterio]

Its time for a break up before a pregnancy occurs. Your 19. It could happen anytime you have sex. Then what.

 

Just say your head is not in the game for dating and you take a 6 month break from it. Just do well in school and have fun in the other areas of your life. At 19. You have your life ahead of you. I find it funny that it seems like in our society. We are brianwashed to think like being in a relationship all the time, is the way to be all the time.

 

I actually think some of us should take time for ourselves when we are younger.

[Lex15]

In response to the post above, I am fully aware that a pregnancy could occur thank you very much and that had nothing to do with my concerns, correct me if I’m wrong. My choice to be sexually active is my responsibility and I believe I am mature enough to handle that and I take the precautions in order to have safe sex but I shouldn’t even have to explain that to you. Your response was not helpful and only brought up topics that are irrelevant to what I have explained. I understand I am 19 but I do not need to be talked down to. I have not been brainwashed into thinking I need to be in a relationship, it was my choice to date and it will be my choice to continue the relationship or to end it.

Edited November 29, 2017 by Lex15

[RecentChange]

I agree that Mysterio's comments are out of line.

 

I wonder if he tells all young men not to be having sex because they will get someone pregnant.

 

OP - I agree with others, this relationship has run it's course.

 

Many of us have gone through break ups at the exact same period of our lives. I was about your age when my "first love" and I broke up.

 

It's a time of change. Transition from high school to college. From teenager to young adult. Very few, VERY few relationships make it through this time period.

 

Those who marry, and stay married, and happily married to their high school sweetheart are extremely rare.

 

What isn't rare? Finding a long term partner when you are in college.

 

You'll have to do the hard thing and break up. But it's best for him, and best for you in the long run, and most likely inevitable.

 

As for pregnancy - personally I am not a fan at all of hormonal BC. Not for my body at least. Condoms plus spermicide is a very reliable replacement, and protects from most STDs as well.

[carhill]

Sure, when I was young I knew everything and adults were dickheads.

 

Welcome to LS

 

Seems pretty simple to me....do what millions of other young folks have been doing for, eh, centuries, toss the guy and date and mate with others. This will go on throughout life. You may be tossed as well. Happens. Good on ya for seeing he isn't doing it for you sexually. Great information. Next time when the needle points elsewhere, just move on. No need to ponder or contemplate. Plenty of guys out there. It'll work out.