And suddenly!! The NC Loophole appears...

[strangelove]

Ive pretty much been talked out of my idea to send the ex a message, im usually pretty good about sticking to it. But for some reason doesnt feel like the right thing this time.

 

So I had a friend over to the shop today and she was digging through all my piles off unfiled cds. Its been almost a year since iv had the shop officially opened. So they have really piled up.

 

She found a "THE SMITHS best of cd" good cd she commented. And she pulled it out from the pile. Then she pointed something out to me. It has my exes name on it.

Now it could be purchased from someone with the same name, somehow I have a feeling its hers.

 

So im sitting here staring at it. Seeing a valid reason for contacting her has now appeared to me. Just like charlie holding the gold ticket from the willy wonka chocolate bar, im a little afraid to use it.

 

Hmm

[Art_Critic]

Honestly DR..

 

I don't think you need an excuse .. most of the time it will come across as exactly that.. An excuse you found to contact her.. She will be saying ****er under her breath.

 

Now personally I wouldn't contact her ever.. But that is me..

 

If you must contact her ( as it seems you want to ) just pickup the phone and call her. If she responds badly then you have your answer and if she doesn't you also have your answer.

 

Sometimes putting your head in the lions mouth is the only way to know for sure if you are going to live or not

[vix]

Hi Dr Strangelove, i don't know the background to your story but here are my thoughts.

 

If you feel the need to to do it, do it. Ive been fighting the NC thing on & off now for the past 2&1/2 months & whilst i've been ok with it, it sometimes just seems like a game. I know people say that it helps stop the hurt & enables you to move on but i've done a pretty good job of moving on with LC (the odd call & text). A month ago i was a mess & although i have the odd s*** day now, i'm much better & the tears only happen for a couple of mins rather than a couple of hrs/all day.

 

Contact is fine as long as you are ok with it & as long as no relationship talk is mentioned. Do what you've got to do & try to keep smiling.

[Art_Critic]

By the way Dr ... Whether you contact her or not .. You are going to be alright

 

I have done the contact thing before and sometimes it can help you move on. I think it is a personal choice

 

 

Chin Up ..

[BigB]

If she want's the CD she'll contact you.

[strangelove]

You know I wish I could really let it all out on here. Everything im thinking everything that has transpired. Every single detail.

 

My psychologist friend was over the other day, he asked what I was doing. I said im posting on this website... he laughed and shook his head.

 

I guess its not a matter of me getting through this..

 

Am I going to be ok? Quite frankly no im not ok. They say if you love someone set them free, and truthfully she is the only one whoever came back on her own.

 

Anyone else that was it.. bye bye. She hasnt just come back once its many times.

 

I guess I write it down on here..to get it out my head.

 

It just seems the more I write about this, the more dumb my idea seems. Then I get disheartened.

[SoftDrink]

no contact isn't supposed to be about finding ways around it to contact the person...it's a method to achieve the over-it-ness (or as a "test" to see if the person misses you and contacts you). if you're not doing it for the right purpose, you might as well not do it at all.

 

you're not trying to beat the practice of no contact. you're trying to get your life back to normal.

[Rocko]

NC is a tool. All tools should be used when appropriate. Art Critic's right, sometimes contact does help you move on. Nothing wrong with showing kindness to an ex by saying you found one of her CDs and you'd like to return it to her. Show's the kind of character you have.

[SoftDrink]

nevermind.

[sanne]

in my opinion you probably shouldn't contact her at all. i think if things ended very abruptly and without closure it might be acceptable to talk to gain some kind of closure, but ultimately you create your own closure. i think once you have moved on, you will have absolutely no need to ever contact your ex. i'm hoping i reach that day at some point.

[Numb]

DR.

I know where your coming from and what your trying to do, I did the same thing in the beginning. I found a few things of hers in the house and figured hey a reason to call her, so I did and guess what... nothing came of it except more pain hearing her voice and even worse than that was hearing the distance in her voice.

 

We where together for 3 years and so far it has been 8 months since we broke up, I figure in about 4 more months I will be as good as new, its actually getting ALOT better. I don't think about her much at all anymore, places, songs and all that stuff are finally to the point that if I see or hear any of those it doesn't bother me. Don't get me wrong you still think about her but it goes away very fast and your thinking about other stuff.

 

Like everyone says "It just takes time" or " Time cures all" its so DAM TRUE and I was thinking the pain would never leave me,ever. But it does. I went threw hell and back with this girl, the things that she did to me where horrible and I mean bad. But guess what they are going away and all those horrible thoughts of what she did are being replaced with better times and thats what you need to do.

 

Anyways what I want to say to you is, do what you want and what feels good to you becuase really no matter what people tell you to do you will end up doing what feels right to you. I did the same dam thing, do I regret it....YES I DO I wish to this day when all this happened that I just would have walked away and NEVER looked back.

 

But you know what my freind you live and you learn its called lifes lessons, and whatever you choose to do is what you will learn from good or bad.

 

Sorry for the long speech and if you get sometime do a search with my user name and go to the thread " My living hell" that is where I first started off, so it does get better it really does.

 

Good Luck Bro