Mixed feelings

[CristianConnects]

I have been. I don't quite know how to begin, I'm not at fault nobody is to blame. I'm not mad I'm not P.O'ed but I want to answers and coping mechanisms.

 

My mom when I was going through it I had issues as a kid teenage time I lived by the one thing she raised me on "No such things as friends" I never talked to anybody I was quiet and you guessed it friendless. Not quite true. I had a small circle because we had an interest of doing stupid stuff drugs and stealing. But regardless I could never talk to my mom as a person to share opinions. Hang on let me jump ahead and say no matter what I talked to her about as a teenager she would say this one hurtful thing " your weak minded just like your dad" I won't get into what my dad was all I'll say is he was the most amazing man ever with a alcohol problem. He had gifts for hands and creativity like a genius. But her focus was that he was hooked on booze. Hard liqour.

 

As I work and have a good quality of life or what's still be I h worked on I live with my mom...let me say first off it wasn't like she would scold me she would sincerely tell me that all my problems were linked to because I'm weak minded so picture me going to her for help on an issue she would tell me like a kid " understand your weak" how would any of you all take that? the rest of my teen years (14,15,16,17,18,19) I did absolutely nothing with my life and now as a young man I still have nothing to show for. It's a heartache I don't tho l about it much anymore.

 

Today I constantly look for a better chance to do better then before. I let it go every day but it creeps up on me I can still hear her subtlety in her voice. I'm diagnosed pyczho-effective and no polar I don't know some times I think it's because of this? Thoughts?