BoatingBabe Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 Hi Folks, I don't usually post here, but here goes... In a nutshell, I was involved in a Emotional Affair with a married guy from work, I ended it recently after I stupidly said yes to going out with him a few times. We NEVER got physical, but got emotionally close at work. This has gone on for nearly a year. He took the break up pretty badly and it did get nasty via emails...he also did some underhanded stuff at work to hurt me back (parading his wife around the workplace, knowing it would get back to me). We now don't talk to eachother, basically ignore eachother at work or he gives me some deathly stares of contempt. I did want to break away from this for obvious reasons, mainly I didn't want to nurture feelings I was developing for him, It would have only turned our emotional affair physical and I did not want to end up a lover to him. I respect marriage and was mad I had even let our relationship become close. Now, I have some lingering guilt over how abrupt I was in ending our "friendship". I feel bad for hurting him....I was hurt when he retaliated...I know I did the right thing in ending it, perhaps I could have had more finesse with him, but I know the only way it could have ended was to be stern and serious. Total NC is not an option given we work together, but it has been minimized. Everyone at work knew about his "crush" on me, and they have all noticed a marked change in his personality since I did a "bobbitt" on him...So he now sufferes from public humiliation over this. I have told people over and over to leave him alone...but you know it is. Anyway, how do I deal with this guilt...I do feel bad for severing our "friendship" but I had to protect myself, and him, from letting this continue on to a full fledged affair... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 The more feelings (conflicted or otherwise) you still have for someone, the more guilty you will feel when you dump them. It sounds like your relationship ended not because of any lack of emotion or feeling on your part, but because the timing and eventual outcome were just horribly wrong. Could have been the right guy, but given the circumstances - the relationship had to end. An ending relationship doesn't necessarily change the fact that on some level you still feel that he is that 'right' guy despite how badly you wish you didn't feel that way. His retaliation affects you, because you still have enough invested in him where his actions hurt you. If there were absolutely no feelings for him - to the point where you were indifferent, then nothing he says or does would be able to hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 21, 2005 Author Share Posted August 21, 2005 Yes, you're right LB....but I needed to do it given I'd be in far worse shape should I have let it continued. I guess better now than later. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 If you foster the idea that he could have been the "right" guy for you, it will be that much harder for you to stick to the decision you've made. If you were able to put yourself in his wife's shoes and realize that there's a high probability you'd go through what she's going through, maybe you can make a clearer judgment as to how "right" he is. In the long term you'll realize you did the right thing. The emotions will subside and you'll be have more faith in yourself that you can do the right thing even when it's difficult. I understand the guilt. Maybe you are second-guessing decisions you made along the way. Maybe you feel you led him on somehow. You made it clear you doubt how you handled the end. At this point, those things don't matter. Sometimes the ride is bumpy when you're trying to get back on track. If it hurt him, at least you can do the math and figure that's better than you being the agent of pain for yourself and his family. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 21, 2005 Author Share Posted August 21, 2005 You're right, I don't even want to think of him as the 'right' guy. Its wrong, the whole situation is wrong...He put me in this predicament, because if he was the "right" guy, he would have dealt with his situation FIRST, before pursuing me. Not put me in a bad situation leaving me no option but the option that was left. He brought this on himself...how dare he think I would have gone along with his plan and become the other woman. I should be offended if anything. Yes, I will remain strong, and I did the right thing in the end....eventhough it's hard right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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