mmiller5373 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Anyone else have trouble with obsessive thoughts and compulsions post breakup? I was pretty much dumped in late May. We talked and things were on and off till August. But then she started dating someone else. Turns out he was in the picture the entire time. Anyway, I struggle with thinking about it ALL THE TIME. Also wanting to talk about it ALL THE TIME. I went through this in 2010 during another breakup. Ended up getting myself in trouble by contacting my ex too many times. She had to change her number. Wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Yeah, I used to have conversations in my head. That was especially brutal when the divorce was almost done and my mother passed and I felt really alone. It passes though, IME. Reading your comments on your ex'es dating milieu reminded me of some conversations I had, noting my exW had a new guy living with her even before the divorce was done and I did start putting two and three and five together in those conversations in my head. Working through that and accepting it helped. What I noticed was the conversation length and depth correlated to the emotional attachment. With more superficial relationships, compared to marriage anyway, things resolved more quickly. TBH, I worked out a lot of stuff at the range. Combination of tactical draining me physically plus the noise of shooting seemed to quell the conversations and any compulsions to do anti-social things. Lastly, what I noticed was the obsessive thoughts and compulsions, if any, were far more pronounced as a young man. Oh my Life and experience tend to moderate and shape the processes and we learn to more easily accept challenges and painful results. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt but rather we have confidence that we can work through the hurt to a healthy place. Hope that helps! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Yes. It’s a pain in the ass! I have stopped talking about it to other people, apart from the odd rant to my room mate, but I am at the point where I am too tired of saying the same thing over and over. I think about her and us a lot though, and it’s been almost a year not counting a two week hookup with her in June. I still have the urge to reach out when I miss her, but I think about all the horrible things she did that makes me realize she never really committed to us and it goes away. She is dating someone else now, and when she reached out to me a month ago, flirted and kissed me, I shut it down and told her we need to go NC if she is with someone else. The pain starts to fade though. Acceptance happens, just need to figure out how to stop thinking about her all the time. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 I still have the urge to reach out when I miss her, but I think about all the horrible things she did that makes me realize she never really committed to us and it goes away. She is dating someone else now, and when she reached out to me a month ago, flirted and kissed me, I shut it down and told her we need to go NC if she is with someone else. The pain starts to fade though. Acceptance happens, just need to figure out how to stop thinking about her all the time. Haha Yeah... sounds like you need to break away from her fully. NC 100%. Seems like trouble. How old is she? How old are you? It's funny... even though I obsessively and compulsively contacted my ex ex ex girlfriend way back in 2010... she contacted me in 2012 to apologize for what she did to me. Said she made a huge mistake. In 2012, I had met someone else and no longer had feelings for her. We are still good friends. However... this time around... my fiancee broke up with me. Strung me along for months. Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted December 8, 2017 Share Posted December 8, 2017 Yeah... sounds like you need to break away from her fully. NC 100%. Seems like trouble. How old is she? How old are you? It's funny... even though I obsessively and compulsively contacted my ex ex ex girlfriend way back in 2010... she contacted me in 2012 to apologize for what she did to me. Said she made a huge mistake. In 2012, I had met someone else and no longer had feelings for her. We are still good friends. However... this time around... my fiancee broke up with me. Strung me along for months. She is 26 and I am 34. It's kind of a big gap, and I understand we are probably in very different stages in life, but man, we had (and still do judging from our last encounter) a crazy connection. But yeah, I have removed her from social media now, and its been a month since that contact. I have been divorced before, and that was nothing compared to the pain of this one. Jeeeeez. Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 8, 2017 Share Posted December 8, 2017 Wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences? Yes. yes and yes. I had similar experiences when I was much younger. Your mind plays tricks on you and you justify your actions which actually are in reality borderline stalking and intrusive to the other party and you come across as a -- well, a stalker. There is only one way to control it -- find things to keep yourself and your mind busy on and give time to make the distance between you and that person. You need to get it through to your head that this person has moved on and is busy thinking about someone else. Anything and everything you do will be interpreted as intrusive and unwelcome. The fact that you can't stop thinking about her and your past relationship is your problem and not hers. By you initiating contact, you keep dragging yourself deeper and deeper into your own self manifested **** storm. Find things to keep your mind busy and keep yourself from contacting your ex. Its the only way. If its any solace -- by you no contacting her -- you are creating a greater chance for her to be more intrigue and interested in you because she can't figure out how you got over her that fast. good luck shmo Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 8, 2017 Author Share Posted December 8, 2017 Yes. yes and yes. I had similar experiences when I was much younger. Your mind plays tricks on you and you justify your actions which actually are in reality borderline stalking and intrusive to the other party and you come across as a -- well, a stalker. There is only one way to control it -- find things to keep yourself and your mind busy on and give time to make the distance between you and that person. You need to get it through to your head that this person has moved on and is busy thinking about someone else. Anything and everything you do will be interpreted as intrusive and unwelcome. The fact that you can't stop thinking about her and your past relationship is your problem and not hers. By you initiating contact, you keep dragging yourself deeper and deeper into your own self manifested **** storm. Find things to keep your mind busy and keep yourself from contacting your ex. Its the only way. If its any solace -- by you no contacting her -- you are creating a greater chance for her to be more intrigue and interested in you because she can't figure out how you got over her that fast. good luck shmo How old are you? And did you do anything to get yourself in trouble? Link to post Share on other sites
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