heartbroken and torn

[lesleyanngillespie]

I've been dating my boyfriend 2 years he was a heavy drinker , on diazepam etc 9 weeks ago he stopped drinking altogether and that's been heaven for me .

I've been feeling low lately and was looking to him for support and he left and went to his grangmothers house and won't talk to me about anything although we are still together he won't face the problems in our relationship and brings up the past. he still comes back and forth to fix things he was doing in the house but not for me . I've asked him where I stand and he says he will move back when he gets his head sorted. but he's making our relationship fail how do I fix this?

[MsJayne]

So he stopped drinking heavily all of a sudden, then 'temporarily' moved out? I would guess there's something going on that you don't know about, and most likely it's that he wants out of the relationship, but it could be something else. You say he keeps bringing up the past, which is what people do when they've been hurt and not had a sufficient healing process. Whatever though, when someone doesn't want to talk to you about relationship problems it usually means that you're at fault and the other person has given up trying to get you to acknowledge it.

[halleysinvestigation]

You really don't have to do anything at this point so as not to appear desperate which could lead to you frustrating yourself, just relax, watch and wait for his next move, keep in touch.

[halleysinvestigation]

So he stopped drinking heavily all of a sudden, then 'temporarily' moved out? I would guess there's something going on that you don't know about, and most likely it's that he wants out of the relationship, but it could be something else. You say he keeps bringing up the past, which is what people do when they've been hurt and not had a sufficient healing process. Whatever though, when someone doesn't want to talk to you about relationship problems it usually means that you're at fault and the other person has given up trying to get you to acknowledge it.

You couldn't have been more wrong.

[spiderowl]

What was it that prompted him to stop drinking? Was it in response to something you were aware of? I have a nasty feeling he met someone and she gave him a pretty clear message she would not consider him while he was drinking. I cannot think of any other reason why his behaviour would suddenly change like this and he would move out and refuse to answer questions.

 

If he did not stop drinking at your request, then why did he suddenly stop? It all seems a bit strange.

 

The only other thing I can think of is that, having stopped drinking, he is seeing the relationship in a new light and is questioning it. He might have moved out to clear his head to think about whether he wants to continue or not.

 

Either way, things are not looking good for your relationship. He should not move out without explanation. I think you have every right to end a relationship where this kind of breakdown in communication and trust happens.

 

I hope things work out better for you.