Let him go and he came back-We cannot stay away from each other. Not possible

[cole]

Beth, don't beat yourself up! We all want things to work out with those we love ... but sometimes it's not the right time.

 

Remember - you were doing okay before, you WILL be doing just fine soon again.

[queenie01]

I often wonder if they just contact us to keep our interest... like if their lives arent goign as great as they thought.. maybe the grass isnt so much greener?

 

How long do you think before the dumper realizes the grass isnt so much greener?

[cole]

I think they get lured over to our side of the fence repeatedly! Once they notice a little wear and tear, maybe some brown spots or a little too much dirt on either side, they hop over and compare what they see.

 

Maybe they should bring a bottle of Miracle-Gro along with them. Heh.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Quit setting yourself up to get hurt Beth. You can't just go NC without telling him that it's over and that it won't work no-way no-how.

 

I for one will never EVER do LDR because I am alot like you and I just plain think too much. It's so much easier with NC and no expectations, no wondering "if" he will call. Just train yourself to redirect your thoughts.

 

He doesn't have time for you in his life = HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!! C'mon Beth, you read the book!!

[Mz. Pixie]

It's not ever going to be the way you want it to Beth. He refuses or cannot for some reason meet your needs in a relationship. If he really wanted to, he could but the truth is he's just really not into you enough to make the efforts.

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, it's just that you made so much progress and there's been so much analyzing of this relationship and every little nuance of it that it seems almost ludicrous that you'd give him another chance. Just like he knew you would......

[smile95]

I guess I just get so ecited that things will change and they do not.I am not sure when i will get it!

 

 

I am just sad. I hate that he was my happiness meter.

 

Now, since this friends crap happened, all I do is freak if he is with anynoe else. It is not working. I am tearing myself up.So you think I just tell him that instead of just dropping off the earth? If I tell him tho, he always talks me out of it. I cannot do that. I am so upset, but I cannot cry???? Weird

 

It sux to realize it is over and never can get back. I have to start all this crap all over!

[sundrop]

Beth,

I think we are all hopefull, hopeful that th people we love will come back and we can all be happy again.

I am still hopeful that my ex may come back at some point.

There is nothing wrong with being hopeful, BUT we can not focus all our attentin on wht might have een or could have been or are they coming back or how to get them back.

Right now focus on yourself, making yourself happy with out him.

What did you like to do before he came into your life? Do those things.

 

My out look, is as along as it wasn't a horrible breakup and there were still some feelings when the realtioship ended you may still have a chance, but in the mean time, try not to over think his every action (easy for me to say & not do)and focus on yourself.

 

You were at a good spot one time you can get there again. We all have a few stumbles along the way.

[smile95]

thanks...

It has been 3.5 yrs since I was happy before I met him. I have no idea what makes me happy and I hate that.

 

I guess there is always hope, but it kills me to think that maybe he IS dating.....he (for some reason) really likes to make me jealous....makes up stories and it kills me. Then a few days later or hrs he says"just kidding, I love to get you worked up". In the meantime, I am sick all day wondering if it is a joke.

 

If we broke up becasue he has no time, then I should not have to worry about someone else in his life, but I do! My mind goes wild and I just think I am so heartbroken right now. I guess it does not matter how much I want this to work.

 

I was so happy to hear that he loved me and he was so sweet on Friday.......now I am sitting here crying! It is sad, but him telling me he loved me is what made me happy. That is not right-is it?!

[cole]

he really likes to make me jealous....makes up stories and it kills me. Then a few days later or hrs he says"just kidding, I love to get you worked up". In the meantime, I am sick all day wondering if it is a joke.

 

What a F**KER!! Beth, Beth, Beth - what kind of a demented person would feed off your weaknesses like that?!? Someone who loves you?!?

 

I hope not, I seriously hope not.

 

What an a**hole. Sorry for being so crude, but ... jeez. I don't like this guy very much, and I will never find that sort of humor funny. I think it's sick and wrong.

[sundrop]

Thats very unstandable for you to feel the way you do, I would be excited to if my ex told e he loves me right now. I' am sure if it happened to me I would be feeling the same way you do.

 

Do you like to read? I have a whole stack of selfhelp book I bought and some friends have given me I would be more than happy to share those and send them to you, That would take of some of your time.

 

Try not to freak yourself out to much. Just keep telling yourself he is not seeing anyone else because he is to busy, like you said.

I just about caused myself to have a nervous break down last Monday worrying about things my ex was doing or not. and it's just not worth it, but again we are human and we worry.

 

Wish I could make everyone's hurt all go away.

[smile95]

thank you cole! I feel like I am overreacting at times, but I am glad you donot thin so. It really kills me since he KNOWS I have trust issues with him and with past men. It breaks me down so much and he thinks it is hilariuos????

 

My one friend said that if he really was with someone there is no way that he would tell me aboutit, so I should assume all these stories are to make me upset and not to stress and get sick over them.

 

I guess that is true, but the fact that my day is ruined over that is not right!

 

hey maybe if he does have someone, he can treat her like dirt too!

 

If he did have someone, there is no way he would tell me......so I guess I should make up some stories of my own-or really date and just leve him alone with his stories!

!

[smile95]

sundrop-

 

thanks.....I guess it does not help to worry and I would not if he would not make up the stories.

 

I have tried to read a lot of books and they help for the moment, and then I am back to crying.....I am not sure how I got so hung up on this man.

 

Which books have you read that helped? I will try anything.

[cole]

I feel bad for my last message - it was very reactionary - sorry.

 

What I meant to say, Beth, is that he doesn't seem to love himself much, and his difficulties are tearing you apart. You can't keep the relationship afloat on your own, he needs to do what he can to support it too.

 

He seems really insecure right now, and he's feeding off of yours at the same time. As much as you two probably do love each other, maybe at this moment there's not enough to sustain a healthy relationship ...?

 

Reading self-help books are a great way to occupy your time and heal, especially when your mind is focused on figuring out what is going on in your relationship. I'm a huge fan. You should definitely consider taking up Sundrop's suggestion (if you haven't already)!

[smile95]

cole-

 

SO if he is making up these stories is it only for him to see that I react this way and get upset so to him, I love him or want him? Great! How nice of him!

 

Really, would he tell me if it was true? Prob not? SO it prob is to boost his ego, as he tears me down.

 

UGH. I just want to sleep forever.

[cole]

• He's Scared, She's Scared
  
• The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum (more of a general interest type book, but really fun to read with great advice on tons of topics!)
  
• Be Honest, You're Not That Into Him Either
  
• What Smart Women Know
  

[smile95]

thanks! I will check some of those out.

 

I hope that one of them can help me understand why I cannot let go of someone who hurts me.

[cole]

Well, he doesn't seem to be boosting you up with his stories one bit, but he seems to find them amusing ... I don't think that's nice at all. It seems more like a mind-game to me.

 

Oh, I know that feeling of wanting to sleep forever! It seems so safe, to sleep like Rip Van Winkle for 20 years or so ...

 

But you've got all this great reading to do! Do a google search, or even go to your public library ... there are so many books out there that can help clarify what's going on in your head - check a bunch out and see which one resonates with you. Personally, He's Scared, She's Scared really hit home for me, but I'd recommend reading a few different books.

[smile95]

true-anything to keep my mind off of him and it will be positive info I am feeding in my brain and not this negative crap! I guess if he does have someone, I have to just deal with that.

 

I pray so hard for strength and guidance and I just am not sure why i feel like I am being punished? I am a good person and I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick in life.

[sundrop]

These are a few of my books:

I used to miss him...but my aim is improving by Alison James

Why Men won't commit...... George Weinberg, PHD

Findng Peace.... Charles Stanley

Men made Easy, Kara Oh

How to get your lover back, Blase Harris

Oh and I have two more books coming in the mail today.

 

Happy readin I hope this helps. And Yes Beth, I too didn't make it through to many books without crying at first, but we all have set backs, you are doing great, you have made it this far.

Keep your chin up. If you didn't feel this way, then we would think something is wrong with you.

[smile95]

thanks for all of the support....I know that all of you warned me, but I never see it for myself! I will have to work on that! Let me know how the new books are too!

[sundrop]

I know well aout the being punished part... I cryed about two weeks ago, I asked my mom, who was riding in the car with me, why God hated me so much lately, I asked her what had I done to tick him off so bad.....

I lost my boyfriend, my dog of 17 years died, I got lost going to the mountains, I was supposed to be at a friends house at 3:00 that afternoon and didn't make it until 8:00 and got a speeding ticket on the way....

The ticket came after I asked why God hated me so bad.

This all took place within a week......

Honey, I know the feeling well.

[sundrop]

The book, I used to miss him but my aim is improving is cute. Some of the revenge tactic are cute to read but a little extreme if you did do them, but a cute book.

If you would like I would be more than happy to send some of them to you.

[smile95]

thanks....I usually just go to the bookstore and read there.....but I appreciate the offer!

[LoveSong]

Hi Beth,

 

Sorry to hear you're in this mess again. You were doing so well, and had a lot of positive feedback for my similar situation! It sounds like he really knows how to play your tune to keep you just where he wants you.....that stinks.

 

As for the books, I've read quite a few of the self-help ones; Most recently the "You Weren't That Into Him Either." , but I found the ones that really made me feel better were fiction novels, cookbooks, "how to build (whatever you might be interested in)", hobby books, etc. Anything that would take my focus off of him and what was wrong with me/us!!! It hit me one day while I was reading a self-help book and crying my eyes out over him, that he was out doing his thing and enjoying life, not having a second thought about the problems between us. (So, why should I worry so much about our situation?) I decided to try a similar route...my own thing and to be happy.

I haven't seen him in a while, but he still calls and texts, and wants to make plans. (And, yes, I still miss him, but it's getting easier.)

 

Wish I could offer you better words of advice, but I'm still working through my own LDR trainwreck....Hang in there Beth. You deserve better than what he is offering right now! Focus on yourself and being happy, and hopefully, when he's got his "life straightened out" , you'll still find him worthy of your love.

[smile95]

Well I cried myself to sleeplast night and just threw up. I am so upset. I just started a new job and cannot call off either. I hate him.

 

If this is just a story to work me up, then I am going to be very mad. Why would I want to be with someone who thinks it is funny to make me hurt?

 

I feel sick. I hope that my questions about all of this will go away as I do NC and move on.