Returning to the forum to prove you can recover!

[to2]

Hi everyone, I've made a new account as I forgot my old details which means none of my posts or struggles from the past are in my profile but I just wanted to say something. I didn't want to be another person who disappeared completely once I felt better, which is what seems to happen on forums a lot of the time.

 

I struggled for a long time with my breakup, it happened just over 2 years ago and I was a wreck, I know exactly how you're all feeling. I probably won't say anything you haven't already read here, the key to recovering really is time, keeping busy and putting yourself out there. I think most importantly, maybe even above all of those, is getting your ex off their pedestal. As long as you think they're the greatest person in the world, of course you'll want them back. I don't mean you should think they're a terrible person (unless they deserve it), I just mean realise that there are absolutely other people out there who are just as good/better than your ex for you and you can find them.

 

The point of this post is to show that you can fully recover. Of course I still remember how bad I felt at the time but honestly I am completely over the pain and breakup in every way at this point. I have met someone new, it's early so I'm not sure where it's going but I was over my ex before I met this person.

 

I finally started to get over my ex when I stopped waiting around for them to come back. Yes, occasionally people get back together, but most the time they don't. I waited around for about a year, trying all the tactics, even though I was no contact I still took every chance I could to hopefully be noticed by my ex. The point is, I wasted a year on that, try your best not to do the same. Believe me it gets better, you just have to let it happen.

 

I'm no expert at all but if anyone has any questions about how I approached things or how I knew I felt better or anything really, feel free to ask. Stay strong!

[Beachead]

Thank you for this OP! It's nice to have someone come back and bring some hope for us all.

 

I really appreciate you coming back to share your experiences.

 

I'm 4 months into my break up and I find letting go of hope the hardest. My ex returned to her ex immediately after we split and they've been together since. Around that time, she made a promise to him that she wouldn't speak to me so I haven't heard from her in months. I have noticed I no longer wish to hope or hold onto her because I want to feel better and move on with my life.

 

If it's okay to ask, could you lightly detail your relationship with your ex and why it ended? Did your ex ever contact you again after that?

Edited December 7, 2017 by Beachead

[sdraw108]

Nice post. I've been through two breakups of long term relationships before, and both times I reached the point you're at after about 6 months.

 

I'm a few weeks into my current one and really fear it will be much worse this time because (a) it happened due to cheating, that came out of the blue for me, (b) we were "best friends" in a much stronger way than I had previously, and © the feelings of grief I'm experiencing are much more intense than before.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if life had a fast forward button? Or a way to erase our memories! I just want my life back at this point.

[garysmith]

This is great to hear. I am 7 months in and I am still struggling. I have been doing better this past month.

 

Every day I think less and less of her which has me feeling motivated because I see light at the end of the tunnel. Today is a bad day though.

 

I have been thinking about her. I have accepted that it's over. I will never contact her again. NC for about 6 weeks already. I just gotta keep this up and let time do it's thing.

 

Thank you OP for coming back and giving us some hope.

[trustyourself]

I have a few questions if you dont mind.

 

Did your ex ever contact you in that time period?

 

I am almost a year (or 6 months if you include a two week interlude before she ran off again) and she reached out again about a month ago. I think it was for closure (though the chemistry was there and we accidentally kissed as we parted). I am back to NC again, as she admitted to me she was dating someone, so I told her we could not talk if that was the case.

 

I finally blocked her on social media too. Really making an effort to let go. When she reaches out, it really sets me back.

 

What was it that made you let go after a year?