nittygritty Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 If you are thinking about moving back home with your family, you should research child custody laws in the jurisdiction the baby has been living in before deciding to do that. No matter what, the father will still get visitation rights. Which will be more complicated living in two different states. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ivette5 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 I'm sorry but those two above statements completely contradict one another. He won't share basic financial info with you so that you can make intelligent decisions about the household together. That is the wrong track. Do either of you realize that if you walk away & ask for child support he will be required to turn over all the financials to a court? You are right, i didn’t want to push him to share his financial information because he already said he could handle the household without me providing income, but when the idea of me leaving and working for me and my son and filing child support came up he said he didnt want the goverment to tell him how much he should pay because otherwise they would ask him for an amount he wouldnt be able to afford and then be thrown in jail when he couldnt make the payments. This is why i am sure he can afford to take care of us, the court will order an amount for child support based on his income and if he is afraid the court will ask for too much its because he does enough or more than enough. I have asked to see his credit card statements and earnings and expense records and he has agreed to do so Link to post Share on other sites
Author ivette5 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 You need to be able to financially provide for your son and yourself. If that means working a part time job during the time that the baby's father is not working so that he can take care of the baby, you need to do that in order to financially provide for your child. The reality is that you cannot afford to be a full time stay at home mom. Nor can you depend on him to provide everything that you and the baby need. There is a good chance that your relationship may not work out. You can ask your family to financially provide for you and your child but you will still be dependent on someone else to provide a home, food, clothing and all the things that responsible parents provide for their children. It's time for you to grow up and realize that being a stay at home mom is a luxury that you cannot afford. You have no spending money for things you and the baby need. If all that it takes is for you to get a part time job during the time that the baby's father is not working in order for you to have some spending money for things that you and the baby need then it is unreasonable for you not to be willing to do that. It is not that i do not want to work at all. The reason is i dont have babysitting options as i only trust my family or his family to take care of our child at so you g an age. I am afraid of all those daycare stories where children are abuses etc. Its scary. This js why i originally told him that if i moved where he chose i wouldnt be working as we no one to take care of our son. He had the option to stat whereni am originally from and work here too but he wanted a different place. Yes i am willing to work from home and take care of another child but people usually want someone with experience and cpr certification. I have none, i have no relatives and i can say that no friends. He has not asked me to work and i have offered to do so but he says it is helpful not necessary, so i am can say that we have cleared that out. My only problem now was he not sharing his financial information which he has now agreed to do so. Then i can see if he is spending on unecessary things which is affecting our household or if he needs help and i have to find work no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ivette5 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 So if you work nights and take care of the baby during the day how is that more than him working days and taking care of the baby at night? Honestly, I think you both have a lot of maturing to do. Hi! Every child is different. Mine gets a bottle by 10pm and he sleeps all night until around 8 am. He sleeps at the most 3 hours during the day and remains awake all day. So yes id work more than him. Yes we have some maturing to do, but i dont know anyone who is perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ivette5 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 How do you figure that? He doesn't share info with you and you are moving to a lesser place. That's not so terrific He has agreed to do so now! Honestly the place we live in is not so great for the amount he pays. He chose this place without me but ive told him i have seen same places for even less money than what he pays here so he agreed to move if we find another place. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Y I have asked to see his credit card statements and earnings and expense records and he has agreed to do so You also need to see banking statements & you need an ATM card or credit card. When you get the financial info, sit down with him & make a budget together. Do find some way to earn income Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 It is not that i do not want to work at all. The reason is i dont have babysitting options as i only trust my family or his family to take care of our child at so you g an age. I am afraid of all those daycare stories where children are abuses etc. Its scary. This js why i originally told him that if i moved where he chose i wouldnt be working as we no one to take care of our son. He had the option to stat whereni am originally from and work here too but he wanted a different place. Yes i am willing to work from home and take care of another child but people usually want someone with experience and cpr certification. I have none, i have no relatives and i can say that no friends. He has not asked me to work and i have offered to do so but he says it is helpful not necessary, so i am can say that we have cleared that out. My only problem now was he not sharing his financial information which he has now agreed to do so. Then i can see if he is spending on unecessary things which is affecting our household or if he needs help and i have to find work no matter what. Do you trust him to watch the baby at night and on his days off from work? If not, then you and the baby should not be staying with him. There are all kinds of flexible part time jobs that you could get for a few nights a week so that you can also financially contribute to the household and providing for your child. You do not have to put your child in daycare, the baby's father can watch him on the nights that you work. He can show you his pay stubs, tax returns and bills but how do you plan to get him to give you spending money? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 He can show you his pay stubs, tax returns and bills but how do you plan to get him to give you spending money? Yeah. Did you ask him for spending money for yourself and the baby, or ask if you could stop buying groceries or get help with your phone bill? Seeing how much money he makes and how he spends it is okay for a first step I guess, but it doesn't really solve your problem. Did he even agree to involve you in financial decisions, or is he just going to show you his paperwork once and then expect you to drop it? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Do you plan to marry him? While discussing his earned income it's useful to find out if he plans to marry you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 There are a number of issues to unpack here if the two of you want to have a successful relationship. First and foremost, you need to work and contribute. I get the child care thing, but there are lots of ways to work around that. But, you have to make a financial commitment and contribution to the relationship. And lots of moms work... every day. Given your particular parameters - no daycare - the two of you are going to be doing double duty, both working and taking care of the baby by yourselves. Yes, it’s going to be work and it’s exhausting. That’s why young people have the babies. Second, when you are both contributing, you need to come up with a family budget. One that covers food, housing, transportation, savings, fun money, etc. That means negotiating with each other over money and that’s always a difficult topic. Third, you have to prove to each other that you can respect the budget and each other (see items 1 and 2). Finally, you have to figure out if you are really in this together or not. If you are, decide if you are getting married. But right now, you are both wrong and harming your relationship. By you not working and thus not contributing, you are taking advantage of him. By him not sharing his resources with you, he is taking advantage of you. Your little boy is caught in the middle. You both need to make some serious, adult decisions because you are parents. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 You either need to go back to work or you need to file for child support from him and hope it's more than he's already paying. And you need to consider why you are thinking about marrying this guy who is going to argue about money until death do you part. He's probably mad you got pregnant and being passive-aggressive. I'd talk to the state and see what would be expected if you filed for child support if you are in the US. Link to post Share on other sites
jaclynxox89 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I think that you have received enough great advice, Ivette... The only thing that I wanted to add was.. sometimes you can find a job that you can bring your baby to, with you to work. I work in a real estate office as an assistant to another agent who has lots of assistants, one of the assistants just had a baby and she sometimes brings her baby to work with her. You can also apply to work in a daycare, and negotiate your pay a little bit to maybe be able to bring your baby with you to work too. Also, there are some work from home opportunities out there too, if you are good on the computer and/or social networking. But you shouldn't have to work. You are a family right now, and he's not just a boyfriend.. he is your fiancee. You have moved out of state to be together, and he should understand that you can't be in two places at once. Nevertheless, what's yours (should be) his, and what's his, is yours. You need to have a talk with him about this and find out how you are going to make it work to be together.. Because right now it's not working. <-- That's what I would say to him, specifically. Good luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) affordable housing for you is on the right track because you will need to downgrade if he decides to split...have you guys set a date to marry?...i was engaged for seven years......a stay at home mum, my ex didnt want me to work.....we struggled with five kids.....i depended on him financially.....he handled finances gave me money for the bills....groceries......and when he decided to leave me i was in a mess in every way.....he stopped supporting my kidsw and I ...we lost our gas ...electricity was next....food for my kids my best friend helped me through... before he left this happened.....the bills didnt get paid...food was scarce......depending on a man to provide who is already secretive is a mistake my advice bring everything out into the open ...what you desire and need what would you really like to happen...being engaged doesn't signify that he will support you or the baby.....he has no legal obligation unless its in writing...you dont want it to go there where you have to fight it out in court..its not the best to let it end up there.... ....sit down with him again share your thoughts and feelings on your future as a family see if they correlate with his thoughts and feelings...when it might be that you actually do marry and become united as a family....in every way another poster suggested a job where you could take your bub with you...i feel that's a really good idea it would give you some independence and a feeling of bringing your aces to the table............deb Edited January 10, 2018 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 By you not working and thus not contributing, you are taking advantage of him. She is too contributing. She is taking care of their child and their home. And he agreed to her not working until their child is 2. Link to post Share on other sites
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