Who you are now [Updated]

[mortensorchid]

Last weekend a long time guy friend was over. We've been friends for over 20 years now. I told him just as he was leaving that I was going on a diet to take off a few extra pounds here and there. He said the problem with me and all women is that we don't see something important. What? He said men don't want who you were when you were in high school - they want you as you are now - 40 and fabulous.

 

Really? Any observation on this? I am going to be 43 in a few weeks and I feel so good about myself and yet I am so resigned to some things as well.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

In my experience, that's total B.S.

[jjgitties]

Oh boy. This post might bring you down. ?

 

I have a lot of women j know who I have known since they were in their late teens and early 20s. A lot of them I really miss the people they used to be that I knew them as when they were younger. Now they are in their 40s.. mother's and wives .they seem mean, very opinionated, sometimes even nasty. Still people I'm hold dear .. but not the people I used to know when they were really young.

[Popsicle]

Not all men are alike. Some like older women and some don't. Usually the ones who value emotional connection a lot like older women.

[Popsicle]

Oh boy. This post might bring you down. ?

 

I have a lot of women j know who I have known since they were in their late teens and early 20s. A lot of them I really miss the people they used to be that I knew them as when they were younger. Now they are in their 40s.. mother's and wives .they seem mean, very opinionated, sometimes even nasty. Still people I'm hold dear .. but not the people I used to know when they were really young.

 

As a woman, my experience has been different. The men I knew long ago, seem just as nice as they used to be, maybe even nicer and more mellow than what I remember, but not as physically attractive as they used to be. Like drastically different.

[Fair]

A lot of men like women in their forties... men of all ages, too. We're not old, but we have a little extra something now that men seem to want.

 

I thought when I turned forty it was over. It's not! That's just a myth society feeds women to keep us feeling like crap about ourselves.

 

And the reverse is true... I don't want men as they were in their 20's. They get better with age, too.

[Popsicle]

In my experience, that's total B.S.

 

lol I agree with this but only because men typically tell you whatever you want to hear when they are in your face.

 

Not that it's a complete lie, but they will always say something favorable to you in that moment. That is, if he's a nice person and is attracted to you. Which is good, right???

 

Enjoy it but see it for what it is.

[NuevoYorko]

Personally, I prefer that a woman in her 40's is in fact fabulous, rather than trying to be her 20 year old self. That usually doesn't play well. It doesn't mean that I'm not interested in an attractive looking face and figure.

[Chilli]

yeah , dunno about that one.

l like her in good shape and if she's lucky enough to look as good as she did 20yrs ago , l ain't complaining.

Do your diet , do it for you , you'll feel great.

[GemmaUK]

It's not possible for anyone to be the same person as they were 20 years ago.

 

If this is just about weight though, going on a diet tends to be a temporary fix.

Fad type diets are not sustainable, nor healthy.

The majority of people I have known (including myself back in the days when I used to 'diet') put the weight back on and more once they return to a regular eating.

'Diets' actually make weight loss difficult and unsuccessful for long term weight maintenance.

[jjgitties]

Oh, if this discussion was about body figure and body type.

 

FWIW,OP, the women that I know who are in their 40s that sort of look what they were like in their 20s when I knew them, as far as body type goes, meaning, they still are very slim and skinny. Those are the ones that never married and never had kids and are still single. But they are also the ones that it seems never ever eat anything when you see them in public. They are also the ones that were always skinny, even in their early 20s.

 

If you were to ask me, so I find them much more sexually attractive than other 40 year old women that aren't as skinny -- absolutely not. I actually think they look a little unhealthy IMO. They look too bony. Not my type.

 

dg

[heartbrokenlady]

I have 2 contrasting perspectives on this.

 

1 - I struggle with my weight. I have my whole life. SO if I could choose, I'd choose to be a healthy weight. For health mainly now, as I get older, but also because I feel unattractive.

 

2 - The way I think I would choose to look, at my advanced age, on other women, I think is a little sad. I think women look better if they age gracefully.

 

 

 

I know those perspectives are contradictory.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Not all men are alike. Some like older women and some don't. Usually the ones who value emotional connection a lot like older women.

 

Agreed.

 

Can't emphasis enough the "not all men are alike".

 

I've been very fortunate to have met and been with men of all ages who appreciated my age and all that comes with it. Even my high school boyfriend, with whom I reunited and dated for a short while, loved the 'older' version.

 

Personally, I LOVE the woman I've become, scars and all.

 

That's not to say I don't catch myself fantasizing of having a tighter body or not having to color my hair every 3 weeks to keep the grey away. The maintenance that comes with age can be daunting sometimes but that's life. As much as I may sometimes wish I had my youthful body and looks, there is a much bigger part of me that happily embraces and even celebrates my older self.

 

Not everyone is going to like it and that's fine. In fact, I see it as a vetting tool and so far, it's worked perfectly for me.

 

Aging is a part of life and one you can't escape no matter how many injections you do or surgeries you undergo. Besides, nothing looks older than a woman trying to look young

Edited December 8, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle

[Gaeta]

He said men don't want who you were when you were in high school - they want you as you are now - 40 and fabulous.

 

I was on the dating market from age 45 to 50 and that has been my experience. I had plenty of men pursuing me and they certainly were not after the teen look and were attracted toward women that had lived and their face and body was testifying of it.

 

If someone doesn't want you at 43 then why would he pursue you?

 

Just get busy doing your thing and men that want a fabulous 43 year old will pursue you, no need to worry about what the other men want.

[introverted1]

I have been way more popular since turning 40 (quite a while ago!) than I was in my 20's. Cute, fit girls are a dime a dozen when you're 20. A mature woman who looks good and has her **** together is prized at 40+.

[alphamale]

men want you when you're in your 20s

[carhill]

He said the problem with me and all women is that we don't see something important. What?

 

Yeah, me too. What?

 

He said men don't want who you were when you were in high school - they want you as you are now - 40 and fabulous.

 

I can see some traction here, noting he didn't say 'what you looked like', rather 'who you were when you were in high school'. If refering to who you are as a person I can see the preference for 40 and fabulous, reflecting the experience and maturity gained in life.

 

However, as any of us who've experienced mid-life crises, high school is only a few thoughts and actions away

 

Pretty cool that you have a 20-year male friend. Long time friends are hard to come by and IMO are to be valued. I'm sure he's happy to hear your thoughts on the matter. Get it out there and work on it and good luck with the diet, too

[Noproblem]

43 years old and you still care what men want or don't want? Think or don't think.

 

I mean, it's your body, your choices.

 

Losing weight to be more healthy and to look nice should always be a thing for men or women regardless of their age.

 

We should not let ourselves go just because we age.

 

You know, for the past 6 months I was studying for a grad school test.

 

I skipped gym, I ate horrible unhealthy food, and what I gained in the end?

 

My mind started becoming slow! Yeah too much sugar and no movement can mess you up!

 

It was only a week ago that I realized that omg I am now overweight, I look 5 years older, my hair is damaged, my brain is slow, my mental health is screwed and I am miserable and not beautiful as I used to be a year ago!

 

I said, the hell with the test, I am gonna start a diet/slash healthy eating! I'm gonna return to the gym that I have already been paying them 50 dollars with no shows for months!

 

I returned to my fitness pal and started using Fitbit as a tracker, not a fancy watch like I was doing for the last 6-8 months!

 

I am already feeling better, hopefully, I will stick to it!.

 

I don't care what men want or don't want. Yeah, looking attractive in their eyes is always a plus, but it is about me.

 

So, you want to go on a diet for a week or so, go for it!

Of course, healthy living is always a good thing and it's better than a diet but sometimes we need a diet to lose some extra pounds.

 

Also, this friend of yours seems to be in love with you or something.