How to proceed

[ChicaLunar]

My husband and I have been separated for almost 3 years now. I haven´t even seen him once during that time, since we live in different countries.

We married while backpacking and traveling and never really managed to settle into a more quiet life. Money was always an issue and at the end we just wanted different things out of life. These weren´t irreconcilable differences but surely big enough.

I heard he has a new gf now, and he´s in a better place. More goal focused I guess and I am happy for him

I woud like for us the get back together one day, but circumstances make it really hard to reconnect now or ever.

However, I do want to get divorced. My married status is really annoying. Can´t even buy a car without his signature (at least in my country), so given he chose to move on, I choose to get a divorce.

We talk from time to time, exchange some emails, but it always quickly end up with me begging to get back together and him trying to dodge my requests, so eventually I got fed up and asked for a divorce.

Nevertheless, everytime i bring this up he completely shuts down and stop responding my emails. I offered to cover the cost, and even flying him to my country if that's what he wants. I said he could get it done in his country, and yet no word from him.

How should I proceed? I really want to either get back together or get divorce, but I can´t do either without him.

[Jane1212]

Are you sure you can’t? What do laws in your country say? Have you talked to your lawyer yet?

[K Os]

I can´t do either without him

Are you sure about that? How about just serving divorce papers on him? I know it's hard when it's not what you really want, but maybe you're searching for his agreement when you don't need it. Serving papers should at least make him jump one way or the other. Otherwise he has control of the situation by doing nothing, and you're stuck where you are.

 

For sure he likes having a 'wife' in another country who occasionally begs him to get back together, without having to meet her ever. That's a nice ego massage which he's probably quite fond of.

 

Alternatively, travel to see him and move in with him, explaining that you're married and it's perfectly normal. See what he does. A bit extreme, but you get my drift?

 

Also - from another of your posts, from Sept 2016:

... since I JUST got divorced like 4 months ago.

Did you? Edited January 5, 2018 by K Os

[stillafool]

Definitely seek a divorce lawyer, file and have him served with the papers. That should speed things along. Maybe he doesn't want to come back for the divorce.