Married HS Sweetheart, but falling for man 12 years older

[BaileyB]

If you are his supervisor, then you risk your job if you allow this to continue. That would be enough of a reason for me to lose any feelings that I may be having for a man...

 

Imagine, explaining to your husband why you lost your job...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I’m here because I honestly need advice and insight and help.

 

You need it, we all agree. But, you don't want it. You came here to just "get it out" and you're going to do what you want. We've all given you this "insight" you say you need, but you won't heed any of it. Your situation isn't anything new, unusual, unique, special. Temptation is not wrong....it's how you respond to it.

 

Good luck.

[jjgitties]

Dear OP, here comes a post from the opposite side of the fence. I am a male in my late 40s -- so I am posting from a very different POV than a lot of the females here.

 

#1) It doesn't sound like you have actually done anything to jeopardize your marriage. There is nothing wrong with talking to other people and discussing things. Nowhere in your marraige document does it state you are not allowed to speak or talk to any males other than your husband. You havent slept with this person and you two haven't gotten into long winded discussions about your feelings for each other. (Are you even sure he has feelings for you?)

 

#2) I am just getting out of a quasi emotional affair with a much younger woman. All the thoughts and fantasies you are having are totally normal and they are just that -- thoughts and fantasies. They are a big of a mental stimulant and a high and its kind of nice riding on them.. as long as you keep them separate from the real world and reality. As long as you are a person with values and have an ability to empathize with other people and their feelings you should be fine.

 

3#) I ended my emotional affair because I was thinking too much about this girl and I knew it was only going to get harder and worse for me and also because I ultimately figured out that I was lying to myself. I did really like her a lot because of the person that she was and at the same time I really liked her because of a person she was not. I liked her for her youth and because she reminded me of girls and girlfriends I used to fall head over heels with when I was in my 20s and closer to her age. So I really just liked her because she was younger and reminded me of myself as a younger person. It wasn't fair for me to continue our little emotional rescue and me be responsible for fights in her home or jeopardize her home life.

 

FWIW, based on your short description of your history in your town.. it sounds like you are a person who has morals and values and you probably don't want to get into affairs and complicate your life. It causes lots of pain to a lot of people.

[Darren Steez]

Thank you for your input! I truly hope that once I’m not working side by side with him every day things will get better. I feel horrible though because my husband can see I’ve been distant lately and I just don’t know how to make my feelings for him and that spark come back. Do you think if I go NC things will eventually go back to how it was before I met this man?

 

No. It doesn't work like that. You've already let another man take your husband's place in your love life. Not to rake you over the coals but if you had any respect for your husband you would have kept a wide berth of this guy and addressed the issues in your marriage like an adult who has responsibilities.

 

You already gone down the "I can't stop myself, this thing is too powerful to control" fantasy" As with everything it's only until you see the hurt in the person who trusted you the most do you wish why you hadn't stopped it or at least addressed it without it getting too far.

 

I would suggest, I don't know actually being honest with yourself and your husband and addressing what is happening. You'll either work it out before it's too late or decide that the marriage has run it's course.

[treehugger12]

You are not a terrible person for being attracted to this guy, it’s called a crush, you are only human, the heart wants what the heart wants, it’s how you act on it, you need to focus here, the good thing is he is moving, NC is the best thing, focus on your family, excercise, it’s a great time to bake for the holidays, DO NOT listen to music that reminds you of him. For the love of God, BLOCK HIM from texting or calling, I can’t stress that enough, hang in there. You can do this, this will pass but only you can make the decision, keep in mind also, this guy is 40 and experienced, sounds like he is an experienced player, im sure he is loving his ego stroked by you, don’t let him use you, your better then that. It will hurt 1000x more later. Let us know how your doing:)

[smile_123]

Dear OP, here comes a post from the opposite side of the fence. I am a male in my late 40s -- so I am posting from a very different POV than a lot of the females here.

 

#1) It doesn't sound like you have actually done anything to jeopardize your marriage. There is nothing wrong with talking to other people and discussing things. Nowhere in your marraige document does it state you are not allowed to speak or talk to any males other than your husband. You havent slept with this person and you two haven't gotten into long winded discussions about your feelings for each other. (Are you even sure he has feelings for you?)

 

#2) I am just getting out of a quasi emotional affair with a much younger woman. All the thoughts and fantasies you are having are totally normal and they are just that -- thoughts and fantasies. They are a big of a mental stimulant and a high and its kind of nice riding on them.. as long as you keep them separate from the real world and reality. As long as you are a person with values and have an ability to empathize with other people and their feelings you should be fine.

 

3#) I ended my emotional affair because I was thinking too much about this girl and I knew it was only going to get harder and worse for me and also because I ultimately figured out that I was lying to myself. I did really like her a lot because of the person that she was and at the same time I really liked her because of a person she was not. I liked her for her youth and because she reminded me of girls and girlfriends I used to fall head over heels with when I was in my 20s and closer to her age. So I really just liked her because she was younger and reminded me of myself as a younger person. It wasn't fair for me to continue our little emotional rescue and me be responsible for fights in her home or jeopardize her home life.

 

FWIW, based on your short description of your history in your town.. it sounds like you are a person who has morals and values and you probably don't want to get into affairs and complicate your life. It causes lots of pain to a lot of people.

 

Thank you so much for your valuable input!

 

1) Your question at the end here of "does he even have feelings for me" is actually something that I have stopped and thought long and hard about. Since neither of us have openly and directly said anything, for all I know I could be blowing things up and fantasizing in my head when he may view it as just a friendship or someone whom he enjoys spending time with. That's certainly a point to keep in mind...

 

2) I am glad to hear that you are healing and moving on from your quasi emotional affair. I think you're spot on...I am loving the "high" I get during my interactions with this man. I think since I started dating my husband seriously at age 16, I am loving the feelings of newness and excitement I've been experiencing. However, I am not stupid and know that all relationships start out with these feelings of euphoria and ultimately grow into a deeper love where it's no longer butterflies and constant excitement. The strange thing is, I was always happy to be in my committed relationship and never longed for those feelings of "newness" until I recently started experiencing those feelings again.

 

3) If I had to guess, I would say this man at work I have a crush on probably feels the same way as you. He probably feels flattered by my "crush" and is enjoying the flattery until he returns across the country to Nevada at the end of this week.

 

Thank you again for being so kind and providing me with excellent advice and input!

[smile_123]

You are not a terrible person for being attracted to this guy, it’s called a crush, you are only human, the heart wants what the heart wants, it’s how you act on it, you need to focus here, the good thing is he is moving, NC is the best thing, focus on your family, excercise, it’s a great time to bake for the holidays, DO NOT listen to music that reminds you of him. For the love of God, BLOCK HIM from texting or calling, I can’t stress that enough, hang in there. You can do this, this will pass but only you can make the decision, keep in mind also, this guy is 40 and experienced, sounds like he is an experienced player, im sure he is loving his ego stroked by you, don’t let him use you, your better then that. It will hurt 1000x more later. Let us know how your doing:)

 

Thank you so much for your input! I have been thinking about my situation nonstop this weekend and taking in everything (good and bad) people have said to me on this forum. I don't think at this point I can make these feelings of a crush disappear, however, I do know that no matter how hard it is, I need to stop initiating texting with him (especially once we no longer work together) and focus on my relationship with my loving husband. I think the reason why I've been emotionally distant from my husband recently is because I have been spending so much time and energy analyzing and obsessing over this whole situation rather than trying to place my time and energy into being present in the moment with my husband if that makes sense. I'm hoping once I allow myself to breathe and calm down and stop causing myself so much anxiety about all of this, I will be able to think more clearly and start relaxing and enjoying my time with my husband.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you so much for your input! I have been thinking about my situation nonstop this weekend and taking in everything (good and bad) people have said to me on this forum. I don't think at this point I can make these feelings of a crush disappear, however, I do know that no matter how hard it is, I need to stop initiating texting with him (especially once we no longer work together) and focus on my relationship with my loving husband. I think the reason why I've been emotionally distant from my husband recently is because I have been spending so much time and energy analyzing and obsessing over this whole situation rather than trying to place my time and energy into being present in the moment with my husband if that makes sense. I'm hoping once I allow myself to breathe and calm down and stop causing myself so much anxiety about all of this, I will be able to think more clearly and start relaxing and enjoying my time with my husband.

 

It makes perfect sense and you're right.

 

You need to stop texting this man altogether, not just "initiating" texts.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am loving the "high" I get during my interactions with this man. I think since I started dating my husband seriously at age 16, I am loving the feelings of newness and excitement I've been experiencing. However, I am not stupid and know that all relationships start out with these feelings of euphoria and ultimately grow into a deeper love where it's no longer butterflies and constant excitement. The strange thing is, I was always happy to be in my committed relationship and never longed for those feelings of "newness" until I recently started experiencing those feelings again.

 

You're human. It's totally normal to feel this way and it's how most affairs start.

[deadsoul]

Thank you so much for your input! I have been thinking about my situation nonstop this weekend and taking in everything (good and bad) people have said to me on this forum. I don't think at this point I can make these feelings of a crush disappear, however, I do know that no matter how hard it is, I need to stop initiating texting with him (especially once we no longer work together) and focus on my relationship with my loving husband. I think the reason why I've been emotionally distant from my husband recently is because I have been spending so much time and energy analyzing and obsessing over this whole situation rather than trying to place my time and energy into being present in the moment with my husband if that makes sense. I'm hoping once I allow myself to breathe and calm down and stop causing myself so much anxiety about all of this, I will be able to think more clearly and start relaxing and enjoying my time with my husband.

 

Hello OP,

 

You are actually in a "good" position right now. You haven't crossed the lines. There's no need to divorce your husband.

 

You seem like a moral person who has always done the right thing and now suddenly you have all these feelings and they are "wrong" and yet they feel so right.

 

You've done the right thing coming here and talking about it. I wish I had done these things. You are getting the harsh advice you're getting because you really are at the crossroads where you really haven't done anything wrong yet.

 

First of all. FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS are okay. Accept that you have them. You are not bad, you have them and that doesn't mean you want to cheat. We have all sorts of feelings every day and we don't act on them, this is no different.

 

As long as you keep them as feelings and thoughts and do not take action. That's the key. Do not act on them. Allow yourself to have the feelings.

 

You are at a key spot here, OP. Luckily, he's leaving.

 

You need to look deeper at what this is really about. You are feeling like you may have settled down too young and the grass might be greener around you. Turn your focus on your H. Why did you marry him? Why did you fall in love with him? Think about what you're avoiding in the relationship that might be causing you to have these feelings. Reconnect somehow.

 

If someone would've given me this advice (and I had taken it), I wouldn't be here where I'm at right now. The affair road is not the road you want to take. It feels good, but think about it: you are putting your happiness in someone else. You are looking at someone else to give you self-worth. Pretty soon your dignity goes right along with it. It is a horrible roller coaster ride and it is a horrible addiction. You just can't wait for that next high. But meanwhile, you will go through hell with the guilt, secrecy and lies.

 

You can make the choice. I wish someone had told me that all my feelings, thoughts and obsessions were okay to have. I don't know if I would've listened, but I hope I would.

 

Read all the stories here and try to learn from them. I hope you aren't one of the ones who has to go to the "school of hard knocks," apparently I was.

 

Don't think that you aren't in control, because you are. You are in control of your actions. Own them and take responsibility. Really do some deep thinking about why you are having these feelings. And really try to communicate with your husband. Force the communication. You can even tell him you don't feel right about your relationship and you feel like you need to reconnect somehow.

 

The people who will be the harshest with you are the betrayed. They've been through this and they hurt when they see people like you heading down this path. As a wayward (cheater), I hurt when I see people like you heading down this path.

 

Good luck, OP. Remember: the thoughts you are having are okay, acting on them is not.

[treehugger12]

Thank you so much for your input! I have been thinking about my situation nonstop this weekend and taking in everything (good and bad) people have said to me on this forum. I don't think at this point I can make these feelings of a crush disappear, however, I do know that no matter how hard it is, I need to stop initiating texting with him (especially once we no longer work together) and focus on my relationship with my loving husband. I think the reason why I've been emotionally distant from my husband recently is because I have been spending so much time and energy analyzing and obsessing over this whole situation rather than trying to place my time and energy into being present in the moment with my husband if that makes sense. I'm hoping once I allow myself to breathe and calm down and stop causing myself so much anxiety about all of this, I will be able to think more clearly and start relaxing and enjoying my time with my husband.

 

I think I will always have a crush on my MM, I don’t think it will ever go away but time has been healing my heart with LC, I still have to see him sometimes at work and my heart melts, I had that same anxiety for months and did not want to be around my H at all, my blood pressure got really high, I had to even go to the Dr. for anxiety pills, I thought I was going to have a melt down, but it’s gotten better over time, it’s like getting over a drug addiction, I couldn’t believe it happened to me, it was not in my character at all, I always frowned upon people who cheated, I’ve always been a strong independent woman with no addictions, so I get it, you feel out of control, you’ll get there, stay strong. LS has helped me tremendously:)

[smile_123]

Hello OP,

 

You are actually in a "good" position right now. You haven't crossed the lines. There's no need to divorce your husband.

 

You seem like a moral person who has always done the right thing and now suddenly you have all these feelings and they are "wrong" and yet they feel so right.

 

You've done the right thing coming here and talking about it. I wish I had done these things. You are getting the harsh advice you're getting because you really are at the crossroads where you really haven't done anything wrong yet.

 

First of all. FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS are okay. Accept that you have them. You are not bad, you have them and that doesn't mean you want to cheat. We have all sorts of feelings every day and we don't act on them, this is no different.

 

As long as you keep them as feelings and thoughts and do not take action. That's the key. Do not act on them. Allow yourself to have the feelings.

 

You are at a key spot here, OP. Luckily, he's leaving.

 

You need to look deeper at what this is really about. You are feeling like you may have settled down too young and the grass might be greener around you. Turn your focus on your H. Why did you marry him? Why did you fall in love with him? Think about what you're avoiding in the relationship that might be causing you to have these feelings. Reconnect somehow.

 

If someone would've given me this advice (and I had taken it), I wouldn't be here where I'm at right now. The affair road is not the road you want to take. It feels good, but think about it: you are putting your happiness in someone else. You are looking at someone else to give you self-worth. Pretty soon your dignity goes right along with it. It is a horrible roller coaster ride and it is a horrible addiction. You just can't wait for that next high. But meanwhile, you will go through hell with the guilt, secrecy and lies.

 

You can make the choice. I wish someone had told me that all my feelings, thoughts and obsessions were okay to have. I don't know if I would've listened, but I hope I would.

 

Read all the stories here and try to learn from them. I hope you aren't one of the ones who has to go to the "school of hard knocks," apparently I was.

 

Don't think that you aren't in control, because you are. You are in control of your actions. Own them and take responsibility. Really do some deep thinking about why you are having these feelings. And really try to communicate with your husband. Force the communication. You can even tell him you don't feel right about your relationship and you feel like you need to reconnect somehow.

 

The people who will be the harshest with you are the betrayed. They've been through this and they hurt when they see people like you heading down this path. As a wayward (cheater), I hurt when I see people like you heading down this path.

 

Good luck, OP. Remember: the thoughts you are having are okay, acting on them is not.

 

Ah, thank you SO much for these kind words! I feel like your post is very helpful and gives me a great perspective. You were able to get a solid point across without being too harsh, which is what I need right now. I am going to try to take things one day at a time, starting with today by not texting or communicating with him. Tomorrow at work with him will be difficult as we have to work side by side since he is my intern, but like everyone has been saying, if I get those feelings this week at work of butterflies and excitement, I just need to finish my work day and go home to my loving husband and just let the feelings be what they are for now. And eventually my hope is once he's gone and if starting today I stop outside communication with him I will be on the path to success.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Ah, thank you SO much for these kind words! I feel like your post is very helpful and gives me a great perspective. You were able to get a solid point across without being too harsh, which is what I need right now. I am going to try to take things one day at a time, starting with today by not texting or communicating with him. Tomorrow at work with him will be difficult as we have to work side by side since he is my intern, but like everyone has been saying, if I get those feelings this week at work of butterflies and excitement, I just need to finish my work day and go home to my loving husband and just let the feelings be what they are for now. And eventually my hope is once he's gone and if starting today I stop outside communication with him I will be on the path to success.

 

Atta girl.

[smile_123]

I think I will always have a crush on my MM, I don’t think it will ever go away but time has been healing my heart with LC, I still have to see him sometimes at work and my heart melts, I had that same anxiety for months and did not want to be around my H at all, my blood pressure got really high, I had to even go to the Dr. for anxiety pills, I thought I was going to have a melt down, but it’s gotten better over time, it’s like getting over a drug addiction, I couldn’t believe it happened to me, it was not in my character at all, I always frowned upon people who cheated, I’ve always been a strong independent woman with no addictions, so I get it, you feel out of control, you’ll get there, stay strong. LS has helped me tremendously:)

 

I feel for you, I really do! That sucks you still have to see him at work. Although I am devastated that my co-worker will be leaving this week, it is ultimately for the best for me and my marriage. I honestly think the anxiety is the worst part of it so far for me! My heart has been pounding and I feel nauseous due to my constant worrying thoughts about this situation. I want the feelings I've been having to be erased from my mind, but it sucks because they are what they are for now and I just need to not act on them.

[BaileyB]

Ah, thank you SO much for these kind words! I feel like your post is very helpful and gives me a great perspective. You were able to get a solid point across without being too harsh, which is what I need right now. I am going to try to take things one day at a time, starting with today by not texting or communicating with him. Tomorrow at work with him will be difficult as we have to work side by side since he is my intern, but like everyone has been saying, if I get those feelings this week at work of butterflies and excitement, I just need to finish my work day and go home to my loving husband and just let the feelings be what they are for now. And eventually my hope is once he's gone and if starting today I stop outside communication with him I will be on the path to success.

 

Good for you.

 

A feeling is just a feeling, unless you act on it. They will come and go, and come and go, and come and go again... Ignore this feeling and know, this too shall pass...

 

And, when he is gone from your life, start to focus some of that energy on your husband... Do something fun together, and create a little more excitement and joy in that relationship. How great would this Christmas be if you were able to do that!

Edited December 10, 2017 by BaileyB

[treehugger12]

I feel for you, I really do! That sucks you still have to see him at work. Although I am devastated that my co-worker will be leaving this week, it is ultimately for the best for me and my marriage. I honestly think the anxiety is the worst part of it so far for me! My heart has been pounding and I feel nauseous due to my constant worrying thoughts about this situation. I want the feelings I've been having to be erased from my mind, but it sucks because they are what they are for now and I just need to not act on them.

 

This might sound silly but it helped me some with the anxiety over my MM, I downloaded the apps Calm and Headspace to help me relax. Ugh... I feel your pain, wish I could give you a hug, I’ll be praying for you.

Edited December 10, 2017 by treehugger12

[smile_123]

He's testing the waters, playing the game... don't fall for it.

 

And to answer your question, there would be nothing keeping him from doing the exact same thing to you in a couple years... in fact, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

 

This man has shown you who he is - a 40 year old "bachelor" who has no plans to make a serious commitment because he likes to play the field and has no respect for boundaries. When he shows you who he is, believe him.

 

Your marriage may not be as "new" and "exciting," but I can guarantee you that your husband is a better man. You will definitely find more happiness raising a family with your husband than if you start chasing rainbows with this other man...

 

This might sound silly but it helped me some with the anxiety over my MM, I downloaded the apps Calm and Headspace to help me relax. Ugh... I feel your pain, wish I could give you a hug, I’ll be praying for you.

 

Thank you so much! Same to you. I am staying strong so far today with not texting him, but it is SO hard! I need to tell myself he probably isn’t in to me as much as I’m into him anyways..I’ve pretty much always been the one to initiate a texting conversation and then he goes along with it and it turns flirtatious.

[jjgitties]

I don't think at this point I can make these feelings of a crush disappear,

 

Actually, yes you can. Its not that hard. It takes about a week or two of no contact. Keep in mind, your husband has known you since you were 16 and you are 26 now? He knows you very well and he might be able to tell something is rolling around in your mind.You need to be a really good actor to deceive someone who has known you that long.

 

1) Since neither of us have openly and directly said anything,

Always keep in mind you have more to lose than he does. It doesn't sound like you are in an unhappy marriage.

 

You mentioned the 40 yr old guy has a girlfriend? How do you know? Did you guys talk about his girlfriend? Did you talk to him about your husband? Keep in mind, a 40 year old married guy *might* lie and say he is not married if he thinks its in his best interest. ;-)

 

2) all relationships start out with these feelings of euphoria and ultimately grow into a deeper love where it's no longer butterflies and constant excitement.

You are not in a relationship or in any sort of "love" yet with this man. The euphoria is all on your part and in your own head.

 

3) He probably feels flattered by my "crush" and is enjoying the flattery

If this guy knows you are married and really likes you, he isn't going to want to cause you pain. A 40 year old man with your good intentions in mind is going to know fully well what kinds of pain an infidelity will bring upon a marriage. That's one of the reasons I went no contact with the girl I am getting out of my mind. Not wanting to cause her pain was more important to me than pursuing whatever it was that was (or wasn't) happening. There was never any indication in our discussion that she was unhappy in her marriage and also, I knew fully well that, no matter how unhappy and miserable I am in my own marriage, I wasn't about to leave my family for a 25 year old girl.

 

As others have warned, a 40 year old could be a smooth player who knows exactly what he is doing.

[smile_123]

Actually, yes you can. Its not that hard. It takes about a week or two of no contact. Keep in mind, your husband has known you since you were 16 and you are 26 now? He knows you very well and he might be able to tell something is rolling around in your mind.You need to be a really good actor to deceive someone who has known you that long.

 

Always keep in mind you have more to lose than he does. It doesn't sound like you are in an unhappy marriage.

 

You mentioned the 40 yr old guy has a girlfriend? How do you know? Did you guys talk about his girlfriend? Did you talk to him about your husband? Keep in mind, a 40 year old married guy *might* lie and say he is not married if he thinks its in his best interest. ;-)

 

You are not in a relationship or in any sort of "love" yet with this man. The euphoria is all on your part and in your own head.

 

If this guy knows you are married and really likes you, he isn't going to want to cause you pain. A 40 year old man with your good intentions in mind is going to know fully well what kinds of pain an infidelity will bring upon a marriage. That's one of the reasons I went no contact with the girl I am getting out of my mind. Not wanting to cause her pain was more important to me than pursuing whatever it was that was (or wasn't) happening. There was never any indication in our discussion that she was unhappy in her marriage and also, I knew fully well that, no matter how unhappy and miserable I am in my own marriage, I wasn't about to leave my family for a 25 year old girl.

 

As others have warned, a 40 year old could be a smooth player who knows exactly what he is doing.

 

Actually both my husband and I are 28, and yes, you are spot on in that he knows me better than anyone and I’m 99% sure he can tell something is off (I’m horrible at acting).

 

I know for a fact he is single because prior to the start of his clinical his school requires a personal data sheet to be sent to me that includes info about the student and what not. On this sheet it says he is single and this was sent to me long before I even met him or he knew anything about me. I am constantly talking about my husband with him and he definitely talks about his girlfriend and I’ve seen pictures of her and what not (but he doesn’t talk about her as much as I talk about my husband).

 

I know! The euphoria is definitely in my own head. For all I know he doesn’t give a damn about me and doesn’t give me a second thought outside of work.

 

I will admit that I told him one time that I was unhappy in my marriage (big mistake, I know), and we talked about it briefly. But the truth is, my husband is a wonderful man and we are just going through typical issues married couples go through that can easily be worked out. I feel as though part of me made it seem like I was more unhappy than I actually am to see his reaction (so bad, I know..I expect to get backlash for admitting that)...

[jjgitties]

I will admit that I told him one time that I was unhappy in my marriage (big mistake, I know), and we talked about it briefly. But the truth is, my husband is a wonderful man and we are just going through typical issues married couples go through that can easily be worked out. I feel as though part of me made it seem like I was more unhappy than I actually am to see his reaction (so bad, I know..I expect to get backlash for admitting that)...

 

^^ So.. OP.. do you think you might have given a single 40 year old guy the impression that he might be able to get laid if he plays his cards right?

 

It sounds to me like you need to decide what you want to do.

 

As I stated earlier, you stand to lose more than he does.

[misspalmy]

i think its best if u tell ur hubby. the turth hurts but its better than living in the affair world

[smile_123]

I wanted to provide an update to all of you whom were kind enough to offer advice and words of wisdom this past week to me.

 

My male co-worker whom I've had a crush on finished his last day yesterday. Nothing was ever said between us regarding my feelings or his and we said goodbye by giving each other a friendly hug and then ultimately parting ways.

 

I did a lot of thinking this past week, and although I may have fantasized us being together or me pouring my heart out to him, I know that I am a better person than that. Now that he is on his way back to live across the country I think things can only go up from here as I will not be seeing him every day at work and I can focus my time and energy towards my loving husband.

 

Thanks everyone for being a great support system and pushing for me to stay strong this week. I think it certainly helped me to stick to my morals and values (:

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wanted to provide an update to all of you whom were kind enough to offer advice and words of wisdom this past week to me.

 

My male co-worker whom I've had a crush on finished his last day yesterday. Nothing was ever said between us regarding my feelings or his and we said goodbye by giving each other a friendly hug and then ultimately parting ways.

 

I did a lot of thinking this past week, and although I may have fantasized us being together or me pouring my heart out to him, I know that I am a better person than that. Now that he is on his way back to live across the country I think things can only go up from here as I will not be seeing him every day at work and I can focus my time and energy towards my loving husband.

 

Thanks everyone for being a great support system and pushing for me to stay strong this week. I think it certainly helped me to stick to my morals and values (:

 

Great to hear. Now, doubly commit to not being a side piece when he comes to your town as a flight attendant .

[maxi105]

hello there smile123, i've only read the original post and not followed this though so sincere apologies there, I'm tired so I'm sure i've have missed so much to this thread. but as you've said this man is off for Nevada soon and its just thoughts you are posing - so il just give you a quick couple of thoughts off the back of the one post I read (ie your original post).

 

I think you are attracted to this man because he is different and he has got your attention because he is showing you that there are different ways to shape cookie dough as it were... your'e not a bad person for feeling attracted to this man, I guess its what happens after that determines whether you (or anyone else would be perceived as bad) and again from only bothering to read one small message ; nothing bad has happened and you are just acknowledging your feelings and musing over them. theres nothing too bad about that.

 

I think the post is not really about him or him being 40, its about you questioning yourself and possibly feeling stale in your marriage. its like you and your partner are dining using knives and forks to eat a pizza, but then this good looking quirk comes along and shows you the fun and intimacy (even though nothing happened) of eating a pizza with your hands!!!! what a shock, but what fun...and its left you wanting someone who will naturally tear a pizza with you out of instinct rather than the dull and sophisticated and expected well mannered (but equally odd) knife and fork.

 

10 years before you got together is fine of course, but I wonder if the time has acted like a ten year marriage for you even though it wasn't and you are not so much looking, but are seeing grass that is greener from the window of your safe happy bubble and it has made you curious.

 

maybe you need to get away, either for a holiday (but obviously not to Nevada!!!! haha..).but just to clear your head and get back to normality.

 

I think its one of those things that if it is meant to be it will be, (that can apply to your marriage and to this man/or anyone else you meet in life that might make you feel this way) because being with someone "forever" is a long time, I'm not suggesting you leave your relationship or anything like that, but perhaps you need to think about either investing a bit more into your relationship or at least being honest and asking if the relationship is able to give your more, and if so - if you are prepared to put more in, what your man is going to do to provide his part to pep things up so its not just fun for a while and then you feel stale and flat inside again...because he is part of this stale feeling I suspect may be at the heart of this somewhere.

 

there is still a good life ahead hopefully for you at 26, however there is also a lot of time if you might be getting bored by it all!!

 

I don't think its the end, but I also don't think you should just presume it will all be on the way up for you and your man just because this guy is out of the picture....life is full of things that don't go to plan when we feel sure it will go one way; and has a habit of sending messages that only sound louder the next time we bury them, so they then often appear in a different form.

 

I'm just thinking out loud to you (in a tired way) and I know I really should have read the other posts, but that's just the way its gone for this post.

 

I hope you get some thought resolution if you haven't already.

 

if you love your man and can see yourself with him for ever and ever then great, nothing will phase you and you can still fantasise about this man in safety and happiness that you have true love. you will just need to both put in a bit more to get a bit more out of it, if love is there and will be there in the next 30 years.

 

but if I am honest, I am also wondering if somewhere deep in your psyche you are a bit bored and have hit a bit of a stale phase in your relationship and something in you has surfaced and you don't want it to because your partner is has been another part of that dough cutter world you've been used to and you thought it was enough to be safe in love, education, and home and it sounds as though you've been lucky enough to travel from a to b.with relative ease compared to some in life.

 

(it sounds as though this situation has taken you to the letter d in your life and it has hit you because the letter c was missing,...and whats more you coped!!!! and were excited by someone who thought in a way that made you think a bit more).

 

I actually wonder and think you are begging to like this not so safe comfort zone, and maybe want to explore the more the mixed up pizza tearing experience that you have tasted...and dare I say it, might you be secretly wishing to tear pizza with a different sort of man???? (get back to me in ten years and tell me if you are still with your man, or if you ran off to Nevada only to find out he got his old job back and you couldn't find the airfayre for the return journey haha

 

..ok, so now I AM tired..pizzas and alphabet letters that go missing!!!!! but hey you got the point of it all; and if it brought a rye smile to your lips then il take that.

 

and who knows, maybe tomorrow if my eyes are a bit fresher I might drop by again to read some of the other posts, and think haha...maxi you go it all wrong...but until then, that's my 2 cents worth.

 

see ya. agrhhh....must get back to my midnight oil!!!! take care and good luck.smile124!!!!.... maxi.

Edited December 17, 2017 by maxi105