Normal wife gone off the deep end....I think!

[jonybgood]

Just an update - Well all is going pretty well, beleive it or not, I am showing a lot of apathy whenever she is around me, but I don't know really how to do this without coming of as kind of a jerk though. Any ideas here? Because my goal is to take contrlol out of her hands without being controling. I want to show her what she will not be having if she leaves this relationship behind. It is a tough mixture.

 

At this point whenever she is around my attitude is just "whatever, I don't care what is going on with you." She looks at me kind of surprised, or even hurt, whenever i do this, but I just look away like I don't notice. This does not feel right to me. Am I being weak? Or am I just misinterpreting my feelings?

[Kitteney]

...I won't use the children as pawns and she is seeming to take more interest in them.

 

Wow, JBG, your story sounds really sad. I can't help but wonder if she is still involved with the sexual predator (preying on women, men, children or otherwise, makes no difference). Are they shacking up? If so and if she really is taking more interest in your children, could it be that she is preparing to feed them to that animal she is living with? I know it seems hard to imagine but it cannot be ruled out. Think about it, if she thought his predatory behavior was repulsive, she would not be with him and she would not allow her children within miles of him. Another way to look at it, if she thinks he is a pretty "normal" guy, then she must also think his predatory behavior is "normal" and who knows what jeopardy that might pose to your children.

 

I have seen it too many times and it sickens me.

 

If she is disinterested in working things out with you and continues associating with known predators, tell her plain and simple that she will never see your children as long as she runs with the wolves. It may come across on the surface as using your children as pawns, but really, you are doing what any good parent would do. It's called protecting your children until you draw your last dying breath. So if she wants to come back, and you want her back, fine, take her back, but sleep with one eye open and make sure she stays true.

 

So often we focus on our own pain. (I have been known to wallow in it up to my eyeballs every now and again---especially now with my current issues that have been posted elsewhere on this site) But we have to remember that when children are involved, they have to take center stage. You have to look out for their best interests, and if you do, your pain just might be replaced with the joy of knowing your children are happy, healthy and safe.

[jonybgood]

Man right now I just feel like swearing. Last night was kind of a hard one. my oldest son (11) asked me why he had to have a babysitter and not mommy (I work evenings two nights a week). I don't know why so I gave him the pat answer. Mommy doesn't live here anymore so this is the way things have to be right now. Then we started talking more and I just don't have any real answers for him. He is old enough not to hear BS, and even I don't understand how this woman could just walk away, and you will have to talk to her if you want more answers just doesn't seem like enough.

 

So he ends up really angry with her and I tell him no matter what Mommy loves him and he was crying so I was hugging him and then he just kind of started watching TV. But it still pisses me off. I don't know how to not have contact when she calls because she wants to talk to or about the children. I do not want to talk to her. This morning she called - at her whim of course - and we were talking for a while. Wanted to know where and when his football game came was and after a while the converstion turned. Not good. We didn't fight of anything. She just told me that I only see things in this situation my way. I see the facts. Yes they are facts as I see them but they are facts as they are actually things that have happened. Simply put as I see them: I never abused her in any way, I do not go out and get drunk, I am not into porno, I am only now learning how to carry on a online converstion so I don't (Didn't anyway) spend a lot of time on the computer chatting with unknown friends. I went to work everday, I paid the bills, I tried to save for normal family things like vacations & home improvement. I was into her. I was into the family. We talked about things like childrens future, our future, other people the usual married couple stuff.

 

She chose for some onknown reason over a one month period to "fall out of love and not discuss it with me. She chose to live the single life rather than be with her family. I can't see any other reality in this situation. Can anybody tell me what other paradigm there could be here? I do get that maybe she felt trapped and not content with her own life choices like carear. But in my mind that is not reason enough to walk away form your family. Is that feeling so strong that you walk away from your husband and choose to only have a half relationship with your children? Do they ever wake up and say WTF have I done? How long does it take? I personally cannot take any more control out of her hands without blatently using the children as weapons in this and I will not do that. Ever

 

She tells me the this freak is no longer coming around and she doesn't see him at all anymore except when they work together and I don't know but I get the feeling she is telling the truth. So that is not an issue. I am considering a move out of the area. Part of the reason is that I am just not happy in "our" house. Too many memories when you are trying to purge someone from your life and part is due to a better climate that I have always been interested in. She says that she will not prevent me from going as long as she can come see the boys whenever she wants. I, of course, will never keep them from seeing her. I just think that with time away they will grow out of her life. Sad so sad.