I am not sure how to handle this

[Negan]

A little background on the situation: I met a woman on a flight back home from one of my military reserve weekends. We have been dating for about two months. We live about 45 mins from each other. We get along, she compliments me, and we talk all the time. We have yet to be intimate because she as a 15 date rule, which I respect.

 

She asked me about one month in if I would be her date for a wedding of one of her friends where she was a bridesmaid, I said yes. The wedding was out of state and we drove there.

 

Fast forward to the wedding. We drove to the hotel, checked in and she went to do her bridesmaid duties. Keep in mind I knew no one at this venue. She was taking a limo to the reception and I was going to take the hotel shuttle.

 

So the ceremony at the reception is over, we meet up and I basically lose track of her during the cocktail hour. I finally meet up her when we take our seats. I barely had contact with her, didn't know anyone at the table. I figured she had things to do, shmoozing etc. I wound up eating by myself.

 

I briefly see her before taking the shuttle back to the hotel. I texted her I was there as I had a room key. No answer. I go back to the room, change into my normal clothes and head down to the bar. Still no answer from her.

 

One of the other bridesmaids who I briefly met comes up to me with this look of death on her face. I was told the girl I was dating, who brought me to this wedding was in a room of another guy that she had history with. I was also told that she was making out with him during the wedding which I didn't see.

 

We are not official, not exclusive to my knowledge. My gut told me I had to get out of there. I went back to my room, at this point it's around 2am, pack my stuff (still no contact or text back) and I Uber it back home.

 

I feel betrayed, and emasculated, and embarrassed. The next day at around 10am, my phone blows up with calls, texts, etc. So far I have not answered however I want to tell her off.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You did the right thing leaving and ignoring her calls. Personally, I would't bother responding. I would just block her number, and pretend you never met her.

 

This isn't even a question about about exclusivity, as much as it is about common decency and respect.

 

She dragged you along to this wedding, not because she wanted your company, but to make another guy jealous, and it worked. That is why she was too busy to answer your message, she was off banging some other guy.

 

Telling her off serves no purpose for you. Giving her any attention (even negative) will just inflate her ego and make her feel desired. It will send a much stronger message if you just block and ignore her.

 

She really doesn't deserve another second of your attention.

Edited December 10, 2017 by Scarlett.O'hara

[Negan]

You did the right thing leaving and ignoring her calls. Personally, I would't bother responding. I would just block her number, and pretend you never met her.

 

This isn't even a question about about exclusivity, as much as it is about common decency and respect.

 

She dragged you along to this wedding, not because she wanted your company, but to make another guy jealous, and it worked. That is why she was too busy to answer your message, she was off banging some other guy.

 

Telling her off serves no purpose for you. Giving her any attention (even negative) will just inflate her ego and make her feel desired. It will send a much stronger message if you just block and ignore her.

 

She really doesn't deserve another second of your attention.

 

I don't get it, if she truly wanted to make him jealous, wouldn't staying with me do the trick?

[S2B]

It doesn't matter at this point. Be glad you know now.

 

Just call and tell her you don't appreciate the way she treated you at the wedding. No details, just leave it at that. No need to listen to her excuses/she will just deny and lie.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I don't get it, if she truly wanted to make him jealous, wouldn't staying with me do the trick?

 

Bringing a date was enough to get his attention, clearly that's all that mattered.

 

I really hope you show her you're not a pushover and block her. People who behave like that cannot be trusted.

 

A woman of class won't treat a man like that. You dodged a bullet.

[Darren Steez]

A little background on the situation: I met a woman on a flight back home from one of my military reserve weekends. We have been dating for about two months. We live about 45 mins from each other. We get along, she compliments me, and we talk all the time. We have yet to be intimate because she as a 15 date rule, which I respect.

 

She asked me about one month in if I would be her date for a wedding of one of her friends where she was a bridesmaid, I said yes. The wedding was out of state and we drove there.

 

Fast forward to the wedding. We drove to the hotel, checked in and she went to do her bridesmaid duties. Keep in mind I knew no one at this venue. She was taking a limo to the reception and I was going to take the hotel shuttle.

 

So the ceremony at the reception is over, we meet up and I basically lose track of her during the cocktail hour. I finally meet up her when we take our seats. I barely had contact with her, didn't know anyone at the table. I figured she had things to do, shmoozing etc. I wound up eating by myself.

 

I briefly see her before taking the shuttle back to the hotel. I texted her I was there as I had a room key. No answer. I go back to the room, change into my normal clothes and head down to the bar. Still no answer from her.

 

One of the other bridesmaids who I briefly met comes up to me with this look of death on her face. I was told the girl I was dating, who brought me to this wedding was in a room of another guy that she had history with. I was also told that she was making out with him during the wedding which I didn't see.

 

We are not official, not exclusive to my knowledge. My gut told me I had to get out of there. I went back to my room, at this point it's around 2am, pack my stuff (still no contact or text back) and I Uber it back home.

 

I feel betrayed, and emasculated, and embarrassed. The next day at around 10am, my phone blows up with calls, texts, etc. So far I have not answered however I want to tell her off.

 

Nah bro look at it like this, you got some free wedding food!

 

No seriously, she did you dirty, the best thing is to ignore her, ghost her, block her number and not even entertain the slightest notion of her trying to explain herself.

 

What's better than her knowing she had a good thing and she balls it up and now you're gone for good.

 

Cheating sucks but I don't know of one female or male that can look stronger than one that drops the cheater and doesn't allow them back in.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Wow, that is awful. She does not deserve you. She probably got drunk and is now regretting this, but that is just an awful thing to do to someone!

[Space Ritual]

A little background on the situation: I met a woman on a flight back home from one of my military reserve weekends. We have been dating for about two months. We live about 45 mins from each other. We get along, she compliments me, and we talk all the time. We have yet to be intimate because she as a 15 date rule, which I respect.

 

She asked me about one month in if I would be her date for a wedding of one of her friends where she was a bridesmaid, I said yes. The wedding was out of state and we drove there.

 

Fast forward to the wedding. We drove to the hotel, checked in and she went to do her bridesmaid duties. Keep in mind I knew no one at this venue. She was taking a limo to the reception and I was going to take the hotel shuttle.

 

So the ceremony at the reception is over, we meet up and I basically lose track of her during the cocktail hour. I finally meet up her when we take our seats. I barely had contact with her, didn't know anyone at the table. I figured she had things to do, shmoozing etc. I wound up eating by myself.

 

I briefly see her before taking the shuttle back to the hotel. I texted her I was there as I had a room key. No answer. I go back to the room, change into my normal clothes and head down to the bar. Still no answer from her.

 

One of the other bridesmaids who I briefly met comes up to me with this look of death on her face. I was told the girl I was dating, who brought me to this wedding was in a room of another guy that she had history with. I was also told that she was making out with him during the wedding which I didn't see.

 

We are not official, not exclusive to my knowledge. My gut told me I had to get out of there. I went back to my room, at this point it's around 2am, pack my stuff (still no contact or text back) and I Uber it back home.

 

I feel betrayed, and emasculated, and embarrassed. The next day at around 10am, my phone blows up with calls, texts, etc. So far I have not answered however I want to tell her off.

 

 

Sorry it happened

 

You did the right thing by bailing...Now do yourself a favor and delete her from your life, and by all means have no contact with her at all.

 

She showed you who she is... in Wine, there is truth.

 

Believe her.

 

Be sure to thank the bridesmaid that told you. She did you a solid. Imagine if you had never known and kept dating this woman...perhaps getting into a serious relationship, only to have this farce come out after you were in a committed relationship and/or living together.

 

 

Run Forrest, RUN!

[Space Ritual]

Wow, that is awful. She does not deserve you. She probably got drunk and is now regretting this, but that is just an awful thing to do to someone!

 

I think she only is upset as to how it makes her look in front of the other bridesmaids. Now all the bridesmaids know enough to never let their significant others or spouses within spitting distance of her. The groomsmen will all snicker about how access to her coochie only requires a 2 drink minimum.

 

Nothing like telegraphing your loose morals by acting them out in public...like at a wedding. People who saw it will talk about it with relish for the rest of their lives and probably feel nothing but pity for the OP

 

Anyone that could act so callously is someone who deserves no quarter. I don't think she'll be getting any

[smackie9]

It is up to you to answer those texts and what you want to say. Either or, whatever makes you feel better and what will help you move forward.

 

IMO, this behavior isn't new. I think the bridesmaid was giving you the heads up, because this has done this many times before.

 

I feel she has a drinking problem. Going to a wedding most likely triggered her old habit of flopping on her back without care.

 

You dodged a bullet.

[d0nnivain]

You don't really need our advice. You are handling things wonderfully. Good for you.

 

If you want to tell her off, fine. Do it if it will make you feel better. Know it won't change anything.

 

Don't take her back. Just walk away with your head held high.

[Negan]

Thanks everyone. I blocked her on my cell phone, and all social media apps, but for some reason I can't block her on my home phone, yes i am one of those who still has a land line.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You did the right thing.

 

I also assumed you were like 22 or something, but you can't be if you still have a landline lol!

[Negan]

You did the right thing.

 

I also assumed you were like 22 or something, but you can't be if you still have a landline lol!

 

I am 36. She is 35. I am a confident guy but now I don't feel so confident after this incident.

[Space Ritual]

I am 36. She is 35. I am a confident guy but now I don't feel so confident after this incident.

 

You have NOTHING to feel bad about. You did nothing wrong.

 

You have a lot in common with many of us who inhabit this subforum...if we are guilty of anything it is having a bad picker when it comes to romance, but that is the extent of your culpability .

 

Since you have a landline, just unplug it from the wall for a few days unless you have to make a call...nothing tells someone to go away when they stay on the landline and subject themselves to the 22 rings to nowhere...(generally when an AT&T landline is unplugged and someone calls into it the return rings 22 times before going silent).

 

You'll be fine. Grieve what you consider an embarrassing incident for a day or two...then get back to being you.

 

Again you did nothing wrong.

 

I the future, at least you'll have your Spidey Senses up when you date someone that likes to pour the drinks back a little too quickly

[sandylee1]

How very rude of her to ignore you like that. You did the best thing by leavi ny the wedding.

 

I might have just said "I heard you were having fun with your Ex that night. Please do not contact me again and stop calling my landline as I have no desire to speak to you"

 

That it silence and keep ignoring her...but I'd want the calls to stop.

[jay1983]

Thanks everyone. I blocked her on my cell phone, and all social media apps, but for some reason I can't block her on my home phone, yes i am one of those who still has a land line.

 

Sounds like a great time to cut the cord and get with the times.

[Negan]

Sounds like a great time to cut the cord and get with the times.

 

The only reason I keep it really is that my parents are older, both with medical conditions, so it's like a back up phone.

[Negan]

There is one thing that I cannot wrap my head around. I totally understand I did nothing wrong.

 

When we first started dating, I never pushed sex or anything else. I let things happen naturally. She was the one who ranted and raved about the importance of sex being meaningful. I am not a pushy or aggressive guy, and I understand that in the moment everyone needs to be comfortable.

 

So basically, she wouldn't have sex for me because of her time frame she outlined, but she was willing to have sex with someone else? That is where I feel emasculated.

 

I am not arrogant in the least bit, but I am not used to that happening to me. I am a good looking guy, at least that's what my mom tells me. Just needed to get that off my chest.

[smackie9]

Like I said...she probably has a drinking problem. She puts on airs about being of high morals until she is in an environment that leads her to go overboard and lacks control. She's been in denial, and big fat liar.

[jay1983]

I almost wanna tell you to answer one of her calls just to hear what she has to say. Just for a little humor.

 

 

Almost.......

[Negan]

I almost wanna tell you to answer one of her calls just to hear what she has to say. Just for a little humor.

 

 

Almost.......

 

I probably would go out of character and call her a few choice words. Or say something like "there are 9 billion people in the world and you think I am going to chase after you?"

[jay1983]

Yeah I don't blame you.

[jjgitties]

When we first started dating, I never pushed sex or anything else. I let things happen naturally. She was the one who ranted and raved about the importance of sex being meaningful. I am not a pushy or aggressive guy, and I understand that in the moment everyone needs to be comfortable.

 

So basically, she wouldn't have sex for me because of her time frame she outlined, but she was willing to have sex with someone else? That is where I feel emasculated.

 

I am not arrogant in the least bit, but I am not used to that happening to me. I am a good looking guy, at least that's what my mom tells me. Just needed to get that off my chest.

 

Two things that come to mind.

 

1) She was lying to you with the 15 date rule bull**** story. She might have already had a boyfriend she was sort of breaking up and getting back together with and didnt want to cheat on him.

 

2) Or she could be one of those women that actually does not like laid back passive guys and succumbs to more forceful acting guys. You know what I mean? One of those people that says one thing but really wants something else. Either way, if you are laid back and not forceful, you weren't gonna fulfill that need for her.

 

Either way, telling her off? Tell her off for what? Shes not you wife or your girlfriend. She's just some chick that asked you to go to a wedding with her. What are you going to say? "Hey, you disrespected me!". She doesn't give a ****! Sounds to me like she's got other things on her mind and going on in her head and her life. Just block her, ghost her, and move on .. you don't need her bull**** in your life. Don't waste your time or your breath on her. There are nicer people out there.

Edited December 11, 2017 by jjgitties

[BluesPower]

There is one thing that I cannot wrap my head around. I totally understand I did nothing wrong.

 

When we first started dating, I never pushed sex or anything else. I let things happen naturally. She was the one who ranted and raved about the importance of sex being meaningful. I am not a pushy or aggressive guy, and I understand that in the moment everyone needs to be comfortable.

 

So basically, she wouldn't have sex for me because of her time frame she outlined, but she was willing to have sex with someone else? That is where I feel emasculated.

 

I am not arrogant in the least bit, but I am not used to that happening to me. I am a good looking guy, at least that's what my mom tells me. Just needed to get that off my chest.

 

First off, all moms think their sons are good looking...

 

You did everything right, except the 15 date BS, give me a break.

 

I had a girl tell me she had a 90 day rule. After I picked myself up off the floor from LMAO... I said, ok, call me in 90 days.

 

The next night when she was completely satisfied after we made love, I asked how she felt about her 90 day rule....

 

Here is the deal, if a woman, any woman tries to lay some arbitrary time frame on you, dump her. If the is into you she will screw your brains out the first chance she gets.

 

Yes girls, you know it is true.

 

Otherwise, you handled it correctly.