Broke up with partner. Mum, sister and my 2 kids hate him. We want to try again.

[Sunshine1977]

Hi all,

 

I’m looking for some advice please.

 

I met my new partner last October and telling my husband at the time I didn’t love him anymore and wanted to be single. My husband agreed for me to go and experience the single life and go back to him when I’m ready. I realise this isn’t the norm but I had been given permission. So I joined a dating site, had a few dates and one day I met Mark. We hit it off instantly and everything was great. He’d been made redundant just before we met and we had a blast.

 

After about 8 weeks I moved in with him. My husband wouldn’t leave the family home and I felt that I had no choice. We have agreed for my ex husband to buy my share of the house, mainly so it doesn’t have to be sold and the kids won’t have to move.

 

The year with Mark was amazing, we get on so well and our children eventually met and they got on well too. Until about 5 months ago when our girls fell out, which made things very difficult for everyone. My kids weren’t happy coming to see me at Mark’s house, but they did. The only other option I had was to see them in their house (which is still mine as he hasn’t bought me out yet).

 

I’ve got some anger issues myself and I think they were made worse by all the issues surrounding the children. There’s been times when I’ve got so angry I’ve thrown things in his house but he has always forgiven me. Until 2 weeks ago when he told me it’s over and he can’t take it any longer. He packed my stuff, called my mum to come and get me and off I went. The thing is I’ve had to move back in with my children and ex husband until he can buy me out which should be at the end of January, then I can rent myself a flat.

 

Me and Mark have spoken since I left his house and we’ve both realised we love each other immensely. I’m going to anger management classes and really trying to change but we have a massive problem in that my family hate Mark. My children hate him and if we did make another go of it our family lives would definitely be separate.

 

I’m being told by my mum that my children should come first and they don’t like Mark so I should stop seeing him. My sister has said she’ll cease all contact with me if I continue to see Mark. My mum has sent him a 4 page letter telling him what she thinks of him and life is just awful at the moment.

 

I want to try again with Mark but also want my children to be happy. My kids said some very hurtful things to me yesterday about me leaving.

 

It seems that everybody thinks they know what’s best for me. I am 40 and my kids are 14 and 16. The day Mark asked me to leave was after me acting very childish. What my family don’t see is that he’s prepared to give me another chance and I love him dearly.

 

Someone please give me some advice. I feel so very unhappy at the moment.

 

Thanks for reading.

[basil67]

Why do your mother, sister and your children hate Mark? Its unlikely that their feelings are without good reason.

[Sunshine1977]

I’m really not sure to be honest. He’s done all he can to accommodate my family. My mum and sister just say they don’t think he’s right for me. He’s very different from my ex. I’ve always enjoyed having a drink and eating different types of food but never did any of this with my ex as he was t total and such a plain eater. My kids say he’s changed me but he hasn’t, I’ve just been allowed to explore life in different ways.

[Chilli]

Why are you putting your kids through this so soon and expecting them to come and see their mum at new mans house , when they've just lost their real family.

 

Unbe effg lievable.

[RecentChange]

You moved in with him after 8 weeks?!? And you both have children?

 

Jesus Christ.

 

Your poor children.

 

How old are Mark's kids? They must have been thrilled to have a new woman in their home with an anger problem

 

Yes, YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD COME FIRST.

 

You have very selfishly put your love interest before them, and caused major, major upheaval in their lives.

 

Sounds like everyone but you sees how wrong and this is. How rushed and volatile your new relationship is, and how you are too blinded by "love" to make sound decisions.

 

If I was your sister I would be seriously on your case about this.

[anika99]

I’m really not sure to be honest. He’s done all he can to accommodate my family. My mum and sister just say they don’t think he’s right for me. He’s very different from my ex. I’ve always enjoyed having a drink and eating different types of food but never did any of this with my ex as he was t total and such a plain eater. My kids say he’s changed me but he hasn’t, I’ve just been allowed to explore life in different ways.

 

You don't know why your kids hate this guy and don't want you getting back together with him? That shows a serious lack of insight, empathy and maturity on your part. How about maybe it's because you abandoned your children to go live with some guy you had only known for about 8 weeks? How about maybe it's because you broke up your family home and then immediately forced your new live in bf on your kids by making them visit you and him together? Omg! Who does this to their kids and then acts clueless when their kids are hurt?

 

You sound shallow. Even your reasons for leaving and being with someone else sound shallow. You wanted drink and try different food so you had to break up your family and go shack up with some guy to do this? I don't blame your family for being upset at this situation. When marriages break up its a time when kids need extra care and attention. Both parents need to get their own place and make sure their kids feel loved and special in both homes. Kids should not even be introduced to a new partner until they have had at least 18 months to 2 years to heal and adjust. It's fine to get divorced if you were truly unhappy but you have gone about it in the most selfish way possible. You have shown no regard to your children and their emotional well being and you are still only thinking of yourself and your own wants.