Men 35-40 - would you have a LTR with woman your own age?

[elaine567]

A really good looking hot 40 year old woman that stays in shape and dresses well and has style is not working in McDonalds for min wage with no make up on all da She is banging or married to a guy that make lots of cash. just trust me on this one.

 

But we are not talking about the married/attached ones on this thread are we?

We are talking about the single, the divorced, the separated, the ones who are still looking for men like the OP.

[alphamale]

when I was 37 I was dating a woman 10 years my senior

[jjgitties]

But we are not talking about the married/attached ones on this thread are we?

We are talking about the single, the divorced, the separated, the ones who are still looking for men like the OP.

 

Regardless. The divorced ones are not stupid and unaware they are a good catch. They aren't going to be lurking in Walmart at the cash register checking groceries.

 

If we are talking about the same type of older woman. The one that is middle to upper middle class and takes really good care of herself and her figure and is very mentally stable. She's doing all those things because she knows fully well she has the looks and can nab a doctor or lawyer and she's doing all those things to stay looking better that any other woman in the field for when the right time comes to unleash the charm. She is doing it for a very good reason. She doesn't need to luck on Tinder to swipe for dates.

[No_Go]

Yeah I hear you. I get the kids argument. I get the the supply and demand argument. It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour. Until the day I die.

 

Nah - I don't think market value is decreasing. It is more like changing the niche.

 

Guys that need a woman to reproduce will target younger. Quite possibly also the guys that prefer to have the upper hand in power dynamics. Remove these 2 categories - for the rest age doesn't matter that much (as long as the woman looks good and matches their other requirements).

[carhill]

I remember the line in Something's Gotta Give where Jack Nicholson asks 'birth control? and Diane Keaton says 'menopause'.

 

As a guy that age, I nod in affirmation

 

Just showing an alternative viewpoint....

[jjgitties]

You can turn it around on your own. Most of what people are saying here are generalizations. The 3 things holding older ladies back the most are baggage, attitude, and looks.

 

Most women by the time they hit 30 or so start to show signs of emotional wear after their many failed relationships. They're no longer that sweet girl they used to be, they don't treat their men as well, they get angry faster, and walk away sooner. Don't be that woman. That baggage from previous relationships will ruin a new one. Attitude is similar. Don't let your past make you become more difficult to live with in the present.

 

Now on to looks. Yeah, for the most part, ladies in their 20's are gonna be hotter. Just have to admit that. That doesn't mean a girl that is 35 should just accept that and sit around eating Cheetos all day. Hit the gym and work out. When you do hit the gym and work out, maybe try to look your best, that doesn't mean you can act like you're some kind of goddess like some people do.

 

attitude and emotional wear are some of the reasons. some others are that some older women just get plain weird when they get older -- and they are so far out into their fantasy world that they don't realize they are weird. I have seen and heard everything from staring strangely at little kids, to staring and taking pictures of other peoples wedding photos on walls to talking like they are a nut job. I remember one of my wifes friends (very pretty single woman) talking how she thought her brothers wife cursed her because she doesn't like her and that's why she couldn't get pregnant. Never once does it occur to her its because she only dates alcoholics and players that use her for sex and she never once gives a second glance at normal guys.

[gaius]

I can pretty much never have an intellectually stimulating conversation with a woman my age or younger, so back when I was single, no. Friend zoned. And I don't need to date a younger woman to feel superior or like I have some kind of trophy, like some other men. I already am superior.

 

Didn't know my fiances age was when we first started talking but I should have considering how hot our conversation was.

[Kellens]

I fit perfectly into your age bracket, I'm 37, and although I'm not currently single, I dated online for a year from 34-35.

 

I'm attractive but not everyone's type, I have an adult son who is a Marine (had him when I was a teen) and I wasn't looking to have children, I am in shape, have a good job and my sh*t together (for the most part). I really didn't have much difficulty getting dates and having guys into me. Of course the caliber of guy varied and I wasn't into most of them but I really liked a handful of them and seriously dated 2 people. One of which is my current boyfriend.

 

If you're attractive, fit and have a good job like you say, I would think that your age wouldn't matter. After 40, I agree it must get harder but there were so many guys out there who would like someone with their lives together who aren't crazy. That is what I got most from my dates. Guys who were delighted that I looked exactly like my pictures (very important) and that I could hold a conversation and wasn't dropping hints of craziness.

 

Also please don't become one of those bitter women. I've been through a hell of a lot and I fought hard not to become one of them. Guys will also sense this easily and run.

 

Don't give up and be honest with yourself about your good/bad attributes and work on what you can. I've been reading your posts for a while now and I always hope for the best when you meet someone new. I know something good will come eventually, when you least expect it

Edited December 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed poke

[road]

Problem is two fold:

 

People, men and women, wait to long to settle down and all the good

ones get taken.

 

Even when they hit forty, widowed, divorced, when these people

enter the dating pool will have the pick of the best there is. Remember

when they were young they had no problem getting dates and

married back then they will not have problems now.

 

The ones that never got anywhere relationship wise when young

are going to have problems now because they at mid life they are

not bringing anything new or more to the table then when they

were younger.

 

Honest self worth evaluation. Many lack the self honesty to realize

that they do not bring to the table to get the deal done to mate up

with the level of person that they want. Hence trying to date out

of one's league.

 

Face the fact that if you could not pull in the level of mate that

one wanted when twenty you are not going to get them when you

are 40.

 

I knew a man that had a good high paying job with a utility

company. Tall, good looking, 10 lbs extra weight.

 

His wife was very ill for a long time and finally died. She was short,

about 20 lbs over weight, seemed like a nice woman. Face so, so.

 

A year later he married a tall blonde milf. Very attractive. She snapped

him up for he was a good man, good looks, great income. Back in the

day she was good looking enough to be chased by every boy in school.

She would never give a boy like him a second look back then.

 

Twenty years later she learnt that bad boys don't make good husbands.

 

Or she was a widow or divorced her cheating husband.

 

But she did know that the pickings at forty are slim. She was smart

to grab him because to hold out for that "10" she would miss out

on a great guy.

[Ruby Slippers]

It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour. Until the day I die.

Pretty much. Wait till you hit 40

 

I resent the "age is just a number" BS fed to me and my generation. I wish someone had explained the realities to me when I was a teenager and reminded me frequently. I might have approached dating and romance very differently.

[edgygirl]

Well I am over 40, in shape (120 pounds 5'4), and have no problem getting dates. Getting dates is not the problem. Finding someone compatible after you hit 40 is. Yes, most good guys seem to be taken, and the divorced ones with kids seem to have psychological issues.

 

I really recommend women try to find someone before they hit the 40 mark. Make it your #1 priority. Don't be extremely picky. Go for someone who is attractive enough (to you), makes you feel good and has their stuff together. They don't have to be the ideal match you hoped for. I agree with Ruby. I wish someone explained better how things work.

 

Not necessarily. Any woman who puts the effort in can still be a catch in her 40's. In my experience 90% of women over 40 on Tinder look dog rough- you can see they have totally let themselves go so it isn't even like you have any competition if you just stay in shape and have a bit of class about you. The ones that do look like they still have their figure and look reasonably youthful are often very hot- there are just rarer than rocking-horse crap (intellectual compatibility not withstanding too of course).

 

So imo a woman who ages well I imagine to be quite sought after. The downside is that there will be a more limited pool of guys to choose from as guys that same age will usually be driven to date younger just as women seem to date older when all other things are equal.

[CptInsano]

Well I am over 40, in shape (120 pounds 5'4), and have no problem getting dates. Getting dates is not the problem. Finding someone compatible after you hit 40 is. Yes, most good guys seem to be taken, and the divorced ones with kids seem to have psychological issues.

 

I wouldn't say that about divorced men, and the same goes for women IMHO, it's just that the well-adjusted ones were off the market quickly, or focused on their kids and weren't available for a while. What you notice when dating may be the ones that try too hard.

 

I really recommend women try to find someone before they hit the 40 mark. Make it your #1 priority. Don't be extremely picky. Go for someone who is attractive enough (to you), makes you feel good and has their stuff together. They don't have to be the ideal match you hoped for. I agree with Ruby. I wish someone explained better how things work.

 

I agree with finding somebody early. And if you can and should be picky is another question, but if you really want to be in a relationship then by all means start early. It's something that needs to be learned, like most things in life. If you stay single for a long time it is probably what feels natural to you.

[Chilli]

l think the power dynamics thing is just a load of crock women invented as an excuse. Never known any normal guy wanting power frickin dynamics

l mean are all the women chasing younger guys now thinking about power dynamics ahhh, nah, sorry, l don't think that's quite what's on their mind.

 

Most guys love a youthful playful fun women with nice looks and body.

But sure l'd be with someone my age but she'd have to be really good for her age and youngish too or we'd just be a total miss match.

Seen a few around l'd go for though.

Edited December 17, 2017 by Chilli

[Els]

Not a guy, but the majority of age 35-40 men I know are in LTRs/marriages with a woman close to their age. We're not exactly talking bottom-of-the-barrel guys either - most of them are educated professionals in reasonably good health making (at least) a decent income.

 

I honestly think the "all men want a young hot bimbo" trope is over-played on LS and other online forums/articles (FTR, I also think the same thing about the "all women want a 6 foot+++ guy" trope). In many cases people just meet, talk, and fall in love - and the odds of a normal, healthy, sane man falling in love with a woman who's in roughly the same stage of life as he is is markedly higher than the odds of him falling in love with a woman who's young enough to be his daughter.

 

I do agree that later in life more people are paired up so the age-appropriate singles are fewer and thus more difficult to find, but this would apply to both men and women IMO.

[CptInsano]

[...]

I do agree that later in life more people are paired up so the age-appropriate singles are fewer and thus more difficult to find, but this would apply to both men and women IMO.

 

Yes, but men have a higher mortality rate, from risk-taking early on, all the way to the heart attacks at 40. Also, our testosterone levels drop as we age, and many men have a decreased libido, which also translates into the fewer men looking for women. Add to that women and men who have either simply given up or are fed up with dating. And these are just a few things that come to mind.

[No_Go]

Yes, but men have a higher mortality rate, from risk-taking early on, all the way to the heart attacks at 40. Also, our testosterone levels drop as we age, and many men have a decreased libido, which also translates into the fewer men looking for women. Add to that women and men who have either simply given up or are fed up with dating. And these are just a few things that come to mind.

 

True. Women face another huge obstacle though - the decaying fertility. After 35 things are dropping downhill for the ladies and even men that are on the fence for having children- would be put off subconsciously by getting into partnership with an infertile /low fertility woman.

 

Lowering estrogen levels also very much impacts physical attractiveness...

 

And yet later in life (50+) when the fertility issue is long gone - women are getting back the upper hand because men are facing sexual dusfunction issues and are facing the demolishing effects of lowering testosterone...

 

Aging is not fun for either sex...

[Ruby Slippers]

And yet later in life (50+) when the fertility issue is long gone - women are getting back the upper hand because men are facing sexual dusfunction issues and are facing the demolishing effects of lowering testosterone...

That's a good point.

 

My best all-around matches have always been with men a little bit older, up to 5 years older.

 

I'm having surgery soon so have taken myself off the market till I get through it, but the handful of men who are still in persistent pursuit are within that range of up to 5 years older.

[JuneL]

I can see why women in their mid-late 30s may have the hardest time. They are at the age when having biological kids is still feasible. On the other hand, the divorced dads within their age group probably still have small kids, making dating and having a family a huge compromise. But I would think once a woman hits her early-mid 40s, the opportunities would grow, as she no longer has to worry about rushing to have kids, and the divorced dads in her age range most likely have older kids that no longer require undivided attention.

[thefooloftheyear]

I can see why women in their mid-late 30s may have the hardest time. They are at the age when having biological kids is still feasible. On the other hand, the divorced dads within their age group probably still have small kids, making dating and having a family a huge compromise. But I would think once a woman hits her early-mid 40s, the opportunities would grow, as she no longer has to worry about rushing to have kids, and the divorced dads in her age range most likely have older kids that no longer require undivided attention.

 

 

But here's the problem....

 

Many people now having kids later in life..Let's say you are a guy late 30's to mid 40's ..You have 2 little kids and your marriage is in the toilet...What do you do?? Leave ?? Or stick it out til the kids get older??

 

The second scenario is probably more likely...So all of those guys are off the radar...

 

What's left? Career students, guys that couldn't get female attention in their earlier years(generally undesirable or physically unappealing)...or maybe dreg like guys that are broke, under or unemployed, drunks, substance abuse issues, etc...

 

Then you have a small percentage of "good" guys in this age range...Well...They have the world by the stones, because they are a small group feeding at a very large trough.....Younger, older....every woman seemingly want them...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

What you're saying pretty much strengthens my arguments that women in their mid-late 30s have the hardest time. There are a few possible solutions I assume: 1. Work really hard on meeting your guy (treat it like a full-time job); 2. Take a few years off the market looking for a long-term relationship (just date casually if so desired) until you reach early 40s; 3. Be more open to someone not within your age range (e.g., 8 years older or younger).

 

But here's the problem....

 

Many people now having kids later in life..Let's say you are a guy late 30's to mid 40's ..You have 2 little kids and your marriage is in the toilet...What do you do?? Leave ?? Or stick it out til the kids get older??

 

The second scenario is probably more likely...So all of those guys are off the radar...

 

What's left? Career students, guys that couldn't get female attention in their earlier years(generally undesirable or physically unappealing)...or maybe dreg like guys that are broke, under or unemployed, drunks, substance abuse issues, etc...

 

Then you have a small percentage of "good" guys in this age range...Well...They have the world by the stones, because they are a small group feeding at a very large trough.....Younger, older....every woman seemingly want them...

 

TFY

[CptInsano]

[...]

And yet later in life (50+) when the fertility issue is long gone - women are getting back the upper hand because men are facing sexual dusfunction issues and are facing the demolishing effects of lowering testosterone...[...]

 

In what sense would that benefit women or give them the upper hand? I watched my mom date through her late 50s, and it was by no means pretty.

[jjgitties]

Many people now having kids later in life..Let's say you are a guy late 30's to mid 40's ..You have 2 little kids and your marriage is in the toilet...What do you do?? Leave ?? Or stick it out til the kids get older??

 

The second scenario is probably more likely...So all of those guys are off the radar...

 

Yup.. option #2 in my case.

[jjgitties]

What you're saying pretty much strengthens my arguments that women in their mid-late 30s have the hardest time. There are a few possible solutions I assume: 1. Work really hard on meeting your guy (treat it like a full-time job); 2. Take a few years off the market looking for a long-term relationship (just date casually if so desired) until you reach early 40s; 3. Be more open to someone not within your age range (e.g., 8 years older or younger).

 

You know what. I got to say this. If you are a woman in your late 30s and single and looking for date -- you are still a young good looking women and you have you looks. Stop being so bloody picky. Find a guy and settle in thats what you want to do. Dont create those endless 100+ lists of all the things the guy you want needs to have in order for you to hook with him. Just lower your standards a bit and take a chance. Don't let this drag you into your 40s and late 40s.. it will only get worse.

[Quirkster]

Yes. I would enter into a LTR with a woman my age. I look for people that are stable and mentally together.

 

The issue I see with a lot of single women in that age range is there is almost always a good reason they are single. The years have taken a toll on their personalities and their thinking pattern

 

I find this to be the most pressing concern with women 35-40.

[Be_Strong]

I would have no reservations about dating a woman in my same age range (35-40). In fact, I would prefer dating a woman around my own age.

 

However, I have noted that while I have aged really well and look quite young for my age and in excellent shape, a lot of women my age can’t say the same. So I can see why guys like me would be drawn to younger women.