Her fiance is in prison for murder

[I dont know]

So, I have been dating this girl who I have been sleeping with off and on for the last 6 years, we have been seeing eachother since my divorce last year in November. Her fiance shot and killed his best friend around the same time last year. Recently things have been becoming less and less about hooking up or going out and more about laying in bed watching tv and just being together.

 

I'm starting to develop some feelings and i know she is sharing most of them. But she isn't ready to leave him because she is living with his family and he has been telling her she is the only thing he is hanging on for and blah blah blah.

 

She also has him name tattooed on her. What do i do? Do I keep wasting my time on a girl who is willing to wait 15 years to life for someone else? What do i do?

 

Ps: I feel stupid having to ask the internet

Edited December 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MsJayne]

1. If she had any real feelings for Mr Murder she wouldn't be sleeping with you or any other guy. This suggests that she can't be trusted by anyone - you included.

2. She's living with his family and enjoying the drama of Mr Murder saying she's the only thing he's hanging on for. What a loser! (eye roll)

3. Mr Murder shot and killed his best friend......he may be locked up but he'll be getting out one day and this dude knows how to bear a grudge. If I be you I'd be taking my pee pee way, way away from this girl.

4. Anyone who gets someone's name tattooed on them is very, very misguided and has a lot of growing up to do. It's not romantic, it's just mega-dumb.

5. It's good that you're asking the internet for advice, shows that deep down you know this girl is bad news. Flick her and aim higher. Maybe go for a girl with some self respect and at least a clue about how to treat a partner.

 

Good luck

[RecentChange]

She doesn't make very good choices does she?

 

Agreed to marry a man capable of murdering his best friend.

 

Got a tattoo of this winner on her body.

 

Kept in contact with this winner after he murdered his friend.

 

She kept LIVING with the murder's family.

 

Does the family know she is banging you while Mr. winner is in prison?

 

My advice? Don't walk, RUN away from this girl. She has made bad choices and is in a bad situation

[carhill]

Conjugal visits?

 

Since you were having casual sex with the lady for six years prior, apparently with success, continue that and be sure to stock that bolt bag in case he gets parole. Good luck!

[Dreamwalker17]

This is like so bad, man.

You're next on his hit list.

Please exit asap, leave those low lives to each other.

You can do better - hell, anyone can.

[BaileyB]

I would never date a woman who has another man's name tattooed on her body... Nor, would I date a woman who is in a relationship with a man serving time for murder.

 

No ifs, no ands, and no buts about it...

[GorillaTheater]

Nothing could possibly go wrong in this scenario. Other than you writhing in a puddle of blood, and stuff.

[I dont know]

Update as of about a half hour ago, she decided to tell him she had feelings for me beyond just sex and decided it would be best to move out of his parents house into her own place. As for the fact he killed someone I'm not afraid. I daily carry and have been threw many courses on how to protect myself in that type of situation. Plus he is doing 15 to life with the possibility for early parole so by the time he gets out I'll be long gone from this state

[RecentChange]

Curious....

 

How do you compare to this guy? Seems like this woman was cheating on him with you.... and now has decided she is getting feelings for you.

 

So, is she a cheat that has a thing for murders, or a really nice girl who has found someone totally different than her soon to be ex?

 

FYI - this is not how happily ever afters usually start.

[anika99]

Did everyone miss where the OP says he's been sleeping with this girl for 6 years but just got divorced last year? Apparently they're both cheaters. A match made in heaven. I say go for it.

[Dreamwalker17]

I wonder how you can sleep with someone for 6 years, and then progress to just watching TV and finally to develop feelings.

 

Most people go completely opposite direction - feelings - sleeping for 6 years - watching TV. Or watching TV - feelings - sleeping together for 6 years.

 

So much to unpack here. Hmm.

[carhill]

It's a brave new world

 

Maybe some advice on spicing up their sex life would help?

[I dont know]

For your info I stayed faithful during my marriage, which was very short. And this is a very sweet girl that found herself with a guy that she thought was really good and then killed someone she stayed because of the fact she ha no where else to live once he got arrested. I am a great guy with a good job niece car good savings and have never hurt anyone. And I know things seem backwards but we have known eachother since high school and have been sleeping with eachother off and on since high school during times of being single. This is the first time she has cheated on anyone, we are also best friends so we know everything about eachother she was also friends with my ex wife during my marriage. Neither of us expect to be sleeping together again that's why we have just been hanging out. But the feelings are real. I'm just at a loss as to handle things...

[Dreamwalker17]

What exactly is there to handle?

 

Stop sleeping with her, let her sort her life out, let her move out of the place of her murderer bf parents because it's all too messy, everybody is friends and sleeping with everybody.

Stop being her savior, sleeping on and off with someone for years doesn't sound like romance of the century.

You on the other hand, with a nice job, nice car and nice place can do so much better than her.

 

Hope internet has been helpful to you so far!

[I dont know]

You litterally had to miss the part where we have been best friends longer than we have been sleeping together. And honestly I dont want to just leave her all alone with no one who cares.

Edited December 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[BaileyB]

And this is a very sweet girl that found herself with a guy that she thought was really good and then killed someone

 

 

How in the world does this happen...

 

I agree with the previous poster. Let her move out and get her life together, then you can consider a relationship...

Edited December 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
troll callout ~T

[jjgitties]

Geezz, we are high and mighty and judgemental on this thread folks. You don't even have any details of the how or why the guy that's in prison actually is in prison for. It could have been some fouled up legal proceeding. Could have been some sort of accident.. who knows.

 

Anyways, OP, I don't know what to tell or or what to make of your story. I knew this girl socially once -- she was the most drop dead beautiful and gorgeous girl -- and all she ever did was date dudes that were criminals or in jail. It was so strange and so cliche. Every time you'd see her and talk to her about stuff, always the same thing, she's all depressed waiting for her boyfriend to get our of prison.

 

Anyways, I guess my post is, just because this guy went to prison for murder does not mean he is going to come out with guns a blazing and go on a killing rampage on everyone that his gf or ex-gr slept with while he was locked up. And, okay, so this girl has a tattoo of her BF that went to prison. Lots of people have tatoos.

 

I guess find our if you guys are in a relationship and discuss where it will go and what are you going to do when this BF gets out of prison and she's still living with his family.

[DKT3]

15 to life really means a boatload of time. In most States that means you won't see a parole board for 15 years, murderers rarely get out on the first go round, next one would be 2 to 5 years. Reality it's at least 20, but more likely closer to life.

 

But none of that matters, dude like everyone else is saying, she is horrible with her decision making, and if she is into sex only relationships, I would only isn't one. Surely there are better options round where you live.

[DKT3]

Geezz, we are high and mighty and judgemental on this thread folks. You don't even have any details of the how or why the guy that's in prison actually is in prison for. It could have been some fouled up legal proceeding. Could have been some sort of accident.. who knows.

 

Anyways, OP, I don't know what to tell or or what to make of your story. I knew this girl socially once -- she was the most drop dead beautiful and gorgeous girl -- and all she ever did was date dudes that were criminals or in jail. It was so strange and so cliche. Every time you'd see her and talk to her about stuff, always the same thing, she's all depressed waiting for her boyfriend to get our of prison.

 

Anyways, I guess my post is, just because this guy went to prison for murder does not mean he is going to come out with guns a blazing and go on a killing rampage on everyone that his gf or ex-gr slept with while he was locked up. And, okay, so this girl has a tattoo of her BF that went to prison. Lots of people have tatoos.

 

I guess find our if you guys are in a relationship and discuss where it will go and what are you going to do when this BF gets out of prison and she's still living with his family.

 

The sentence kinda rules out alot of what you are saying. LIFE in most States are only given with 1st or 2nd degree murder, unless there is a pervious record. So, either he was charged and convicted of 1st or 2nd degree or he is a habitual criminal.

[I dont know]

She has plans to move out of his parents house. His parents are happy that she has been seeing me and is happy that she has plans to keep living her life. The reason he killed his best friend without getting to into detail is because he got into a drunken fight and shot his friend over 16 times over videogames. It's honestly just a ****ed situation all the way around, also he has been emotionally black mailing her to stay with him. I honestly don't care for him much. But we all grew up together and its sad to see, i personally see him doing closer to life due to the fact he plead guilty with no deal and didn't get an opportunity for early parole. Her decision making is terribly flawed but she really has no other choice, she doesn't make enough money to support herself and honestly we aren't even close to the point where I'll support her. I guess I'm gonna just have to see how things go. It's a pretty messed up situation all around and only time will tell. Thank you all for your advice

[sandylee1]

Of all the girls in the world.... you have to choose thud one who conned with so much drama...Why?

 

Don't you like an easy life?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, why would you choose such a risky situation for herself?

 

And how do you know she's told him anything about you, or told his parents about you? You can't exactly trust this girl to be honest. She could be spinning any old tales to you. If she'll cheat on her fiance, she'll have no problem lying to you too. Wait until her fiance hears the full truth. You had better hope he doesn't take it upon himself to have help on the outside to track you down. He killed his best friend over video games. You have been having sex with his supposed wife-to-be. Which do you think would enrage him more? If you don't think taking you out with the help of an equally homicidal friend is a possibility with someone who is clearly violent and unstable, you are being willfully naive and foolish.

 

Continue if you wish, but know that you are walking into a mine field that will more than likely not have a happy ending. Don't be so blind, man.

Edited December 15, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[I dont know]

I have talked to him for about 2 hours on the subject and he doesnt care. He told her to leave him and get with me. She decided that would be best but it's still a giant cluster ****. He knows everything. And he is honestly a cool dude. He has some anger issues but even he feels it's best that he is in prison. He is actually taking some great steps to have a good life for himself when he gets out but even he knows he is most likely doing closer to life than 15 years. It's a ****ty situation and there are a lot of details involved with him killing his friend drugs and alcohol plus some fighting and some other ****. At the moment I pretty much told her she has to get her **** together before we can have anything else between us.

[Grapesofwrath]

I have talked to him for about 2 hours on the subject and he doesnt care. He told her to leave him and get with me. She decided that would be best but it's still a giant cluster ****. He knows everything. And he is honestly a cool dude. He has some anger issues but even he feels it's best that he is in prison. He is actually taking some great steps to have a good life for himself when he gets out but even he knows he is most likely doing closer to life than 15 years. It's a ****ty situation and there are a lot of details involved with him killing his friend drugs and alcohol plus some fighting and some other ****. At the moment I pretty much told her she has to get her **** together before we can have anything else between us.

 

One small suggestion here....if you need her to get her $**t together before you can have a relationship, it might help her to know what that entails, specifically. Is it having her own place? Being financially self-supporting? Being honest with her bf about what she's doing with you? Tell her what it will take, and if she wants to be with you, she can make it happen. If she doesn't, you will learn more about her in the process.

[I dont know]

She knows exactly what it's gonna take. I dont care if she has her own place or can support herself. Most of it is she needs to be honest with herself. She needs to decide what she really wants. She knows how I feel and what I want. She just needs to decide if it's what she wants. She is for the most part self supporting yeah she lives with his parents but they don't want to see her wasting her life waiting on him to get out either and she has a place to live there as long as she wants to be there. We have done a lot of talk and at the moment we haven't seen eachother in about a week due to the conversation we had where I told her all of this and that i don't want to just be a stand in for this guy. That I want something more, something real, and if that's what she wants then she needs to decide. I dont want to play games anymore. I spend a lot of time working. If im not at work I'm building my business, and i have been putting a lot of things off so that i can see her and spend time with her. I just want to make sure I'm putting all this time and effort and putting these things on hold for more than just sex. Don't get me wrong the sex is great, put I dont need it. What I need is someone I can build a life with, someone that is willing to work as hard as I do to have a good and easy life. Nothing in life is free and it takes hard work and tough times to get to a point where life is easy. I want her in my life. She now has the chance to decide if she wants to be in mine too. So far it's looking decent but she is still letting this other guy control her, and the worst part is he is so emotionally abusive and verbally degrading I have no idea why she keeps going back to him. She is spending almost ever penny she makes putting money on his books and paying for him to call her and it's just completely bizzare to me that someone will stay in that situation. So for now it is what it is. And hopefully things workout. If not I have a bottle of whisky some fine Cuban cigars and I'll get over it.