Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM

[goldengirl11]

Hi,

I'd be grateful for some quick advice please.

Basically, my MM & wife had another bust up recently. Particularly after she questioned by him about me (she doesn't know who exactly I am), he admitted we'd slept together during their 6 month 'separation.'

To be honest, I thought that she probably had told him to move out in the heat of the moment, but at approx 5pm yesterday he rang me out of the blue to say he was living in a flat now and asked to meet up, maybe next week or today.

I replied via text asking how he was etc, also that was with family yesterday and that probably a day next week would be best to meet. Also, I had wondered how he was in the week, but thought I would keep him a bit of space (he asked for it a few weeks back, after I got very emotional after we met). He simply replied with "I think that's what you said last time" i.e when he moved out before 2 years ago. I was quite hurt by that, but it's all about him isn't it?

He NEVER put me first over his family's plans, etc. I said I would ring him back today daytime, as couldn't last night as was with family. Should I jump and see him today, or meet up in a day or two which would suit me better? I'm starting to feel selfish now, but if he's in a crisis...

Thanks

Edited August 6, 2017 by goldengirl11

[sandylee1]

Are you looking to get back in a relationship with him?

 

If not, then I see no point in meeting up.

[goldengirl11]

Yes, I was hoping to. Although have just had a chat with him on phone - turns out he's been there a week and will be working from home in the day at the family home for a couple of weeks (no Wi-Fi 'til Friday). Also he still wants to keep communication open with his wife and family. We' re now meeting this evening for a meal, but I know this is likely headed nowhere.

Edited August 6, 2017 by goldengirl11

[BaileyB]

It likely heading nowhere... It would seem based on the little you have shared that he has a pattern of leaving his wife, and going home again. He's already told you he plans to keep contact. It seems pretty clear what will happen...

 

I just glanced at a previous post. Five years you have been waiting for him. How much longer are you going to wait?

 

Is dinner going to turn into sex and then more pain for you?

 

I'm sorry, you are sad. But really, why would you wait for a man who has never made you a priority? And, why would you jump when suddenly, he is "in crisis?" Does he really deserve your love and attention?

[whichwayisup]

Yes, I was hoping to. Although have just had a chat with him on phone - turns out he's been there a week and will be working from home in the day at the family home for a couple of weeks (no Wi-Fi 'til Friday). Also he still wants to keep communication open with his wife and family. We' re now meeting this evening for a meal, but I know this is likely headed nowhere.

 

Why bother? They had a fight, he left (I doubt him moving out will last long, he's probably couch surfing at a friends house and doesn't have his own place) and soon he'll go back home. He isn't divorcing his wife, things are rocky and he's reached out to you for comfort and an ego feed NOT because he loves and misses you. I hope you see this? But he calls and you go running with lots of hope again. Sad to say but you're gonna get your heart broken again when he walks away and goes back home. He's far from done with his wife and marriage.

 

When you get hurt again don't blame him. This now is all on you.

 

I hope you gain the strength to change your mind and tell him NO dinner and don't go see him at all. You're right, this is heading nowhere except pain city for you. Is he worth it?

[anika99]

This man treats all women like crap. When he left his wife last year he didn't even choose you, instead he went out and got himself an entirely new young gf. OP this isn't even about him anymore. You are choosing to hang onto this dyfunctional drama. This drama is and angst is something you crave, doesn't matter who the man is. Time for some personal counselling.

[BaileyB]

This man treats all women like crap. When he left his wife last year he didn't even choose you, instead he went out and got himself an entirely new young gf. OP this isn't even about him anymore. You are choosing to hang onto this dyfunctional drama. This drama is and angst is something you crave, doesn't matter who the man is. Time for some personal counselling.

 

And, based on your previous post you have said that he suffers from ED. Why are you spending so much time waiting for a man who treats women so badly when I'm assuming, the sex isn't even that great?

 

Definitely time for some counselling. This isn't about him, it is most definitely about you. Stop wasting your life on this man...

[goldengirl11]

This man treats all women like crap. When he left his wife last year he didn't even choose you, instead he went out and got himself an entirely new young gf. OP this isn't even about him anymore. You are choosing to hang onto this dyfunctional drama. This drama is and angst is something you crave, doesn't matter who the man is. Time for some personal counselling.

Hi Anika,

Thanks for your reply and although I agree with you that I need to put myself first now, the guy who went off with a younger GF was another guy!! So there has been two guys who separated and let me down!

Thanks again.

[goldengirl11]

And, based on your previous post you have said that he suffers from ED. Why are you spending so much time waiting for a man who treats women so badly when I'm assuming, the sex isn't even that great?

 

Definitely time for some counselling. This isn't about him, it is most definitely about you. Stop wasting your life on this man...

 

Thanks for your reply, but can you explain what you meant by ED? Sorry!

[goldengirl11]

Hi Anika,

Thanks for your reply and although I agree with you that I need to put myself first now, the guy who went off with a younger GF was another guy!! So there has been two guys who separated and let me down!

Thanks again.

 

Yes, I will be looking into counselling again now.

[BaileyB]

Thanks for your reply, but can you explain what you meant by ED? Sorry!

 

Didn't you write in a previous post that he had erectile dysfunction? If I'm wrong, my apologies.

 

I'm sorry that you have had two failed relationships that have left you feeling lost. Counselling is very good idea, and I certainly wish you the best.

[jenkins95]

Hi Anika,

Thanks for your reply and although I agree with you that I need to put myself first now, the guy who went off with a younger GF was another guy!! So there has been two guys who separated and let me down!

Thanks again.

 

Hi (((goldengir)))

 

Perhaps I've misunderstood, but does this mean that, having had your heart broken by one MM who wouldn't leave his wife, you've now got mixed up with another one?

 

I hope I'm wrong here but if so, it makes me wonder if you are naturally drawn to unavailable men? Most xOW would run a mile having been burnt once.

 

Wishing you all the best anyway.

 

Keep posting x

[sandylee1]

Why do you keep getting involved with unavailable men? Are you scared of commitment or something?

 

I'm not sure how of your age, but surely a single man without baggage would be better.

Edited August 7, 2017 by sandylee1
Typo

[goldengirl11]

Why do you keep getting involved with unavailable men? Are you scared of commitment or something?

 

I'm not sure how of your age, but surely a single man without baggage would be better.

Hi,

I certainly won't be now! I don't think it had been on purpose, just that the men I had usually met had been complicated!

One of these two men I had talked about (the one who left his wife and found himself a young GF in his band) I had decided to unfriend yesterday, after he recently friended me again and discovering that he's been living with this girl since January! I just didn't think he deserved to know what was going on in my world, after he treated me so poorly - and is still unavailable! I'm guessing that he was lining me up as a back up, incase his current relationship ended at some point.

[goldengirl11]

Hi (((goldengir)))

 

Perhaps I've misunderstood, but does this mean that, having had your heart broken by one MM who wouldn't leave his wife, you've now got mixed up with another one?

 

I hope I'm wrong here but if so, it makes me wonder if you are naturally drawn to unavailable men? Most xOW would run a mile having been burnt once.

 

Wishing you all the best anyway.

 

Keep posting x

Thanks for your reply, Jenkins95. See my reply to sandylee just now! I will never get involved with anyone unavailable again and just sick of being treated so badly. I'm still on anti-depressants and overweight, which isn't helping my confidence (especially the latter), but trying to change that.

The separated friend who had found a new young GF in his band last summer, told me yesterday that he'll soon be moving into his new house with her (am guessing she'll be living rent free after recently leaving uni), after only recently sending me a friend request. He very rudely blocked and unfriended me at Xmas, after he crashed his car and thought it was karma, as we were due to meet that day for a chat. No apology about it, but heard from him 6 months later out of the blue! Just testing the waters I guess.

[Miss Clavel]

under the geneva convention of marriage, he's free to bang another woman, since he's "separated" from his wife.

 

he'd like to bang you.

 

however....

 

you know the rest. dont' you?

 

you're a smart girl,

[goldengirl11]

I feel so hurt right now though, nevertheless. I messaged E last night to say no doubt it'll end when his GF will want her freedom and who can blame her at 21? I was surprised to get his friend request 6 months later, which gave me a glimmer of hope, but if they're still living together? No! How painful is that? Also they're smug smiley photo in fancy dress I still showing in my messenger column!! Recently I had asked him to a concert in Oct (before I knew his situation), when re replied with Possibly - depending on his shifts. Obviously, I'm now not interested being his back up plan (or friend at best). You can't be friends with someone who hurt you, can you?!

 

He's just said that he won't propose 'til she at least experiences a full time job and puts up with him for a bit longer! She's very mature for her age he says. Note this is the girl who declared on FB she was in a relationship with him just 6 weeks after leaving his then wife!

 

Sorry, I am getting my act together. Thanks all!

Edited August 8, 2017 by goldengirl11

[jenkins95]

I feel so hurt right now though, nevertheless. I messaged E last night to say no doubt it'll end when his GF will want her freedom and who can blame her at 21? I was surprised to get his friend request 6 months later, which gave me a glimmer of hope, but if they're still living together? No! How painful is that? Also they're smug smiley photo in fancy dress I still showing in my messenger column!! Recently I had asked him to a concert in Oct (before I knew his situation), when re replied with Possibly - depending on his shifts. Obviously, I'm now not interested being his back up plan (or friend at best). You can't be friends with someone who hurt you, can you?!

 

He's just said that he won't propose 'til she at least experiences a full time job and puts up with him for a bit longer! She's very mature for her age he says. Note this is the girl who declared on FB she was in a relationship with him just 6 weeks after leaving his then wife!

 

Sorry, I am getting my act together. Thanks all!

 

This is good GG - let it all out. That's what LS is here for.

 

I think you dodged a bullet here. He had a wife, an OW (you), and then suddenly moves on to another GF, who is only 21...and he's already talking about proposing!!! Jeez, what's the rush?....and he's flaunting the new GF on FaceBook? (rolls eyes!) !

 

She is just 21. How old is he? Possibly a large age gap, which could be a factor in the future. Probably seems great right now, but when reality kicks in, if he's over 15 years older than her, this could show itself later on down the road.

 

I personally think you are better off without either of these MM, GG. You seem lovely and you can do so much better, and I know you will one day.

 

I wish you nothing but the best and please keep posting! x

Edited August 8, 2017 by jenkins95

[goldengirl11]

This is good GG - let it all out. That's what LS is here for.

 

I think you dodged a bullet here. He had a wife, an OW (you), and then suddenly moves on to another GF, who is only 21...and he's already talking about proposing!!! Jeez, what's the rush?....and he's flaunting the new GF on FaceBook? (rolls eyes!) !

 

She is just 21. How old is he? Possibly a large age gap, which could be a factor in the future. Probably seems great right now, but when reality kicks in, if he's over 15 years older than her, this could show itself later on down the road.

 

I personally think you are better off without either of these MM GG. You seem lovely and you can do so much better, and I know you will one day.

 

I wish you nothing but the best and please keep posting! x

 

Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement. He's 40 and admit I'm old enough to know better (30's, but not great experience).

Edited August 8, 2017 by goldengirl11

[jenkins95]

Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement. He's 40 and admit I'm old enough to know better (30's, but not great experience).

 

Thanks for the reply GG!

 

So he's almost double her age. Unless she's very mature (let's be honest, HE's not that mature!), it's difficult to see this lasting very long. I mean, she will have changed a lot in the next 5-10 years. When the novelty had worn off, will she really do want to be with a man of nearly 50 when she's still in her 20s? Possible, but doubtful.

 

Anyway, not your problem anymore. Once you're over all this, the world is your oyster. Let him sort his own mess out. Presumably he still has all the fall out from the divorce to deal with on top of everything?

 

Good luck GG x

[goldengirl11]

Thanks for the reply GG!

 

So he's almost double her age. Unless she's very mature (let's be honest, HE's not that mature!), it's difficult to see this lasting very long. I mean, she will have changed a lot in the next 5-10 years. When the novelty had worn off, will she really do want to be with a man of nearly 50 when she's still in her 20s? Possible, but doubtful.

 

Anyway, not your problem anymore. Once you're over all this, the world is your oyster. Let him sort his own mess out. Presumably he still has all the fall out from the divorce to deal with on top of everything?

 

Good luck GG x

Yes, he told me that his ex wife can't give him a sensible address for him to send the divorce papers too!!

 

Thanks again :-)

[BaileyB]

I think you dodged a bullet here. He had a wife, an OW (you), and then suddenly moves on to another GF, who is only 21...and he's already talking about proposing!!! Jeez, what's the rush?....and he's flaunting the new GF on FaceBook? (rolls eyes!) !

 

This is so pathetic that's almost unbelievable. It's hard to believe that a man could make such poor decisions.

 

You should be glad OP, you definitely dodged a big bullet here!

[goldengirl11]

At the height of emotions, I just sent him a string of messages via FB... Since he replied earlier agreeing that she could probably do no wrong in his eyes. I then blocked him a bit earlier, as feared the response. I'm not the type to do that though, ever and admittedly at the back of my mind I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Ridiculous probably.

He apologised for blocking me 6 months ago (after I asked him not to block me again), but he said he didn't want to jeopardise his new relationship (he was initiating contact). He thought I would've calmed down by now! Actually I had and was moving on, but his contact made it raw again. Especially when he said he'd been living with her for a while. One of the things I said earlier is that she got involved with a married man - so she can't be that lovely either! Also that she is probably no better, but on the spot (as in convenience).

I guess if he really wanted to contact me again (which I doubt) he could text/call me, but highly unlikely unless he gets dumped If guess.

Edited August 8, 2017 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

I've now deactivated myself from FB/Messenger, as was frightened that couldn't block him again within 48 hours. He's destroyed me tonight. How dare someone have this power over me? What got me is that he didn't want to jeopardise his new relationship before, when he obviously didn't give a damn about jeopardising our chances of one did he?! I do not need someone like that as a friend, let alone anything more. Yet, I am still in pain. Not sleeping tonight, obviously.

Edited August 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jenkins95]

I've now deactivated myself from FB/Messenger, as was frightened that couldn't block him again within 48 hours. He's destroyed me tonight. How dare someone have this power over me? What got me is that he didn't want to jeopardise his new relationship before, when he obviously didn't give a damn about jeopardising our chances of one did he?! I do not need someone like that as a friend, let alone anything more. Yet, I am still in pain. Not sleeping tonight, obviously.

 

GG.... Come here (((hugs))).

 

You're not alone on LS in having sleepless nights. We're here for you. You WILL be okay. Promise.

 

He has proved himself to be an immature, selfish, thoughtless prat and has shown you no respect of consideration in playing with your emotions like this You may not see it yet, but you are so far better off without him. He could be in for trouble in the future in what is a very questionable relationship, but by then you won't care.

 

Look after yourself and don't give him the time of day again. He doesn't deserve you as a friend.

 

You'll be ok GG. Just take time to prices and recover. Lovely things lie ahead. x

Edited August 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator