Months have passed. What now?

[anzep]

Hi everyone, I'm new to LS but i found it to be an important resource to coping.

 

I am a 22 years old guy, my girlfriend broke up with me on august. First month was pretty rough, with me trying to get her back and pleading every now and then because i was afraid of losing her, looking back at it now I feel ashamed of myself, selling myself short like that. She then admitted me that she cheated on me and she regret that, and that's why she broke up with me (note, she didn't have sex with the guy, just made out with him while drunk). She didn't know why she did that, and made her think she didn't love me anymore, so she broke it off.

I got angry at first, and I decided to take some time to myself to think about the situation.

We'd been together for 2 years. Each others first love, serious(and first) relationship. She contacted me every now and then at first, asking for random things, like giving back stuff etc.

Then I started realizing what I creep I had been stalking her and asking for forgiveness even for things I didn't commit, so I took my distance from her. I started NC.

Lasted 3 weeks until she texted me saying that "every time she was in a major crisis or was sad, she felt the urge to write me", even if she knew it wasn't fair to me because she left me. She wanted also to know what I had to say to her about what she did, and I decided I forgave her because I truly loved her, and at least she was being honest.

From then, I started the "real" NC, I took time for myself, I started going to the GYM, mainly to feel better about myself but won't hide that I wanted to get back at her with my renewed body someday. I started going out with friends again, I became more social, taking photos, posting them on social media.

I took some confidence back, the same confidence I had when we first started dating.

 

 

During the first month I read all the "get her back" manuals I could find. Those helped me with coping and, at first, attempting to get her back but at some point I felt different, like the urge to get her back wasn't there anymore, like I felt good about myself and my new looks.

I feel a better person as i tought deeply about us, about what went wrong on both mine and her side. Started talking with a girl I seemed to like at first, we went to a party and made out. Felt awful about that, and I'm not really sure why. I figured she was only a rebound and I told the girl that I wasn't just ready for a new commitment.

 

 

It's december, Months have passed and I feel better, but I still care a lot about her. Two months nearly have passed since I last talked with her. Her mother still textes me every now and then, we still are good friends, she cares about me and she often asks how I feel. She also tells me that her daughter is often sad, and angry-irascible.

The situation is weird, there are days when I miss her, and others when I'm very much happy with myself.

 

Before, when i thought about her I felt sad, now I'm starting to be ok with the thought of her and when I think about the memories I shared with her I can smile and be happy we shared those moments.

My friends who still follow her on medias are saying that she still listens to breakup/sad songs. She keeps watching my IG stories, and she is typically one of the first to do it. On the facebook wall her likes on posts pop up, recently one quoting "I hate you but I miss you". I try not to fool myself, saying that those could be for anyone.

 

I just don't know what to do about the situation:

I miss her now and then, and I miss being with her and being that best friend/partner for each other.

I don't feel like I need her anymore, rather than want her. The thought of her being with someone else still bugs me, so I don't know what to do.

 

Shall I contact her? Try to attract her again? Or should I just let the situation be? I honestly feel that the reason she broke up with me is that I kind of took her for granted some times, letting myself go at a certain point of the relationship. On her side she failed to tell me right away that she was feeling taken for granted, and keeping things to herself.

 

Sorry for the long post, I gave you all the background I could to make you understand the situation better.

[d0nnivain]

She cheated on you, yet you are the one begging & chasing after her. Does that make any sense? Have a little more pride.

 

I don't think you really want HER back. You just miss being in a relationship & having someone to care about, someone to share with. That is understandable. But going backwards in life is rarely the answer.

 

Only you know what is best for you, but if you reach out what are you really getting -- a continuing relationship with a woman who already threw you away once.

[SpecialJ]

If she cheated and you're both so young, and it's only been two months of true NC, leave it be for now. Perspective has a tendency to keep changing until 3-6 months into NC, so give yourself some more time, and hide her social media posts for a while. Her immaturity and communication issues are not going to change in such a short period of time, but either way, you deserve a lot better than someone who will cheat on you. I agree with d0nnivain, and when you're ready to date others again, you'll find out if it's really her you miss or having a partner.

[anzep]

Thank you both for your answers. Yes we're still young, 22 me and 19 her. Will continue in no contact, I agree with you maybe I didn't feel anything with this other girl because I'm still not ready for a new relationship. I feel like I still have feelings about my ex, which is normal I think given this period of time.

Do you have any other advices on what to do while i'm doing No contact ?

[d0nnivain]

NC is about healing & self soothing. Do things to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with positive supportive people.

 

 

Get rid of all the mementos. If you can't bear to throw them out, box 'em all up & put the box in a attic or basement. Put all the photos on a flash drive & put that in the box too.

[anzep]

All the things that I could hide from sight have been taken care of. Locked them away, I still feel a bit sentimental about those to throw them away. She also gifted me many clothes, but they don't bother me very much, the girl had taste for men's apparel, and I look wonderful with them on

[ExpatInItaly]

She is immature, which is normal at her age but doesn't change the fact that she behaved selfishly and your feelings were the price.

 

My guess is that the guy she cheated with ended up not wanting anything more with her, so her irritability actually stems from that. That sounds harsh, but she knows that if she really wanted you, she could have you. I think she has likely made the mistake a lot of cheaters make, in assuming it could go somewhere with the other person. They end their relationships, and turns out the other person didn't want anything more than some no-strings fun. Cheater is then left out in the cold with nobody.

 

Let her go. You two had your good times, but you both outgrew the relationship. You would have a very hard time ever trusting her again anyway. It's not worth the risk.

[Been]

She cheated on you. END OF STORY.

Take it from someone who is older then you- it isn't worth it.

I know you think things could be different if you got back togeather but it won't.

When people cheat on you they violate the TRUST that you have for them. Trust is crucial in ANY relationship. Once its breached it will never be the same no matter how bad you want it. Sure you could work things out but remember she's shown you she has the ability to basically lie to you.

Worse cheating takes effort. It didn't just "happen". And people tend to forget that. She put her self in a situation were she didn't have to cheat but she didn't care enough about you at the time to not do it.

Dont ever let someone treat you like that. Your better then that and you know it. Don't be someones option.

And don't be with someone where you have to " worry" if they are going to be faithful to you.

[Jdoublenn]

Put all the photos on a flash drive & put that in the box too.

 

Wish i would've thought about this before i deleted all my X and I's photos hahahahaha Now we're back together and the pics gone *face palm* :laugh::laugh: (the important ones are way back on FB, and he has whatever he has on his phone..thats all that matters hey?

 

OP keep up the no contact. You're healing and thats awesome! Wait for a girl who won't cheat on you.