Please Help - Scared of Intimacy

[Lucy]

I'm a 19 year old university student and should be out dating guys and having fun like all of my friends. I go out with my friends, and enjoy flirting with guys, but I just can't bring myself to take it further - so many times a guy has gone to kiss me and I have to pull back. I've become completely frigid and scared of being intimate with guys, although I long for a romantic relationship! How can I overcome this phobia??

[Tony T]

I don't think it's a phobia as much as it is an awkwardness or a bit of shyness on your part. Perhaps your family was not expressive affectionately. But more than likely you are just plain shy. You probably don't have extensive dating experience. Perhaps your parents were overly religious, overly protective, or you just weren't afforded a lot of social opportunities in the past few years.

 

You have my absolute promise that when the right guy goes for a kiss, you be a more than willing subject. Giving or getting your first kiss, when you're shy, is like diving off the high diving board for the first time. Once you're into it, you quickly make the necessary adjustments and you'll be right at home.

[Ed]

I think you just need a guy with a slow hand - and a slow mouth! I think these guys are just coming on too strong, too soon for you. You don't have to kiss a guy just because you flirt with him.

 

Are you going out on dates with any of these guys or do you just see them when you go out with your friends?

 

If you are going out on a date, a kiss on the cheek will do just fine until you get to know him better. After you feel comfortable with him, then you can go for the real thing. If you are not going out on dates, just meeting somewhere, there is no reason why you should kiss any of them.

[LoveGoddess26]

I'm a 19 year old university student and should be out dating guys and having fun like all of my friends. I go out with my friends, and enjoy flirting with guys, but I just can't bring myself to take it further - so many times a guy has gone to kiss me and I have to pull back. I've become completely frigid and scared of being intimate with guys, although I long for a romantic relationship! How can I overcome this phobia??

[LoveGoddess26]

I'm a 19 year old university student and should be out dating guys and having fun like all of my friends. I go out with my friends, and enjoy flirting with guys, but I just can't bring myself to take it further - so many times a guy has gone to kiss me and I have to pull back. I've become completely frigid and scared of being intimate with guys, although I long for a romantic relationship! How can I overcome this phobia??

 

Perhaps, the only reason you are afraid is because of either rejection, or getting hurt and I know exactly how you feel...but dear, it's better to risk than to never know what you have missed out on...if you don't give these guys a chance, you may have missed the boat of love, and it could be your only chance to find "true love," and it's out there, but you will never know...I suggest that you get counseling, and advice from friends, tell them what your fears are..and if they aren't supportive, then I suggest counseling. I am not saying that you are a "case," or crazy, you are not, I've been to counseling, and it's just someone to talk too, and it helps. alot! So, talk to someone you trust, and perhaps you'll meet mr. right..or Mrs. right, you will never know if you don't give it half a chance...you never know, you might meet your soulmate. I thought three years ago, that I met my Soulmate, but I was wrong, but I loved this guy, however, he hurt me...and what I realized is that I risked alot..but I never would have learned alot about relationships if it hadn't been for that hurt, and that guy...see? Love, LoveGoddess26