Wedding questions?

[lana-banana]

Another thing to keep in mind w/r/t the "gap" is that you'll probably have to pay for the photographer's extra time, and if you plan to do hair and makeup for the ceremony, you would have to remove it all, take a nap, then do it again before the reception. If you are having hair and makeup done professionally it will take at least 90 minutes to be assembled.

 

I have to admit as a guest I would be put off if I had nothing to do or was expected to entertain myself in the interval. I love exploring new cities and places, but just going back to my hotel and changing into something comfortable would be at least 20 minutes, getting dressed and ready again to go later is at least 30, plus another 20 or so to get to the other venue...that leaves you with about enough time to go to a movie or a museum, maybe. And I say this as an adventurous person. People trying to handle childcare or older (65+) guests will be more likely to complain.

 

If people are booking hotel rooms anyway and it's a fun, glamorous or exciting location, you may as well put a full day in between the ceremony and reception. That way your guests know to pack multiple outfits, nobody is rushed, folks can explore on their own with plenty of time, etc. As it is the 90 or so effective minutes people have to kill between events isn't really long enough for much.

 

I like the above poster's idea of an effective second reception. Host an open bar or lunch buffet somewhere. Maybe afternoon tea?

Edited December 18, 2017 by lana-banana

[Els]

 

If people are booking hotel rooms anyway and it's a fun, glamorous or exciting location, you may as well put a full day in between the ceremony and reception. That way your guests know to pack multiple outfits, nobody is rushed, folks can explore on their own with plenty of time, etc.

 

This is a great idea! Personally I love it, but will talk to the SO about it. There might be the additional consideration of travel time in that scenario though - we initially planned both ceremony and reception for Saturday so that guests can fly in after work on Friday, and fly out on Sunday (which is what we did for our friends' wedding). If we did a lunctime reception on Sunday, that might limit their return flight options by quite a bit since it would be 3pm+ when we are done?

[lana-banana]

Hmm, you are right about the return flights. It's ultimately your decision, and depends on several factors:

 

- how many guests you have (more guests almost always means less flexibility)

- of those, how many are from your culture and would expect a gap of several hours

- how many are flying in

- average ticket prices (Sunday flights are usually limited but also cheaper)

 

Remember, don't compromise on what matters most. But try to walk through it from a guest's perspective as well as a bride's and see what kind of logistical issues you'll face either way. The best answer will be the one that allows you to host as many of your nearest and dearest as you desire!

[Els]

Hmm, you are right about the return flights. It's ultimately your decision, and depends on several factors:

 

- how many guests you have (more guests almost always means less flexibility)

- of those, how many are from your culture and would expect a gap of several hours

- how many are flying in

- average ticket prices (Sunday flights are usually limited but also cheaper)

 

Remember, don't compromise on what matters most. But try to walk through it from a guest's perspective as well as a bride's and see what kind of logistical issues you'll face either way. The best answer will be the one that allows you to host as many of your nearest and dearest as you desire!

 

I agree! Thanks so much, lana. This has been incredibly helpful.

 

(I also had no idea that makeup + hair takes 90+ minutes! Is that really the minimum?? Yikes... )

Edited December 18, 2017 by Elswyth

[Els]

As an additional thought, what if we had the ceremony earlier and the reception a bit later, so guests have 5+ hours in between? Would that be better for them than a 3-4 hr gap?

[No_Go]

As an additional thought, what if we had the ceremony earlier and the reception a bit later, so guests have 5+ hours in between? Would that be better for them than a 3-4 hr gap?

 

Congrats Els! For the gap: depends. If I was a guest, i won’t be bothered at all by 3-4 h gap. Just enough time to catch up with the other guests in private. Last year I was invited to a wedding like this - we went for coffee in between somewhere nearby, all cool.

 

5+ hours could be good as well - gives some time for sightseeing. As a guest I’ll still prefer the 3-4 h gap though - 1-2h part 1 + 5 h break + 2 h later makes for a long exhausting day...

[BluEyeL]

In my home country there is usually a civil ceremony at the City Hall on Friday and then the wedding is on Sunday , with not much gap between the church and the reception. Guests are taken by hired cars directly from church to reception.

 

I think you should consider having the ceremony one day and the reception the day after. A longer than 5h gap would not help me either.

 

We had no gap at our wedding this summer , had the ceremony and reception in the same building but it wasn't a church wedding .

[d0nnivain]

The length of the gap depends. If you KNOW that the majority of your guests have some place to go between the ceremony & the reception it's not so bad but if most of them are from far driving distance away & will be stuck hanging around with nothing to do, shorten that gap as much as possible.

 

 

For very local weddings, I have gone to the ceremony in one outfit, then gone home to change into a more party / eveningwear. If I have a hotel room to retreat to, a gap didn't bother me either but if I was being asked to drive 1-2 hours & going home afterwards, a 4 hour gap would cause me to skip the ceremony.

[lana-banana]

If you're doing your own hair and makeup or having a friend do it, I'm sure you can move pretty fast and maybe be done in an hour. I had a professional do a simple updo and very basic, natural makeup and it still took him 90 minutes. Our initial trial (make sure you schedule a trial! You can use it for engagement photos) was a bit over two hours. If you have very long hair or are more glamorous than I am---just about everyone is---expect something closer to two and maybe even three hours. Your makeup is meant to last all night and be flattering throughout all the photos, dancing, and moving around. Even mild applications will be much thicker and take longer than regular makeup.

 

I am not sure how your culture handles hair and makeup but if it's anything like the west, expect it to take a good long while. My updo had 64 bobby pins and we spent much of our wedding night in disbelief at how many my stylist managed to put in there.

[Els]

No_Go, BluEyeL and d0nnivan - thank you! So I guess the consensus is that 5+ hrs isn't any better than 3-4 hrs?

 

Yeah, most people will have a hotel room or a house to go back to. Aside from the few who live right there, the next closest is a 5-hr drive or 1-hr plane ride away so most people wouldn't try to go there and back on the same day anyway.

 

If you're doing your own hair and makeup or having a friend do it, I'm sure you can move pretty fast and maybe be done in an hour. I had a professional do a simple updo and very basic, natural makeup and it still took him 90 minutes. Our initial trial (make sure you schedule a trial! You can use it for engagement photos) was a bit over two hours. If you have very long hair or are more glamorous than I am---just about everyone is---expect something closer to two and maybe even three hours. Your makeup is meant to last all night and be flattering throughout all the photos, dancing, and moving around. Even mild applications will be much thicker and take longer than regular makeup.

 

I am not sure how your culture handles hair and makeup but if it's anything like the west, expect it to take a good long while. My updo had 64 bobby pins and we spent much of our wedding night in disbelief at how many my stylist managed to put in there.

 

Haha, wow, that's pretty crazy! I certainly wouldn't trust myself to do my own makeup/hair on that day, as I have very little experience with it - ditto with my close female friends. So will likely be getting a professional, yes. Is there really nothing I can do or request to make it shorter? I can't imagine what would take 90+ minutes!!

 

I was wondering about the trial indeed - the problem is that we need to get a hairstylist/makeup artist who is in the venue's locale, and we don't live there. Actually, we live a $700 return flight away! So we wouldn't want to fly in just for a trial. I wonder if we could do it a few days beforehand?

 

Does the same stylist usually do both makeup AND hair, or do you need to schedule them separately? Is it done in your hotel room?

[lana-banana]

All the details about hair and makeup depend on the artists. It's common to have two separate people for hair and makeup; I got lucky and found someone who does both. In my experience, hairstylists usually want you to go to salons, while makeup artists are a bit more flexible. Mine came to my hotel room.

 

Start checking on wedding websites and calling around. You shouldn't have that hard of a time finding someone, but you need to book well in advance. As far as the trial itself, I think most people have their makeup trials at least two months away, but I can't see any reason why it wouldn't work to shorten that.

 

In terms of making it shorter---unless you choose to do absolutely nothing with your hair, the answer is "no, not really". I suppose you could just ask for your hair in a bun, but every other hairstyle is going to take a lot of time. Personally, I am the world's most low-maintenance human and I asked for the simplest, most natural makeup he could do. But wedding photographs have weird lighting and you need to ensure everything stays in place for hours, so they will essentially apply layers of glue to your face and hair. It's like opera makeup. Just priming my face was a long process.

Edited December 18, 2017 by lana-banana

[No_Go]

I'm for 3-4 h but seems like most others vote for 5 +

 

Make up shouldn't take very long if you know what you want. Heck Kate Middleton did her own royal wedding make up You can't get overly creative if you're wearing a white dress anyway. For special occasion make up there are only few differences (below) and only 4) requires extra time:

 

1) Multiple VERY thin layers - look at Lisa Eltridge on YouTube - starting with tiny amounts, layers are added where necessary (e.g. pore-filling primer in some zones, moisturizing in others, foundation doubling up as concealer etc)

2) NO sunscreen - flashes back in photography (especially if it is in your foundation)

3) NO new products - use what you usually use because you don't want allergic reaction.... and it can be provoked by nearly anything

4) Blending! That's the key to look 'natural'. You need a good technique but moreover - a great set of brushes targeting different facial regions. You can get a good look with cheap product but brushes of high quality.

 

No_Go, BluEyeL and d0nnivan - thank you! So I guess the consensus is that 5+ hrs isn't any better than 3-4 hrs?

 

Yeah, most people will have a hotel room or a house to go back to. Aside from the few who live right there, the next closest is a 5-hr drive or 1-hr plane ride away so most people wouldn't try to go there and back on the same day anyway.

 

 

 

Haha, wow, that's pretty crazy! I certainly wouldn't trust myself to do my own makeup/hair on that day, as I have very little experience with it - ditto with my close female friends. So will likely be getting a professional, yes. Is there really nothing I can do or request to make it shorter? I can't imagine what would take 90+ minutes!!

 

I was wondering about the trial indeed - the problem is that we need to get a hairstylist/makeup artist who is in the venue's locale, and we don't live there. Actually, we live a $700 return flight away! So we wouldn't want to fly in just for a trial. I wonder if we could do it a few days beforehand?

 

Does the same stylist usually do both makeup AND hair, or do you need to schedule them separately? Is it done in your hotel room?

[gaius]

I doubt I'd even go to a wedding that was a multi day affair. Yeah, even if I loved the person and was super happy for them demanding multiple days of my time and extra expense is a little dickish. At least in my culture. =/

 

Something ideal would a pretty ceremony that didn't last forever and then some good food and drinks afterward to thank people for coming. If they wanted to stay in the area longer then that's up to them. Or they could get back to their lives. If you were convinced most people would be staying you could even have a third, casual event the next day for people.

 

If that's tradition in your culture go for it though. I certainly don't understand or relate to the entire world. Grats by the way Els, from Timshel and I.

[JuneL]

I think if people are flying to attend your wedding, then one idea is to arrange a tour bus to drop them off some tourist attractions and pick them up afterward. It can easily cost at least $1,000/person to attend a destination wedding within the States (air ticket, at least a couple nights of hotel, gift, outfit), so it's always a nice gesture to reciprocate their generosity

 

 

I tried to change my thread title to "Wedding questions" to prevent needing to create a new thread for every one I had, but can't seem to do so. Could a mod help please?

 

I have another Q: We might have to have a 3-4 hr gap in between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception (due to venue restrictions). I read up weddingbee etc and it seems like there are two very steadfast camps of opinions about long gaps, lol. One says that long gaps between the ceremony and reception are normal and perhaps even welcome (so guests can relax and maybe nap between the two events), another says that they're terrible.

 

Is there a prevailing opinion on this? Or should we just do what we want? We would need to change our ceremony venue to avoid a gap, and we love the venue we have provisionally booked!! On the other hand, we don't want to inconvenience our guests. I think almost all guests who come will have at least one night's accommodation nearby, though (so they can go back and nap if they want to), and there's plenty to do in the area (it's not exactly out in the middle of the woods).

 

To clarify: This isn't really a "destination wedding" per se. We've just moved around so much (as have most people in our social circles) that our friends/relatives live in about 10 different places, lol. Flying in for weddings is very common in our circles.

Edited December 19, 2017 by JuneL

[lucy_in_disguise]

Congrats on your engagement!!

 

Re: the gap, personally I feel like anything 3+ hours is too much. Even if there is entertainment, it's still essentially killing time. Splitting up the ceremony and reception into two separate days is also asking a lot from casual acquaintances, imo. That being said, if you don't mind many of the guests skipping the ceremony, it's your day and you should do what you want.

 

A lot of the weddings ive been to had 1-2 hour gaps for photos, and that was fine. Many of them had drinks and appetizers available while the guests waited, while others were located within easy walking distance of bars and attractions. One of the best weddings I've been to had a lunch reception immediately after the wedding, followed by a 4 hour gap, followed by an after party at a bar. That worked out well - those who did not feel like celebrating for an entire day were able to attend the ceremony and lunch reception and go home.

 

Is there any way you can start the reception a little earlier, or provide drinks/ apps during the gap?

[Els]

Thanks so much for the advice and well wishes, guys!

 

I'm actually feeling pretty nervous/overwhelmed with the whole wedding thing at the moment, lol. To be perfectly honest - I'm VERY much not used to being in a situation where there will be so much focus on how I look. In daily life I tend to prefer to work behind the scenes (hence my choice of career), and I'm also quite new to girly stuff. I've never had my makeup, hair or nails done by a professional, and I've never worn full face makeup (beyond just concealer/lip stain).

 

I should probably familiarize myself with some of it so that I at least know what to ask/look for when I talk to the professionals. But every time I try to read about it, I just feel completely out of my depth!

 

Is there a reason why hair and makeup can't both be done at the same time, if it's not the same person doing both?

[d0nnivain]

Hair & makeup can't be done at the same time because the hair person needs 360 degree access to you & can't be impeded by somebody standing in front of you applying makeup.

 

 

I had both a hair & make up trial. You have a practice run to make sure you like what these professionals do to you. You can tweak things at the practice.

 

 

While a full face of make up is a lot if you don't wear it often (I don't), it does look better in the photos.

 

 

I got my nails done too . . full gels. Whoops. I had real difficulty putting in & taking my contacts out with long nails.

[lana-banana]

Elswyth, are you me? I don't wear makeup to work ever and only wear face powder if I'm going out to dinner. The idea of having professional pictures made me VERY uncomfortable and I protested against getting a photographer for a while. I even cried a little at the thought of wedding pictures!

 

You don't have to feel like a natural. It's okay. The truth is there is not nearly as much pressure on your appearance as you think. Nobody is going to be saying "what an ugly bride" or "wow, her makeup looks so bad!" All you're going to hear is that you're beautiful and many congratulations. I honestly forgot about it pretty quickly and just had fun.

 

Start browsing Pinterest for wedding stuff. Look at hair, makeup, and whatever else. See what types of looks you like and don't. Think about what sort of aesthetic goes with your dream dress. Look for details like face shape, hair thickness, and so on. Are there any that match yours? What appeals to you and why? You don't have to be an expert or anything. I told my artist that I wanted "to forget about my hair" and he did a fabulous job.

 

You can do some aspects of hair and makeup at the same time (doing makeup while curls set, etc) but you really aren't going to be able to shortchange the getting ready process if you have it done professionally. This is annoying, but the best thing to do is make peace with it by getting yourself in the right mindset. I knew that the whole process would feel very alien to me so I started the morning by doing something that makes me feel very much like myself: I went to the gym! I lifted weights and did cardio for almost two hours and got myself in my comfortable groove. Afterwards I was much more relaxed. Do something that makes you feel like you!

Edited December 19, 2017 by lana-banana

[No_Go]

I've never had my makeup, hair or nails done by a professional, and I've never worn full face makeup (beyond just concealer/lip stain).

 

What I can advice you for the make up (I'm by no means professional but pretty much make up addict ) - the most important part is the base - i.e. foundation, all the rest falls into place if the base is done right.

 

The thing is if the artist is doing it with a new product for you- you risk allergic reaction, or your skin chemistry oxidizing the foundation so it turns orange... So my advice is if you are up for it, go to Sephora (they accept returns of everything even if the bottle is near half used) and try a few to find what you like, and then test it for few days (you don't need to wear it as a full mask - a drop in your moisturizer sheers it out to barely a tint). The sales people will explain you how to color match & pick depending on your skin type, but tbh any of the high end brands do great stuff (there are surprisingly good products from very cheap brands too but it is more of hit and miss). And after testing you can return it and just tell the make up artist what you 'typically use '.

 

For the rest: if you want natural look just ask them to go very light with contouring, if any. I'd be shocked if they suggest bright colors for bridal make up so that's not a concern.

 

For hair I can't be helpful but I'm super curious what style would you pick!

[Els]

 

I had both a hair & make up trial. You have a practice run to make sure you like what these professionals do to you. You can tweak things at the practice.

 

I got my nails done too . . full gels. Whoops. I had real difficulty putting in & taking my contacts out with long nails.

 

I glanced at the makeup artist websites where we will be holding our wedding... they do do trials, but the trials cost nearly as much as the wedding makeup itself! But I guess there isn't really much choice, I sure as hell don't dare to do without a trial, lol.

 

Contacts! Arghhh, I need to learn how to wear those too. Haven't tried 'em before.

 

Elswyth, are you me? I don't wear makeup to work ever and only wear face powder if I'm going out to dinner.

 

Pretty much the same as you, haha!

 

I enjoy many aspects of the wedding planning. Looking at all the gorgeous venues and picking one, thinking about the decor, picking menus, invitation cards, etc. Designing our wedding bands with the SO. I don't mind photographers too much either - my thoughts are that a professional photographer can likely take better pictures with less to go on, so everything else doesn't have to be perfect to get great photos to remember it with.

 

I like looking up hairstyles and nail color too. But tbh the whole makeup and dress and shoes thing feels like a chore! I'm already dreading the dress shopping (I dislike clothes shopping in general). Plus I'll likely need a separate one for the reception (customary in our culture, plus the bridal gown is likely to be difficult to move around and go to the toilet in, lol). So at least TWO dresses. Eeek.

 

You don't have to feel like a natural. It's okay. The truth is there is not nearly as much pressure on your appearance as you think. Nobody is going to be saying "what an ugly bride" or "wow, her makeup looks so bad!" All you're going to hear is that you're beautiful and many congratulations. I honestly forgot about it pretty quickly and just had fun.

Thanks Lana. Honestly, I also fear that we'll just be exhausted and stressed on what's supposed to be the best day of our lives. We're both very much introverts who get tired very quickly by socializing... and there's a lot of socializing going on at weddings! I really do hope we'll be able to enjoy it regardless.

 

What I can advice you for the make up (I'm by no means professional but pretty much make up addict ) - the most important part is the base - i.e. foundation, all the rest falls into place if the base is done right.

 

The thing is if the artist is doing it with a new product for you- you risk allergic reaction, or your skin chemistry oxidizing the foundation so it turns orange... So my advice is if you are up for it, go to Sephora (they accept returns of everything even if the bottle is near half used) and try a few to find what you like, and then test it for few days (you don't need to wear it as a full mask - a drop in your moisturizer sheers it out to barely a tint). The sales people will explain you how to color match & pick depending on your skin type, but tbh any of the high end brands do great stuff (there are surprisingly good products from very cheap brands too but it is more of hit and miss). And after testing you can return it and just tell the make up artist what you 'typically use '.

 

For the rest: if you want natural look just ask them to go very light with contouring, if any. I'd be shocked if they suggest bright colors for bridal make up so that's not a concern.

 

For hair I can't be helpful but I'm super curious what style would you pick!

 

Haha, I dunno if the Sephoras here offer free returns, but we'll see! Can you actually bring your own products to the makeup artist? Most of the websites seem to already state what products they use - will they be able/willing to work with yours? It would indeed be good if I could test the products out beforehand since I'm allergic to a lot of stuff.

 

I'm looking up hairstyles right now, and growing my hair out. My hair's only shoulder length currently though, hopefully it'll be long enough to do cool styles with in 10 months' time.

[No_Go]

customary in our culture, plus the bridal gown is likely to be difficult to move around and go to the toilet in, lol

 

My friend, Taiwanese, married with THREE dresses: white, red and silver, no idea is it cultural but I'd guess so. All looked cool though, like prom dresses.

 

I dunno if the Sephoras here offer free returns - if not - you can ask for testers, this works for allergy check as well

 

Can you actually bring your own products to the makeup artist? It probably depends, but you can ask in advance.

 

hopefully it'll be long enough to do cool styles with in 10 months' time I remember for my prom the stylist used something to add volume to the updo. For other styles: I think nowadays is very common to use extensions (which looks quite natural... TBH for 10 months you can't grow more than 4-5 inches, if that).

[GorillaTheater]

I'm not sure I did a whole lot for our wedding besides shower and show up. It's possible that I combed my hair.

 

 

Els, watching you stress may cause me to start suggesting elopement.

[helenh]

Hello! I want to reduce the wedding budget and make myself retouch wedding photos. Recently I found an article about The wedding celebrity photo retouching role in styled wedding photo shoot Celebrity photo retouching look guide It seems to me it's quite difficult! Are there people who succeeded in such a venture?

[BluEyeL]

I did make up without trial. I hated it, because I'm not used to so much make up, normally I wear very little: just some blush and mascara/eye shadow. I thought it made me look old. But everyone else said I looked great.

 

What did you decide to do about the gap?

[clia]

I'm not a fan of gaps between the ceremony and reception, because then the wedding festivities basically take up my entire day. I can't take a nap because I don't want to have to redo my hair and makeup, and can't wander too far because I have to be at the reception. I find it annoying.

 

One wedding I went to had a two hour gap, though, that worked out okay because of how they handled it. People lingered a bit at the ceremony location and then headed over to the reception location where they had an area reserved and were serving drinks and appetizers for an hour before the reception officially began. So, that way, people had a place to go and food to eat for some of the time. I've also been at one where they rented buses and did tours of the area during the gap. That was fine, I guess, but it felt like we were just killing time rather than really sightseeing because we were all dressed up.

 

I had a destination wedding so wasn't able to do trial runs of hair or makeup. (Although frankly, I wouldn't have bothered with it anyway.) I found pictures of hairstyles and makeup I liked and brought them with me to show her what I had in mind, and it turned out great. Don't overthink it too much.