It hurts, I'm , ?

[htrj]

Way back in February, I met a woman online. Long story short we were about 1000 miles apart and knew we couldn't be together but we carried on texting and chatting anyway.

 

Over the first six months, it seemed clear that we might compliment each other pretty well so I bit the bullet and went to see her. We had a great time, possibly the best date I've had. I've never seen a girl blushing as much as she was when I dropped her home. She was texting me before I got home making sure I was back safe and then for another month or so everything kept ticking along nicely.

 

A few weeks later (now a little over a month ago) I was getting ready to make another trip down for something and to see her while I was there. Something we both still seemed keen on doing. The night before I set off I smashed my phone! Disaster! That was my only contact with her. No problem, I thought, her number will still be in the messages on the website we met on. So I logged on, paid my subscription again as I hadn't used it for months and got the number. I noticed she was still there on the same website. I didn't like it but decided I'd just be cool about it. It was early days for our "real" relationship so why shouldn't she keep her options open. For that matter, why shouldnt I?

 

Armed with her phone number again I set off on the long drive and boat ride south to go see someone I had become very fond of. There's not much entertainment on a 30 hour ferry crossing so I would log on to the dating website now and again. I could see her, she could see me. I got back on land and started on my drive further south.

 

Although I had not received one for a few days I then received my usual "good morning" text from her. As it happened I was in one of her favourite cities at the time so I sent her a photo message saying "hey you, would you like to be here with me right now?" Her response was more pointed than this but she said something like "I'd like to be there". (point being, no mention of me). At the time I thought she was just winding me up but in hindsight this was completely out of character given our communication up to then.

 

We kept talking while I was there, I noticed she was not on the website as much but when it came to me asking for another date she said she couldn't meet me because her little boy was sick. If it wasn't for him she said she would love to see me. I was naturally upset but told myself "if the kids sick, the kids sick". What could I do?

 

We kept chatting almost, but not quite as normal, but now she's stopped talking to me altogether. I want to say "move on" but without proper closure I'm just left feeling confused. I hate to think that I have hurt her or made her think I can't be trusted but I guess that's what I have done. It hurt me a little when I saw her on the website, but I thought, well, we're not exclusive, I'm a big boy, I can take it. Maybe it felt different for her seeing me there.

 

So I want to tell myself, move on. Maybe, I've stuffed it up one way or another, maybe she just had second thoughts. Maybe I should have stronger opinions of her behaviour. Talking to her about it could help fix it, or it could prolong the recovery for both of us. I really hate feeling this way but not as much as feeling that I have made someone else feel like this, despite her still looking around online.

 

It's been about three weeks since I last heard from her. I've tried to get her talking once In that time, about this time last week.

 

In the time it's taken me to write this I've answered a lot of the things that have been rattling around in my head but I'd appreciate reading some of your thoughs.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Theman911]

Think you ansver alot of your qestions

 

Think you should write her a message telling hov big a part of your life she has become. Be open. Then if No Contact, delete her and move on.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think she probably just decided 1000 miles is a bit far away for a relationship.

[htrj]

The distance thing was about to become less of a problem as I am due to move much nearer to her in the next few months. Perhaps that has a bearing on her behaviour too.

 

What should I write? I don't want to sound needy or soppy but I do want to be sincere.

[Aiuta le mani]

Hey man! It seems like this has become something important to you and you will probably not feel right about it until you get some more clarity! Have you considered just going to visit her or call her and ask her if everything is ok? I don't think that you should let fear into your heart! do you really think that you did something that caused this change of behavior? Also, have you had the chance to talk to others about this? what do your friends or loved ones have said or might say about this? it is always good to hear them in matters of the heart. if you see it right, talk to her and be clear and truthful! whatever happens, you will get your answers!

[htrj]

Well, I tried visiting when she told me her boy was sick, so she wouldnt meet me.

 

I tried phoning but she wont answer and Ive left her messages.

 

Also, i know she is under pressure with something else at the moment and it is pretty serious. I am aware of this and don't want to put more pressure on her by pestering her to talk to me.

 

I'll try once more, on a night I know she's most likely to be at home and relaxed then I'll leave her alone. This is well out of character for her.

[htrj]

Well, there's my answer....... You don't ask you don't get, and all that.

 

The cow met someone else!

 

Wish I'd kept my dignity and kept my mouth shut!

[Aiuta le mani]

It does not seems to me like you did anything wrong! Don't let this get you heart full or negative feelings man! Take your learning and carry on!

[ExpatInItaly]

Well, there's my answer....... You don't ask you don't get, and all that.

 

The cow met someone else!

 

Wish I'd kept my dignity and kept my mouth shut!

 

I'm sorry it turned out this way, OP, but it is much better to know this than to continue wondering why she's being distant and cold. Think of how much longer you might have needlessly hung on.

[htrj]

Yeah, you're right.

 

It felt pretty raw at the time. Ive learnt my lesson and given a bit of time im now kind of glad of it.