How do I get over anxiety my girlfriend is into older guys?

[Smoke0]

So we've been dating with ups and downs for couple months (yep, it's the same girl from last topic). Everything is great lately except one thing that keeps bugging me. She confessed to methat she is into older guys (I'm 'just' 1 year older). At first it didn't bother me that much but lately I noticed all her favourites movies and song sare very often about relationship of young girl with some old dude.

 

And she was actually in a relationship two years ago with some older guy but still won't talk to me about it too much. Still some time ago she even confessed that she has still broken heart after him, and I was really upset how she can feel this wayand still say she has some feelings for me after what she started apologizing and said not to worry about it.

 

I do worry though and starting to think I'll never be what she truly desires. How do I get over it? Do you think is it something to worry about or is it just my insecurity screaming out loud?

Edited December 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and link to backstory

[KityGlitr]

It seems weird that she's telling you she's still heartbroken about another guy, whatever his age... that suggest to me she's not ready for another relationship, with you at least.

 

The age thing I wouldn't worry about, it's possible to have a preference for a certain 'type', say brunettes, while still meeting and being perfectly happy with a blonde.

 

But yeah, she's implying she's not over this ex and she won't tell you about him either... proceed with caution.

[Space Ritual]

I'm in my 50's I still date women in their 20's and 30's. I am able to do it because I don't take it seriously and see it for what it is.

 

What I mean by that is that I know that there is not really a long term relationship going to happen between someone 20 or 30 years my junior. Eventually the chasms between what we have in common and what our goals are make such a long term relationship unworkable.

 

But the rub on that is that a guy like me can be casual and when it is time to bow out, walk away and not feel bad about it. It is just a fact of the matter some younger better looking guy with more money and a bigger dick will eventually come along.

 

Knowing this, when it is time for me to step aside, I usually do without protest, happy to have been a part of someone's life for a short time And also happy I still have enough skills to be able to date younger women..

That in and of itself tends to have some of the younger women feel a bit put out and may pine for a short time. Only because the younger generations seems to be very intent on some kind of "closure" to any relationship. It may seem foreign to some that some of us guys can indeed walk away and not be all butt hurt about being replaced by a younger model. Because it's a natural thing.

 

 

My guess is the older guy she was in a relationship with was fairly aloof at the end of their relationship(and may have been like me in the regard of not being all broken up about the split) and that actually may be why she feels like she was heartbroken.

 

It may simply be that she was not able to end things on her own terms and it has continued to stick in her craw. For some that really stings on a long term basis

 

However, worrying about this I think is an exercise in futility. Just be the best boyfriend you can be, and if this works our for you 2 in the end, then that's great. If it doesn't don't blame yourself. Life is too short.

Edited December 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[usa1ah]

I'm in my 50's I still date women in their 20's and 30's. I am able to do it because I don't take it seriously and see it for what it is.

 

What I mean by that is that I know that there is not really a long term relationship going to happen between someone 20 or 30 years my junior. Eventually the chasms between what we have in common and what our goals are make such a long term relationship unworkable.

 

But the rub on that is that a guy like me can be casual and when it is time to bow out, walk away and not feel bad about it. It is just a fact of the matter some younger better looking guy with more money and a bigger dick will eventually come along.

 

Knowing this, when it is time for me to step aside, I usually do without protest, happy to have been a part of someone's life for a short time And also happy I still have enough skills to be able to date younger women..

That in and of itself tends to have some of the younger women feel a bit put out and may pine for a short time. Only because the younger generations seems to be very intent on some kind of "closure" to any relationship. It may seem foreign to some that some of us guys can indeed walk away and not be all butt hurt about being replaced by a younger model. Because it's a natural thing.

 

 

My guess is the older guy she was in a relationship with was fairly aloof at the end of their relationship(and may have been like me in the regard of not being all broken up about the split) and that actually may be why she feels like she was heartbroken.

 

It may simply be that she was not able to end things on her own terms and it has continued to stick in her craw. For some that really stings on a long term basis

 

However, worrying about this I think is an exercise in futility. Just be the best boyfriend you can be, and if this works our for you 2 in the end, then that's great. If it doesn't don't blame yourself. Life is too short.

 

Might have been you.

[grays]

When I was younger, like through my 20's I thought 35 was the sexiest age ever. I got together with my ex when I was 19 and he was two years older. I never felt the need to actually go find a 35 year old. But my ex was pretty sexy at 35 and I enjoyed seeing that in him. Don't worry, you will be older one day. And then you'll probably too old.

[usa1ah]

Just keep it fun and don’t lose your heart to her.

 

This one might not work out for you in the long run. Still broken hearted out the ex but likes you. Yea, just have fun or end it if you are to far into her. Better to end it not then later in that regard.

[grays]

I don't think her being hung up on the old boyfriend is necessarily a bad sign. Im still hung up on people I dated as a teenager and I'm almost 50. I think that can mean different things to different people. I would personally hate it if I had no feelings for any of the people who weren't currently in my life.

[d0nnivain]

"Older" routinely translates to "more mature." It's not the calendar that matters. It's how you conduct yourself.

[Darren Steez]

You're already in trouble and being into older men has nothing to do with it.

 

You're clingy and insecure and she knows it, hence since the start of your dating she's been messing you around sending you mixed signals. Other posters told you to keep it light and have fun and not get too attached which you have gone and done. She's not ready to be in a relationship after what she went through, certainly with how she's acting with you.

 

You were told to keep it light. You choose to keep trying to be something she's not ready for. Then be ready for turmoil and drama.

 

You were warned.

[Maggie4]

You probably already seem kind of old in behaviour, that's why she's with you. Women who are into older guys are not looking for a wrinkly schoolboy. So just be mature.