achloe18 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Here's a little summary: Hung out with my boyfriend Jake and his friend Mike. He makes sexual jokes and flirts with Jake “jokingly” because that’s just how their friendship works. Mike said “lets f***”. Jake slaps his butt. I asked Jake about it and he said "oh that's just how our friendship dynamic is. That's just how Mike is." Night after, I glanced over as Jake was scrolling through his texts with Mike. Swore I saw a shirtless pictures of Mike. Questioned it. He refused to show me and acted extremely suspicious. Told me that it’s none of my business and I do not have access to his phone. I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t actually see something weird. Jake denied it and still would not show me. I got upset because I felt like he was hiding something from me and he continued to deny it and became offended that I would accuse him of cheating on me with a man and thinking he’s gay. My assumptions were only because he was acting so suspicious and secretive. He noticed we were out of toothpaste, and I had said I would pick some up but I forgot to because I was busy doing other things. He had that was the one thing and needed to do today and I didn’t. He proceeded to leave to go get some toothpaste, told me to shut the f*** up, and left. He ignored all of my calls and when I texted him saying that I felt disrespected, he said he’s actually the one who is being disrespected. He told me that his personal life is personal, and he has no obligation to tell me things and he says and does because it’s his life. What should I think of this? Am I overreacting like Jake says I am? He's telling me that I should respect his privacy, but apparently he also told Mike behind my back that I think he's bi (that was supposed to be between me and jake) and he told Mike everything about the fight (that I was suspicious that he's cheating on me). I feel like my privacy has been disrespected by him just telling his friend everything. I'm so confused. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Some men are comfortable enough with their sexuality that they can joke around with each other and it doesn't mean anything. Other men are, of course, bi. Only your boyfriend knows if he is bisexual. Random internet posters can only take wild guesses. Whether he's bi or not it sounds like the two of you have a trust and communication problem. You think you know how he 'should' behave and he feels differently, so you both end up feeling hurt and confused. The big problem here is NOT whether he is bi or not, but whether the two of you can get on the same page about expectations and trust. If his behavior with his friend is constantly upsetting you, that's going to be a problem for the two of you regardless of his feelings - you're going to be on edge about it and he's going to feel unfairly controlled and pushed around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 My ex-H was like this a lot with his BFF, verbally. They are both very well-built good looking men and have known each other since childhood. And my ex is VERY sexually driven/charged. (Not so much the BFF) I highly doubt they'd ever exchange shirtless, pics, though. That does seem a bit odd. And then to not let you see it....hmmmm.... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I don’t believe in that kind of privacy in a committed relationship. Dating is an interview process. That would constitute a failing interview in my book. For what it’s worth, the joking around could certainly be just that. Failing to reassure you and to be transparent and instead lashing out would be a big red flag about how he handles confrontation. He’s also clearly got more loyalty to his best friend than to you. Another red flag. Ignore them at your peril. Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 You need to get rid of your 'boyfriend'. Not because he is bi (sounds to me like he is), but for the rude way he is talking to you. No man talks that way to someone they love ... and yeah, I doubt he would talk to his boy - friend that way. As for the locked down phone, remember, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing... you can do better... Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I can't see the point in staying with someone who you do not trust. Whatever the truth is about your boyfriend, you are clearly uneasy about things and I doubt whatever was said would reassure you. I agree that your boyfriend is rude too. If you are too intrusive, then I can understand him being offended and maybe finishing things, but there is no excuse for being so rude. If you are not being too intrusive, they are acting a bit oddly. All in all, you do not trust him so why stay with him? Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 The issue here is not that he's bisexual. If he is, he is technically still interested in women and will therefore not be an issue if he really wants to be with you. The problem seems to be more the way he is treating you and communicating with you. The fact he's trying to be secretive means... well, just that, he's trying to hide something and for whatever reason he doesn't trust you enough to tell you. Whether it's fear you won't understand their dynamic, or that he actually is bi, it's something that is really important to establish in the relationship. He told me that his personal life is personal, and he has no obligation to tell me things and he says and does because it’s his life. It may be his life, but as his GF you're an intimate part of it and deserve to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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