I really need some help

[Hurting inside]

This message is a bit long but please bear with me as I need all the help I can get. Thanks

 

My relationship with my girlfriend is already 5 months old now and I love her so much more than anything else in this world. Unfortunately, our relationship are experiencing problems. My parents doesn't approve of our relationship, but because I love my girlfriend so much, I continued it even if my parents are very against it.

 

My girlfriend came from a broken family, she have 4 stepmoms. My girlfriend is living with her mother but she still has communication with her father. My girlfriend's mom is very against our relationship too, after she found out that my parents are very against it.

 

Her father is a believer of arrange marriages and she was already arranged with someone but she doesn't like that person and she loves only me. The arrange marriage is my main problem and not about how very much our parents are against our relationship.

 

You see, her father doesn't know that she has a boyfriend(me). She have to go to her father's store everyday coz the guy visit her there as she don't like the guy to visit her at her place. What's bothering me so much was her having to entertain the guy against her will because she said if she disobeyed her father, he might kick her out or not provide her with any financial support. But she assured me that even if she has to face the guy she always give him the cold shoulder. She said she doesn't even talked to him. The problem is, although my girlfriend's reason about what her father might do if she don't face the guy is reasonable, still it bothers me very much that sometimes i feel that maybe my girlfriend is indeed talking to him or maybe she likes him and only playing around with me. i kept on thinking of some stuff that she might be doing behind my back.

 

these are the things that bothers me and contributes to my negative thinking:

 

- She told me that she doesn't talk to the guy and always gives him the cold shoulder but why is it the guy is still there visiting her and not pissed off to leave my girlfriend alone.

 

- She accepts his gift before but doesn't keep it and instead gives it to her mom, stepmom or stepbrother because she fear that if she don't accept it her dad might get mad, but now she told me she doesn't recieve the gifts anymore and even told the guy to stop giving gifts as she's just giving it away but the guy says it's ok and still bring gift to her. She stopped accepting the gifts after i told her not to.

 

- The guy always give her and her mom a ride home. she said she has no choice coz she's afraid to commute by herself at night(we live in a country with a high crime rate) and her mom won't accompany her coz her mom wants the guy to drive them home.

 

- Every time they have an outing the guy is always there but she said she just ignores him.

 

I always confront my girlfriend about it and it always lead to argument. She keeps telling me that she really loves me and if their wedding day comes she'll run away with me. She keeps insisting that she doesn't really talk to that guy and is really giving him the cold shoulder but she don't know why the guy isn't giving up. she keep telling me that she's not fooling me or playing games as she won't waste her time on it. she keep telling me that she will never play games with me coz she doesn't want to always think of what she'll say to me or keep track of all the things that she told me and will be telling me. She keeps assuring me that she loves me so much and couldn't afford to lose me. she always tell me not to give up and she'll run away with me once the wedding day is near. Now, she even tells me to get a job so i can move out and rent a place so we could live together and she'll just tell her mom she's living in a dorm(she's still studying).

 

I'm really confuse. I don't know if she's telling the truth or not. I really trust her but I'm so confused on why the guy is still seeing her despite the cold shoulder. I'm confused too about the stuff I enumerated above coz it can mean that she's not really ignoring him and it can also mean it's because she fear what her father might do especially if her father finds out that she has a boyfriend.

 

The only reason I could think of why the guy is still there despite the cold shoulder is maybe he knows that he'll end up marrying her in the end despite the cold shoulder and because he knows that she's afraid of her father coz her father is still supporting her and also her father likes the guy as well as her mom and stepmoms and from what my girlfriend is telling me about her father, it seem that her father will let the wedding push through no matter if she likes it or not. her dad, mom, and stepmoms always tell her that she'll learn to love him once they're married. one of her stepsister have the same predicament too and she eloped with her boyfriend but now they're living in poverty so her stepsister came to her father begging for some financial support but her father didn't even help coz he's mad that she didn't marry the guy her dad has arranged her to. that's why my girlfriend keeps telling me that her father is like satan that's why she has to go the store to face the guy just to avoid trouble but always assures me that she's really giving him the cold shoulder as in totally ignoring the guy.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to always bring this stuff up every night coz we end up arguing about it but I can't help it. i don't know what's the real score. negative things always comes to my mind which leads me to bring it up on her. I don't know if i'm being taken advantage or she's telling the truth. How will I know she's lying to me? WHAT SHOULD MY BEHAVIOR BE, just keep calm and see where things will lead? PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO OR WHAT MY BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS MY GIRLFRIEND SHOULD BE. I'm so confused that sometimes I just want to kill myself. Please help. by the way, I'm 27 and she's 19. thanks.

[Tony T]

These visits by the guy arranged for her by her parents are not something most men in your position would tolerate.

 

You've got some very big problems here to overcome. You will never be accepted by her family. You are having to see her behind everyone's back. She has someone arranged for her and she doesn't want to lose the support of her father.

 

There isn't a whole lot going for you and this girl. Love has little to do with it. Sometimes love just doesn't carry two people to the finish line.

 

Another thing you've got going against you is this girl's family history. This is an indication of possible problems ahead for you.

 

I hope you will do some really hard thinking here. There's nothing positive for you in this entire scenario. And besides, you are insecure and suspicious of your girl's intentions with her arranged husband. And you have a right to be.

 

I personally would run from this whole deal. But it may take you some time to figure out you have a lot of pain and suffering ahead of you if you decide to remain and put up with all this crap.

[sparkle]

If I were you, I would definitely get out of this situation. Yes, it's sad that she has to keep on good terms with this guy she's arranged to. But hey....she's arranged to marry him!! If she's talking to him to obey her father, then most likely she'll just end up MARRYING him to obey her father also! What is going to change her mind then? YOU? It hasn't changed it now.

 

Pardon the over-used expression, but there are many other fish in the sea. Tony was right about everything he wrote. There are mainly negatives in this situation, no positives.