Easy Love

[Mysterio]

I was reading a post about love with intensity. It got thinking. Unless its easy. why be in love.

 

I think a lot of us are single because we don't meet people that we can love and that its easy. When I look at my male friends. The only reason they are married, is because their Wives made getting together easy. Also, the wives basically landed in the husbands laps for the most part. They did all the leg work.

 

I am coming to the realization that if the woman is not doing any leg work on the man. The relationship won't work out. The man doing all the work. For the short term sake of argument. The relationship won't get off the ground.

 

So should love be easy.

[central]

It's about as easy as it gets with my wife, largely because we're incredibly compatible in all ways. Even so, there are difficult times and occasional disagreements that still require good relationship and communication skills to resolve. Easy is a relative term, or perhaps misleading.

 

As for those women who supposedly made it easy for their husbands, are they able and willing to continue making it easy for them, or are they going to start asserting their own needs and wants? It may not stay "easy" for either of them, for long. The husbands will have to step up, or things will become difficult!

 

So, both people need to make an effort. Any one-sided effort will make for a bad relationship eventually. One may make the first move, but if the other doesn't reciprocate at some point, this is a relationship based on delusion.

 

Finally, the best relationships are easy most of the time. The next best are those that require some consistent work, but the partners are happy to make the effort because the rewards are great. And then there are those that are somewhat troubled, but can still work out well; not everyone can find an ideal match, so compromise (and biting your tongue) is necessary if you want a relationship. You make sacrifices to have one, but it may not last if the differences are too great to bridge.

[Mysterio]

My parents have been togther for 49 yrs and married 48. I do not see them as being easy with each other at all.

 

I guess my point is that my male friends really did nothing when their wives came to them. I see them from my view as their wives being easy on them. No major demands. My male friends are close so its not like they keep any grif or strife from me.

 

As of this writing. The only love relationship that has worked for me. All though short term is when the woman makes the moves on me. Not vice versa.

 

Think about it. Women initiate divorce 7 out of 10 times than men. That should tell us something about the dynamics of men and women, in who really caretakes the relationships.

[snowboy91]

In theory, yes it should be easy. In practice, it often isn't.

 

I don't think relationships necessarily need to be easy as much as they need to be worth the effort. The best case of that is a relationship where both people are highly compatible (as per Central's first paragraph), it just makes conflict resolution that much easier. On the other hand, if there are large differences and one person needs to be making more compromises, especially if they are at odds with their needs and values, it quickly becomes difficult and not worth the effort.

 

The grey area is when it isn't easy, but it's still fulfilling. If it requires effort but needs are still being met, is it still worth being in love if the alternative is no effort but without the comfort and happiness that a relationship brings?

[basil67]

I was reading a post about love with intensity. It got thinking. Unless its easy. why be in love.

 

I think a lot of us are single because we don't meet people that we can love and that its easy. When I look at my male friends. The only reason they are married, is because their Wives made getting together easy. Also, the wives basically landed in the husbands laps for the most part. They did all the leg work.

 

I am coming to the realization that if the woman is not doing any leg work on the man. The relationship won't work out. The man doing all the work. For the short term sake of argument. The relationship won't get off the ground.

 

So should love be easy.

 

Yes, this pretty much describes how my hubby and I got together.

 

And no, if a relationship isn't easy overall, I won't stay. I don't buy for one minute that good relationships are hard work.

[Chilli]

Ahh, forget stats , 3/4 bs anyway, there's just more women racing of screwing guys half their age or in affairs these days that's all, women aren't made of what they use to be now.

But somehow still they can do no wrong even in a court.

 

An as far as her doing the leg work , nearly every gf l had before l was married wanted to get married and put me under all kinds of pressures, especially to get pregnant, it was a night mare.

 

Finally l met someone l fell head over in love with and wanted to marry though so that's why l got married.

Edited December 18, 2017 by Chilli

[Popsicle]

That's a good question.

I think there's a sweet spot on the easy vs. hard spectrum.

 

I mean, I don't want to be thought of as "easy" by my partner. I need him to work a little and value me. It's human nature. I also don't want it to be too hard. When it's too hard, it means it's not right and is draining. There's not enough pleasure in it.

 

I don't want either extreme.

Edited December 18, 2017 by Popsicle

[GoodOnPaper]

The only reason they are married, is because their Wives made getting together easy. Also, the wives basically landed in the husbands laps for the most part. They did all the leg work.

 

This is how I ended up married and I was totally unprepared for it. When I was single, I was always the one doing the legwork and it felt like attracting someone was as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest. However, just because you are not doing the choosing, things can still be complicated because a woman who chooses you may not be one whom you would pursue in the first place. There could be several ways that this plays out - for example:

 

1. She’s gorgeous and fun to be with - I’d want to be with her even if I had to do all the legwork myself. Jackpot!

 

2. She’s cute and we get along well and there’s potential. I don’t know if I would have pursued her but there’s some connection and frankly, it’s time that I mature and move forward in life.

 

3. You mean someone is actually willing to get naked with me on a semi-regular basis? Who knows when that would ever happen again?

 

I don’t know how your friends viewed their situations. Mine was a mix of #2 and #3.

[SevenCity]

An effortless relationship is a goal of mine as well. Sure there will always be disagreements from time to time but overall there is not a constant strain on the relationship.

 

That’s been my problem in finding a girlfriend this go round. The women are too much work for the reward. Some guys are willing to put in the effort for them but I am not. They are not worth it. For my last gf I would drive 320 miles a weekend to see her for 4 years until she moved in with me. She was worth it.

 

I recall this one couple where they guy literally worshiped the ground she walked on and was happy to pay all the bills and put up with the fact that she really didn’t love him. She left her bf to be with him (she had been cheating with this guy for a few weeks) and ultimately married him.

 

He was a smart good looking guy but completely fell under her spell and had no issue with doing all the leg work forever. I think she will leave him eventually.

 

To your other point, I 100% agree that the best relationships are where the woman is more interested and has selected you. As much as women want men to be the pursuers, ultimately they are the ones calling the shots.

 

Think about what the world would be like if guys could sleep with every woman they wanted? Nothing would ever get done.

[5x5]

And no, if a relationship isn't easy overall, I won't stay. I don't buy for one minute that good relationships are hard work.

 

Yep!

 

Great relationship come very easily, it's the bad ones that require lots of work.

[WaitingForBardot]

I like easy women and easy romance, and to hold up my part of the bargain I'm easy too.

 

That's not to say there aren't some underlying complexities that require work in any relationship, but overall the easy times have to far outweigh the difficult ones.

 

Speaking only for myself...

[Mysterio]

Here is my life with women romantically. Everytime I like a woman. There is a instant obstcle. She is attached or she is not into a relationship or to get together is hard for some reason on her end.

 

Rarely is it like this. I like Jane. I make an effort to interact with her. I ask her out on interaction #4 or 5. She is happy and accepts and we go out and have a great time and repeat this a week later untill we are BF/GF and then after 2 yrs live together for one year and marriage in yr 4. Is that hard?

 

At this point. The only thing that is going to work for me and a lot of men who really want to date and settle down. The women make it easy for us. So there are no games. Or we get set up and don't have to figure certain things anymore. Like if she is hung up on her ex, etc.

 

None of my friends had major obsticles. Why should I have it.

 

Or. Everything is based on physical looks and nothing will get started without it. I find most women attractive. Its the personal circumstances that come into play that are hard. Most women are attached. I think that Physical looks are way too emphsised in modern day and its starting to play games with us, for those looking to really settle down.