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Season's Greetings

Poppy47

By Poppy47,
in The Other Man / Woman

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Best wishes to everyone for the silly season and the coming year.

 

It is this time of the year that brings back memories and maybe longings to contact ex APs.

 

At this time I always struggle with myself. I am so tempted to open his Facebook page.

 

It is a dangerous thought so I am posting it here instead of doing it. I hope somebody will tell me to slap myself and get over it.

 

Poppy.

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deadsoul

deadsoul

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Slap yourself and get over it.

 

(I'm just doing what you said).

 

Yeah, I think it's hard for all of us, but you did the right thing posting here instead. Any kind of contact will undo everything you've done this past year and a half (??).

 

You are off the roller coaster. You are free. it's a good thing.

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Taxed

Taxed

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Well, this is my strategy: I am in lock down: no Holiday music, no Holiday films, series. Oh, and social media is no go. We will see this through and who knows - we might even have fun and some good laughs with someone who are actually just, well, genuine and nice :-)

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jah526

jah526

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Sometimes I wish SM had never been invented. It's just too easy to peek. I read that this is one of the things a narcissist counts on after you leave him. He still wants to have that control over you so posting things to make you jealous or get a rise out of you is a good way for him to do it. And he no doubt knows that Christmas is going to be a prime vulnerable time for you. Anyway, I thought this was a pretty good article:

 

https://narcsite.com/2017/12/05/the-wrong-no-contact/

 

I especially like how he refers to continued contact as keeping the "emotional infection" alive. (I know that site is for victims of narcissism, but I think narcissism is not uncommon in MM seeking OW).

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Dreamwalker17

Dreamwalker17

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Don’t do it, Poppy.

He’s not worth it.

The pain you’ll feel will not be worth it.

Who cares what he does?

He is irrelevant. Take care of yourself, make sure you are happy, and best wishes!

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Sometimes I wish SM had never been invented. It's just too easy to peek. I read that this is one of the things a narcissist counts on after you leave him. He still wants to have that control over you so posting things to make you jealous or get a rise out of you is a good way for him to do it. And he no doubt knows that Christmas is going to be a prime vulnerable time for you. Anyway, I thought this was a pretty good article:

 

https://narcsite.com/2017/12/05/the-wrong-no-contact/

 

I especially like how he refers to continued contact as keeping the "emotional infection" alive. (I know that site is for victims of narcissism, but I think narcissism is not uncommon in MM seeking OW).

 

Jah,

 

I know how he hoovers. He will post something related to me or an experience we had together or a stupid quote about how time is wasting and we are not getting any younger.... true enough. He is a super duper hoover.

 

I have fallen for it before, but now I have blocked him on facebook, I can't see him and he can't see me. Believe me, there would be hooks posted for me, especially since I have just had a birthday and retired.

 

I will look at the link. I do believe he is a narcissist as I was in the A with him for 9 year on and off. He always said he felt no guilt.

 

Thank You,

 

Poppy

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grass-hopper

grass-hopper

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There is nothing to look at. It’s only looking back at a faded memory. A glimpse of nothing.

 

No need to look back now when you are so far ahead.

 

Happy seasons and greetings to you. The years’ almost over. Here come new beginnings and better insights.

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SolG

SolG

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Jah,

 

I know how he hoovers. He will post something related to me or an experience we had together or a stupid quote about how time is wasting and we are not getting any younger.... true enough. He is a super duper hoover.

 

I have fallen for it before, but now I have blocked him on facebook, I can't see him and he can't see me. Believe me, there would be hooks posted for me, especially since I have just had a birthday and retired.

 

I will look at the link. I do believe he is a narcissist as I was in the A with him for 9 year on and off. He always said he felt no guilt.

 

Thank You,

 

Poppy

 

It's a good thing that you're insightful enough that you can extrapolate to eventual outcome Poppy.

 

You unblock, see his hook posts, and feel bad. It's great that you can ascertain this and experience some discomfort now to avoid the greater discomfort and pain that would eventuate if you were to succumb.

 

So slap away and have a wonderful Christmas with those that deserve to share it with you, whilst ignoring those that don't.

 

Good luck Poppy. Have a wonderful silly season and congrats on your retirement!

Edited by SolG
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dogloverof2

dogloverof2

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Poppy, I recently posted that I looked at XMM's wife's social media site, while I was sick and saw a picture of him and her looking all happy on some beach somewhere. I regret it. I truly regret it....

If they have worked thru their marriage troubles and are now happy, good for them....

Have yourself a happy holiday and make the new year a great one.

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londonlondon

londonlondon

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Hi Poppy,

 

He always said he felt no guilt.

 

My AP always used to say the exact that she does not feel guilt or shame by having an EA/PA.

 

I am far from getting recovered but I can feel that I am in a better position now and her thoughts did not bother me too much compare to when she was the only person in my mind.

 

What I am doing right now is to dive myself totally into work + jog in the morning & exercise + bit of dating.

 

I am sure you know that only NC is not enough, we have to be active in other parts of our life.

 

I wish you the best of luck for a good life with happiness.

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Thank you London. I love where you live.

 

It's good to hear that you are recovering. Complete NC is the only way.

 

I retired last Friday and turned 70 last Monday.

It is not only the younger generations who make mistakes. LOL. There is a brand new chapter awaiting me. I have lots of plans in train for 2018.

 

I have been NC a lot longer than you. At certain times, it is difficult. Memories come back. I had an on /off stormy relationship with xMM for almost 10 years. It becomes more difficult when the A was long term.

 

I am loving how you have gone NC and getting back into reality.

 

Warmest Wishes,

 

Poppy.

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What_Did_I_Do

What_Did_I_Do

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Congrats on your retirement Poppy and a super huge Happy Birthday!! :)

 

I snooped on xmm's wife's FB a few weeks back. She had changed her setting to private. It was a visual reminder/kick in the *ss that I was not welcome in their life.

 

2018 will be a change year for me too. I love to travel but did very little for the past 7 years as I didn't want miss my daily hour meet-ups with HIM. Blah. Heading out on a trip next month with one of my oldest g/friends. So looking forward to it!

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Vivir

Vivir

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Happy belated birthday, Poppy!

 

And Happy Holidays to all!

 

We all have to do what we feel is best to get through, and I have faith that we will all make it!

 

Poppy may need a slap, or a couple of slaps... But after you slap yourself, please do something nice just for you :)

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Taxed

Taxed

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I am sorry if I am threadjacking, Poppy but my emotions are acting up at the moment - wow, this really took me by surprise today. A mixture of grief, anger, resentment and, dare I say, hate. I hate him for making me feel terrible. I hate me for making me feel terrible. Sorry - I have met so many merry people these last few days and it has turned me into the Christmas Grinch.

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Congrats on your retirement Poppy and a super huge Happy Birthday!! :)

 

I snooped on xmm's wife's FB a few weeks back. She had changed her setting to private. It was a visual reminder/kick in the *ss that I was not welcome in their life.

 

2018 will be a change year for me too. I love to travel but did very little for the past 7 years as I didn't want miss my daily hour meet-ups with HIM. Blah. Heading out on a trip next month with one of my oldest g/friends. So looking forward to it!

 

Enjoy your travel. YOu have a lot to make up for.

 

Poppy.

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londonlondon

londonlondon

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Happy Birthday to you Poppy! Cheers to you on your special day. :)

Thank you London. I love where you live.

 

You're always welcome to come to London and can stay with us.

 

It is not only the younger generations who make mistakes. LOL.

 

You define your maturity, not your age. Personally I always followed my heart even though I knew It could go wrong but I never regret my decisions except this affair. I had a messy divorce and it costs me too much but never gave me any depression or anxiety but this affair killed me emotionally. I am not the same person anymore.

 

I never believed or took serious about people telling me about their depression, but when it hit me ohh dear then I realise that its worse than any other pain.

 

I don't know what really clicked but I am in much better mental state right now, I feel neutral when I think about my AP. I think I made the best decision to post in this forum and you guys helped me to see the real face of my AP. Still too early to say anything but at least I can concentrate on my work.

 

Who knows that tomorrow will bring your Prince Charming to your door!

 

Keep smiling Poppy!!!!!

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Scoutjr

Scoutjr

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Hi Poppy,

It's so tempting to reach out isn't it. I've been struggling with it myself. But I keep telling myself he is not worth it. And like Jah, I think my mm is a narcissist. I don't have many Words of Wisdom, but I'm pulling for you!!!

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sadgirl17

sadgirl17

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How are you doing now Poppy? I hope you are doing ok and not reaching out to him in any shape or form (facebook snooping included).

 

How long have you been in NC? I know it's a long road ahead of me (just a few months out after a 3 year plus affair) to keep staying NC because sometimes the loneliness gets at you really bad. But reading your words of determination and wisdom has helped me a lot in keeping my resolve. THank you!!

 

Merry Christmas!! All the best for the new year!

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imperfectangel

imperfectangel

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Merry Christmas Poppy.

 

I still read from time to time to keep myself away from ex mm.

 

I went through a deep depression a month or so ago over it all which I’m still dealing with but feeling much better.

 

One thing I’ve learnt this year is there is no quick fix, just take it Day by day week by week

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Merry Christmas Angel. I have not seen you for ever so long.

Glad to hear that you are keeping away from mm.

 

Cheers,

Poppy

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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How are you doing now Poppy? I hope you are doing ok and not reaching out to him in any shape or form (facebook snooping included).

 

How long have you been in NC? I know it's a long road ahead of me (just a few months out after a 3 year plus affair) to keep staying NC because sometimes the loneliness gets at you really bad. But reading your words of determination and wisdom has helped me a lot in keeping my resolve. THank you!!

 

Merry Christmas!! All the best for the new year!

 

Hello Sadgirl,

I'm not sure how long I have been in NC, maybe 18 months completely.

I used to look at his FaceBook and he would leave cryptic messages relating to my interests and profession. He knew everything about me.

They were only hooks to get me to reach out again so I blocked him.

 

Christmas has come and gone and still complete No Contact. It is always good to recall some dreadful experiences during the A. That will keep you focused on the road ahead.

 

Keep on going,

Poppy.

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Sometimes I wish SM had never been invented. It's just too easy to peek. I read that this is one of the things a narcissist counts on after you leave him. He still wants to have that control over you so posting things to make you jealous or get a rise out of you is a good way for him to do it. And he no doubt knows that Christmas is going to be a prime vulnerable time for you. Anyway, I thought this was a pretty good article:

 

https://narcsite.com/2017/12/05/the-wrong-no-contact/

 

I especially like how he refers to continued contact as keeping the "emotional infection" alive. (I know that site is for victims of narcissism, but I think narcissism is not uncommon in MM seeking OW).

Hi Jah,

Thanks for that.

More people should read this site. The author makes no pretence to be anything but a narcissist. I found myself profoundly shaken by the article. It is exactly what used to happen

I have blocked xmm's FaceBook long ago. I can't see him and better still he can't see what I am doing these days. If you unblock somebody on Facebook, you can't block them again for 24 hours.

 

Christmas has com and gone and we are all still alive and breathing with NC intact. No emotional infection!!!! What a great expression.

Thanks again,

Poppy.

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