How to eliminate the want for a partner?

[HiCrunchy]

I was wondering if there is a way to eliminate the want to have a partner completely and physical touch.

I know there are medications that lower the libido but there isn't really anything that removes that emotional need for intimacy that I know of. Is there a way to do this or at least cope with it?

 

Maybe people who don't like having a partner or encounters could share.

I am wondering if it is possible.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Of course not. The desire for companionship is totally normal and a part of the human existence.

 

I'm a divorced mom of two teenagers and I have 3 pets. My kids are very affectionate and so are my pets lol. So I get a lot of physical touch, as well as companionship. So being single maybe doesn't bother me that much, if at all.

 

My mother is a widow and I know she craves physical touch/hugs like crazy (not sex though, not at all). I don't think human beings were designed to live in isolation. We were designed for companionship.

[carhill]

Kinda tough to unwind decades of programming if one is thoroughly indoctrinated into constant human stimulation. Pretty heavy duty addiction.

 

What often surprises me is how hungry people who otherwise have lives full of human contact are for attention, intimacy and touch. I mean, sheesh. I'm glad I don't deal with that kind of hunger. That'd be debilitating.

 

Breaking the addiction is like any other. Willpower. An active body and mind help.

 

I was working up on the roof today fixing a gutter and the 'new' next door neighbors stopped by and introduced themselves. Bla, bla, nice to meet you, cool that's nice, good neighborhood. I wore them out so they had to get back to the big city for work tomorrow (beach house). First humans I'd seen in nearly a week and frankly I could've gone another week without seeing any easy. They're not bad or anything but there's no hunger, no desire, no need. I'm shocked and surprised when they show up. Else it's just the quiet of the forest.

 

Perhaps when you get older and all the stuff going on now fades the want will fade with it. IDK. Different for everyone. I kinda liked it either way. Marriage was cool but I don't miss it, just as I didn't miss being alone when married. Go with the flow. Good luck!

[sdraw108]

Every now and then I ask my mother, who is in her 60s and been mostly single for around 30 years, if she's considered trying to meet someone. Her response is always the same - she enjoys her freedom and hates the idea of having someone else bothering her!

 

I think in this matter everyone is different, and even if someone explains how they achieve it, it isn't necessarily going to apply to you.

 

Personally, the thought of being alone long term depresses me!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Every now and then I ask my mother, who is in her 60s and been mostly single for around 30 years, if she's considered trying to meet someone. Her response is always the same - she enjoys her freedom and hates the idea of having someone else bothering her!

 

I think in this matter everyone is different, and even if someone explains how they achieve it, it isn't necessarily going to apply to you.

 

Personally, the thought of being alone long term depresses me!

 

Yep, exactly. Everyone is different, and nobody is wrong .

[carhill]

Every now and then I ask my mother, who is in her 60s and been mostly single for around 30 years, if she's considered trying to meet someone. Her response is always the same - she enjoys her freedom and hates the idea of having someone else bothering her!

 

Yeah, pretty similar. Widowed after a life marriage at 63, lived alone and without any man I could discern for the rest of her life, so at least 17 until she had a stroke and became demented. Her explanation - 'I had my man, my love and my marriage. Now it's my time'. And she did all kinds of stuff, mostly alone, or with friends. Full life.

I was in reproductive mode back then and didn't really understand but get it now.

 

IME, the one constant in life, save for that ending part, is change. We're always changing, even when we think we're same and steady. Part of the adventure I guess.

[basil67]

I can understand wanting to be single if you don't have the desire to have a partner. But why do you want to be single when your mind and body wants a partner?

[Mr.Me]

This is where friends with benefits was born. Lots of time for your self and yet your physical and emotional needs are met as often as you choose to frequent them.

 

As far as coping without a person. Learning the art of distraction and appreciating the extra time you have to think about you and only you.

Edited December 18, 2017 by Mr.Me

[Mysterio]

I think that for me. A life with out a partner and no loving verbal physical touch in my life, would be torture.

 

I am not bult that way. I notice that when people are talking about those older accepting no major love relationships. Its Women that can do without.

 

Two of my mothers friends one was widowed the other divorced. They both found partners. My mother is still married to my dad.

 

Everyone is different.

[Ieris]

@HiCrunchy ~ Hmm... I guess it's easy for me because I've always loved my alone time even as a child so I never really felt lonely. I don't keep myself busy to fill a void because to me there is no void, so it really comes down to how you look at things.

 

I admirer those couples who make it to old age, it's very sweet but it's never been high on my priority list. I focus on other things that are important to me, you should also focus on what's important to you and if finding someone is something that you truly want then don't give up on it.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I enjoy my own company very much but at the festive period I always wish I had a partner.

 

I don’t think there is a way to make yourself not desire a partner.

[d0nnivain]

When you are between SOs the key is keeping yourself busy & getting your tactile needs met through friends & family. Every body needs a hug once in a while.

[heartbrokenlady]

I've been in relationships my whole adult life. I'm single now and want to enjoy it as much as I enjoyed having a partner. But I don't. I hope I get there in the end.

[preraph]

Relationships and even affairs tended to depress me and keep me upset. In the end, I was always heartbroken and disappointed in them. They were not ever what I hoped they'd be.

 

I always had a high sex drive, and I used to want to find that perfect guy for me, but I never did. It was always too much stress. I'm too independent to want anyone keeping tabs on me and too insecure not to keep tabs on them, so I'm just not well suited for a lasting relationship where you're actually living together or whatever. Everyone is different.

 

I had a hot prospect just a few years ago when I was in my mid-fifties. I mean, a guy I always admired. But in the end, I was too busy trying to keep all the plates in the air to want to take it further. I mean, when would I have time?

 

I used to crave men a lot more than I do now. And back when I was young and didn't keep a pet for never being home, I longed for a dog to snuggle with as often as I did a man. Now I keep dogs and that's just great until they get old and I have to watch them die. Not sure my heart can take another heartbreak like that. I thought it might get easier, but each one seems worse than the last. I may end up like my mom, who said she just couldn't go through that again and meant it. I hope not, though.

Edited December 19, 2017 by preraph

[hotpotato]

Go date a lot and get dumped a lot. It worked for me.

 

Getting older has worked, too. I spent so much time on my 20s worrying about guys. I tried, i really did. Now i want to travel, learn a bunch of new things, and be myself!!!

 

I was an only child for the first 11 years of life. I learned very well, maybe too well how to entertain myself. I noticed quite a few people here who struggle on ls were only children!

Edited December 19, 2017 by hotpotato

[HiCrunchy]

I can understand wanting to be single if you don't have the desire to have a partner. But why do you want to be single when your mind and body wants a partner?

 

I don’t want to be single. I already am single (and hate it) I want to get rid of the desire for a partner. TLDR I want to change my mind and body

[HiCrunchy]

Of course not. The desire for companionship is totally normal and a part of the human existence.

 

Well that’s depressing. So the only solution is to end my existence, isn't that right? Considering how many people liked this reply, this seems to be the best solution then.

Edited December 19, 2017 by HiCrunchy

[hotpotato]

Maybe try meds. Some may numb you to love but numb you to everything else.

 

Be careful bc some meds can make you very horny.

[BaileyB]

Well that’s depressing. So the only solution is to end my existence, isn't that right? Considering how many people liked this reply, this seems to be the best solution then.

 

We have had this discussion before... I thought we agreed that suicide is not the answer.

 

I understand the loneliness that is felt when you are single and you want a boyfriend - more than you know. I understand how it feels to be depressed and feel like things will never improve. But, suicide is not the answer.

 

Call a suicide hotline if you need help and talk to your doctor/find a counsellor to get help for your depression. Tomorrow.

Edited December 20, 2017 by BaileyB

[RecentChange]

Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.

 

Happy people do not become unhappy by being single, they end up happy single people.

 

As for needs. Humans are by and large social creatures. Historically we lived in tight knit social groups. The ones that procreated were the ones adapted to that sort of life style.

 

So here we are - as humans. Sure there are lone wolves who prefer to go it alone, but by and large, humans thrive on human interaction.

 

That doesn't mean that the interaction has to be in the form of a romantic, sexual relationship. There are many other ways humans can fulfill their social needs.

 

You can't turn off the desire for social interaction, but you can satisfy it in ways beyond "having a boyfriend".

[BaileyB]

Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.

 

This is the absolute truth!

 

Sure, the initial stages of a new relationship will produce a hormonal high that may provide a temporary distraction from your depression, in much the same way that a band-aide protects an injury.

 

However, as time passes and the relationship progresses, those same feelings of sadness and depression will return. Except now, you will have to deal with the depression while trying to manage the stress of a relationship.

 

Symptoms of depression include feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, loss of interest in things that have previously brought pleasure, pessimism and hopelessness, a negative view of the future, suicidal thoughts...

 

I know, it's hard to believe right now but you are so young - you have absolutely no idea what life will bring for you. You never know when your life will change, because it can change... for the better or for the worse, in little more than a moment.

 

One of my favorite quotes is from the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The quote is: "Everyhing will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end." Have faith.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.

 

Happy people do not become unhappy by being single, they end up happy single people.

 

As for needs. Humans are by and large social creatures. Historically we lived in tight knit social groups. The ones that procreated were the ones adapted to that sort of life style.

 

So here we are - as humans. Sure there are lone wolves who prefer to go it alone, but by and large, humans thrive on human interaction.

 

That doesn't mean that the interaction has to be in the form of a romantic, sexual relationship. There are many other ways humans can fulfill their social needs.

 

You can't turn off the desire for social interaction, but you can satisfy it in ways beyond "having a boyfriend".

 

Lots of truth and wisdom here!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well that’s depressing. So the only solution is to end my existence, isn't that right? Considering how many people liked this reply, this seems to be the best solution then.

 

Wrong.

 

What is your life like, Crunchy? Can you describe it to us? Your job, your living situation, extended family, pets, how you spend your time, a typical day for you?

[jjgitties]

When you are between SOs the key is keeping yourself busy & getting your tactile needs met through friends & family. Every body needs a hug once in a while.

 

^^ this is very good advice OP. The key to it is to find stuff to do and keep yourself busy. I am a big believer in vibes between human beings. People feed off vibes. If you give out negative vibes -- people will pick up on it and it will be harder to find someone to be a partner for you. It's unfortunately a downward spiral or a catch 22. But if you can find stuff that will keep you busy and make it a priority -- you will be happier inside and that will make its way to the outside and people will pick up on it and it will enable you to find a partner.

 

 

I don’t want to be single. I already am single (and hate it) I want to get rid of the desire for a partner. TLDR I want to change my mind and body

There is not such thing I am aware of. There are people that chose to devote themselves to the church and become priests. Not sure its for everyone though.

 

Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.

 

Relationships also make people a lot unhappier than they ever thought they could be. Trust me, a worse thing that having no partner is getting into a relationship with a bad incompatible partner. Things could always be a lot worse.

 

 

OP. It sounds like you are very depressed because you dont have a partner. Maybe try meditation. Maybe try to devote time to better understanding yourself and less on trying to understand others. Meditation and Zen is not for everyone but you will never know if its for you unless you give it a shot.

 

The below book is a very short and easy to understand book. Its a very short read. You dont even have to buy it. most libraries have a copy in one form or another. Its readable in a day or two.

 

https://www.amazon.ca/Zen-Mind-Beginners-Informal-Meditation/dp/1590308492/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513738621&sr=8-1&keywords=zen+beginner

Edited December 20, 2017 by jjgitties

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Relationships also make people a lot unhappier than they ever thought they could be. Trust me, a worse thing that having no partner is getting into a relationship with a bad incompatible partner. Things could always be a lot worse.

 

 

 

 

So true!!!