How to eliminate the want for a partner?

[ZA Dater]

I think the ultimate solution to this is not being to not want something but to look at life overall rather than one aspect of it.

 

 

We all feel lonely at times, we all go through struggles but the key is to remember that life itself is more than that.

[CptInsano]

That need will never go away fully. After a breakup I often focused on work or working out, channeling my energy towards something new or different, a form of sublimation if you will, but it was always something temporary.

 

Overall I do better when I'm with friends or loved ones. Just being with friends goes a long way for me, but I know that I will always want somebody special.

[No_Go]

I was wondering if there is a way to eliminate the want to have a partner completely and physical touch.

I know there are medications that lower the libido but there isn't really anything that removes that emotional need for intimacy that I know of. Is there a way to do this or at least cope with it?

 

Maybe people who don't like having a partner or encounters could share.

I am wondering if it is possible.

 

Want to have a partner can be easily eliminated if you're happy within your own company. I'm not saying to turn into a hermit, not at all. Have your social life but enjoy e.g. Friday night having a date night with yourself. It is wonderful - you can do exactly what you want, exactly when you want. I honestly enjoy my self-dates more than 99% of my partnered dates.

 

Physical touch desire can be suppressed as well. Get your non-romantic touch - hugs etc, from friends, and get the "romantic" from self-love. It is also wonderful, much better than most lovers... I get occasional blip in which I want partnered stuff - make a FWB pair with someone, exes are usually the easiest plus if you already resent them enough heretic thoughts of relationshipy stuff with them won't cross your mind

[HiCrunchy]

We have had this discussion before... I thought we agreed that suicide is not the answer.

 

I understand the loneliness that is felt when you are single and you want a boyfriend - more than you know. I understand how it feels to be depressed and feel like things will never improve. But, suicide is not the answer.

 

Call a suicide hotline if you need help and talk to your doctor/find a counselor to get help for your depression. Tomorrow.

 

I never agreed that it wasn't the answer. No one answered my question on the thread because everyone just dismissed my point of view and just told me "you have depression, so your thinking is invalid". Everyone says its not the answer, but the more I think about it, it seems like a better solution everyday.

 

I don't have doctor. And even if I did, I don't want to talk to a hotline or counselor, these things just do not work.

Edited December 20, 2017 by HiCrunchy

[HiCrunchy]

Wrong.

 

What is your life like, Crunchy? Can you describe it to us? Your job, your living situation, extended family, pets, how you spend your time, a typical day for you?

 

Its fine I suppose. I stared a new job 4 months ago after finishing undergrad, it has good benefits and co workers are awesome.

I live at home. Love my family but they can drive me crazy sometimes. Kinda want my own place. They mostly mean well I suppose. The cost of living is expensive so I have to live with them. I have reconnected with friends from college and hs that have been away by calling and things. I have disconnected from fb and only go on 10 mins a week. No extended family or pets. I take classes so I can go to grad school. I volunteer at the hospital. I exercise, give life advice to friends and go to social gathers when needed.

I go on these forums, yt and journal most of the time.

 

That's a typical day for me.

 

 

I think the ultimate solution to this is not being to not want something but to look at life overall rather than one aspect of it.

 

 

We all feel lonely at times, we all go through struggles but the key is to remember that life itself is more than that.

 

Thats the thing. I am not sure I believe that. Life is suffering.

[RecentChange]

"life is suffering" because you suffer from depression.

 

You have an education, a job, family, friends, none of that logically equals "life is suffering".

 

There are people in this world who have none of that, and daily life is a struggle for survival - yet still for them, "life is not suffering" life is a joyful gift - because they are not afflicted with depression.

 

Medical treatment does work - but your depression is like a devil on your shoulder telling you it won't.

 

It's hard to get through to someone with logic when their judgement is clouded with clinical depression.

[alpha__waves]

I was wondering if there is a way to eliminate the want to have a partner completely and physical touch.

I know there are medications that lower the libido but there isn't really anything that removes that emotional need for intimacy that I know of. Is there a way to do this or at least cope with it?

 

Maybe people who don't like having a partner or encounters could share.

I am wondering if it is possible.

 

I think there are the rare people out there who can live without a partner/companionship/love, omegas or whathaveyou... but it's a basic human need for the majority of us. Maslowian stuff.

 

IMO, one doesn't take meds or "cope" with basic human needs, you fill those needs.

[Imajerk17]

I don’t want to be single. I already am single (and hate it) I want to get rid of the desire for a partner. TLDR I want to change my mind and body

 

You realize OP that you ask questions here that are beyond the scope of the forum, right?

 

I mean, you admitted yourself that you are depressed, and it is clear in your threads seeking advice. And yet instead of seeking proper treatment, you are trying to "self-medicate" by asking questions that are somewhat repetitive and can hardly be answered here anyway. How do you get rid of your desire for relationships you ask...well I don't know and no one else here does either.

 

I WILL tell you that being in a relationship will NOT make you happy long-term (which is what several others said already). Furthermore, being in a relationship with the wrong person for you will make you even MORE unhappy. You will still feel just as alone, but now you will feel guilty that you cannot meet this other person's needs in a partner.

 

If you don't believe me, read the threads in the Separation/Infidelity sections here. You think you have problems in your life? The people there are tasked with moving on with their lives and finding joy despite challenges that you just don't have to face right now.

 

We are social animals who need to feel a purpose. We cannot turn off our desire for meaningful companionship. The way it works for most of us is that when single, we put our energy towards our friends, career, ect while being open to meeting someone special. It may take some time to meet that special person, but for those of us who want to be monogamous, it does happen.

 

Anyway I believe reading you saying that you already have friends and a good job. If you are still quite unhappy, then that isn't how life is supposed to be. You should seek treatment from a qualified professional (instead of keeping on writing threads here that are just repeats of the others, and aren't really helping you).

Edited December 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[BaileyB]

"life is suffering" because you suffer from depression.

 

You have an education, a job, family, friends, none of that logically equals "life is suffering".

 

There are people in this world who have none of that, and daily life is a struggle for survival - yet still for them, "life is not suffering" life is a joyful gift - because they are not afflicted with depression.

 

Medical treatment does work - but your depression is like a devil on your shoulder telling you it won't.

 

It's hard to get through to someone with logic when their judgement is clouded with clinical depression.

 

This. Exactly.

 

Your suffering, while experiencing depression, is very real. But "life" is not suffering.

 

Crunchy, you definitely need support that is beyond the scope of this forum. Again, I urge you to talk to someone in your life who can help... A parent or a good friend. You may feel that helplines, counsellors, and doctors can't help, but that is not true.

 

I hope that you get the help you need.

[jjgitties]

Its fine I suppose. I stared a new job 4 months ago after finishing undergrad, it has good benefits and co workers are awesome.

I live at home. Love my family but they can drive me crazy sometimes. Kinda want my own place. They mostly mean well I suppose. The cost of living is expensive so I have to live with them. I have reconnected with friends from college and hs that have been away by calling and things. I have disconnected from fb and only go on 10 mins a week. No extended family or pets. I take classes so I can go to grad school. I volunteer at the hospital. I exercise, give life advice to friends and go to social gathers when needed.

I go on these forums, yt and journal most of the time.

 

That's a typical day for me.

 

 

 

 

Thats the thing. I am not sure I believe that. Life is suffering.

 

 

You just finished undergrad? Are you in your mid 20s?

 

It sounds like you may want to go out more and socialize with people in their 20s. That's how and where you will find your partner. You also want to shed the "life is suffering" theory. It will not help your situation.