ByMyself01 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I'm exhausted with life at this point. Since I've been on this forum all I've seen were people dumping others over dumb reasons. I also was dumped over dumb reasons as well. My mind can't fathom how and why people dump others when the relationship is not abusive. The longer I'm involved with someone, the stronger my love grows. I'm convinced that either people have issues nowadays almost to the point I don't even want to date anymore. Or maybe I'm the problem. I love and accepted all my exes for who they were until they cheated or became abusive. People are not objects or toys. Just because they're boring at the moment or look unattractive with their new haircut "is not" a good reason to replace them. It's called growing together and experiencing new things together. You can get someone new and there's still going to be down times. Love is an emotion and it comes and goes. It's not a constant. That's why I'll rather stick with the one I'm with. New is not always true. Now I can understand a relationship that only lasted a few months and you decided you weren't compatible but the ones I don't understand are the people who were together for years and just one day they decide they want someone new just out of pure curiosity. It bothers me and those of you who broke off a long-term relationship out of irreconcilable differences (no reason), I want to hear what was going on through your mind or how did you feel after the relationship was over? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Does loyalty exist? Sure, it's a choice, as is everything in life save for death. No one is guaranteed loyalty and no one is guaranteed to be loyal. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Do people break up or leave a partner for no reason? Sure! Romantic relationships are based on feelings and emotions, ever-changing. IME, people's feelings change and then they cognitively assign 'reasons' to sell the deal to themselves and others. The better the sales job, the more nods of affirmation. Does it happen suddenly? Not always but it can, sure. Wake up one day and done. Happens. Once one accepts that as a potential and possibility, life gets a bit simpler. Easier? Nah, have yet to see it be easy. Things would be a lot more interesting if we could read minds 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ByMyself01 Posted December 18, 2017 Author Share Posted December 18, 2017 Does loyalty exist? Sure, it's a choice, as is everything in life save for death. No one is guaranteed loyalty and no one is guaranteed to be loyal. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Do people break up or leave a partner for no reason? Sure! Romantic relationships are based on feelings and emotions, ever-changing. IME, people's feelings change and then they cognitively assign 'reasons' to sell the deal to themselves and others. The better the sales job, the more nods of affirmation. Does it happen suddenly? Not always but it can, sure. Wake up one day and done. Happens. Once one accepts that as a potential and possibility, life gets a bit simpler. Easier? Nah, have yet to see it be easy. Things would be a lot more interesting if we could read minds I don't get it. The only explanation to this behavior is a person who doesn't know how to or isn't ready to love. Atleast on a long-term basis. I do believe in some instances it has everything to do with them internally rather than the person they're with. For instance, some people feel forced to live a normal life when they're battling sexuality issues and they're tired of living a lie. Or sometimes they don't understand themselves or the world around them so they just conform to society's standards. Some people get with people for years for financial gain, to please their families, to impress their friends, some date less attractive people in fear of getting left by an attractive person with options etc. Etc. But in no way do I believe a person that walks away from it all, after years together with no abuse, without having a talk to hash out issues, I don't believe they were ever in love. They had to be in the relationship for personal gain or an identity crisis. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Sometimes people move in different directions. Some people do fall out of love. You can't stay in a dating relationship if you are not longer "feelin' it". That's just silly. When I look back on the last 3 LTRs I had I realize I ended them for valid reasons: one guy lied; the other guy was paranoid / extremely jealous with little reason to be; & the 3rd guy was never going to marry me. The last guy that dumped me did so because he couldn't see himself married to me because we were too competitive professionally (if I do say so myself he was just mad 'cause I was "winning" ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ByMyself01 Posted December 18, 2017 Author Share Posted December 18, 2017 Sometimes people move in different directions. Some people do fall out of love. You can't stay in a dating relationship if you are not longer "feelin' it". That's just silly. When I look back on the last 3 LTRs I had I realize I ended them for valid reasons: one guy lied; the other guy was paranoid / extremely jealous with little reason to be; & the 3rd guy was never going to marry me. The last guy that dumped me did so because he couldn't see himself married to me because we were too competitive professionally (if I do say so myself he was just mad 'cause I was "winning" ) OH yeah they do get mad when you're winning. My ex was mad and still gets extremely jealous when he sees me doing well in this city he's been in his whole life and still doesn't have his life together. I even think my last ex may have ended it due to this reason. His first response when I had him on the phone was that he had goals he wants to accomplish for himself. And most guys who don't want to marry because a woman makes more than him is probably a control freak. I don't see how that would be a problem if all income is supposed to be going into the household. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 This is a forum for people seeking help with relationship problems, of course you get more stories of breakups. And even then there still are people here who are happily married long-term. My mind can't fathom how and why people dump others when the relationship is not abusive. Sometimes people love each other but they want different things and those things can't be reconciled. Religious divides, different feelings about having (or raising) children, job opportunities that pull them in different directions... Sometimes there's no good solution. Of course, people who care about their partner shouldn't just up and leave without having ever discussed the problem, but in many cases it has been discussed and thrashed out and compromise attempted and it just doesn't work out. I've seen some very sad stories of couples who clearly wanted very different lifestyles, desperately tried to compromise, and in the end made things worse for themselves than if they'd broken up earlier. If one of you wants to live in rural Mississippi near a huge extended family and the other wants to live in NYC with a high-powered career, it's probably not going to end well. Link to post Share on other sites
heartbrokenlady Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I'm with you. I am still loyal to my ex. I'd switch it off if I could, but... I'd love to find a man as faithful as this. Wishful thinking Link to post Share on other sites
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