Jessjess Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 (edited) 6 years together 2 kids later I'm struggling for answers in my relationship. On paper everything looks perfect but behind closed doors is another story. My so would rather watch porn than have sex with me. He never initiates sex which makes me feel like he's not into me anymore. If I didn't initiate sex it wouldn't even happen. He just don't seem like he's that I retested in myy anymore idk what to do he won't talk to me. I have never had any man not want to sleep with. I fix myself up everyday and can't even get you look nice. It's like I'm invisible here I feel like I'm the hired help here. I honestly don't believe he is into me and he just stays with me fo r the kids. It's depressing when you get more attention fro. strangers at Wal-Mart than you do your fiancee I just don't understand. I have begged for years to take some initiative i told him im not happy IDK what to do. I'm thinking about leaving him and moving my kids back to KY. I honestly think someone out there could make him more happier than me. I feel so rejected and just disgusting being ignored by him i just not be good enough for him. He has a woman who is interested in exploring every aspect of sex and he wont use it. Maybe hes just not that into me. where im so sexually deprived I often fantasize about what it would be like to have someone sexually desire me. I don't feel loved I feel invisabl e period. please help me before I pack up and leave Edited December 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Move to S&D, add paragraphs and fix some spelling Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 How long have you been engaged to get married? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I know that you have two kids together, but I would probably pack up and leave. Don't marry this guy if this is going to be your future together... How is your relationship otherwise? Do you do things together as a family? Do you ever go out on dates together? Is he kind, and attentive, and considerate of your feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 You may want to convince your SO to get off pr0n. It messes up your ability to perform in bed and it also messes up your concept of the reality of sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 You may want to convince your SO to get off pr0n. It messes up your ability to perform in bed and it also messes up your concept of the reality of sex. No way is that true! I watch porn WITH my SO and we have no trouble performing together...He has never prioritized porn over me though.. OP, it sounds like you'd be better off gone honestly. Are you able to move your kids to another state that easily though? I thought that was hard to do because the father could get the courts involved if you were to try and take the kids away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 Hi Jess, I guess others will chip in and give you good advice. However, I would like to say that you should sit your husband down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him you are very unhappy and that you feel that he does not love you anymore. Tell him that if he does not want you any more then he should tell you that and he should let you go. I am reminded of the Elvis song 'Chains of love', I think it was. The two stanzas there were 'If you love me let me know, if you don't then let me go'. Your situation is reflected in those two stanzas. You should be planning your exit and have all your ducks in a row. If you have family close by take their support. Find an apartment and if you don't have money to pay the rental and deposit ask your parents for a loan. After your talk with your husband and if he remains unmoved, pack your stuff and move out, when he is at work and leave a note for him telling you of your decision. It is only when the reality of your actions hit him square in the face will he wake up and take notice. After that it is up to him to prove to you that he has really changed before you accept him back. Just a thought for you to mull over. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 No way is that true! I watch porn WITH my SO and we have no trouble performing together...He has never prioritized porn over me though.. Good stuff. It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship. I do believe different people are wired differently and I am not convinced online internet pornography is the best thing for people. I do believe its an addition in some people, and like any addition, it needs to be fed and in needs to keep getting intense in order to be maintained in the human mind. I also think it does skew peoples concepts of the reality of what is it it have a healthy and loving relationship with another human, especially men and their ability to understand women. And i do think i affects sexual performance and brings its own set of issues in the bedroom. but to each their own i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Good stuff. It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship. I do believe different people are wired differently and I am not convinced online internet pornography is the best thing for people. I do believe its an addition in some people, and like any addition, it needs to be fed and in needs to keep getting intense in order to be maintained in the human mind. I also think it does skew peoples concepts of the reality of what is it it have a healthy and loving relationship with another human, especially men and their ability to understand women. And i do think i affects sexual performance and brings its own set of issues in the bedroom. but to each their own i guess. I totally understand that! I guess an addiction to porn is the difference here. I don't believe my SO as addicted, whereas the OPs hubby may be. It does indeed sound that way if he's throwing the porn up rather than his wife who is right there beside him. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Hi Folks, regarding the discussion about porn and why some people seem to be addicted to it whereas others are not, I have to say that watching porn to get one's rocks off for some people is easier than actually getting down to the mechanics of making love to one's partner. For one thing, in porn, everything seems seamless. The woman is usually willing and submissive and seems to be into the physical aspect of love making. The man also seems to be doing all the right things to get his partner aroused and excited. In real life things ate very different and both partners have to work hard at building up steam. In porn the whole thing is an act choreographed to perfection. In real life one has to deal with physicalities in one's partner which may put one off. Body odour, bad breath, a paunchy male partner, and so on and so forth. Given the choice between fantasy love making and the real thing, a number of men ( and possibly women) choose the easy way out. Of course women are usually NOT addicted to porn but that is because of their emotional make up. As has been repeated here often enough, men are visually aroused whereas women need emotional stroking to reach the same state. Men are like rum and get a quick high and an equally quick deflation. Women, on the other hand are like a good Scotch. They build up slowly but then maintain a level of arousal and need for emotional closeness which is entirely different from that of men. So I guess after the initial novelty of having actual sex with one's partner wears off,ne, especially men with lower levels of libido, gravitate to satisfying their sexual needs by watching porn. In fact, they probably identify with the male actor in the porn film or video and later masturbate to that to get their payoff, leaving their sexually starved wife to do whatever to work off steam. There are men who would never be satisfied with watching porn and who need to have a robust sexual routine with their partners. Probably such men outnumber those who are porn addicts. However, in the contemporary world with all the stresses in the work place and the pressure of keeping up with the Joneses, a lot of men burn out sexually, pretty early in life. Women on the other hand are probably better at handling stresses than men and so their sexuality is less likely to be adversely affected. Maybe some of this may explain this conundrum. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Of course^^ As I said, my SO would prefer live sex than porn, but to each their own. We may watch it as a type of foreplay at times but I believe the fact that he prefers me to it shows he has a healthy interest, rather than addiction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 No way is that true! I watch porn WITH my SO and we have no trouble performing together...He has never prioritized porn over me though.. Different people respond to addiction in different ways. Take drugs for example, some people can enjoy the occasional recreational drug use for years, decades even, hold down a job, family, marriage without ill effects. It's something they can enjoy on the weekends with friends, girlfriend or spouse. Others, all it takes is one hit and they are instant junkies, willing to sacrifice there job, relationships and sell their bodies to get that next fix. Porn is a form of addiction, some couples can use it to enhance there relationships, for others it destroys them. Despite what is says in the Constitution, all men are NOT created equal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IReallyLovePuppies Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Jess Please look after yourself and move on I'm in a very difficult boat as mentality.. my fiancee did the same.. although its wasn't porn but any excuse she can do to not come to bed.. She'll use. From watching DVD series to online games. The only release I had was porn in the past but now.. I'll get to a certain state in my self gratification.. My mind goes blank.. the onset of rejection hits me and I lose all feeling.. I've been damaged mentally and I believe there's a lot of healing to be done.. this took close to 9 years to destroy a what was once a guy who really love sex and had no problem finishing. Please do not stay and wait till the damage been done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Since this is a specific issue and the member is new and only one post, and hasn't been around since making the post, I'll close this up and thank members for their contributions. Merry Christmas! Link to post Share on other sites
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