Drama between my parents and wife.

[BettyDraper]

And his parents 50th wedding anniversary isn't?

50th wedding anniversaries are like hen's teeth, kids go to school every day, and like I said he won't even remember it...

 

Drive to school, put the child into the school, drive home, pick up child a few hours later.

A non event, as it will still be a few days later.

 

I don't think this is a "non event" for the OP and his wife. If it was, he wouldn't be concerned about choosing between his parents' anniversary and his son's first day of school. We all place different emphasis on life events and that should be respected.

 

The family that is created with a spouse comes before parents. The OP's parents have a history of being unreasonable and controlling. I don't think it's healthy to continue to placate them or else they will think that they can dictate the OP's priorities. Now that the OP is a married father, the concerns of his wife and his son take precedence over his parents' demands.

[MJJean]

I don't know about elsewhere, but here it's chaos. Harried teachers, parents jockeying for attention from the teachers, younger kids getting all emotional and older kids excited with the zoomies, things missing/lost/forgotten and people trying to locate them, snacks and supplies for the year brought in by parents everywhere as no one has been able to put these things away yet, on and on. Oh, and usually the first two days are half days, anyway.

 

I should probably mention I live 2 doors from the local elementary school and have raised 3 kids, so I have done and seen a lot of first days.

 

I'd skip it if I could and let him spend that time with his extended family. If he starts a couple days late, he'll come into a more relaxed and peaceful environment.

[todd18us]

This is a great forum. Everything people are saying is valid.

 

I told my mom we will come for part of the trip, 11th-15th, more time on vacation together. which was better I thought. My dad then called me the next day, saying if the whole family is not there on the 18th he will be very disappointed in me. Speaking very sternly. This way of speaking is very typical for him. He is very Trump like in his behavior. So we said we will be there for the weekend of the 18th, just 17th-19th, which was one of the suggestions. Turns out that was the best one, Thank you for all the support.

[todd18us]

Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.

[BaileyB]

Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.

 

My grandparents used to do this. I used to think, "well, they can get glad in the same pants they got mad..." Seriously, these kind of tantrums and the silent treatment is so childish. The last thing that you want to do is give in and give them attention/what they want. Then, it will continue to happen, again and again...

 

You made the right decision. A nice compromise, everyone should be happy. And if they are not... Of well. The people you need to be most concerned about are your wife and your child.

 

Don't waste time worrying about adults who are acting like children... They will come around, eventually. Let's hope they have already put your Christmas gifts in the mail!

[Marc878]

You don't start standing up and protecting your marriage you won't have one for long.

 

Better wake up and grow up.

 

Do you like living at home with your mom and dad?

[georgia girl]

You don't start standing up and protecting your marriage you won't have one for long.

 

Better wake up and grow up.

 

Do you like living at home with your mom and dad?

 

I couldn’t agree more. Plus, stand up once and you likely will have established the boundary. You won’t have to keep doing it. Give in now and they’ll never take no for an answer.

 

Be nice but firm. They can get angry but your immediate family is your wife and your children. They come first. Always.

[usa1ah]

First, my parents are judgmental, always bully to get their way, and immature.

This is something my wife has had a hard time dealing with.

 

We seemed to get over this problem over the last year but now we have a new problem. My parents want to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. My mom has already planned a vacation and booked a house for August of 2018. The dates worked fine for us because it was right before our son's first day of 1st grade. However, the school just updated the calendar for next year and the 1st day is one week earlier then normal. This means we will have to leave the vacation three early of a 7 day vacation and will miss the celebration on the 18th which is their anniversary.

 

My parents think it is crazy to do so. They won't re-book for a week earlier. They want him to miss the first two days of school. My wife on the other hand is dead set on our son going to the first day. Kindergarten is only mornings and 1st grade is all school day. It will be a large change for him. Therefore, my wife says he has to go to the first day. However, if we don't stay for the 18th, the celebration my parents will go nuts. I am stuck in the middle and need advice. Thanks

 

Your wife and kids are your first priority period. You are married to your wife and not your parents, she comes first.

[usa1ah]

Thanks Davey. I think you are right to back the wifey on this one. Short frequent visits are also a good idea. When kids are old enough I will take them by myself too.

 

Wrong thing to do. If your parents can’t be nice why should your wife have to pay the price.

 

If they can’t be nice to the wife they can’t see HER kids. Sorry but you need to stand up for your wife, that is your job as a husband.

 

Would you allow others to treat your wife like your parents have? If not why are you letting them treat her that way.

[road]

You can delay the start of the trip and bring your

family for the last weekend and make the party.

 

Kid does not miss the first days of school. You just

have the kid miss Friday the 17th. You get a flight

for Thursday evening, if not available you get a flight

early Thursday.

 

I would not go as originally planed and send wife and

kids back home alone and you stay there. No no, no,

and to make myself clear to you I said: No.

[d0nnivain]

Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.

 

 

For them to not see how their petulance will adversely affect their grandchild, you may be better off with them not talking to you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.

 

My goodness. They really are big babies! Is it both of them, or just one of them who influences the other?

 

If this was 5th grade, I'd say just skip the first couple days of school. Not much happens anyway. But it's first grade! And, like you said, the first time he'll be going to school for a full day. It's very important. You're making the right decision.

[jjgitties]

Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.

 

Yeah, I have found that older people get unreasonably sensitive and offended for very odd things. I guess it's comes part and parcel with getting old. My parents are the same way. Sometimes you need to walk on egg shells to figure out how not to get them mad.

 

Not sure how you should get out of your predicament. But I am sure they will get over it and start taking to you again.

[jjgitties]

..the first time he'll be going to school for a full day. It's very important. You're making the right decision.

 

^^ this! Its a big day for your kid in his life at this stage.

[anika99]

50 years!

50 years!

and you, their son is thinking of missing their celebration all for the sake of some child who will not even remember his first day of school.

Your parents will be heartbroken if you are not there.

Why on earth would you even think of asking them to move the date...?

smh

 

If they are celebrating 50 years they are not young, this may be the last year you even have parents...

Think on...

 

At first I thought it wouldn't such a big deal for the child to miss the first couple of days of school but then I thought about and I remembered all the many times my mother moved and put me in new schools. I know it's not the same thing exactly but it's similar.

 

If the OP's child misses the the first few days of school it will be just like he is the new kid, walking into a class where everyone else knows more than him. The other kids will already know where they're supposed to sit, where their stuff goes, what they do in the morning, what they do in the afternoon, etc. It sounds small and insignificant to adults but I remember so well being that kid who has to go into a class where everyone is a stranger, strangers who know the routine and I don't even know where the bathroom is. Sounds dumb to adults but it's scary and intimidating to a little kid.

 

This isn't for the sake of some kid, it's the OP's flesh and blood child and he has to put the well being of his child ahead of his parents. The parents anniversary is no small event but when you marry and start a family that family takes priority over parents. I also don't agree that the child won't remember. I remember my first day of first grade very well. I sat beside a girl with long dark hair in pig tails. Her name was Heidi and on the first day we became best friends for the entire year. In second grade my mom had moved and I had to go to a new school and I never saw my friend Heidi again. I also remember everytime I had to start over again in a new school and how scary it was. I went to 3 different schools in grade 2 alone. I'm in my fifties now. Memories don't get erased at a certain age. Anything that is painful or stands out from run of the mill days is remembered.

[BettyDraper]

Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.

 

This is manipulative behavior which is meant to control you.

 

Don't give in. Let your parents pout and give the silent treatment like little kids.

In time, they will learn that the family you have created with your wife is your top priority.

 

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your son's first day of school!

[sandylee1]

My parents would move the date, as they woudnt want any grandchild yo miss the first day at school.

 

The first day is A BIG DEAL.

[todd18us]

Finally spoke to my mom. She used a lot of emotional manipulation. Saying how she cries for a week. Whar did she do to deserve this? Looks like this will cause a huge shift in our relationship. I know I cannot back down which I didn’t but just stressed out.

[BaileyB]

I would also be stressed, because I like harmony and having a good relationship with my parents is important.

 

But, on the other hand, her behavior is so melodramatic and over the top... I would also be most amused. Stick to your guns. You can't reward this kind of behavior. It is downright ridiculous and not very becoming of a grown woman...

[sandylee1]

You MUST back your wife on this. No question. Don't be manipulated and don't be afraid to express how you feel this is manipulation and emotional blackmail.

[todd18us]

Thanks for the comments. Man I wish my parents were more reasonable. My wife is very strong when it comes to standing up for what she believes. Her priority is her children not my crazy parents. It does make me stronger too but always creates a problem with the parentals.

[todd18us]

Also both parents have stated on the phone with me if everyone is not there for the full week and the 18th they will be disappointed. So whatever I do will create tension and drama. FYI my father still holds grudges with his sister. His father and mother passed not speaking to my dad. Ny dad won’t speak to his sister.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, it's safe to say your parents didn't hit their 50th by learning the art of compromise. Here's to another 25, however they did it!

[sandylee1]

When they say EVERYONE being there...is your wife included? Can't you go on your own and she stays behind?

 

I struggle with this...because my folks are all about the grandchildren.

 

I do feel for those with such difficult parents who feel entitled.

 

You must stand firm on this and if they continue to behave like immature people.... take a step back from them.

 

I can't recall if you have siblings...but in my family if my mum was acting this way my sisters would have a word with her.

 

Which parent wants to fall out with all their kids.

 

Good job your wife is firm on this .... you just need to be by her side and don't allow your parents to stress her out.

 

Sadly you have to carry all the stress.

[BaileyB]

And let's say, they give you a perfect example of how NOT to behave with your children...