Author todd18us Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 I have two kids, 5 and 3. They will be 6 And 4 by August. All the kids and my wie must be present for the 7 days of the vacation. I have a brother. Also has had many problems with them. But my brother is slowly turning into my dad. I cant really turn to him. His wife totally understands. But she is weak and lost in the dsyfunction. I like some of the posters have implied used to be weak with them. But I recognize it and posters are right I need to stand with my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
xenawarriorprincess Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 50 years! 50 years! and you, their son is thinking of missing their celebration all for the sake of some child who will not even remember his first day of school. Your parents will be heartbroken if you are not there. Why on earth would you even think of asking them to move the date...? smh If they are celebrating 50 years they are not young, this may be the last year you even have parents... Think on... elaine567, I am 100% in agreement with you on this! The idea that the 1st couple of days of school are more important than the celebration of a 50 year anniversary is completely absurd to me! 50 years of marriage is extremely rare these days and it should be celebrated and cherished! His parents have gone through the trouble of setting the dates and planning out the events and their son is willing to miss the celebration over 2 days of school!?? The 1st few days of school are not important, it’s just meet and greet, socializing, and getting to know each other and the rules/structure of the classroom and teacher expectations; all things that his son will pick up very quickly when he returns to school the week after. The son will have many 1st days of school, but a 50th anniversary celebration will never happen again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author todd18us Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation That is not a problem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Also both parents have stated on the phone with me if everyone is not there for the full week and the 18th they will be disappointed. So whatever I do will create tension and drama. FYI my father still holds grudges with his sister. His father and mother passed not speaking to my dad. Ny dad won’t speak to his sister. Too bad. They are grownups and can deal with disappointment. You're also a grownup and can deal with the fact that not everyone can be satisfied in every situation. You're doing your best and that will have to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation They are being ridiculously unreasonable. I'd just say "sorry you feel that way." And leave it at that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 (edited) elaine567, I am 100% in agreement with you on this! The idea that the 1st couple of days of school are more important than the celebration of a 50 year anniversary is completely absurd to me! 50 years of marriage is extremely rare these days and it should be celebrated and cherished! His parents have gone through the trouble of setting the dates and planning out the events and their son is willing to miss the celebration over 2 days of school!?? The 1st few days of school are not important, it’s just meet and greet, socializing, and getting to know each other and the rules/structure of the classroom and teacher expectations; all things that his son will pick up very quickly when he returns to school the week after. The son will have many 1st days of school, but a 50th anniversary celebration will never happen again! Todd will be there, all week with his daughter. His wife and his son will miss a few days - of vacation. They will be there, for the actual day of the anniversary and the family celebration. The first day of school is important. They have found a way to compromise, so that everyone gets to enjoy the important days. So, they miss a few days of the family vacation - his parents are adults and they can get over it already, Nobody is missing the actual day of the anniversary. If they plan to make is a big thing and cause hard feelings and anger, then that is their choice. If I was the mother of this child, I would be doing the exact same thing. Edited December 28, 2017 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation Because your parents are refusing to accept the compromise of all of you coming for the weekend when you can travel as a complete family but not force your son to miss his first day of school, I wouldn't go at all. By splitting up you are telling your wife that her needs, wishes & expectations come AFTER your parents, that she's a 2nd class citizen in your marriage. By splitting up you both have to travel singly with a small child. That is a terrible plan. You also have to miss an all important day in your kid's life, one you won't get back. Your parents should be more understanding. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation[/QUOTE] This seems a reasonable compromise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Because your parents are refusing to accept the compromise of all of you coming for the weekend when you can travel as a complete family but not force your son to miss his first day of school, I wouldn't go at all. By splitting up you are telling your wife that her needs, wishes & expectations come AFTER your parents, that she's a 2nd class citizen in your marriage. By splitting up you both have to travel singly with a small child. That is a terrible plan. You also have to miss an all important day in your kid's life, one you won't get back. Your parents should be more understanding. You've made excellent points. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xenawarriorprincess Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation That's wonderful! Glad everything will work out Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I personally think missing the first couple days of school is not as big a deal as some people make it out to be. But your parents entitled and manipulative behavior is appalling. I'd just fly the whole family there for the weekend of their anniversary day only. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Just to clarify everything I will not miss the anniversary I will be there the whole week with my daughter but my wife and son will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party the problem is my wife and son missing half the vacation I think if the BS from your parents continues you need to give them an ultimatum something like this: " Mom, Dad, we can't continue to argue about this. Either: a: I will be there the whole week with your granddaughter but my wife and your grandson will miss the first couple days of the vacation and then fly to the vacation for the anniversary party. or b: None of us will come" Then let them make the decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Probably a passive aggressive way to handle things like this but I also have in-laws that are a little difficult. When these sort of items come up, I simply check out. How? Well, here are some examples: 1) My husband and I stay calm and united and make one statement about what We are going to do, etc. Then, we do t argue. 2) if they call and want to argue, I announce I have another call or I have to go or I am driving, whatever and get off the phone. Essentially, I don’t respond at all to the stimulus... I just ignore it. 3) if they show up at the house and start, I keep doing my thing and ignore the stimulus. I change the topic - several times if I have to - and then if I need to, I announce I need to leave and I leave. 4) if they say, “you never talk about things,” I simply say - and I honestly believe it - that I just don’t find circular conversations fruitful and that Many times people just have to agree to disagree. Yes, it’s avoidance but since I started practicing it, the drama has gone down by 99 percent. They get that we won’t participate and have adjusted accordingly. The trick is, though, that you can not give into your instinct to fight back. You can never engage again or they will just amp up their attacks. Hope that helps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I feel badly for your wife. The time she does spend with your parents will not be fun. Go with your daughter, and let your wife decide what she wants to do. If she wants to go for a few days with your son, fine. If she doesnt want to go at all, thats fine too. This is the perfect time for you to stand up to your parents. You dont have to be mean about it all all. You just need to shift the balance of power a little. You can not care if they choose to act like spoiled kids. The world doesnt revolve around them. The fact that you will be there should be good enough for them. Sounds like a power struggle to me, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
clam Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 5+ hours travel each way (2hrs in car and 3hrs by plane) sounds like an unnecessary whirlwind trip for a 1st grader who has to get up early Monday morning to go to school. I hope you’re all getting back at a decent hour on Sunday. Personally I would bag the trip if I was wife and son. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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