She tells her everything, and it's annoying.

[RecentChange]

Didn't you once say you're a T(hinker) in Myers Briggs? Thinkers are less likely to want to be sharing feelings than i.e. (F)eelers like myself.

 

Also, there are several studies saying M/F brains are connected differently. "Previous studies have found behavioral differences between men and women. For example, women may have better verbal memory and social cognition, whereas men may have better motor and spatial skills, on average."

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-mens-brains-are-wired-differently-than-women/

 

I read and believe that this includes women's brains being more likely wired to connect to others. And that's why psychology articles say men are usually lost when they lose their partner, as they don't have the same social support system.

 

Yes it could be that. I am a "Thinker" and I have completed various IQ and cognitive abilities tests (administrated by professionals) and I end to be off the charts when it comes to spacial skills (it's my strong point).

 

When it comes to friends and communicating, I tend to do much better with males, and prefer their company.

 

I think it's also a reason I have found relationships with men very easy. None of this men are from Mars stuff, I am cut from the same cloth.

[RecentChange]

 

How can someone say they have really good friends & not trust to tell them everything? If I can’t be open a 100% with a “friend” then I don’t consider them a friend, they’re simply a nice acquaintance.

 

She is a "real" best friend. We have been close friends for 26 years. Have lived together. Been each other's rocks through deaths etc (I slept in her bed and held her every night for quite sometime when she was having a hard time with her father's untimely death).

 

Doesn't mean that something I tell her might come out after too many drinks one night, or that she wouldn't tell her husband (who I have known since I was 17).

 

I know I don't keep secrets from my husband. I wouldn't expect her to keep them from hers....

 

I just don't need to share things I don't want know outside of my husband and I.

[Popsicle]

It annoying but I would pay it no mind. Everyone needs support and has their support network. You just have to accept it.

[LivingWaterPlease]

She is a "real" best friend. We have been close friends for 26 years. Have lived together. Been each other's rocks through deaths etc (I slept in her bed and held her every night for quite sometime when she was having a hard time with her father's untimely death).

 

Doesn't mean that something I tell her might come out after too many drinks one night, or that she wouldn't tell her husband (who I have known since I was 17).

 

I know I don't keep secrets from my husband. I wouldn't expect her to keep them from hers....

 

I just don't need to share things I don't want know outside of my husband and I.

 

I get this and have several close friends I've been through thick and thin with whom I'm very close with. Part of that closeness, though, includes respecting that there is a physical and emotional intimacy involved in marriage or with SO's that transcends that of the closest gf or family member. For me no one, child or adult, friend or family can enter that intimacy, physically or emotionally. I love the specialness of it!

[Whoknew30]

She is a "real" best friend. We have been close friends for 26 years. Have lived together. Been each other's rocks through deaths etc (I slept in her bed and held her every night for quite sometime when she was having a hard time with her father's untimely death).

 

Doesn't mean that something I tell her might come out after too many drinks one night, or that she wouldn't tell her husband (who I have known since I was 17).

 

I know I don't keep secrets from my husband. I wouldn't expect her to keep them from hers....

 

I just don't need to share things I don't want know outside of my husband and I.

 

If anyone (including my husband) asks me to keep a personal secret, I keep It bc they trusted me...I’m confused that you & your best friend tell each other secrets to your husband..someone else’s secret isn’t yours to tell, even to your husband. Sounds like you guys just can’t keep secrets at all. I’m speaking about marriage stuff that effects both my husband & I..but we don’t have any secrets that we didn’t live through with our best friends, they already knew it all the deep stuff before marriage.

 

OP SAID “everything” which means we have no idea if she’s telling his personal secrets & or going to her friends to talk about normal couple stuff & she’s looking for a venting/support system & we don’t know if he has friends & or a support system...or if he’s possessive...there’s not enough information.

 

My H & my friends husbands know we talk about everything since kids...they never got upset about bc there’s just no insecurities or embarrassment around each other & we never had to have “my marriage is the most important, special relationship” bc all understand what marriage is. They were huge support system when we went through our A’s & separation.

 

Love my H & our marriage is at a great place but we both have private conversations & vent to friends without restrictions. I’m really not interested in my husband’s conversations with his friends & he could care a less about mine...same with all the couples we hang with. No one cares & it’s great. When you have a circle of trust that really does work, it’s awesome for both spouses.

[RecentChange]

It's not so much "secrets" like hey I am telling you a secret right now. It's deeply personal things. Or conflicts between spouses, personal matters etc.

 

Some are obviously comfortable sharing those things, and sharing them with a circle of friends that they trust. I guess you trust all of your husband's friends that he confides to, and vice versa.

 

Me? My circle isn't that big, and never will be..it's contrary to my being. And my husband is cut from the same cloth.

 

The most important thing is that both partners are on the same page. For us, sharing personal matters regarding our relationship or our spouses is off limits, and it works wonderfully for us.

 

For others.... They share, again as long as both are on the same page, fine.

 

Op and his girlfriend are not on the same page. She is a sharer. He is not. That's a problem. Like I said for me, it would be a problem - I am not compatible with a sharer.... Luckily it's pretty easy to find men who prefer privacy over sharing.

[preraph]

If it wasn't her best friend, it would be her family, which would be worse for you. Truth is it's kind of a survival technique that women especially need someone they can tell all to. I don't believe in letting guys "hush you up" with your friends. Women need close intimate friends. It does you no harm whatever that she is confiding in this friend. From a woman's viewpoint, the first step in abuse is the man trying to distance you from your friends and family so they don't know what's going on in the relationship. As I said, for women, it's a survival issue. My best advice is get over it. Now, if this friend throws these things up in your face, that's another matter. But as long as it stays between your gf and her friend, it's their thing.

[Whoknew30]

It's not so much "secrets" like hey I am telling you a secret right now. It's deeply personal things. Or conflicts between spouses, personal matters etc.

 

Some are obviously comfortable sharing those things, and sharing them with a circle of friends that they trust. I guess you trust all of your husband's friends that he confides to, and vice versa.

 

Me? My circle isn't that big, and never will be..it's contrary to my being. And my husband is cut from the same cloth.

 

The most important thing is that both partners are on the same page. For us, sharing personal matters regarding our relationship or our spouses is off limits, and it works wonderfully for us.

 

For others.... They share, again as long as both are on the same page, fine.

 

Op and his girlfriend are not on the same page. She is a sharer. He is not. That's a problem. Like I said for me, it would be a problem - I am not compatible with a sharer.... Luckily it's pretty easy to find men who prefer privacy over sharing.

 

I agree to each is own but was answering back to your “why some women need a sounding board” in life...I was just giving a different perspective. Some people have extremely close relationships beyond their marriage & that’s ok.

 

My H personally wasn’t this way until we got married...he was extremely closed off, maybe bc I almost died is what changed everything. I wanted/want him to have a great support system beyond me bc who would he have if I died or vice versa? How could he be comfortable sharing his feelings with people that love him if he never learned how...anyways it’s just an explanation on how an issue like this isn’t particularly black or white, it’s all about personal perspective & motive. If your SO is looking to be right & goes to others just to be “right”, that’s a different ball game.

[preraph]

I agree with what Enigma said. I've had that situation for some time with a friend knowing all the bad crap. So the number one thing, ladies, is be SURE your friend you are confiding in is trustworthy and isn't a loose-lipped drunk and that they are reliably discreet, because it is NOT fair for them to either harangue either him or others with this info. So don't tell it if your friend isn't discreet and trustworthy.

 

A friend of mine had a nightmare scenario from confiding in someone she apparently didn't know well enough, and the friend couldn't resist dropping it on him at a dinner with a bunch of couples present. Some people like to use crap against you. So ladies, don't do it except with people you really know and trust. It's never your business to straighten him out (unless he hits her - I already told my friend I'd become her older brother if that ever happened, because she doesn't have anyone to protect her. I'd hope she'd call police, but you never know.)

 

It's also not your job to give him shade or anything.