On the verge to lose my marriage and my wonderful and lovable husband

[unique women]

hi,

 

i have been married to my husband for around two

years.Me ( age -26 years )and My Husband (27 years old) are Currently living in India,we both are from India and both of us belongs to Hindu Community.

 

We both are software professionals, so sometimes we have to travel outside India for work and business purpose.

 

My husband lost his virginity to me during our honeymoon post marriage.and prior to my marriage i was in a relationship with two guys, so i was not a virgin.i was hiding this fact to my husband, as my husband is different from me and my previous boyfriends, in a good way, he is honest,caring,always listen to me,during his busy schedule he manage to spend some time with me, and let me tell you my husband is shy and introvert,but when it comes to sex, he is amazing, he performed new psositions and give me the best orgasm and excitement in my sex life.

 

so after 4 months during our marriage, my husband was suppossed to vist California,United states on a business trip for 1 month.

 

during those days, i feel lonely and contacted one of my ex boyfriend( who is married ).some how, after 2-3 days,we had sex and both cheated on our partners and my ex boyfriend made video, took our nude pics, and my nude pics and prior to my marriage ,he made several video of ours blow job and handjob, oral sex, and ****ing activities and he gave all those collections of videos( old and new videos and pictures )to me and i saved and copied it on my home PC.

 

so whenever my Husband is away on a business trip outside India, i used to have sex with my ex boyfriend, once we went to switzerland and Paris

together for two weeks and stayed in the same room and made a video and pics.

 

So before my 2 year of marriage anniversary, my boyfriend sent some lingerie and sex toys to me and a sex video collection of switzerland and paris in a gift pack ,which was received by my husband ,as i was in a different city for business trip.

 

So my husband found out everything about me and my ex boyfriend, he checked the PC, where he saw the old videos and other new video made after my marriage.

 

Husband checked my facebook and instagram profile wher my ex boyfriend was added in contact list.

 

But my husband was quiet,didnot reacted and acted normally, so he invited my inlaws and mom and dad and he asked my inlaws and my parents and me, there is some surprise and on our TV he showed all those videos and pics to me ,my inlaws and my parents, now

 

my husband has left the house and not contacted me since that day and tomorrow is our 2nd marriage anniversary.

 

I know, what i have done thats wrong ,but everyone one do mistake.

 

My inlaws dont talk to me and my parenst they are upset with me.

 

so during these days,my ex boyfriend is trying to console me and again we had sex and my ex bf abused my husband and said my husband is a loser and old guy, who dont know how to treat a woman.

 

i need some suggestions and advice.

[Darren Steez]

Get a divorce so you can have as much sex with your ex as you want.

 

You say you made a mistake but then you're still having sex, so everyone finding out wasn't enough for you to stop.

 

If you're not adult enough to say stop and choose a better way then let your husband go so he can rebuild his life.

[aliveagain]

hi,

 

i have been married to my husband for around two

years.Me ( age -26 years )and My Husband (27 years old) are Currently living in India,we both are from India and both of us belongs to Hindu Community.

 

We both are software professionals, so sometimes we have to travel outside India for work and business purpose.

 

My husband lost his virginity to me during our honeymoon post marriage.and prior to my marriage i was in a relationship with two guys, so i was not a virgin.i was hiding this fact to my husband, as my husband is different from me and my previous boyfriends, in a good way, he is honest,caring,always listen to me,during his busy schedule he manage to spend some time with me, and let me tell you my husband is shy and introvert,but when it comes to sex, he is amazing, he performed new psositions and give me the best orgasm and excitement in my sex life.

 

so after 4 months during our marriage, my husband was suppossed to vist California,United states on a business trip for 1 month.

 

during those days, i feel lonely and contacted one of my ex boyfriend( who is married ).some how, after 2-3 days,we had sex and both cheated on our partners and my ex boyfriend made video, took our nude pics, and my nude pics and prior to my marriage ,he made several video of ours blow job and handjob, oral sex, and ****ing activities and he gave all those collections of videos( old and new videos and pictures )to me and i saved and copied it on my home PC.

 

so whenever my Husband is away on a business trip outside India, i used to have sex with my ex boyfriend, once we went to switzerland and Paris

together for two weeks and stayed in the same room and made a video and pics.

 

So before my 2 year of marriage anniversary, my boyfriend sent some lingerie and sex toys to me and a sex video collection of switzerland and paris in a gift pack ,which was received by my husband ,as i was in a different city for business trip.

 

So my husband found out everything about me and my ex boyfriend, he checked the PC, where he saw the old videos and other new video made after my marriage.

 

Husband checked my facebook and instagram profile wher my ex boyfriend was added in contact list.

 

But my husband was quiet,didnot reacted and acted normally, so he invited my inlaws and mom and dad and he asked my inlaws and my parents and me, there is some surprise and on our TV he showed all those videos and pics to me ,my inlaws and my parents, now

 

my husband has left the house and not contacted me since that day and tomorrow is our 2nd marriage anniversary.

 

I know, what i have done thats wrong ,but everyone one do mistake.

 

My inlaws dont talk to me and my parenst they are upset with me.

 

so during these days,my ex boyfriend is trying to console me and again we had sex and my ex bf abused my husband and said my husband is a loser and old guy, who dont know how to treat a woman.

 

i need some suggestions and advice.

 

Just my opinion but I think your married boyfriend is the looser, your husband isn't the one banging another mans wife, a wife that had only been married 4 months. This is not a mistake, this is a conscious choice you made over and over again. Allowing your lover to video record your infidelity shows how little respect you had for your husband. Why on earth would you keep the proof of your cheating on your computer? Why did you get married if you don't respect marriage boundaries?

 

I think you need to get some professional help, find out why you need the validation of other men, why your husband isn't enough for you. Please read deepremorse5 posts in the infidelity listings. Perhaps when you see what happened to her it may help you with your situation. I personally don't believe your marriage will survive your reckless behavior based on what you posted. Learn from your bad choices.

[unique women]

Thanks for the reply,

 

i believe ,i need a professional help,

 

please don't use any harsh words for my ex boyfriend, he is my first love and first person,to whom i lost my virginity.

 

Offcourse, i love my husband and i want to work on this marriage.

[unique women]

I will not leave my husband, and will put my effort to make this marriage work.

[unique women]

Thanks for the reply,

 

i believe ,i need a professional help,

 

please don't use any harsh words for my ex boyfriend, he is my first love and first person,to whom i lost my virginity.

 

Offcourse, i love my husband and i want to work on this marriage.

[aliveagain]

Sorry but I was only quoting the words your boyfriend used against your husband. Why do you defend him and not your husband? There is a huge difference between your husband and the man you cheated on him with. Most men will find it very hard to reconcile after seeing their wife on a video made by her affair partner, he will never get those images out of his mind. You have been deceiving your husband about many things including your virginity. The statistics of marriages surviving infidelity when infidelity happens early in the marriage is very, very low specially if there are no children. My suggestion to you is to work on yourself, get the best professional help you can so something like this never happens again. I really hope I am wrong but I just don't see your marriage surviving this. I don't think the decision will be yours to make regarding divorce, you already showed your husband where you stand.

Edited December 21, 2017 by aliveagain

[wmacbride]

I will not leave my husband, and will put my effort to make this marriage work.

 

 

 

Please read this and really think about it. You don't care about him, as if you did , you would never, ever find a kind word to say about a man who was so willing to hurt your husband.

 

The same goes for you.

 

Look, you aren't some sort of monster, you are a human being. Like all human beings have done at one time or another, you have made some bad choices. These are not "mistakes". This is an ongoing pattern of behavior.

 

This man you keep protecting is little more than a snake in the grass, and it doesn't matter what culture he's from. He's got all the casual sex he wants with none of the "extras" that usually go with it. Of course he's going to keep watering that garden!

 

As for you, well, I don't know Hindu culture very well, but as it stands right now, it doesn't sound like either you or your husband is very happy. If you feel like you have to stay married, then you and your husband need to sit down and have a very honest and frank discussion. It doesn't sound like you are capable of being loyal to him when it comes to sex. You feel entitled to your "first love". Pretending you feel differently won't help you.

 

Who knows? It could be your husband also is interested in sex outside your marriage. If he is, then maybe you two can have a marriage that's more of a "friendship" than romance. If you both agree, and you are honest about it and set the parameters together, it might work.

[unique women]

Thanks for the suggestion and already made an appointment with Individual Counsellor and marriage counsellor and I love my husband more than anyone, when it comes to my husband I won't even tolerate or defend my ex-boyfriend.

 

Update. My husband has blocked me from his phone, email id, Facebook, Instagram, I am not able to contact him, I just want to talk to him,

I have gone to my in laws house, they are not responding.

I have tried contacting my husband colleague and his friends, nothing seems to work out.

 

I am alone going to my office and coming back to my home, I miss my husband very much,

Can’t describe in words how much I miss my husband.

Tomorrow is our 2nd year of marriage anniversary, don’t know how and with whom to celebrate.

[JuneL]

I'm not sure what the issue here is exactly. You like to have sex with your ex and take videos/pictures of those acts; you continued to do those things even after your husband found out. Now you can keep doing that without having to hide.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Sounds like your husband is probably being coached on surviving YOUR infidelity. Tough breaks. Unfortunately, that ship has left port. You just need to spend time growing up and owning your sh_t.

 

You are not mature enough to understand fidelity and trust. You lack self control. As well as an appreciation for self respect.(videos and pics) These things are detrimental to your well-being in the long run and your ex knows this. You are not a safe partner.

 

My suggestion is that you need to ride the cock carousel and use up your marketplace value so at least someone else gets to enjoy the "best" years of you.

 

Later on, when you finally mature and feel the pressure of age and other things start in on you. You can hopefully find a somewhat decent guy to spend your life with that won't mind your baggage.

 

I'm sorry that this post sounds harsh but there is no silver lining. If you think your husband will come back, by all means throw caution to the wind. But don't be surprised when he doesn't and you end up wasting valuable time being even more miserable. Just don't make him worse. He doesn't deserve that. You ruined his heart. And you expect him to get a used up seconds in a wife with worn out parts? That's just sad....

[Betrayed&Stayed]

... I want to work on this marriage.

 

Your marriage is dead. There is nothing to work on.

[GoldenR]

"Everyone makes mistakes".

 

You didn't make a mistake. You made a lifestyle choice to betray your husband for a very long time. I would say that you're only sorry that you got caught, but even that isn't true because you're still having sex with your boyfriend! How can you say that you want to fix things with your H when you're still having sex with the other guy?

 

You don't love your husband. I don't think you even like him. You have no respect for him or for yourself.

 

Divorce him. Don't get married again until you've had a ton of therapy.

[What_Did_I_Do]

Thanks for the suggestion and already made an appointment with Individual Counsellor and marriage counsellor and I love my husband more than anyone, when it comes to my husband I won't even tolerate or defend my ex-boyfriend.

 

Update. My husband has blocked me from his phone, email id, Facebook, Instagram, I am not able to contact him, I just want to talk to him,

I have gone to my in laws house, they are not responding.

I have tried contacting my husband colleague and his friends, nothing seems to work out.

 

I am alone going to my office and coming back to my home, I miss my husband very much,

Can’t describe in words how much I miss my husband.

Tomorrow is our 2nd year of marriage anniversary, don’t know how and with whom to celebrate.

 

Well, quite frankly, you will 'celebrating' solo. Infidelity has a way of causing unfortunate circumstances. OP, use this time to re-evaluate your past choices. I'm still befuddled as to why people are shocked and surprised when their home porn videos suddenly appear somewhere in social media...especially done in extra marital relationships (shakes head). In any event, leave your H alone. He needs to heal and put back the pieces of his broken heart.

[elaine567]

I do not think you could have done much more to guarantee that your husband never ever wants talk to you ever again, save perhaps murdering his mother or burning his house to the ground.

[elaine567]

wrong thread

[BarbedFenceRider]

I do not think you could have done much more to guarantee that your husband never ever wants talk to you ever again, save perhaps murdering his mother or burning his house to the ground.

 

ROFL!!! Well, then there's that!!! But so very true.

 

I just love the narcissism flowing out of the side of her head. " I would always defend my husband." - (Except when in the sack with OM...)

 

"I truly love dear husband." (Except when filming bukkake with OM).

 

Tone deaf and no self awareness....Please, no kids. They would be just ruined being raised in this environment.

[unique women]

ROFL!!! Well, then there's that!!! But so very true.

 

I just love the narcissism flowing out of the side of her head. " I would always defend my husband." - (Except when in the sack with OM...)

 

"I truly love dear husband." (Except when filming bukkake with OM).

 

Tone deaf and no self awareness....Please, no kids. They would be just ruined being raised in this environment.

 

 

I know, i have betrayed my husband, as far video and pics are concernd these are made by my Ex bf.

 

Definitely , one day i am going to have kids with my current husband.

 

You can laugh and make fun of me, because of my mistake.

 

I am alone and sad right now, but definitely one day i will be with my husband.

[unique women]

I do not think you could have done much more to guarantee that your husband never ever wants talk to you ever again, save perhaps murdering his mother or burning his house to the ground.

 

At this moment, everyone is bashing me for my mistake,makingsarcastic and rude comments.

 

God bless you, have a good day.

Note :I love my mother and father in law in the same way as i love my parents.

[MidwestUSA]

I know, i have betrayed my husband, as far video and pics are concernd these are made by my Ex bf.

 

Definitely , one day i am going to have kids with my current husband.

 

You can laugh and make fun of me, because of my mistake.

 

I am alone and sad right now, but definitely one day i will be with my husband.

 

 

Those videos were made against your will? You were forced to upload them to your home computer?

 

That's not what we call a 'mistake'.

[d0nnivain]

But my husband was quiet,didnot reacted and acted normally, so he invited my inlaws and mom and dad and he asked my inlaws and my parents and me, there is some surprise and on our TV he showed all those videos and pics to me ,my inlaws and my parents, now

 

my husband has left the house and not contacted me since that day and tomorrow is our 2nd marriage anniversary.

 

I know, what i have done thats wrong ,but everyone one do mistake.

 

My inlaws dont talk to me and my parenst they are upset with me.

 

so during these days,my ex boyfriend is trying to console me and again we had sex and my ex bf abused my husband and said my husband is a loser and old guy, who dont know how to treat a woman.

 

i need some suggestions and advice.

 

 

This was a little more then bouncing a check. No you are not entitled to "one mistake" when it comes to having a physical affair. A mistake is putting yourself in a risky situation & getting caught off guard when the OM kisses you. It is not having sex with him, taking trips with him & saving homemade porn of your trysts.

 

 

You need to apologize to your husband & BEG him for marriage counseling. You need to end everything with your EXs & give your husband total transparency in your actions. Since you are both software people that may include passwords, keyloggers & GPS trackers. It's highly unlikely that he will take you back. I suspect that he showed both families the videos to shame & humiliate you but also to make sure his parents hate you so much that if he got weak & considered taking you back, they would talk him out of it.

 

 

Your best option here is probably a good lawyer. Then figure out a way to make it up to your own parents.

[heartbrokenlady]

What you did would make a western man, in a promiscuous society leave you.

 

Your virgin, Hindu husband won't forgive this.

 

Spend some time on your own. Think about what you want for your future. Make new plans without your husband. He doesn't want you.

[Southern Sun]

hi,

 

i have been married to my husband for around two

years.Me ( age -26 years )and My Husband (27 years old) are Currently living in India,we both are from India and both of us belongs to Hindu Community.

...

 

My husband lost his virginity to me during our honeymoon post marriage.and prior to my marriage i was in a relationship with two guys, so i was not a virgin.i was hiding this fact to my husband,

 

...

 

so after 4 months during our marriage, my husband was suppossed to vist California,United states on a business trip for 1 month.

 

during those days, i feel lonely and contacted one of my ex boyfriend( who is married ).some how, after 2-3 days,we had sex and both cheated on our partners and my ex boyfriend made video, took our nude pics, and my nude pics and prior to my marriage ,he made several video ... i saved and copied it on my home PC.

 

so whenever my Husband is away on a business trip outside India, i used to have sex with my ex boyfriend, once we went to switzerland and Paris

together for two weeks and stayed in the same room and made a video and pics.

 

...

 

So during these days,my ex boyfriend is trying to console me and again we had sex and my ex bf abused my husband and said my husband is a loser and old guy, who dont know how to treat a woman.

 

 

I'm not sure if this is a language barrier or if you truly do not grasp the gravity and extent of your betrayal.

 

First, you say you lied to your husband about your virginity. That is one bombshell he got hit with when he discovered these videos. So not only did he learn that you've been cheating with him since 4 months after you married, but that you had sex BEFORE marriage when you told him you had not. Right?

 

Secondly, you say he had a one month long business trip which led to you getting "lonely" and contacting your ex (initially). If you can't handle your H leaving for one freaking month, you do have serious issues. No wonder he is questioning EVERYTHING. Not only this, but you have betrayed him in hideous ways almost immediately after marrying him.

 

Third, you went on extravagant trips with this guy AND allowed him to take pics and video the two of you during your sex acts. AND saved them to your computer. Just a million stabs in his heart, okay??

 

On top of it all, now that he's left, you've allowed your ex to "console" you by continuing to have sex with you?!

 

Finally, I'm not sure what the Hindu community in general feels about infidelity, but whatever that is, you've got to contend with it.

 

You may never get your H back. If you even want that one in a million chance, you should probably stop having sex with your ex bf.

 

I am not saying any of this to insult you or be rude. I've been the wayward wife. It is a horrible place to be. You've done terrible things. But the first thing you have to do is STOP! Then you have to actually admit to yourself what you've done. If you get there...maybe we can help you further.

[Be_Strong]

I’m curious as to why you and your exboyfriend (who you describe as your first love) broke up and did not get married.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Blame shifting. You TOOK the videos from him and put them on your own damn computer... Give me a break!

Look here, I know that our cultures are different and languages get in the way. But seriously, you need to know this. You cheating, is soley on you. You are broken and unsafe.

Your husband deserves a safe partner that doesn't get "exploited" on a porn version of Bollywood...These were all YOUR choices. Did you even think of getting to the doctor for STD checks? Ooops.

Did you look around your enviornment and see all the things and times your "inlaws" were involved in your life? Oooops.

Did your parents raise you to act and behave like this? I know many an Indian friend here in the US. And pride and honor play big parts in their families lives. Bet your father is just loving getting up everyday having to see friends and family along with co-workers knowing that your "porn videos" are being circulated around.

I am not trying to make fun of you. But this is your new "reality". You need to own your decisions, make yourself better and healthier. Start finding complete remorse for destroying another human beings life. You said your are hindu no? What does your background tell you about destroying life? You might as well have taken a gun and shot the poor man. Same difference. Except now, he gets to get up everyday and relive the trauma.

You are in limerence with your OM. You actually watched your family view your "porno" and yet went to exBF's house and had sex again.... Karma much?

Like I said. Leave the poor ex husband alone. You need to work on yourself with counseling and other outlets for your time. ie. hobbies and community work would be a good place to start. And keep your clothes on for a change!