On the verge to lose my marriage and my wonderful and lovable husband

[JuneL]

I got the impression that the OP came from a privileged family background in her culture, so she has been spoiled all her life, even as an adult. Coincidentally, I've come across another thread from another woman of the same culture who has also betrayed and cheated on her husband. The thing that really stood out from their posts was that, even after their husbands were leaving them after finding out their affairs, they were still worried about their husbands not acknowledging their birthday/wedding anniversary

[unique women]

So, finally I had a session with Counsellor and I shared lot of things about me, my husband, affair and marriage and counsellor responded that you have to work a lot on yourself. I cried a lot and now I am realising I am so horrible and cruel to the best man of my life, how I can be so cruel, no matter what, I can’t undo those horrible things but in my present, I can focus on myself and health,

I am so uncomfortable and sad without my husband, now I am realising the real gem in my husband, he is so pure.

Now I am joining Yoga and meditation classes for my fitness and health.

I will do anything for my husband, if he gives me another chance, I believe everybody deserves another chance.

Right now, just going through our honeymoon and wedding pics.

[d0nnivain]

The counselor seems like s/he has you on a good track. I doubt that track will bring your husband back but I hope the yoga & meditation helps you find some peace & balance.

[anika99]

So, finally I had a session with Counsellor and I shared lot of things about me, my husband, affair and marriage and counsellor responded that you have to work a lot on yourself. I cried a lot and now I am realising I am so horrible and cruel to the best man of my life, how I can be so cruel, no matter what, I can’t undo those horrible things but in my present, I can focus on myself and health,

I am so uncomfortable and sad without my husband, now I am realising the real gem in my husband, he is so pure.

Now I am joining Yoga and meditation classes for my fitness and health.

I will do anything for my husband, if he gives me another chance, I believe everybody deserves another chance.

Right now, just going through our honeymoon and wedding pics.

 

Everybody deserves a chance to change their lives and become better people. You can do that with or without being married, has nothing to do with your husband. He owes you nothing and is not obligated stay in a marriage that destroyed him. If you are truly remorseful and truly want to be a better person you will continue to work on yourself even if your husband never comes back.

[salparadise]

I cried a lot and now I am realising I am so horrible and cruel to the best man of my life, how I can be so cruel...

 

I am interested in knowing what you were thinking, how you rationalized it at the time. What reasoning made it acceptable then, vs. your newfound realizations?

 

I will do anything for my husband, if he gives me another chance, I believe everybody deserves another chance.

 

Well, another realization that you may need to explore is the perceived seriousness of this offense, both in society's eyes and your husband's. In many eastern societies (usually Muslim) punishments are the same (or more severe) as for murder, which includes stoning. Even in liberal Western societies it is considered to be a most egregious betrayal. You will find very few people [esp. here] who agree that an adulterer deserves a second chance.

 

What were your thoughts as to the degree of seriousness prior to d-day?

[troubadour]

I am interested in knowing what you were thinking, how you rationalized it at the time. What reasoning made it acceptable then, vs. your newfound realizations?

 

 

 

Salparadise, I hope you realize this thread is a classic example of Internet trollism?

[usa1ah]

So, finally I had a session with Counsellor and I shared lot of things about me, my husband, affair and marriage and counsellor responded that you have to work a lot on yourself. I cried a lot and now I am realising I am so horrible and cruel to the best man of my life, how I can be so cruel, no matter what, I can’t undo those horrible things but in my present, I can focus on myself and health,

I am so uncomfortable and sad without my husband, now I am realising the real gem in my husband, he is so pure.

Now I am joining Yoga and meditation classes for my fitness and health.

I will do anything for my husband, if he gives me another chance, I believe everybody deserves another chance.

Right now, just going through our honeymoon and wedding pics.

 

No one deserves a second chance. The are granted by the person that was wronged if they see fit to grant one.

Edited December 25, 2017 by usa1ah

[QuietDan]

So, finally I had a session with Counsellor and I shared lot of things about me, my husband, affair and marriage and counsellor responded that you have to work a lot on yourself. I cried a lot and now I am realising I am so horrible and cruel to the best man of my life, how I can be so cruel, no matter what, I can’t undo those horrible things but in my present, I can focus on myself and health,

I am so uncomfortable and sad without my husband, now I am realising the real gem in my husband, he is so pure.

Now I am joining Yoga and meditation classes for my fitness and health.

I will do anything for my husband, if he gives me another chance, I believe everybody deserves another chance.

Right now, just going through our honeymoon and wedding pics.

 

Have you had any contact with your husband since he left?

[Dreamwalker17]

Your husband is done with your “marriage”.

Please show him some kindness and leave him alone so he can grieve, heal and move on.

[CoolHandLuke1976]

Have you stopped ****ing your ex yet? That might be the best first step in all this.

[BarbedFenceRider]

I still see a lot of I and Me in OPs posts. While she did go to one counseling session, it will be interesting to see her follow through with it.

[Just a Guy]

Hi coolhandluke, guess she's broken contact with her ex as per her own statement. However, that by itself is not going to help save her marriage. She's nuked it pretty badly. Some folks know how to cut their noses to spite their faces. Sad.

[unique women]

Update:

I am attending Individual Counselling session and marriage counselling session,

I am feeling guilty and horrible day by day, for my deeds and acts and just going to office and coming back to home, attending yoga session and doing work outs,

don’t know what new year is going to hold for me and my husband

 

Yesterday I just went to my in-law’s house and I found no one, there security guard told me that my in-laws and my husband has gone for a vacation together out of India,

I am alone and sad, don’t know where to go, my ex bf yesterday came to my home and he wanted to make out with me, I told him, I am going to call the cops, he left in angry mood and abused me and my husband.

I don’t know, whether any positive acts or deeds from my side will give any meaningful insight to my husband or our marriage.

I miss my husband, his body and our body touch, our sexual acts.

I am worried that may be my husband had approached the divorce lawyer and discussed our case.

I just want one chance from my husband, but don’t know whether that will be enough for my marriage survival or not

[WilyWill]

It's time to face reality. I feel bad for you. But this whole time you've been acting as if you put a dent in your husband's car, wondering why he can't just have some minor car repairs and move on.

 

What you did completely destroyed your marriage and your husband's sense of self-worth. It rocked him to his core. He's questioning everything he believed about every person he's ever met. He's questioning whether true love can exist. This is more than a dent in his car.

 

You need to accept that you will never get him back. Even if he loved you, he could not deal with seeing the face of the woman who degraded and humiliated him every day. He could not deal with the shame of standing in front of his own family and yours.

 

Right now he's working on falling out of love with you. Please let him continue. It will take time. This isn't about you, your ego, or getting back the thing you think you're entitled to. If you love him, let him heal. Without you, without you forever.

 

Continue to work on your own issues. Maybe someday you'll be mature enough to enter into a real marriage with an understanding of all the responsibilities that entails. This will take years You'll know you've reached that level of maturity and selflessness when you can confess all of your wrongdoings in your first marriage to your new boyfriend.

 

How's Yoga class going? Any cute guys caught your eye yet?

[Simple Logic]

hi,

 

i have been married to my husband for around two

years.Me ( age -26 years )and My Husband (27 years old) are Currently living in India,we both are from India and both of us belongs to Hindu Community.

 

We both are software professionals, so sometimes we have to travel outside India for work and business purpose.

 

My husband lost his virginity to me during our honeymoon post marriage.and prior to my marriage i was in a relationship with two guys, so i was not a virgin.i was hiding this fact to my husband, as my husband is different from me and my previous boyfriends, in a good way, he is honest,caring,always listen to me,during his busy schedule he manage to spend some time with me, and let me tell you my husband is shy and introvert,but when it comes to sex, he is amazing, he performed new psositions and give me the best orgasm and excitement in my sex life.

 

so after 4 months during our marriage, my husband was suppossed to vist California,United states on a business trip for 1 month.

 

during those days, i feel lonely and contacted one of my ex boyfriend( who is married ).some how, after 2-3 days,we had sex and both cheated on our partners and my ex boyfriend made video, took our nude pics, and my nude pics and prior to my marriage ,he made several video of ours blow job and handjob, oral sex, and ****ing activities and he gave all those collections of videos( old and new videos and pictures )to me and i saved and copied it on my home PC.

 

so whenever my Husband is away on a business trip outside India, i used to have sex with my ex boyfriend, once we went to switzerland and Paris

together for two weeks and stayed in the same room and made a video and pics.

 

So before my 2 year of marriage anniversary, my boyfriend sent some lingerie and sex toys to me and a sex video collection of switzerland and paris in a gift pack ,which was received by my husband ,as i was in a different city for business trip.

 

So my husband found out everything about me and my ex boyfriend, he checked the PC, where he saw the old videos and other new video made after my marriage.

 

Husband checked my facebook and instagram profile wher my ex boyfriend was added in contact list.

 

But my husband was quiet,didnot reacted and acted normally, so he invited my inlaws and mom and dad and he asked my inlaws and my parents and me, there is some surprise and on our TV he showed all those videos and pics to me ,my inlaws and my parents, now

 

my husband has left the house and not contacted me since that day and tomorrow is our 2nd marriage anniversary.

 

I know, what i have done thats wrong ,but everyone one do mistake.

 

My inlaws dont talk to me and my parenst they are upset with me.

 

so during these days,my ex boyfriend is trying to console me and again we had sex and my ex bf abused my husband and said my husband is a loser and old guy, who dont know how to treat a woman.

 

i need some suggestions and advice.

 

Please read your own post. You never say you loved or respected your husband and the situation has not changed because you got caught. Be kind enough to allow your husband to properly reorder his life without you being any further burden.

 

Oh, and your BF says your husband is a loser? What idiot cheats with a married woman and sends sex toys and porn movies to her home? Give us a break.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Simple Logic

[stillafool]

Your husband is never going to look at you the same way again. He will never let you climb back on top of the pedestal he had you on so it's best to figure out what you are going to do with the rest of your life. It's good you are in therapy and now miss sex with your husband but it's too late.

[Mr Blunt]

So, finally I had a session with Counsellor and I shared lot of things about me, my husband, affair and marriage and counsellor responded that you have to work a lot on yourself

 

 

 

 

If you are wise you will follow your counselor’s advice and take actions to work on yourself. I know you want your husband to come back to you but those chances a very low. Even if your husband comes back to you will not have a great marriage. Working on yourself so that you understand a lot more about love, commitment, trustworthyness, and sacrifice will give you the best chance of you ever having a successful marriage. If you do not work on yourself you will have very bad relationships with husbands.

 

 

 

 

You have taken some steps to get better (refused the OM and beginning to be remorseful) but get all the help that you can so that you can continue (years) to take actions to get better.

[unique women]

Hi everyone, best wishes for new year 2018, today I sent messages to me in laws and my parents and the message got delivered and I got the new year wish from my in-laws and parents.

 

 

My parents dropped a bomb on me, they said my husband had a word with my parents and my husband told my parents “my ex-boyfriend will be charged with adultery under Indian penal Code 498a and ex bf will serve the punishment in the form of imprisonment (in jail) for some years( in this case my ex bf will be fired from his organization and a case is going to be filed against me for cheating and fraud and adultery and I will be fired from my organization, in that case, and I will be under imprisonment for some years.

 

 

By the way my husband greeted my parents and wished them a new year, he did not say or abused anything bad about me or my ex bf.

 

 

I was shocked, today is new year day, how the new year is going to begin, I never though that my husband can do such things, now I can see my husband other face.

 

 

I do understand my mistake and horrible acts, but why my husband is going to make it more worst.

 

 

Don’t know why?

 

 

I am worried for my ex bf, my life, and more important my husband life, I don’t know what this new year is going to rewards us.

[elaine567]

 

My parents dropped a bomb on me, they said my husband had a word with my parents and my husband told my parents “my ex-boyfriend will be charged with adultery under Indian penal Code 498a and ex bf will serve the punishment in the form of imprisonment (in jail) for some years( in this case my ex bf will be fired from his organization and a case is going to be filed against me for cheating and fraud and adultery and I will be fired from my organization, in that case, and I will be under imprisonment for some years.

 

...I am worried for my ex bf, my life, and more important my husband life, I don’t know what this new year is going to rewards us.

 

Now is not the time to start worrying about your husband, now is the time to start protecting yourself. I suggest you alert your ex bf too

Get legal advice. and find out how likely he would be to be successful here or is this all just bitter hot air.

 

YOU need to start realising that your husband is no longer that lovely man you married, you wronged him and he is now your enemy.

[salparadise]

My parents dropped a bomb on me, they said my husband had a word with my parents and my husband told my parents “my ex-boyfriend will be charged with adultery under Indian penal Code 498a and ex bf will serve the punishment in the form of imprisonment (in jail) for some years( in this case my ex bf will be fired from his organization and a case is going to be filed against me for cheating and fraud and adultery and I will be fired from my organization, in that case, and I will be under imprisonment for some years.

 

It would appear base on a quick google search that the boyfriend has indeed committed a criminal act under section 497 (not 498a) and could face five years in prison for trespassing on the property of another man, however, this law applies only to the male and not the adulterous woman. Based on the article the woman will not face criminal charges and is not in danger of being imprisoned.

 

Indian Adultery Law

 

Section 498a is about abuse of women and does not seem to apply.

 

 

I do understand my mistake and horrible acts, but why my husband is going to make it more worst. Don’t know why?

 

OP, you seem to have such a childlike naivete about all of this. You related the whole story without any expression of conscience or remorse, and you continue to be bewildered and confused as to why everyone is making such a big deal of it. You actually expect that your husband should be able to just overlook a mistake and give you another chance, which you believe you deserve. In the quoted text above, you say you understand your mistake, yet in the same sentence you ask why your husband would want to make it "worst."

 

Have you considered the possibility that he's seriously pissed off?

 

 

 

(If you are a troll, well played.)

[georgia girl]

I am not sure which part of India you live in but this is rare these days (infidelity imprisonment). However, you should get legal advice to protect yourself.

 

Finally, accept that your marriage is over and that you single-handedly destroyed it. There is just nothing redeeming in what you did. After being confronted by your husband, you had sex with the other guy again?! And then, got upset with a poster who criticized your lover?!

 

OP, if you truly love your husband, let him go. Give him the divorce he desires without argument and apologize to him and his family for wasting their time and hurting them. Promise to never contact them again and keep that promise. That is the most loving and dignified thing you can do for them now.

[Mr Blunt]

Originally posted by unique women

I was shocked, today is new year day, how the new year is going to begin, I never thought that my husband can do such things, now I can see my husband other face.

You are the one that created your husband’s “other face”. He is reacting just like many men would when they have been stabbed in the back by the woman that promised to be loyal. What you did to your husband is very serious and does great damage to a relationship.

 

 

You do not understand how devastating what you did to your husband is. You are very sorry that you are starting to pay the consequences of your betrayal; you are very concerned about YOU. However, your failure to understand and feel strongly your devastating violation of trust and loyalty is a great detriment to your character and to anyone wanting to take a chance at having you as a trustworthy and loyal GF or wife.

 

 

If your story is real then GET ALL THE HELP THAT YOU CAN to get you to become a better person. Your counselor has told you that you need to work on YOU! What are you doing to improve your deficits including deficiency in loyalty and trust?

[Poutrew]

That section 497 sounds like a thing I can get behind. If it were passed in America, they would have to let all the murderers and druggies go and even then there wouldn't be enough room for all the OM's that would clog up the system. Well, when your boyfriend is in the klinker for those 5 years, I am sure he will learn to cozy up to the alpha dogs for 'protection'. Don't worry so much for your boyfriend - you can bake him a cake and feed it to him on visiting days... Save enough for the guards and I'm sure they'll treat him right...

[DKT3]

That section 497 sounds like a thing I can get behind. If it were passed in America, they would have to let all the murderers and druggies go and even then there wouldn't be enough room for all the OM's that would clog up the system. Well, when your boyfriend is in the klinker for those 5 years, I am sure he will learn to cozy up to the alpha dogs for 'protection'. Don't worry so much for your boyfriend - you can bake him a cake and feed it to him on visiting days... Save enough for the guards and I'm sure they'll treat him right...

 

It is actually a crime in 48 of 50 States and a felony in 6. It is rarely charged in any, but has been a few times in recent years, all in the Bible belt.

[unique women]

Quick Update,

 

had a meeting with two lawyers and discussed my case, lawyers told me, most probably, my ex bf will be charged under 497 and 498 under Indian penal Code and will serve the punishment for some years in imprisionment as the evidence are strong and there is no sign of any abuse or violence from my husband side, so things are in favour of my husband.

 

as these two sections and acts 497 and 498 are so much effective in India.

Second update : Both lawyers told me : Divorce can be done on many aspects, such as adultery or infidelity,domestic violence, fraudaulent or trust issue or abuse issue,compatability issue or financial issue or health issue or mutual consent and apart from that there are many other apsects and reason for divorce.

as per discussion with lawyer ,in my case probability of divorce is high on two factors either its mutual consent,

 

second adultery or infidelity on my part and fraud intentions,(as i was not virgin during the marriage time,which i have not told about my husband, so thats a fraud and divorce can be granted on ths reason in india.)

 

illegal trespassing in my husband house by my ex bf.

third update, i and my ex bf did such things in my home, which belongs to my husband , so thats illegal in India, being a married man or lady its a crime and illegal in india to have sexual or emotional relations outside of marriage,

 

So my ex bf and i are in big trouble just because of our stupid and idiotic acts

 

Only thing i want right now is to have a discussion with my husband and i know people will tell me its too late, but i dont have any other option.

Last update, Police went to my ex bf house and office, now my ex bf wife, parents, and other family member,relatives and pals knows that what he did to my husband , i am clueless and not sure what to do rigth now ?

 

i am crying while typing , i dont know where to go,