5th Date

December 21, 2017

Over the period of a month, I went out on (5) dates with a woman whome I met online, we slept together twice, and kept in contact each day from the first date via text. She was very busy career-wise traveling for about (2) weeks over that month including out of the country. I was slowing down from a busy year and knew what the toll of travel and work took. I was supportive and it helped the relationship. It actually helped blossom the relationship because of the support

Our last date was low key (2nd time we slept together). I did feel I was a bit clingy during that date and wanted to address it. I asked to meet up before she went home for the holidays. However was unable to. We had a meaningful text conversation, that left off acknowledging we liked one another. However, I didnt address my thoughts on me being a little clingy. After the holiday I receive a text saying she "wasn't looking for a relationship and I'm a great guy, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I tried to play it cool like I didn't care and told her to look to take care of herself. As she said she didn't have time for herself and needed to step away from this.

I let a week pass and tried to continue to "play it cool" and not share with her that I actually cared. We are both stubborn career-focused people who usually think with their head instead of our hearts. I initiated contact with a short text, received some laughs. Then I told her via text that I realized that I might have come on too strong too fast. I respected her time and was just excited she choose to spend her minimal personal time with me. Her response was "Feel Better?" I just lied and said yes. We were meant to go to a concert, and I think I was just pushing to get her to go, instead of focusing on the overall picture. Needless to say, we did not go to the concert.

I noticed she removed me from social media, then I saw here on a dating app. I didn't swipe, but after a few hours, I see she disappeared. Which I can only assume she blocked me?

However through all that, we are still texting, but I notice she has stopped asking reciprocal questions and its just me initiating the conversation, even though she does give long detailed answers.

So my question is: 1 month has passed since she sent the "not looking for a relationship text" we have cordially texted back and forth in that month, even though I dropped a "I know what I did" text that might have pushed her further away (she de-friend me on social media a few days after). We only really knew each other for a month, but there was a real connection there and I want to explore that connection with her further, however I do not know how to. Do I let time pass and write her an email saying what I really thought.... is that creepy. I dont know why she made the decisions she did (and I think thats whats driving me). She is back on dating apps, so have to assume it wasnt because another guy? Or do I give it time and reach back out in a few months?

December 21, 2017

I'm sorry to break it to you, but she is no longer interested in you that way.

It sounds like she was trying to let you down gently by saying that she didn't want a relationship, but what she really meant was, she doesn't want one with you. That is why she is back on dating apps, and blocking you from seeing her private business.

It sucks, but you need to move on and find a better match. Any contact you make with her will be a complete waste of your time. Your time will be much better spent meeting someone new.

December 21, 2017

Sadly if she tells you she's not looking for a relationship with you, you can't really expect too much from her. I mean idk did she tell you that she wanted distance or that you guys can be friends or what? From my perspective it seems as if she's trying to get space from you perhaps so she doesn't acquire any feelings for you. Sadly most women aren't very good at not letting their emotions cloud their better judgment so I can only assume she was trying to distance herself from you.

She already told you she doesn't want a relationship so I mean sadly you need to respect that. That doesn't mean you can't talk to her, unless of course she told you to stop contacting her. Sounds like a pretty cloudy situation. If she hasn't told you to stop contacting her I say keep the connection going because you honestly never know what may happen, but at the same time you have to be okay with the fact that something may never come up again. She said she didn't want a relationship so trying to get one with her is only going to make her less attracted to you.

This is probably going to be a hard pill to swallow, because I have a horrible issue with this myself, but don't overthink it. Just go with the flow. If it's meant to be, things will happen naturally on their own. It really isn't something that you need to be thinking about too much, even though it feels like it is...love is such a big grey area...no matter how much you analyze it, you're probably never going to get all the answers...

December 21, 2017

Most likely she didn’t feel “it” the first time you had sex. But, she decided to give it a second chance to see if it would improve. After the second time having sex, she still didn’t feel “it” so she didn’t want to date you anymore.

You’re wasting your time pursuing a girl you have no chance with. Move on.

December 21, 2017

It's painful, but you've got to let this one go. Especially if she unfriended you on social media. That is a pretty powerful sign that she does not want to work on the connection.

I'd advise you to stop texting her, and just let it go. If she wants to re-connect, she knows how to do that. Otherwise, you just appear to be clingy, which is not the impression you want to create.

December 22, 2017

It sucks to be you or anyone that has been where you are.

That place is when the kiss of death has been given to you.

THE KISS OF DEATH:

You got it twice, once for each cheek; you're a great guy, which

is just another version of the "you're a nice guy" on the left cheek.

Then you got the I don't have time for a relationship on the right

cheek.

She was letting you down easily. You liked her a lot. You were

trying to find ways to make this relationship take off. Can never

blame a man for trying. You wanting to make it work so bad it made

you miss the clues that said your car has coasted to a stop on

the side of a deserted road. And she is not coming to help.

December 22, 2017

Thank you for the feedback. I was never asking for a relationship, never mentioned it. Obviously after (5) dates one does think about it but was never brought up. Especially with the holidays coming up, I wouldn't that it would be appropriate. I was just enjoying the conversations and having fun. She did most of the texting and reaching out to me.

Don't think the sleeping together part was the problem, she enjoyed it more then I did. Don't need to go into detail, but not to worried about that.

No, nothing about distance or friendship was mentioned. She actually complimented me on giving her space as she worked a lot and her busy schedule always presented a problem in past relationships. Since I have the same hectic schedule I understood. I just got off a large project and moved to a new town (where we met) to take a break for the Winter. I do know she is/was very overwhelmed with work, which is another reason I gave her space and let her text me. I think she went to (2) countries and (5) states for work over the one month we "hung out"

It was (as appeared to me) a 180 after she went home for the holidays. I can only assume she did some thinking. And that is her thinking lead to. I believe I handled it the wrong way at the end by just playing cool. And now regret that, but it is what it is at this point.

I would like to take the "not looking for a relationship" and "don't have time for myself" at face value. But we all know that's a crock of ****. I was to polite to call it out or ask to try to patch anything up, by talking about it. All I did was send a text mid-conversation 2 or 3 weeks post, about I realized I might have come on too strong. And by too strong I was referring too, hanging out at my place and spending time together. During that time (last time we hung out) she did say, if she didn't like me she wouldn't be spending so much time with me. After that date, I was a little nervous because I was a little "to hand-holdy" (which is very not like me) and started to second guess myself and her. I mentioned that in a text a few days later. I said was I sometimes second guess my self after she sent me a three-point list on why she appreciates me. She asked what I second-guessed, I said whether she likes me. She said you are very black and white, luckily I know how to speak your language, thank you for clarifying my analytical mind is going to bed. PS I told you I liked you. That was the last conversation before she went home for the holidays and a few days later got the no relationship text.

obviously, she left a lasting impression and there is something inside of me that won't let this go. I have been on other dates since and dont usually have a problem with women. She was not the typical girl I go out with. Since we met on a dating app (first time for me) we got to know one another over conversation rather than having physical appearances determine the attraction. I would say if we met at a bar, I most likely would not ask her out based on appearances as harsh as that is to say.

I am stereotyped as a nice guy, and that might have been the "kiss of death" as described above. I think as I said it was the quickness of the decision.

I'm about to jump into a busy work schedule in the middle of Jan. I think what I liked most, was someone who understood my busy schedule and I was able to share it with. The "ghosting" as kids call it these days I guess pisses me off the most.

Thank you for all the feedback, trust me. I wasn't going to do something rash for someone I met online and only really saw (5) times. I do over analyze everything, as its my job. So it naturally overflows into my personal life. I might reach out in a few months or I might not. The de-friend of social media thing caught me off guard and made me laugh as it seemed pretty childish or over the top.

It is good to talk about it and hear multifaceted options.

Edited December 22, 2017 by Macallan18

December 23, 2017

Sadly if she tells you she's not looking for a relationship with you, you can't really expect too much from her. I mean idk did she tell you that she wanted distance or that you guys can be friends or what? From my perspective it seems as if she's trying to get space from you perhaps so she doesn't acquire any feelings for you. Sadly most women aren't very good at not letting their emotions cloud their better judgment so I can only assume she was trying to distance herself from you.

She already told you she doesn't want a relationship so I mean sadly you need to respect that. That doesn't mean you can't talk to her, unless of course she told you to stop contacting her. Sounds like a pretty cloudy situation. If she hasn't told you to stop contacting her I say keep the connection going because you honestly never know what may happen, but at the same time you have to be okay with the fact that something may never come up again. She said she didn't want a relationship so trying to get one with her is only going to make her less attracted to you.