Brother and father got into a fight but who was in the wrong?

[Nabely]

Yesterday was one of the most intense fights ever between my father and my younger 16 year-old brother.

 

When I got home from college, both of them were already arguing. My mother was trying to intervene and my father kept yelling ''Don't talk to me in that manner'' and getting his belt. My brother wrestled it out of his hands, threw it out of the window and kept saying ''fight me like a man you coward''. My brother then shoved him and my father responded back.

 

My brother then punched him first, my father hit him back, then my brother punched him twice but my father then got him in a headlock position and then pin him down on the floor. He was then saying ''you thought you could beat your old man''. Then my father let him and my brother started crying, yelling that my father just tried to choke him, locked himself in his room and isn't speaking to anyone but me.

 

Even though my brother can be stubborn as hell, this is the first time he ever got into a physical fight with our father. My brother has told me he hates him because he tried to choke him.

[Jdoublenn]

No idea who's at fault. I just struggle to understand why anything has to resort to physical violence..

 

My dad and brother got into it sometimes while we were growing up, but brother respected dad enough to give in and move on, and my dad never would've placed his hands on any of us, no matter what. so idk..

[spiderowl]

It sounds like your father resorts to violence when he feels disrespected. While that might be a natural response, it does not resolve the situation - it just breeds more resentment and anger.

 

Is there any way you could talk to your father about learning ways of dealing with his son without resorting to violence? I can't see how physical fights will help either of them. Maybe it is worth finding out what is available locally to help parents and teenagers to resolve conflict.

 

I am sorry you are all in this situation; it sounds pretty horrible. Your father might feel like he won that round but your brother will be hurt and angry. He will either find somewhere else to live and move out or end up in the same situation again when challenging your father. Maybe you and your brother could find out if there are hostels locally that support young people who have difficult relationships with parents.

[Jdoublenn]

 

I am sorry you are all in this situation; it sounds pretty horrible. Your father might feel like he won that round but your brother will be hurt and angry. He will either find somewhere else to live and move out or end up in the same situation again when challenging your father. Maybe you and your brother could find out if there are hostels locally that support young people who have difficult relationships with parents.

 

OR he'll grow up thinking this is how it works in families and he'll treat his future children the same way! Its just a sh*tty cycle.

[basil67]

It's quite clearly your father's fault. He's taught your brother to respond to difficult situations with violence and your brother is now doing as he's been taught.

 

Next time your father assaults him with a belt, your brother would be better off getting away and heading to the police to press charges. Even take out an AVO on your father.