Is it amoral to get with a married man/woman?

[ZayKayWill]

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I can see this going both ways.

 

 

Argument 1: The guy/girl is going to cheat on their spouse regardless if you choose not to get with them, so why not just do it? It's their own choice for cheating and the marriage is probably going to be over anyway.

 

 

Argument 2: You just shouldn't do it because morally speaking it's wrong.

 

 

Honestly...if the girl was smoking hot, it would be really hard for me to say no. I know it's not right, though. If I was the husband being cheated on I know I wouldn't be happy about it.

 

 

Edit: This doesn't have to be limited to just people who are married it can include people in relationships as well.

Edited December 22, 2017 by ZayKayWill

[d0nnivain]

Amoral means neither moral nor immoral, not caring about right & wrong. So I think someone who would knowingly engage in a relationship with a married person is amoral meaning they don't care.

 

 

Moral means acting in accordance with standards of good behavior. Cheating is certainly not good behavior.

 

 

Therefore I would say the behavior is immoral -- meaning outside of decent behavior.

[Nilfiry]

Everything must be examined on a case by case basis, and generalizations cannot be applied to every scenario because morals also vary greatly.

 

Example 1: Dating a married woman who is trying to leave her abusive and deadbeat husband. She is trying to get the divorce done, but it just has not happened yet because the legal system is not exactly quick. You are still technically dating a married woman. Should you wait until the divorce is final for that tiny chance that they may decide to work things out in the end?

 

Example 2: Sleeping with a married man, but he is in an open marriage. Cool. That is the whole point of an open marriage. You are probably going get emotionally tangled, but that is another problem for later. Some are cool with this, and some look down on it. Meh.

 

Example 3: Getting with a person who has recently had a big fight with his/her significant other, and is currently confused about his/her marriage. However, their disagreement is not entirely incorrigible, and even though they will get into more arguments if they stay together, they have been able to resolve their differences before. Do you want to take advantage of the situation to drive a wedge between them and get the person for yourself, or wait and see if they will fix things first?

 

Morals are not absolute. There is no single answer for whether something is amoral or not because people come from all sorts of backgrounds and experiences.

[ZayKayWill]

Amoral means neither moral nor immoral, not caring about right & wrong. So I think someone who would knowingly engage in a relationship with a married person is amoral meaning they don't care.

 

 

Moral means acting in accordance with standards of good behavior. Cheating is certainly not good behavior.

 

 

Therefore I would say the behavior is immoral -- meaning outside of decent behavior.

 

Huh. Not sure how I missed that. Thanks for the clarification.

[OpenBook]

I also believe it's immoral. Not because I have any obligation to help save or preserve their marriage (I don't) or that I owe them or anyone else some kind of universal debt to society to respect the institution of marriage (I don't).

 

It's because it causes too much pain all around, and it's just too dicey a situation to put myself in. The risks are too high - from heartache to heartbreak to wasting my precious time & energy on a doomed relationship to a potentially cray-cray BS coming after me to damage to my career & reputation... the list of negatives goes on. It's just not worth it.

 

I thank my lucky stars that it has been many years since I've been seriously tempted. I gave in to that temptation in my distant past, and paid dearly for it. Not a path I ever want to walk again.

 

Argument 1: The guy/girl is going to cheat on their spouse regardless if you choose not to get with them, so why not just do it? It's their own choice for cheating and the marriage is probably going to be over anyway.

 

Argument 2: You just shouldn't do it because morally speaking it's wrong.

[jjgitties]

I say its always good to try to put yourself in other peoples shoes and do things that are in your best interests for your own mental state.

 

you might get suprised, but sometimes "getting it on" with someone elses GF or wife might actually make you feel much worse then your thought you would.

[Shanex]

Its immoral IMO. I do find that sometimes some posters are a bit too harsh with the other woman, or other man. I find that when you are married, whether you are a man or woman, you shouldn't cheat. If you are going to do so. Fill a divorce. The OW or OM is also indeed doing something wrong to sleep with a commited person, but if he/she is single... its not the same responsibility.

 

I know its not that easy to get a divorce but it still is easier than half a century ago.

 

I was never married and therefore have no experience about it whatsoever, but having been in LTR on several occasions I fully understand how cheating can break hearts.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've talked about this already in other threads. On paper, I was a spouse who could have justified having an affair.

 

Had many opportunities along the way. I even thought about it often purely for the sex. I wasn't looking for love. I loved my husband but I ached to be touched, wanted, f*cked.

 

But I never acted on it.

 

I didn't want to be that woman.

 

I knew sleeping with someone else wasn't going to fix what was wrong in my marriage. I wanted to fix my marriage. I knew sleeping with someone else was wrong and immoral and went against everything I believed in and how I was raised. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it.

 

I knew I needed to sort that out before I could ever entertain the idea of being with another man.

 

After 8 years of no sex, I ended it.

 

I'm a happier woman for it.

Edited December 22, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle

[BaileyB]

I think it's immoral, but that just my personal opinion.

 

I would like to think that I am a person of integrity. I know that I could never be that selfish and hurt another human being like that.

[Minnie09]

Let’s be honest. Many, if not most second marriages, or third marriages start as an affair. It’s not the affair partner’s responsibility to keep the married person’s marriage together. They step out for a reason, and it’s on them to justify that for themselves.

 

Generally speaking, if I were the betrayed one, I would always hold my spouse accountable, never the other person.

[ZayKayWill]

I've talked about this already in other threads. On paper, I was a spouse who could have justified having an affair.

 

Had many opportunities along the way. I even thought about it often purely for the sex. I wasn't looking for love. I loved my husband but I ached to be touched, wanted, f*cked.

 

But I never acted on it.

 

I didn't want to be that woman.

 

I knew sleeping with someone else wasn't going to fix what was wrong in my marriage. I wanted to fix my marriage. I knew sleeping with someone else was wrong and immoral and went against everything I believed in and how I was raised. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it.

 

I knew I needed to sort that out before I could ever entertain the idea of being with another man.

After 8 years of no sex, I ended it.

 

I'm a happier woman for it.

 

Wait. What?!

[somanymistakes]

Disregarding poly/open situations where the rules are different:

 

I don't think it's immoral to date someone who's officially separated. It might not be wise, as you may get hurt, but neither party is doing anything wrong.

 

Unapproved sex with an officially married person is wrong (doesn't mean you're a horrible person, everyone does bad things, but this is a bad thing to do). Sure, you're not the one who made the marriage vows, but it's like selling essays to students. You KNOW they're using them to break the rules. Your acts are shady.

 

When it comes to purely emotional affairs, I'd look pretty foolish if I said I believed it was totally wrong, considering. If people fall in love but resist dating/sex until they're divorced, I don't think that's immoral.

[Minnie09]

I've talked about this already in other threads. On paper, I was a spouse who could have justified having an affair.

 

Had many opportunities along the way. I even thought about it often purely for the sex. I wasn't looking for love. I loved my husband but I ached to be touched, wanted, f*cked.

 

But I never acted on it.

 

I didn't want to be that woman.

 

I knew sleeping with someone else wasn't going to fix what was wrong in my marriage. I wanted to fix my marriage. I knew sleeping with someone else was wrong and immoral and went against everything I believed in and how I was raised. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it.

 

I knew I needed to sort that out before I could ever entertain the idea of being with another man.

 

After 8 years of no sex, I ended it.

 

I'm a happier woman for it.

 

I can so relate. I’ve been in one of those marriages before. No sex whatsoever. I did step out, though (and I know he did, too)......I couldn’t take it any longer. Now I’m happier than ever to be divorced.

[BaileyB]

Let’s be honest. Many, if not most second marriages, or third marriages start as an affair.

 

Where exactly did you get that stat? I doubt that it is true... It has certainly not been my personal experience.

[Minnie09]

Where exactly did you get that stat? I doubt that it is true......

 

Personal experience, plus it makes sense if you think about it. People are married for a long time, they don’t exactly hate each other, they have their life built up, extended family, kids, finances, property, etc.… Nobody leaves a life like that if they don’t have extra motivation. And usually an affair partner provides that extra motivation. The married couple may have sex issues, other issues, I don’t know… But it’s never bad enough to leave, unless there is something on the other side of the fence that they would like to explore. Which is usually another person.

 

I’m sure there are those, and plenty of them, who are in a really abusive M, that they need to exit. But more often than not they have somebody waiting for them. Otherwise, it would be too scary to leave a M after a long time.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Wait. What?!

 

Yep.

 

Married 16 years and spent the last 8 years if it completely sexless at his doing.

 

No regrets for leaving.

[Shanex]

Yep.

 

Married 16 years and spent the last 8 years if it completely sexless at his doing.

 

No regrets for leaving.

 

Probably I am being intrusive but what was the reason?

[kgcolonel]

Okay, I am sure or at least hope this surprises no one of our finest participants.

 

I ask the same question as the OP but with different bait:

 

Is it wrong to drive a get away car....they're going to rob the bank anyway so why not share in the proceeds by driving the car????

 

IMO, it is just as wrong to participate in the affair knowing the partner is married as it is for the married participant....it is not working to the betterment of society...it is destructive (no matter how hot she is).

[Mysterio]

You know what burns me up about this post. ITs like the people who are single that get involved with a MM/MW. Its like they don't have or act like they have options. Its like other single people are hidden from dating.

 

When I go out there and mingle. I feel like I am always in a room with attached people. So if a MW puts the moves on me. I would be vunerable. Everyone wants love and affection. It is hard to slap it away.

 

Then you ask out other single people and they are reluctant. Sometimes I feel this and this is a dark thought. If I wanted Love and affection. I may find it quicker with an Attached woman, over a Single woman. In my world. it feels like there are more attached women, than single.

 

I really feel like I am more single because of default being around more Attached women. Its just the way my social environment is.

 

If an attached woman came up to me and wanted to give me love and affection. I would turn it down, but it would be more because I don't want the drama.

 

Its very hard to be older and have no love and affection and can't figure out why that is. I don't know why things are this way. When my parents were my age. They were 16 yrs in with each other.

 

I really have to be very careful about who I interact with woman wise. I did ask out a woman from my gym who I found out was married after, for lunch. I told her I had a crush on her. She thought it was cute and laughed. I have met her husband and all is good. Then there is another woman at the gym I am aquainted with. We also had lunch and in my view. She is way more harder to get together with.

 

Its getting to the point where all the effort to look for love is more stressful and its more agrivating where your surrounded by attached women, who have weak relationships with their main partner looking at single guys to talk to about their troubles. Thats just Attached female to single males.

 

The other side is that Married men who seek the company of single women. Those men are looking to get laid.

[wmacbride]

I can only speak for myself.

 

I have been a bs, and I know how painful that can be. How could I possibly be able to look at myself in the mirror and feel good about the face looking back at me knowing I was part of helping to do that to someone else?

 

to me , that would be the eight of selfishness on my part.

[Popsicle]

Married people are low hanging fruit. Don’t go there.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Probably I am being intrusive but what was the reason?

 

Porn addiction.

 

Slow and steady until sex all but disappeared.

[Steve51]

There is no universal morality. Most morality is based on one of several religions and what is OK in one may not be OK in another. We also tend to discard morals that do not fit into our lifestyle and adopt others that do. As far as I am concerned, if I have sex with a married women, which I have done, she is the one that is cheating, not me. I look at it like if not me, then someone else. I know I am not going to try to steal her away from her husband or have an affair. It is just going to be sex and that is it. It may sound self serving but if a wife is happy it will spill over into her marriage. One married woman I had sex with twice, told me that she felt so guilty that she was giving her husband a lot of sex and treated him better than she had before.

 

I have also cheated and my wife knows about it. It came at a time when I needed another women to find me attractive and sexy. It worked out well for us. The other woman was not married and just in town for a photoshoot for a magazine. Beautiful woman and the best sex I ever had. It was a great ego boost for me, made me happy at a time when my marriage was not so happy and ended up changing our marriage and 45 years later we are still married.

 

Most morality is situational. For instance, if someone asks you if they look fat you are faced with the decision of whether to lie which is immoral to most, or tell the truth. Most will not tell the truth and that is called situational morality. You can tell by my signature below that I believe that if one set of morals does not work for you, find some that do.

Edited December 23, 2017 by Steve51

[ZayKayWill]

Porn addiction.

 

Slow and steady until sex all but disappeared.

 

So lemme get this straight. He stopped having sex with you so he could watch porn instead...For 8 years? Are you ****ing kidding me? I'm not calling you a liar but just...that doesn't make any sense. Who in God's name would choose porn over getting the real thing...?

[somanymistakes]

There are many men who, for a variety of reasons, find porn easier to deal with than sex. Porn is always there whenever they want. Porn never judges them. They never have to worry about disappointing porn, or porn judging them. They don't have to be ashamed of their darkest desires, or their most boring ones.

 

It is not that rare. You just think it's bizarre because you have an idea of what a "normal man" is like.