Author clist8511 Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 I don't think it was all fake. You sound like a great person & I'm sure she enjoyed your spirit as a person. But at the end of the day she wanted something that no matter your personality you just couldn't provide. Even if she had not going on that holiday, her switch back was probably inevitable. The trip just accelerated the time table. I'm loathe to say she used you because that indicates that she started out from a mean place. I doubt she was self aware enough to realize that she was experimenting. Heaven knows I didn't have the same levels of self awareness in college that I have now, in middle age. I am glad I was able to offer you some insights & that you have turned a corner toward healing. Have fun pursuing your hobbies. Let us know how you do in the 5k I would take back what I’ve said about it being ‘fake’, actually - I agree with what you’ve said here. I’m sure she didn’t start out from a mean place, either. She had a lot of internal conflicts going on - the main one being her religion and her belief that she’d “go to hell” for being gay. She didn’t like gay ‘culture’ and held what some would describe as homophobic views. I think she probably feels it’s safer and easier to be with men, as well as just preferring them. She said that once, that she would return to men after me because it was ‘easier’. I think you’re right about the trip. It just made things happen quicker. I always felt threatened by men as she was a very ‘heterosexual’ person - I don’t really know how to describe that, but just.. like she liked very hyper masculine guys, liked a man to be dominant, etc. I knew I was at the total opposite of that and it caused a LOT of issues for me and my identity. I feel that’s why I was never truly accepted by her. I was never introduced to any of her family and friends, and she refused to even tell a persistent ex that she was with me. Now I understand it all. Anyway, I’ve rambled. Thank you again DV. And I will keep LS updated on the 5k 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Life isn't all about relationships, or being romantically involved with someone. I'm sure you're aware of this, or are coming to the epiphany of it. Partners at younger ages come and go quicker than your monthly paycheck sometimes . Same goes for general friends, colleagues, anyone or anything; it doesn't last forever. The time you spend grieving, thinking about this woman, the more it's going to prevent you from properly recovering and seeing your life and the world and all the joy it's possible to create and have. You're going to go through journeys in your life where you're going to meet extraordinary people who will change your life, some for the better and some for the worst. Let this (the relationship with her and the aftermath) be a lesson to you that, what doesn't come back is often the best decision than rather doing so and coming back. Life is to be enjoyed, not to be in a negative state, especially because of someone else's actions towards you. Anyway, I'm not going to ramble and continue being cliche. If you need to talk, do feel free to message me or in fact any of the regulars of this site. Take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clist8511 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hi DarrenB, I’ll be honest with you - I have always been of the philosophy that happiness was obtained solely from relationships… but I have come to the realisation many months ago that happiness can be obtained anywhere… personal goals, creativity, etc. The loss of this relationship made me see that. The old me would have immediately signed up to a dating site and jumped into another round of ‘talking to’ someone. But I haven’t done that and I don’t want to. I want to explore myself and my life. If I meet someone, then cool. If I don’t, cool. You’re right. Life is to be lived. To enjoy. We aren’t here for very long. You haven’t been cliche at all. What you’ve said is actually really nice and thoughtful. And it is definitely for the best that she doesn’t come back. She may be a great fit for someone else, but for me she was just too damaging. It just took me a little while to process because of the emotional abuse. It ran very deep. Recovery has been slow and difficult but it’s getting there. But really thank you for that message, I really appreciate you taking the time out to read & reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts