Found out my BF was cheating through a hacker. Was it the right thing to do?

[krisandy]

I recently found out my bf of 4 years had been cheating on me with multiple women through a hacker my brother introduced to me. Is it actually right to dive into people's private lives that way?

[nospam99]

I recently found out my bf of 4 years had been cheating on me with multiple women through a hacker my brother introduced to me. Is it actually right to dive into people's private lives that way?

 

I'm going to be judgemental. YMMV

 

In the specific case of discovering a betrayal of trust like cheating in a relationship, my values say 'yes, it is actually right' because, again in the specific case, your bf's sex life is not private from you unless he had previously told you he was having sex with other women.

 

In the general case .... still right because people should be more careful with how much private information they put online. I'm a long-time I/T guy. I believe I am aware of almost all of the exposures to private information people risk online today. I also believe that the media, bad as it is, has reported enough cases of this kind of identity theft (can you spell Equifax?) that EVERYONE should be aware of the risks. FB, OLD, what have you CAN close those exposures. But that would cost extra money in design, coding, and administration so they choose not to. The people who use the online services should be responsible. Either 1) demand that the services protect your information and demonstrate how they are doing it (people with my skills can evaluate the techniques and say whether it's 'enough') 2) demand that lawmakers (Federal is best because there are no state boundaries online) pass laws and fund enforcement to protect your privacy 3) don't post anything you don't want the world to know or 4) don't use those services at all. For years I have been real 'worn out' with how cavalier people are with their privacy and how cavalier online services are protecting it. To me it's like giving some addict on the street the keys to your house and car and the passcodes to your bank accounts and credit cards. Latest example: within the last week OKCupid has started requiring users to publish their Real Names instead of User Names. To me there is no excuse to introduce that kind of exposure to identity theft and stalking into an OLD environment.

 

END OF RANT (The rest of you may now ask 'Nospam, tell us how you really feel'.)

[vanhalenfan]

My response is jaded and biased....because I was in your shoes exactly. And I stand by my opinion that you're in the right to know. Especially if you had a notion or idea of what may be found beforehand. I know many here will tell you absolutely you and I are wrong, but hey, I avoided a huge mistake and plenty of heartache so I have NO regrets.

Edited December 24, 2017 by vanhalenfan

[heartbrokenlady]

Oh god, I don't know!

 

I once accidentally caught an ex 'at it' by innocently clicking on the wrong link on his PC (I thought it was the internet link, instead it was his emails). At the very top, was an email from a woman, calling him darling. I hadn't even opened the email at that point. Of course, I DID then open it.

 

Years later, I less innocently checked his phone messages. Same thing.

 

 

 

I suppose I WAS wrong to snoop. Particularly since I wasn't whiter than white in that relationship.

[1fish2fish]

It's a moot point.

 

You found out that your bf, hopefully ex bf now, has been cheating on you.

 

That's the more important issue to focus on.