She's with someone else

[confused83]

Well it's Christmas eve and my gift? I text my ex yesterday (we've been apart 3 weeks) to say have a nice Xmas... she didn't reply. Today I woke to a msg from my cousin saying she's seen her hand in hand with a new boyfriend Christmas shopping. Safe to say this is by FAR the WORST Xmas I've ever had.

 

I dont understand how someone can look you in the eyes, promise the world and in a matter of weeks give it to someone else and completley forget you. I've been in 3 relationships I'm 34 and hand on heart she was the only girl I truly loved and I dont even know why. I can't explain it. I'm not one to mope around but since her I have no energy. I'm usually a gym goer etc and haven't been, I dont eat, sleeping is a struggle and the sad thing is (I hate admitting this), I cried as i slept last night with her photo on my phone in bed so it looked like she was there.

 

I've never been this way with anyone and I've had 4 year relationships that didn't feel this hard to move on from . I dont know if it's my age or if it is that she was different but I hate myself for every single mistake that led me to be alone without her. I can get someone else but i really don't want anyone else.

 

She's with someone else. Merry xmas me

[heartbrokenlady]

I feel for you. I feel this way too. Can't focus on the future. The now hurts too much.

 

I don't know how they do it. I guess they just didn't love us, the way we loved them.

[confused83]

I feel for you. I feel this way too. Can't focus on the future. The now hurts too much.

 

I don't know how they do it. I guess they just didn't love us, the way we loved them.

 

Everyone says it's a rebound but I have never been the type to even do that. Before meeting her I'd not dated anyone for 5 months.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

If she is the one who ended things, she was probably emotionally "done" with your relationship before she pulled the trigger or she ended things so she could be with him (hopefully no cheating) or he could be a rebound.

 

Why she left now that you know there is someone else, that knowledge should smother any last vestiges of hope you had been clinging to so that now you can move on. It will take a while to fully heal & this season won't help

 

Do surround yourself with family & friends tomorrow. Plan a fun night on NYE; don't sit home & wallow. Make 2018 your best year yet.

[Joan621]

Having recently ended a long relationship and finding myself having feelings for someone a few months later (but still feeling the pain of the breakup today on christmas), I can hopefully offer you some comfort. Rebound or not, it doesn’t matter. Ending a relationship is just as heart breaking as being the one who is broken up with. The difference is that the heart ache for her started long before she made the decision, assuming this is a relationship where she really loved you. It’s not fair to her or to you to assume she didn’t really care about you and has simply brushed you aside. She just had a lot more time with her heart break than you have had. If she moved on quickly it shows she is likely certain with her decision, but it’s not proof she didn’t suffer pain (or that she isn’t still). It is proof you are better off in the long run because everyone deserves to be loved fully and she clearly realized she couldn’t do that for you. She did the right thing.

 

I would suggest not texting her at all and not asking other people about her until you feel like you have moved on.

[confused83]

Yeah today hasn't helped but it was nice to see my family. She has fully moved on she never contacts me, deleted me off everything it's like she's washed her hands of everytjing we did. Break ups are never nice and I know she will of hated doing it too but it's horrible to go from 3 weeks ago telling each other we are best friends and don't ever want to be apart... to 3 weeks later with another man and doesn't want a single thing to do with me. People seem to move on so quickly nowadays and I never can

[SevenCity]

Having recently ended a long relationship and finding myself having feelings for someone a few months later (but still feeling the pain of the breakup today on christmas), I can hopefully offer you some comfort. Rebound or not, it doesn’t matter. Ending a relationship is just as heart breaking as being the one who is broken up with. The difference is that the heart ache for her started long before she made the decision, assuming this is a relationship where she really loved you. It’s not fair to her or to you to assume she didn’t really care about you and has simply brushed you aside. She just had a lot more time with her heart break than you have had. If she moved on quickly it shows she is likely certain with her decision, but it’s not proof she didn’t suffer pain (or that she isn’t still). It is proof you are better off in the long run because everyone deserves to be loved fully and she clearly realized she couldn’t do that for you. She did the right thing.

 

I would suggest not texting her at all and not asking other people about her until you feel like you have moved on.

 

 

This is completely wrong. Obviously you have not been on the receiving end.

 

All you’ve described is the countless number of people who don’t want to work at a relationship and keep their partner in the dark while they become ok with the decision. When they are finally ok and moved on, then they blindside the dumpee.

 

It’s an incredibly selfish and self serving thing to do to someone. Not to mention pretty $hitty.

 

If that makes you feel like you’ve suffered as much, you have no idea what it is like to be in the other end.

 

I guess this is how people justify their actions. I’ve dumped plenty of women in my time and never ever did this to one of them. Instead, I voiced my concerns much earlier in hopes to resolve. It was only once I realized that things won’t change that I broke up with them.

[Joan621]

That's awfully presumptuous considering you know nothing about me and what happened in my breakup and how I was treated in the relationship. I can easily presume you must not have ever really loved the women you dumped if you didn't experience a lot of pain in reaching that decision and can so easily conclude I am nothing more than a selfish person. But I wouldn't because that would be awfully presumptuous of me.

 

My situation sounded very different from this person's, but I made two points. One, don't presume she didn't suffer at all if she loved him. The dumpers are often demonized for making what is almost always a very difficult decision. Two, she did the right thing regardless because she clearly wasn't invested in this relationship anymore and that is better for the poster in the long run. People want to say it's selfish to leave someone and not work on the relationship - well sometimes the relationship just isn't going to work or the person is not in love (or has fallen out of love) and knows making the effort to "work" is really just throwing a bone to the other partner that will ultimately lead to future accusations of leading the person on because it is merely delaying the inevitable. It's incredibly selfish, sh***y, and self-serving to lead someone on in that fashion and stay in a relationship you no longer want just to avoid feeling guilty or have other people accuse you of being a bad person because of all of these unspoken rules we are supposed to follow in conducting relationships. That is what leads to affairs and/or years of complete unhappiness for both people. The person being dumped deserves better and shouldn't be treated as a victim in the process because in the end, not having that person will ultimately be better. I think the poster here deserves better from what he has written, and is going to be better off in the long run.

[SevenCity]

That's awfully presumptuous considering you know nothing about me and what happened in my breakup and how I was treated in the relationship. I can easily presume you must not have ever really loved the women you dumped if you didn't experience a lot of pain in reaching that decision and can so easily conclude I am nothing more than a selfish person. But I wouldn't because that would be awfully presumptuous of me.

 

My situation sounded very different from this person's, but I made two points. One, don't presume she didn't suffer at all if she loved him. The dumpers are often demonized for making what is almost always a very difficult decision. Two, she did the right thing regardless because she clearly wasn't invested in this relationship anymore and that is better for the poster in the long run. People want to say it's selfish to leave someone and not work on the relationship - well sometimes the relationship just isn't going to work or the person is not in love (or has fallen out of love) and knows making the effort to "work" is really just throwing a bone to the other partner that will ultimately lead to future accusations of leading the person on because it is merely delaying the inevitable. It's incredibly selfish, sh***y, and self-serving to lead someone on in that fashion and stay in a relationship you no longer want just to avoid feeling guilty or have other people accuse you of being a bad person because of all of these unspoken rules we are supposed to follow in conducting relationships. That is what leads to affairs and/or years of complete unhappiness for both people. The person being dumped deserves better and shouldn't be treated as a victim in the process because in the end, not having that person will ultimately be better. I think the poster here deserves better from what he has written, and is going to be better off in the long run.

 

The answer to that is simple, I have never dumped a woman I loved. I don’t think it’s possible to dump somone you love. If you can dump them, you don’t love them. Having feelings for somone else after a few months, as you stated, means you no longer love your ex. When you love someone, it’s impossible to develop feelings for someone else. If you can, you’re not in love with them.

 

 

I remember my ex saying she loved me when she dumped me. I noted how she loved her cats - would she leave them on the side of the road and never see them again? Of course not. Fact is she fell out of love with me over a period of time; it was a complete shock to me. I would have appreciated having a discussion or at least being informed about the change in feelings. I’m sure she spoke to others about it. I’m sure most women do before they go through with it.

 

I’ve fallen out of love due to their actions, to which I tried to let them know about my needs when I realized they were not being met. Ahead of time in hopes to save the relationship. Had they met my needs my feelings would not have changed.

 

By the time I dumped them it was not a shock at all. What angers me is when people have this internal debate, make a decision to end the rl, take time to move on, then tell their partner about it. To me, that is leading somone on and plain wrong.

[Marc878]

She was probably involved with him before she dumped you. That's usually the way it happens.

 

Quit all contact block and delete everything.

 

Time for you to move on like she has

[Joan621]

The answer to that is simple, I have never dumped a woman I loved. I don’t think it’s possible to dump somone you love. If you can dump them, you don’t love them. Having feelings for somone else after a few months, as you stated, means you no longer love your ex. When you love someone, it’s impossible to develop feelings for someone else. If you can, you’re not in love with them.

 

 

I remember my ex saying she loved me when she dumped me. I noted how she loved her cats - would she leave them on the side of the road and never see them again? Of course not. Fact is she fell out of love with me over a period of time; it was a complete shock to me. I would have appreciated having a discussion or at least being informed about the change in feelings. I’m sure she spoke to others about it. I’m sure most women do before they go through with it.

 

I’ve fallen out of love due to their actions, to which I tried to let them know about my needs when I realized they were not being met. Ahead of time in hopes to save the relationship. Had they met my needs my feelings would not have changed.

 

By the time I dumped them it was not a shock at all. What angers me is when people have this internal debate, make a decision to end the rl, take time to move on, then tell their partner about it. To me, that is leading somone on and plain wrong.

 

Well I think a lot of this boils down to philosophy. I actually did tell my ex several times my feelings were changing. I told him when I went numb. I went to therapy to figure out why my feelings had changed (there were some concrete events leading to it) because I didn't want to just walk away on what could have been a whim for all I knew. He said he didn't know what to do so I pointed out some ongoing issues he never addressed that precipitated my breakdown and that had always worn me down, but he chose not to do anything about them. He treated the situation like it was my issue to figure out - so then it did become an internal struggle at that point. At the end, I realized I still loved him, but I was not in love with him anymore. I know some people hate that distinction, but I believe it is real. If you spend your life with someone, be it for 6 months or 20 years, it's hard to reach the end of that and not love the person at all unless they just did something completely awful (and even then you never know). Love isn't black and white and I, for one, don't believe in "the one" and therefore did not feel obligated to stay with someone for the sole reason that I already had for a number of years. That being said, I actively went through this process for six months after things had already been going downhill for both of us for a longer period of time and it was the most painful period of my life. To make matters worse, despite my statements and actions, he still acted like I blindsided him at the end. That is why I took such offense at your comment and why I can now see, being the dumper for once (because I was on the receiving end before), how complicated these situations and feelings can be on both sides of the table.

 

This may not be helpful to the original poster at all, but I will just again stress you are going to be great. Your feelings are legitimate, especially during the holidays, but you are doing the right thing by sharing them so they aren't weighing you down. Keep enforcing no contact and remember there is someone more worthy of you out there.

[SammySammy]

Men need to learn the truth about women and loyalty much earlier in life. Hypergany. Monkey-branching.

 

It’s a jungle out there and men need to learn to survive early on. Needs to be taught at puberty or something. Part of a coming of age ritual.

 

Sucks to be blindsided with the truth in your thirties or forties.

[Joan621]

Men need to learn the truth about women and loyalty much earlier in life. Hypergany. Monkey-branching.

 

It’s a jungle out there and men need to learn to survive early on. Needs to be taught at puberty or something. Part of a coming of age ritual.

 

Sucks to be blindsided with the truth in your thirties or forties.

 

And that truth is? And men are, as a gender, just altogether better in relationships and more loyal? Or they just expect their women to be loyal at all costs, regardless of their own actions? Just curious.

[d0nnivain]

Joan621 -- I am more like you. I don't end relationships out of emotion on a whim. If I feel my feelings changing I try to reignite the spark & I think long & hard about my decision. If there are things I think / hope want my partner to change, I express those to my SO. By the time I sit somebody down to have "the talk" I am done.

 

SevenCity -- it's not selfish. It's cautious & thoughtful although hurting somebody is never easy. It's not about stringing somebody along but rather about making sure the decision is a correct one.

 

confused83 How are you coping today? Why your EX left or what she's doing now does nothing to ease your pain. You have to shift the focus from her to your own healing.

[sorano]

I think both sexes have their fault. Both groups have people that are just nasty.

 

After being hurt, I am a little angry at women and have every right to be. That doesn't mean there aren't any good women left. I'm sure there are.

 

Time's have changed. Everything about dating and marriage has changed. Everybody is disposable. Nobody fights. and it seems to be the older we get, the harder it is to get back into a relationship because we have been hurt.

 

I was at my cousins communion party a while back. Now keep in mind, this is an old school italian party and family here in new york, long island. Off the boat. I was asked by my moms cousin, what happened to that girl you were dating. I politely answered back, I really don't want to talk about it. Next thing you know, 6 other women, who are all married and in there 50's, started talking to me. Every single one of those women said to me.........."WE FEEL SORRY for the men today. Men aren't getting married or committing to a relationship because society has changed. WOMEN have changed." One lady said to me, if I were a guy, I would not marry todays modern woman. Your marriage is going to end up just being a contract.

 

 

so a whole group of women told me that they feel sorry for me and for men. Now get this. One lady, who is a family friend, has been divorced for a long time. she told me she will never date a man. so she has her reasons why she wont trust a man. BUT, this same lady said to me, even though what happened to me, I will still tell you watch out for women these days. They are not the same. This is coming from a MAN HATER!! hahahahaha.

 

People will say, sorano, they are off the boat italian. Its different. well guess what guys. maybe we should take a lesson from the old school generation. Their marriages are lasting for years. They have morals and respect. Something that in my opinion is gone.

 

 

Its funny. My parents always told me, go find a nice italian girl. I answered back, " You do know this is not italy and that all those nice italian girls you think are around, is no more. Those italian girls don't exist. Thats over." They finally believed me.

Edited December 26, 2017 by sorano

[Joan621]

I think both sexes have their fault. Both groups have people that are just nasty.

 

After being hurt, I am a little angry at women and have every right to be. That doesn't mean there aren't any good women left. I'm sure there are.

 

Time's have changed. Everything about dating and marriage has changed. Everybody is disposable. Nobody fights. and it seems to be the older we get, the harder it is to get back into a relationship because we have been hurt.

 

I was at my cousins communion party a while back. Now keep in mind, this is an old school italian party and family here in new york, long island. Off the boat. I was asked by my moms cousin, what happened to that girl you were dating. I politely answered back, I really don't want to talk about it. Next thing you know, 6 other women, who are all married and in there 50's, started talking to me. Every single one of those women said to me.........."WE FEEL SORRY for the men today. Men aren't getting married or committing to a relationship because society has changed. WOMEN have changed." One lady said to me, if I were a guy, I would not marry todays modern woman. Your marriage is going to end up just being a contract.

 

 

so a whole group of women told me that they feel sorry for me and for men. Now get this. One lady, who is a family friend, has been divorced for a long time. she told me she will never date a man. so she has her reasons why she wont trust a man. BUT, this same lady said to me, even though what happened to me, I will still tell you watch out for women these days. They are not the same. This is coming from a MAN HATER!! hahahahaha.

 

People will say, sorano, they are off the boat italian. Its different. well guess what guys. maybe we should take a lesson from the old school generation. Their marriages are lasting for years. They have morals and respect. Something that in my opinion is gone.

 

 

Its funny. My parents always told me, go find a nice italian girl. I answered back, " You do know this is not italy and that all those nice italian girls you think are around, is no more. Those italian girls don't exist. Thats over." They finally believed me.

 

Marriage is, in many ways, a dated institution because of the disparity in how women and men were treated in society. Marriage was a necessity for women who could not otherwise support themselves. Times have certainly changed and who can blame women for embracing independence after having been subjugated for so long. I am Greek so I know the old school Mediterranean attitude to gender roles and it doesn’t hold weight anymore. Some people still want a traditional marriage and that’s fine. It’s also fine not to want that and to embrace independence. And sorry, but men are just as guilty as women and need to stop treating women as a whole so negatively on this topic and say things that imply the progress made is a negative because women are no longer choosing to have their lives revolve around the man in their life.

 

If you aren’t religious, marriage literally is a contract.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I feel for you. I feel this way too. Can't focus on the future. The now hurts too much.

 

I don't know how they do it. I guess they just didn't love us, the way we loved them.

 

Yes, yes...this could very well be the case. But that is not your fault! You were stronger and it shows how deeply you can love. Not everyone will love as greatly, but there is someone out there searching for someone like you!

 

One day at a time, my dear.

[confused83]

I do think now it is a more female focused world. Not just career wise etc but dating now, you are pitted against 1000 other men who's messaged them that week. If you make 1 mistake it does seem the modern day answer is 'Not worth the effort there's 999 other men on this dating app I can meet who may be perfect' the modern man doesn't stand a chance unless I'm being scinecal as the breakup is still raw.

 

Put it this way my ex 2 years back, we broke up, she said she was heartbroken, 3 weeks later she was on holiday in Milan with her mext boyfriend while I was at home sorting our house to sell etc. My next partner we break up and a week later she's with someone else.

 

As I say it's not like I can't get anybody but I don't understand how anyone can so quickly?

 

It seems woman have an image of men which is wrong so tjey join in, sleep around, drink too much etc and it's all because tjey think men are doing it so why shouldn't we. My ex actually thought a stag doo was the same as in the films so worried when i went on one. I dont know anyone who has stayed together in my circle of friends.

 

At some point im hoping people realise the grass isn't greener hardly ever

[Joan621]

I do think now it is a more female focused world. Not just career wise etc but dating now, you are pitted against 1000 other men who's messaged them that week. If you make 1 mistake it does seem the modern day answer is 'Not worth the effort there's 999 other men on this dating app I can meet who may be perfect' the modern man doesn't stand a chance unless I'm being scinecal as the breakup is still raw.

 

Put it this way my ex 2 years back, we broke up, she said she was heartbroken, 3 weeks later she was on holiday in Milan with her mext boyfriend while I was at home sorting our house to sell etc. My next partner we break up and a week later she's with someone else.

 

As I say it's not like I can't get anybody but I don't understand how anyone can so quickly?

 

It seems woman have an image of men which is wrong so tjey join in, sleep around, drink too much etc and it's all because tjey think men are doing it so why shouldn't we. My ex actually thought a stag doo was the same as in the films so worried when i went on one. I dont know anyone who has stayed together in my circle of friends.

 

At some point im hoping people realise the grass isn't greener hardly ever

 

Your viewpoint is clearly tainted by your breakup. I don't know any women who are doing those things you say, just because men are doing it too. Maybe it is the crowd you associate with? I also know men who are just as picky when it comes to meeting women online. With all the information out there about people, why shouldn't women AND men be more picky about who they select as a partner?

 

I just can't help but notice that when men are the ones being dumped, they tend to turn to this modern woman criticism. Do men really want women to be placed back in the days of old where we were just expected to suck it up and subjugate ourselves and express 100% devotion while men just did what they want? To cry ourselves silly when a relationship doesn't work out and mourn for months to years so as not to further bruise the man's ego? There seems to be a lot of resentment over women progressing and not fulfilling that traditional role anymore.

 

At the end of the day, what really is wrong with someone moving on quickly? I suspect that if you unexpectedly bumped into the woman of your dreams tomorrow and you fell head over heels, you would be singing a different tune. Would you really say to yourself "oh wait, I can't pursue what could be an amazing relationship because it hasn't been [insert magic number] months since the breakup and I don't want to hurt my ex?" Probably not. Life is too short.

[SammySammy]

And that truth is? And men are, as a gender, just altogether better in relationships and more loyal? Or they just expect their women to be loyal at all costs, regardless of their own actions? Just curious.

 

The truth is much of what we think we know and understand about women and relationships is wrong. The truth is men aren’t taught how to have successful relationships and by the time we figure it out on our own it’s too late. One or more relationships are destroyed.

 

I’m sure the same is true for women.

 

Don’t assume I was pitting men against women. Suggesting one is more virtuous than the the other.

 

All I’m saying is, as a man, I wish there was a way to prepare young men for relationships. Teach them the things they need to know. So they don’t end up in their 30s and 40s surprised their woman left them and is with another man. Teach them that’s a possibility, why it tends to happen, what to do to reduce the likelihood of it happening to them, and what to do if it does happen to them. Give them the tools needed to have better relationships. Which will benefit men and women, their children, and society in general.

 

Mature women could handle the training younger women. Those of us who claim to “Christian “ should recognize that is what the Bible teaches us. The older teach the young.

 

In today’s world, it seems that we are just thrown to the wolves to learn as we go. That’s unfortunate. I think there would be much less suffering if there was some way to instruct our young men ... and women.

[confused83]

No in all fairness if the girl of my dreams met me tomorrow no i wouldn't do anything simply because I'm not ready, I'm capable of being on my own while I heal and the people don't just 'appear' if you aren't looking for it.

 

I've had people message me since I've been single as I said before j don't have trouble meeting people but to me it seems disgusting to go from 1 person to another. It's disrespectful and for me personally I dont think anything good comes of it.

 

It might just be me but I've never even had rebound sex with anyone as it just doesn't do anything for me. People just don't seem to like being alone. For me relationships mean something I just can't imagine suddenly seeing someone else like that. I've had 3 relationships and the earliest I met or slept with anyone else was 3 months

 

 

Your viewpoint is clearly tainted by your breakup. I don't know any women who are doing those things you say, just because men are doing it too. Maybe it is the crowd you associate with? I also know men who are just as picky when it comes to meeting women online. With all the information out there about people, why shouldn't women AND men be more picky about who they select as a partner?

 

I just can't help but notice that when men are the ones being dumped, they tend to turn to this modern woman criticism. Do men really want women to be placed back in the days of old where we were just expected to suck it up and subjugate ourselves and express 100% devotion while men just did what they want? To cry ourselves silly when a relationship doesn't work out and mourn for months to years so as not to further bruise the man's ego? There seems to be a lot of resentment over women progressing and not fulfilling that traditional role anymore.

 

At the end of the day, what really is wrong with someone moving on quickly? I suspect that if you unexpectedly bumped into the woman of your dreams tomorrow and you fell head over heels, you would be singing a different tune. Would you really say to yourself "oh wait, I can't pursue what could be an amazing relationship because it hasn't been [insert magic number] months since the breakup and I don't want to hurt my ex?" Probably not. Life is too short.

Edited December 26, 2017 by confused83

[Joan621]

The truth is much of what we think we know and understand about women and relationships is wrong. The truth is men aren’t taught how to have successful relationships and by the time we figure it out on our own it’s too late. One or more relationships are destroyed.

 

I’m sure the same is true for women.

 

Don’t assume I was pitting men against women. Suggesting one is more virtuous than the the other.

 

All I’m saying is, as a man, I wish there was a way to prepare young men for relationships. Teach them the things they need to know. So they don’t end up in their 30s and 40s surprised their woman left them and is with another man. Teach them that’s a possibility, why it tends to happen, what to do to reduce the likelihood of it happening to them, and what to do if it does happen to them. Give them the tools needed to have better relationships. Which will benefit men and women, their children, and society in general.

 

Mature women could handle the training younger women. Those of us who claim to “Christian “ should recognize that is what the Bible teaches us. The older teach the young.

 

In today’s world, it seems that we are just thrown to the wolves to learn as we go. That’s unfortunate. I think there would be much less suffering if there was some way to instruct our young men ... and women.

 

Fair enough. I think this explains the breakdown of my relationship in many ways. I will admit I drew a lot of assumptions that were incorrect, and he did the same. I am sad it didn't work out, but grateful to have learned so much and yes - I wish I had learned a lot of it sooner to spare the heartache.

[SixxChick]

I think both sexes have their fault. Both groups have people that are just nasty.

 

After being hurt, I am a little angry at women and have every right to be. That doesn't mean there aren't any good women left. I'm sure there are.

 

Time's have changed. Everything about dating and marriage has changed. Everybody is disposable. Nobody fights. and it seems to be the older we get, the harder it is to get back into a relationship because we have been hurt.

 

I was at my cousins communion party a while back. Now keep in mind, this is an old school italian party and family here in new york, long island. Off the boat. I was asked by my moms cousin, what happened to that girl you were dating. I politely answered back, I really don't want to talk about it. Next thing you know, 6 other women, who are all married and in there 50's, started talking to me. Every single one of those women said to me.........."WE FEEL SORRY for the men today. Men aren't getting married or committing to a relationship because society has changed. WOMEN have changed." One lady said to me, if I were a guy, I would not marry todays modern woman. Your marriage is going to end up just being a contract.

 

 

so a whole group of women told me that they feel sorry for me and for men. Now get this. One lady, who is a family friend, has been divorced for a long time. she told me she will never date a man. so she has her reasons why she wont trust a man. BUT, this same lady said to me, even though what happened to me, I will still tell you watch out for women these days. They are not the same. This is coming from a MAN HATER!! hahahahaha.

 

People will say, sorano, they are off the boat italian. Its different. well guess what guys. maybe we should take a lesson from the old school generation. Their marriages are lasting for years. They have morals and respect. Something that in my opinion is gone.

 

 

Its funny. My parents always told me, go find a nice italian girl. I answered back, " You do know this is not italy and that all those nice italian girls you think are around, is no more. Those italian girls don't exist. Thats over." They finally believed me.

 

This kind of reminds me of a famous quote:

 

"So many good women have dealt with the wrong man and so many good men have dealt with the wrong woman that, by the time you two finally meet, you’re both afraid of each other."

[confused83]

This kind of reminds me of a famous quote:

 

"So many good women have dealt with the wrong man and so many good men have dealt with the wrong woman that, by the time you two finally meet, you’re both afraid of each other."

 

That's what I'm afraid of now I am already dreading dating and going again as think I'm just going to be heading into it expecting the worst.

[SevenCity]

Your viewpoint is clearly tainted by your breakup. I don't know any women who are doing those things you say, just because men are doing it too. Maybe it is the crowd you associate with? I also know men who are just as picky when it comes to meeting women online. With all the information out there about people, why shouldn't women AND men be more picky about who they select as a partner?

 

I just can't help but notice that when men are the ones being dumped, they tend to turn to this modern woman criticism. Do men really want women to be placed back in the days of old where we were just expected to suck it up and subjugate ourselves and express 100% devotion while men just did what they want? To cry ourselves silly when a relationship doesn't work out and mourn for months to years so as not to further bruise the man's ego? There seems to be a lot of resentment over women progressing and not fulfilling that traditional role anymore.

 

At the end of the day, what really is wrong with someone moving on quickly? I suspect that if you unexpectedly bumped into the woman of your dreams tomorrow and you fell head over heels, you would be singing a different tune. Would you really say to yourself "oh wait, I can't pursue what could be an amazing relationship because it hasn't been [insert magic number] months since the breakup and I don't want to hurt my ex?" Probably not. Life is too short.

 

i know this wasn’t directed at me, but tainting doesn’t come from one breakup. It comes from a string of them which leads you to conclusions.

 

Speaking for myself, I was the most tainted person you could ever meet before I met my ex. She changed my perspective and renewed my faith in women. She was generous and caring and possessed a lot of the qualities of the older generation that you so callously dismiss as wrong. These qualities made me open up and be equally as generous.

 

Then, one day, poof. Gone. No idea why, no fight, no discussion, no reason after 7 years. I guess what hurt so much is I finally thought I found one that was different and I was wrong. Dead wrong.

 

So yes, I’m bitter. Yes, I don’t trust women. I can only pull from my experiences and this is what life has taught me.

 

Now I’ve learned that today’s woman will be by your side as long as she is happy and having fun. Once that stops it’s only a matter of time before she leaves. You likely won’t get a chance to correct things because you’re only told once the decision is final. And why not? As stated there are 999 other guys lined up to take your place.

 

This story plays over and over on this board and in real life. If it were just me I would look at things differently.