Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I haven't moved on in a year, I feel closer to suicide all the time. I've had therapy but it doesn't help. The rejection I feel is just overwhelming.... I'm literally of so little value? I meant nothing atall? I don't have the energy to look for someone else, nor want to waste any time. If Suicide was easy, i'd of been gone months ago. I can't see it get better. No man has ever loved me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Suicide is not easy. You will devastate your family & friends. One man rejecting you is not the end of the world. There are millions of men in the world. The few who have not decided to live happily ever after with you are not the answer. This time of year makes ever loneliness feel more pronounced. Do something to self soothe. 2018 is coming . . . a fresh start. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 I only wanted that one person though. Why is it so much to ask for in life? It was recently my Birthday. I had nothing from him, no text, nothing. Yet the year before we spent it together... I know it would upset a few people, a few. But i'm living in such despair everyday, a life I don't want, or expected for myself. I'm emotionally exhausted. The cycle of thoughts of the rejection keep on coming. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 EXs don't reach out on your birthday. They are out of your life. Life is worth living. You will love again. You have to believe that. Have you tried therapy? It will help you see a future, even though that seems impossible right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 EXs don't reach out on your birthday. They are out of your life. Life is worth living. You will love again. You have to believe that. Have you tried therapy? It will help you see a future, even though that seems impossible right now. It tells me he doesn't care in the slightest... I've heard loads of people say how their dumper wished them Happy Birthday. I didn't even get a thought. I'm 27 years old. My longest relationship is 6 months. Men don't seem to fall for me and break it off after an intial attraction (or is that even a lie to walk away so easily?) I've thought about suicide, how, where, what I can use. But when I think about the actual doing of it... I worry about the pain i'll be in. How i'll panic theres no going back. Still I don't want to live like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Therapy will help you not live like this. It will also help you figure out why you can't get a relationship past the 6 month mark. I'm old enough to be your mom. I have never had an EX contact me on my birthday. Not once. That isn't the test of how they felt about you at the time they were in your life. I don't know what your plans are for tonight but can I suggest your curl up with some hot cocoa or a glass of wine & watch It's a Wonderful Life? Then think about all the ways you make the world a better place. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Love yourself. Don't rely on a man for validation, they will always come and go from your life. If you rely on others for your own happiness, you will always be disappointed. I hope 2018 is a year of self awareness and growth for you. Take care. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 (edited) I haven't moved on in a year, I feel closer to suicide all the time. I've had therapy but it doesn't help. The rejection I feel is just overwhelming.... I'm literally of so little value? I meant nothing atall? I don't have the energy to look for someone else, nor want to waste any time. If Suicide was easy, i'd of been gone months ago. I can't see it get better. No man has ever loved me. OP, I had 3 relationships. All ended. I fell in love with my 1st ex and she left. 5 years later met my 2nd ex, fell in love again and she left. 2 years later, I met my 3rd ex and she left me recently. The first 2 broke up with me and I was forced to end my most recent relationship because she still loved her ex. She immediately went back to him after that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with each of these girls at the respective periods of time and I never saw myself getting through any of it. It was truly devastating. What happened in your situation with this guy? Lay it on us. Edited December 25, 2017 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 If you go into my profile and to my first ever post, you'll see. Came on strong, I fell for it, he got more and more distant until I asked what was going on and he ended it saying his feelings changed. 6 months of no contact, he gets back in touch... I believed he wanted to give the relationship another go. Turned out he was just 'seeing how I am and nothing more' so rejection number 2. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 As the old saying goes, "when you get knocked down two times, the only thing that matters is that you get up three." I'm sorry that you are hurting. Rejection from someone you love is devastating. But, you can not let it destroy your spirit. Relationships are only one aspect of your life - you have family, friends, work, things that bring you joy.... Don't let this man who doesn't care take your power by affecting your feelings about yourself and your life. If it is truly that overwhelming, you may be depressed and you should talk to your doctor and your counsellor. Best wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 OP, You ARE depressed and your feelings to harm yourself demands immediate attention. Is there a hotline you can call? Family or friends to be with? Don't be alone. It is Christmas and the holidays are a doozy for many people. You are young and have much more to offer and experience! Don't waste that! I recently had to end all contact with an ex that I loved greatly. I was the dumper and if I could turn back time, I would do things differently, but I cannot. I have NO CONTROL over what she thinks or does or the past, but I DO HAVE CONTROL over what and how I can love myself and make moves to help myself heal. YOU DO HAVE CONTROL....wield it and don't allow your sadness cloud the reality.... YOU DO MATTER. YOU WILL FIND LOVE AND HOPE AGAIN. YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF to feel these things otherwise it will not happen. Let go of the pain, guilt.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 All my family are sat downstairs having Christmas Dinner. I am in bed with the curtains drawn. This is the worst christmas i've had, because of how unwanted he has made me feel. I have seen doctors, i'm on anti depressants and have had therapy. I feel he is the only one who can make it better, but hes making it clear with no contact he is long gone. I haven't even opened a Christmas Present, i'm just not interested in interacting with anybody today, or hardly ever anymore. I just keep thinking... I couldn't keep my boyfriend, I did nothing wrong except be me. He didn't even give us much chance. How can I have hope when I tried so hard, loved so much and it still wasn't enough? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 All my family are sat downstairs having Christmas Dinner. I am in bed with the curtains drawn. This is the worst christmas i've had, because of how unwanted he has made me feel. I have seen doctors, i'm on anti depressants and have had therapy. I feel he is the only one who can make it better, but hes making it clear with no contact he is long gone. I haven't even opened a Christmas Present, i'm just not interested in interacting with anybody today, or hardly ever anymore. I just keep thinking... I couldn't keep my boyfriend, I did nothing wrong except be me. He didn't even give us much chance. How can I have hope when I tried so hard, loved so much and it still wasn't enough? What you are feeling is pure and raw...it is not unusual, but don't fool yourself into thinking that HE is the only one who can make it better. The person with the most power in this situation is YOU. Please try to go down and be with family. Please, it will help as long as you open yourself up to being anything other than bound by this sadness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 I've been down a few times but wasn't feeling it. I just don't wish to be here anymore. Who would of thought love would be so painful? Or the lack of... I just wish things would change. Or he would at least try to come back so I wouldn't believe i'm so disgusting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 I've been down a few times but wasn't feeling it. I just don't wish to be here anymore. Who would of thought love would be so painful? Or the lack of... I just wish things would change. Or he would at least try to come back so I wouldn't believe i'm so disgusting. My ex also felt like you after I broke it off. She denied, refused the idea that I ever loved her. She is wrong, of course. I have to tell you that one of the biggest reasons why she struggled mightily and continues to do so is b/c she didn't believe in herself. She believed that she was not lovable, but she learned that that comes from within. It does. You are not disgusting. You should know that and you don't need to have this affirmed by someone else. You cannot depend on others to make you feel any value for yourself. It doesn't work that way. YOU have control over YOU. YOU have to make the effort to see the obvious....you are beautiful and meaningful regardless of what ex says or does. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 There is one person who can make this better: YOU. Not him. At some point you have to put on your big girl panties & say F this. I'm better than this, better then him. Living well is your best revenge. Get out of bed. Open the blinds. Spend time with your family. Remember the reason for the season. Fake it til you make it. I know it's hard. I am guilty of wallowing & not moving when I am in the throws of my depression too but I know it feels better when you rejoin the living. Please try. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 My ex also felt like you after I broke it off. She denied, refused the idea that I ever loved her. She is wrong, of course. I have to tell you that one of the biggest reasons why she struggled mightily and continues to do so is b/c she didn't believe in herself. She believed that she was not lovable, but she learned that that comes from within. It does. You are not disgusting. You should know that and you don't need to have this affirmed by someone else. Why did you break up with her? Did you not think she was loveable? What put you off? Its scary how close i've felt sometimes. I'm not bothered about being admired particually by others, just him. He didn't even wish me a Happy Christmas and we last spoke a few months ago. How can I believe i'm worth it when I feel nobody else agrees? Am I not lying to myself since I know the facts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Why did you break up with her? Did you not think she was loveable? What put you off? Its scary how close i've felt sometimes. I'm not bothered about being admired particually by others, just him. He didn't even wish me a Happy Christmas and we last spoke a few months ago. How can I believe i'm worth it when I feel nobody else agrees? Am I not lying to myself since I know the facts? Long story short, she betrayed my trust at a time when no second chances were possible.I expended a great deal of energy, emotions for her and she did something that cast her as unsafe, disrespectful and irrational. I went in full escape mode and hurt her in the process. No, she was gorgeous is so many ways. But one fateful decision on her part destroyed my respect and faith in her. It’s not that she was not loveable, rather trustworthy was at the center. You are giving way too much power to this guy. He has none. YOU need to focus on you. Please... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 A little different then cause my ex disgarded me because he 'lost feelings'. Yet he'd never told me he loved me in the first place. This is what upsets too, I can't take comfort knowing he cared because i'm not sure... He does have power over me, has done since he broke up with me. Its hard to break. We've been NC to my say so for months. He has 'respected' that, but thats still so hurtful. He obviously doesn't care enough to agree to it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 A little different then cause my ex disgarded me because he 'lost feelings'. Yet he'd never told me he loved me in the first place. This is what upsets too, I can't take comfort knowing he cared because i'm not sure... He does have power over me, has done since he broke up with me. Its hard to break. We've been NC to my say so for months. He has 'respected' that, but thats still so hurtful. He obviously doesn't care enough to agree to it. Haven't you ever lost romantic feelings for someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 Haven't you ever lost romantic feelings for someone? Never. I can't imagine that ever happening for me. If I think they are amazing enough that I love them, then I never would change my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Never. I can't imagine that ever happening for me. If I think they are amazing enough that I love them, then I never would change my mind. OK, well, it happens every day. It doesn't mean that he never cared for you or was lying the whole time, as much as you for some reason want to see things that way (and you're not the only one.....we hear this all the time). Is it easier to think someone is a lying jerk and were just stringing you along the whole time and you fell for it instead of believing their feelings for you changed? Maybe so because the second option feels like something is wrong with you, that you really are not good enough, and that they are the evil one. In reality, BOTH options would suck. Rejection hurts, but it is unfortunately part of life. VERY few people go through their entire lives untouched by rejection. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 I have been in therapy and as I looked back, I never stopped loving her. But it wasn’t enough. I had my own children to protect and I went into full defense mode. Could I have responded better? Hell yah! But that is the past. I can only do what I can in the here and now. Believe it or not, people break up even when they still ‘love’ the other person. It is not so simple. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 I have been in therapy and as I looked back, I never stopped loving her. But it wasn’t enough. I had my own children to protect and I went into full defense mode. Could I have responded better? Hell yah! But that is the past. I can only do what I can in the here and now. Believe it or not, people break up even when they still ‘love’ the other person. It is not so simple. Right. It takes more than just thinking someone is a really great person to make a romantic relationship work. Not everyone is right for everyone else. This is why we date.....to figure that part out. OP, your boyfriend decided he wasn't feeling that way toward you anymore. I just went and read your first post here, and it sounds like he kinda started behaving that way/throwing hints after just a couple of months, after you became boyfriend/girlfriend. Sounds like he might have been struggling with it because he does think highly of you and didn't want that "spark" to go away, but it did. It's sad for sure . But, someone else will feel that spark for you and it will stay.....you don't want to be with someone who doesn't hold that spark for you. I think you're going to be more on your way to healing if you can just accept/believe that sometimes feelings DO change. It's not fun for your self esteem (we all know this ), but.....it's life . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 Yeah thanks for reminding me he decided i'm 'not good enough'. Also, my ex was NOT in Love with me. I can honestly say that. He broke up with me because he 'lost feelings' = no love. Link to post Share on other sites
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