HiCrunchy Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Yes, this! I got married young (too young) so I didn't date a ton before that, but I've had several failed relationships (varying lengths....3 to 10 months) after my divorce. Like at least five. Compatibility is hard to find. Yep, so hard. Which is why it is so hard to let someone go that you fell in love with because finding that person that will fill those needs again is a game of luck. OP I know this is why you fear, but you have to face this fear. Everyone says you will find someone even better, but we don't know that. Life doesn't promise you anything, and saying those things are only lies because we can't be certain. OP we can't promise you will have that luck, that is why u have to be okay alone. Because if you want to be okay alone, you can be. You don't need a relationship to be whole Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Yep, so hard. Which is why it is so hard to let someone go that you fell in love with because finding that person that will fill those needs again is a game of luck. OP I know this is why you fear, but you have to face this fear. Everyone says you will find someone even better, but we don't know that. Life doesn't promise you anything, and saying those things are only lies because we can't be certain. OP we can't promise you will have that luck, that is why u have to be okay alone. Because if you want to be okay alone, you can be. You don't need a relationship to be whole Well said. I would never promise anyone that they will "find someone better." They might not, but that's OK too. Learning to love being with yourself is definitely a gift . Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Its all because i've never felt loved. Never felt truly wanted. Never felt good enough and worth investing time in. All around me I see love everyday and for some reason, i'm starved of it. Its like i'm being told 'No' all the time and I don't know why. Its like seeing this amazing party going on full of loved up couples, but i'm at the door looking in and told i'm not allowed in but they won't give me a reason why. I'm even at a horrible place of judgement, where I look at some couples and wonder whats so great about her... why can she keep her boyfriend and I can't? I just want what I want, which is something pretty normal, yet for some reason is impossible for me. To the person who says I am attractive because i've had 2 boyfriends... neither stayed longer than 6 months. They can't have been that attracted to me. you still didnt answer what you have done to change your situation or improve yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I'm with you guys there. It is very difficult to find compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Mac0908 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Take it from me. I'm a 33 year old guy who's living breathing proof that dating is brutal and sucks and there are NO guarantees that there are "plenty of fish in the sea" or that "You'll find someone even better!". It's horsesh-t for the most part. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years in January of 2012. The last 6 months we tried hard to make it work bc we truly loved each other but it was just not meant to be. Since then, I have basically been dating nonstop, with only a couple of small breaks in between. Mostly online dating, sometimes met through friends, but overall in the last SIX years now of me being single, I'd say I've been out with over 60 different women. Thats an average of 10 a year which isn't too crazy if you think about it. What's crazy however, is while I'm a normal, relatively decent looking guy, with a good job, beautiful apartment that I own, nice car, healthy hobbies and great family/friends, in these 6 years, there has only been one, that's right, ONE girl that I've felt truly compatible with. Someone that I wanted around. Someone that I didn't get sick of. Someone that complimented my personality and vice versa. Sure I've had a few "flings" in these 6 years and I've also had a few that while compatible personality wise had other issues, but as far as the whole package, there was only ONE that did it for me in all areas that I truly wanted to get involved in a real relationship with. What happened to her you ask? While she did like me a good amount and we had zero issues between us personally, she blew me off out of absolutely nowhere to go back to her ex that she wasn't over after 2 months of dating. Yup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) Take it from me. I'm a 33 year old guy who's living breathing proof that dating is brutal and sucks and there are NO guarantees that there are "plenty of fish in the sea" or that "You'll find someone even better!". It's horsesh-t for the most part. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years in January of 2012. The last 6 months we tried hard to make it work bc we truly loved each other but it was just not meant to be. Since then, I have basically been dating nonstop, with only a couple of small breaks in between. Mostly online dating, sometimes met through friends, but overall in the last SIX years now of me being single, I'd say I've been out with over 60 different women. Thats an average of 10 a year which isn't too crazy if you think about it. What's crazy however, is while I'm a normal, relatively decent looking guy, with a good job, beautiful apartment that I own, nice car, healthy hobbies and great family/friends, in these 6 years, there has only been one, that's right, ONE girl that I've felt truly compatible with. Someone that I wanted around. Someone that I didn't get sick of. Someone that complimented my personality and vice versa. Sure I've had a few "flings" in these 6 years and I've also had a few that while compatible personality wise had other issues, but as far as the whole package, there was only ONE that did it for me in all areas that I truly wanted to get involved in a real relationship with. What happened to her you ask? While she did like me a good amount and we had zero issues between us personally, she blew me off out of absolutely nowhere to go back to her ex that she wasn't over after 2 months of dating. Yup. See OP? That's an example of how variable it all is. There are way too many things out of our control when it comes to this. All we can do is be the best we can be and hope for the best. Unless we were physically/emotionally abusive or constantly depressing, cheated on our partner or carried some other type of extreme behavior/actions, it typically has little to do with us. More often than not, it has more to do with them and other factors out of your control. Edited March 12, 2018 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 A little Facebook wisdom... The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. But the world is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. The ones who love you: they are your people. Don’t waste your finite time and heart trying to convince people who aren’t your people that you have value. They will miss it completely. They won’t buy what you are selling. Don’t try to convince them to walk your path with you because you will only waste your time and your emotional good health. You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their cup of tea and they are not yours. Politely wave them along and you move away as well. Seek to share your path with those who recognize and appreciate your gifts, who you are. Be who you are. You are not everyone’s cup of tea and that is OK. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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