Pain is overwhelming

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

I think you're going to be more on your way to healing if you can just accept/believe that sometimes feelings DO change. It's not fun for your self esteem (we all know this ), but.....it's life .

 

But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...

[heartbrokenlady]

But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...

 

I feel this way too. It's months and still... One moment to the next, pain. When will it let up?

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

A year for myself and it feels like it happened yesterday... I re-read my first ever thread and noticed I said 'I'm not suicidal'. Wow, I have suffered such alot from then to be in the position i'm in now.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

A year for myself and it feels like it happened yesterday... I re-read my first ever thread and noticed I said 'I'm not suicidal'. Wow, I have suffered such alot from then to be in the position i'm in now.

 

How old are you and how many relationships have you had? How old is he?

[Gr8fuln2020]

But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...

 

I feel this way too. It's months and still... One moment to the next, pain. When will it let up?

 

How old are either of you?

 

You both have SO MUCH to give and someone out there is waiting for you to share the wonderful that is you. When someone rejects you, it is not always b/c of YOU. YOU did not decide to reject yourself, he did. Your existence is independent of your exes. You suffer b/c you place all the blame on yourself, but our exes are clearly a participant to the end. You both seem to isolate yourselves too much. DANGEROUS and unproductive. Do you want to begin healing? Let time do its job AND you refrain from idleness with breeds unwelcome thoughts and feelings. Seek help and continue talking about this as that is clearly helpful, if but for a moment. SEEK means to escaping this gloom that you are unnecessarily keeping over your heads.

 

If you want to feel better, take action to do so. These things do not resolve themselves if you resist or prevent yourself the opportunities to heal.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...

 

Why does this one person out of billions on the planet get to decide whether you are good enough or not? Is he that amazing?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Why does this one person out of billions on the planet get to decide whether you are good enough or not? Is he that amazing?

 

My ex feels the same way about me. She said to me that she finally decided that she was not going to allow our break-up, me, to determine whether she gets to be happy or not. I am proud of her for that. Her attitude makes her so much more stronger, appealing, attractive and opens up so many more doors for her find new beginnings. You both have that POWER.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My ex feels the same way about me. She said to me that she finally decided that she was not going to allow our break-up, me, to determine whether she gets to be happy or not. I am proud of her for that. Her attitude makes her so much more stronger, appealing, attractive and opens up so many more doors for her find new beginnings. You both have that POWER.

 

Amen! I do think that very often some people get so sidelined by the feelings of rejection that they fail to realize they don't actually miss the PERSON all that much....it becomes more of a hurt pride thing. Once that can be dealt with, the path to healing begins. (Not saying that you're not great, SaF, or that your ex doesn't miss you )

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

I do miss my ex, the person. The rejection is so much worse because of it. Who cares if theres billions of people in the world, he is the one I want. And I feel so angry that he was the one who pursued me originally.

 

I've gone into the park before with a belt in my pocket because of how much i've hurt. I just want everything to be ok. I feel it never will be if I never speak to him again... but I think it will hurt me if I try to.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I do miss my ex, the person. The rejection is so much worse because of it. Who cares if theres billions of people in the world, he is the one I want. And I feel so angry that he was the one who pursued me originally.

 

I've gone into the park before with a belt in my pocket because of how much i've hurt. I just want everything to be ok. I feel it never will be if I never speak to him again... but I think it will hurt me if I try to.

 

Do you have access to hotline. Call...now. Talk to someone. A friend. Family. Someone who can be with you in person.

 

He is the one you desperately want right now. So, he was perfect to you? I don't think so. Your desperate feelings for him are not permanent. He pursued you, right!? SO, this immediately confirms that you were wanted! This wanting will come from others if you give them an opportunity. All of these feelings are truly fleeting. Really.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I do miss my ex, the person. The rejection is so much worse because of it. Who cares if theres billions of people in the world, he is the one I want. And I feel so angry that he was the one who pursued me originally.

 

I've gone into the park before with a belt in my pocket because of how much i've hurt. I just want everything to be ok. I feel it never will be if I never speak to him again... but I think it will hurt me if I try to.

 

You really need to call a suicide hotline.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Do you have access to hotline. Call...now. Talk to someone. A friend. Family. Someone who can be with you in person.

 

He is the one you desperately want right now. So, he was perfect to you? I don't think so. Your desperate feelings for him are not permanent. He pursued you, right!? SO, this immediately confirms that you were wanted! This wanting will come from others if you give them an opportunity. All of these feelings are truly fleeting. Really.

 

I have done already, many times. I have also visited my doctor and told him exactly what i've just told you. That I went to the park with the belt. They don't do anything except ask 'You're not suicidal at this precise moment? Ok great, Phew. Call us if that changes'. If I did really feel the intent to end my life, I won't call anyone. Being under watch isn't going to make me feel less hurt. The pain is what drives me, thats all. To get me out of pain.

 

The only solution is hearing from him again... or meeting someone better, which I highly doubt is possible.

[Gr8fuln2020]

The only solution is hearing from him again... or meeting someone better, which I highly doubt is possible.

 

It always feels like this. The one who rejects you is the one you want the most until you do find someone else. It happens, but you have to allow it to happen.

[Beachead]

OP, I'm very much like you.

 

I honestly admire that despite how badly you feel, you came back on here because deep down inside you desire to feel better and overcome this.

 

I want to say this firstly..this guy is not your soulmate. He left. You could have been perfect in every way and he still would have left. It doesn't mean you weren't good enough, it means you and him were not meant to be. This is something that is strictly outside of your control. I know you've let it consume you for a year but it's not your fault at all. His opinion is not absolute or inclusive of the entire world. You didn't let him down. He let you down. You didn't fail him. He failed you. Everyday you spend broken over him is another day away from the life you could be living.

 

If it feels like the end for you, then what do you have to lose? You might as well go after your dreams and do what you actually want to be doing. Consider it your last stand. Why not make it count? And I am willing to bet there is something out there that has nothing to do with people..that you've always wanted to do. Maybe it's jumping out of a airplane to skydive. Maybe it's travelling to Iceland to visit the Blue Lagoon. Maybe it's securing your life with an awesome job. Maybe it's getting straight A's. Or being an awesome sister/daughter/aunt. Maybe you wanted to become a singer or paint awesome pictures. Something.

 

Forget the safe life. Forget what you think you should be doing because everyone else is telling you that's what should be done. Do what you want to do cause what do you have to lose? I challenge you to do this.

 

I'm willing to wager there are a few people in your life (Perhaps you family or a close friend or both) that actually care if you woke up in the morning or not. I'm willing to bet something that you've said in the past has put a smile on their face. Something that you've done has actually improved their life. Maybe you taught them something. I'm willing to bet who you are has attracted a lot of people of different relationship categories (Friendship, Acquaintances, Relationships, Family.) There are people that love you for you and people out there that have been searching for you their whole life as a friend/partner but haven't yet met you and ALL of them need what you and only you can bring.

 

It's such a special thing. You have a soul that has a personality and qualities that nobody else can copy. It's yours and only yours. And it's a beautiful soul OP. Your heart is HUGE. Look at how you took this loss. There are a lot of people who need the love that you have to give. They're missing out right now.

 

 

We don't take eat our food on a plate by stuffing the entire thing into our mouth and swallowing though sometimes I swear I would love to. But we break it eat little by little. Piece by piece until the whole meal is done. Every bite we savour. We enjoy it. Take your life 1/2 Hour by 1/2 Hour. Small, managable bites. Love the people who treat you right. Take care of them. Love yourself and spoil yourself. And that's it. Everyone else can piss off. You don't owe anybody anything.

 

Stay Strong

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

I have been on dates this year, but they are so less than my ex it makes me sad/mad and feel worse. I've waited all my adult life for mutual love. I'm in my late twenties...always the dumped and if being so permantely single isn't the factual evidence enough about the thoughts I have about myself.

[heartbrokenlady]

I'm not young. I'm 50 and we'd been together for 11 years.

 

I'm not overly romantic about it, soulmates, the only man etc. But we'd been through so much together. I had cancer a while ago and he was there the whole time. When I was bald, on chemo, 5 operations, long recoveries. He was the one I went to first with news, good or bad. My life is just empty without him. He's no super hero, just an average older man. But the room was better for me, when he was in it.

 

I want to move forward but I'm stuck. The best I can do is stay busy, when I'm at work. The rest of the time, I'm in pain.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The only solution is hearing from him again... or meeting someone better, which I highly doubt is possible.

 

These are not the only solutions. You're giving him too much power over YOUR life. You definitely will not be able to meet someone better until he stops having this power over you....power he's not even trying to have over you, but you're handing it over to him anyway. Nobody is going to want to enter into a relationship with you if you're still pining away for an ex from over a year ago .

 

Has your doctor prescribed any anti-depressant medication for you? It sounds like you really could benefit from it. For one, it helps you think more clearly once you can get out from behind that curtain of despair.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm not young. I'm 50 and we'd been together for 11 years.

 

I'm not overly romantic about it, soulmates, the only man etc. But we'd been through so much together. I had cancer a while ago and he was there the whole time. When I was bald, on chemo, 5 operations, long recoveries. He was the one I went to first with news, good or bad. My life is just empty without him. He's no super hero, just an average older man. But the room was better for me, when he was in it.

 

I want to move forward but I'm stuck. The best I can do is stay busy, when I'm at work. The rest of the time, I'm in pain.

 

That's some very tough stuff right there . I'm so sorry .

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have been on dates this year, but they are so less than my ex it makes me sad/mad and feel worse. I've waited all my adult life for mutual love. I'm in my late twenties...always the dumped and if being so permantely single isn't the factual evidence enough about the thoughts I have about myself.

 

What made this particular man stand out so much from the rest?

[heartbrokenlady]

That's some very tough stuff right there . I'm so sorry .

 

Thank you. XX

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

What made this particular man stand out so much from the rest?

 

It always just felt kinda right. It just flowed with him. He is confident, has a good sense of humour which is exactly like mine, caring, successful and ambitious. He said and did all the right things in the beginning, I fancied him so much. I just doubt I shall meet somebody with all these qualities again. He was perfect for me.

[Beachead]

It always just felt kinda right. It just flowed with him. He is confident, has a good sense of humour which is exactly like mine, caring, successful and ambitious. He said and did all the right things in the beginning, I fancied him so much. I just doubt I shall meet somebody with all these qualities again. He was perfect for me.

 

But he wasn't. You're in love with whom you wanted him to be. Not with who he actually was. And who he actually was is someone who was not compatible with you which is why he left. That's neither your fault nor his. That's just what is.

 

You've dated a lot of guys since then. That tells me that you are more than capable of attracting people on an emotional and physical level. In fact, I bet you never stopped to think that one of the guys that you've dated and brushed off talked to a pal of his and was probably saying something like "She was really cute and I liked her. I don't know why she didn't call me back. Wanted it to work out."

 

You don't see yourself like that. But others do.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Heartbrokenandhurt, there's an answer for you that will heal you and that will make you the most loving person you can be. The answer isn't found in a man or even within yourself. It is found in Jesus Christ, and a deep relationship with Him through reading scripture and prayer. You will be amazed at how confident and at peace you will be with yourself, without depending on anyone else for happiness,

 

Sometimes I read posts like yours and don't write the above because very few people are open to being close with God. A lot of people would rather mock and many ignore the idea. Which is nuts because it's such a fulfilling way of life.

 

The Bible says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I promise you that if you do your life will change for the better! With God in your life, yes, you'll have disappointments. But, you will never be alone and He will make your mind believe life is well worth living, in fact, you will find life is dynamic and exciting as you grow more deeply into a relationship with Him. Sending you hugs and best wishes!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Heartbrokenandhurt, there's an answer for you that will heal you and that will make you the most loving person you can be. The answer isn't found in a man or even within yourself. It is found in Jesus Christ, and a deep relationship with Him through reading scripture and prayer. You will be amazed at how confident and at peace you will be with yourself, without depending on anyone else for happiness,

 

Sometimes I read posts like yours and don't write the above because very few people are open to being close with God. A lot of people would rather mock and many ignore the idea. Which is nuts because it's such a fulfilling way of life.

 

The Bible says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I promise you that if you do your life will change for the better! With God in your life, yes, you'll have disappointments. But, you will never be alone and He will make your mind believe life is well worth living, in fact, you will find life is dynamic and exciting as you grow more deeply into a relationship with Him. Sending you hugs and best wishes!

 

I'm not gonna preach, but if this is something OP (or anyone) is willing to embrace, I highly recommend Beth Moore's book/study called So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us.

[basil67]

It always just felt kinda right. It just flowed with him. He is confident, has a good sense of humour which is exactly like mine, caring, successful and ambitious. He said and did all the right things in the beginning, I fancied him so much. I just doubt I shall meet somebody with all these qualities again. He was perfect for me.

 

He might have been all these things in the beginning. But by the end, you saw the real him. And you didn't like the real him and so you picked fights with him. Is this really what you want to go back to?

 

I only wanted that one person though. Why is it so much to ask for in life?

 

You wrote this in the beginning of the thread. I'm not sure if you realise, but this is definition of entitled thinking. All of us really want things at different points in our lives, but it doesn't mean we will or should get that thing. So yes, getting something because we really want it IS too much to ask in life.