The guys never talk to me

[LoverOfDance]

Merry Christmas Loveshack. Hope you've all been having a wonderful time with your families.

 

So I have a question for those of you who do online dating. I've been on Tinder for about a month and a half now. I get a good number of matches often but no one ever talks to me. Even those I try to talk to. Sometimes when I try to start a conversation, they unmatch after a few mins without replying at all. I don't really get it. Do you have any idea why this might be happening?

[mortensorchid]

You may as well ask what the meaning of life is. Because I don't know what the answer to that is either. And neither does anyone else for that matter. But I digress ...

 

Are you talking about when you initiate the conversation at all? Are you saying that the person does not respond when you say a simple "Hi", "Hello", "Hello how are you?" type response?

[LoverOfDance]

@mortensorchid Yes. At first I would always message my matches but I gave up after initiating a few messages since I barely got any replies. The ones who did reply would unmatch me after replying once or twice.

 

Today, I messaged one of my matches again but he unmatched me literally 2 minutes after I sent the message. I'm quite confused at this point.

[hercules22]

wierd well i wish mine would unmatch me we talk say a few things then they just stop replying yet im still matched guess they were using tinder cause they were either bored or after a ego boost lol

[basil67]

There's something wrong with your profile. Could be bad photos, bad personal styling or bad description of yourself or what you're looking for in others. Without more information, we can only guess.

[act00]

It could be your profile or your hobbies and interests. Maybe you need better pictures. It's hard to say.

[joseb]

At a guess I'd say you have a good main photo (which gets the swipes) but your other ones are not as good.

 

Or you have something off-putting in your profile.

[lolgorgeous]

Tinder is a very superficial dating app. Your photos are everything, so make them the very best possible.

[LoverOfDance]

In my first photo, my hair covers my face a little bit. I was thinking maybe ppl are getting a false idea of what I look like. I deleted it a few minutes ago and i'm still getting matches, lol. #confused.

[LoverOfDance]

Just to add more information, I usually like one in about 50 men. Regardless of this, I currently have 11 matches. I have said hi to everyone of them except two and have not gotten a reply.

 

My profile mentions my favourite movie - Shawshank redemption and my hobbies. I didn't say too much as I want to have more to talk about if someone was to message me.

 

Anyone ever had this problem before? What can I do to remedy it?

[smackie9]

It's all about first look and yes people are superficial, so it is what it is.....presentation is crucial because you are trying to sell a product...YOU. You are selling yourself, and there is a ton of competition out there.

 

What's in your profile isn't what men look at...they are looking at photos. With men it's about the eyes and your body. You need to present yourself well in order to get a response.

 

Tip: OLD is not a magic bullet to getting dates. If you can't get dates irl, OLD won't be much help either.

Edited December 26, 2017 by smackie9

[dumbass2]

Yep, it's your profile and the guys aren't finding something(s) attractive. Try running your profile past a good friend or two and get some input (from a male perspective would be good).

[Kevinehv]

Because there are more men on Tinder than women, women usually are the ones who are being more picky about what guy to date. Most guys swipe right on every girl because it saves time and the women mostly decide.

 

This leads to men having a lot of matches they are not really into.

 

Also the hard truth is dating on Tinder is mostly about pictures but for men even more. If your picture is not good we do not want to meet you, it doesn't matter if you share the same interests or like horse riding or whatever.

 

I'm not saying you are ugly or unattractive but as far as I know Tinder is great for really good looking people but the rest of us have more chance in finding someone in real life than in online dating.

[Ruby Slippers]

Men getting in touch and messaging on dating sites is 99.9% about looks. You need better pictures.

 

When I first did OLD, I liked to use average, dressed-down pictures of me so I'd overdeliver upon meeting, and I often got the "your pictures don't do you justice" comment. When I replaced those average pics with slightly more glam and styled pics, I started getting contacted by 10 times more men. (And dates would say, "You look exactly like your pics.")

[LoverOfDance]

Thanks for the replies guys. I have about 20 matches now. I think i'm giving up on initiating messages at this point. Should I just wait for the men to message me first? If they are interested then they will definitely say something right?

[MaleIntuition]

Thanks for the replies guys. I have about 20 matches now. I think i'm giving up on initiating messages at this point. Should I just wait for the men to message me first? If they are interested then they will definitely say something right?

 

Most would probably argue that it is the mens responsibility to initiate the contact after the match, although I doubt anyone would consider it bad if you keep doing it. Lot of people are just using tinder semi casually - and for those it’s easy to simply forget about matches.

 

The most important part is probably to stear away from the following cookie cutter conversation:

 

- Hey, how are you?

- Hey! I’m fine, you?

- Same, what’s up?

- not much... you?

- same...

 

Instead try to ask something from their texts or pictures and take it from there.

[Chilli]

l dunno about tinder but l just joined a date site a few wks back , only second time. last one was few yrs ago for a short stint after divorce,

 

The matches they send me , 30 or 40 a day are ridiculous l've never bothered with any of them haven't even talked to one, glanced at a couple, bout it.

l find my own match.

 

Been wondering though what the drill is with matches they send, do people normally contact each other with those ?

l haven't even seen one l'd even wanna contact.

[LoverOfDance]

So I read something online about why guys don't respond to tinder messages. It's pretty interesting. One of the reasons given was that guys feel like the messaging process is like an audition. They also do not want to waste time talking and at the end of the day not getting a date.

 

I decided to try an experiment - instead of saying Hi and starting a conversation, I simply asked my matches out on a date. I just got a reply, lol. Interesting.

[Zippy2000]

Tinder is mostly based on looks. Its a shallow way to get to know someone. That said. Most men base their partners on looks.

 

If a man doesnt find you attractive within the first few seconds. Its not going to change.

 

Dare I say some of those "matches" could be accidental matches. I ve swiped incorrectly a couple of times.

 

I wouldnt take Tinder seriousily. It was originally a hook up site.

[staggerlee71]

Many guys just swipe right and then only really look when a match occurs.

so because they match doesn't actually mean they took the time to look.

 

Secondly, the general advice for men is to text something that stands out and it gets discouraging when you actually try and get no responses.

 

Cookie cutter openers are frowned upon. whats funny is I am on Bumble where women are to initiate. I get my fair share of matches and the opening text is ALWAYS "Hi". Effectivley putting it back in my court.

 

I think asking a guy out on a date is a great idea. You really are not going to get a great feel for them via text anyway as well as you get right to the interest level.

 

Believe it or not, I am actually not only interested in looks, do want to date, and I am truly amazed at how little effort women have when trying to open a discourse. Wit, humor and intelligence many men look for, or atleast I do.

[SevenCity]

Many guys just swipe right and then only really look when a match occurs.

so because they match doesn't actually mean they took the time to look.

 

Secondly, the general advice for men is to text something that stands out and it gets discouraging when you actually try and get no responses.

 

Cookie cutter openers are frowned upon. whats funny is I am on Bumble where women are to initiate. I get my fair share of matches and the opening text is ALWAYS "Hi". Effectivley putting it back in my court.

 

I think asking a guy out on a date is a great idea. You really are not going to get a great feel for them via text anyway as well as you get right to the interest level.

 

Believe it or not, I am actually not only interested in looks, do want to date, and I am truly amazed at how little effort women have when trying to open a discourse. Wit, humor and intelligence many men look for, or atleast I do.

 

I’ve found the same. The lack of effort women put into a message is ironic because that’s what they all complain about.

 

The last “Hi” I got I responded to with “Hi”. No conversation since.

 

I’m even impressed when they add my name at the end of “Hi” but most are even too lazy to do that.

 

I find it difficult to put in any effort to somone who can’t even use my name. The flip side is they are likely getting hundreds of matches and just doing it so they don’t lose the match.

 

I’ve seen other profiles where women complain about having to initiate and tell you instead to message them on Instagram. Geez.

[Cookiesandough]

Girls rarely message first and when they do it's always “hi” or “hey”. Sometimes with an exclamation mark. So taking the reins and saying something of substance could give you an advantage?

 

I don’t mind ‘ low-effort’ messages personally, especially on a app as lackadaisical as Tinder. Just say your hi's and set up the date, I say

Edited December 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[LoverOfDance]

Getting more replies. All I did was ask the guys out and now they are replying, lol. Here I was wondering what was wrong with my pics and profile.

 

I guess guys just don't like the whole messaging back and forth on dating apps thing.

[SevenCity]

Girls rarely message first and when they do it's always “hi” or “hey”. Sometimes with an exclamation mark. So taking the reins and saying something of substance could give you an advantage?

 

I don’t mind ‘ low-effort’ messages personally, especially on a app as lackadaisical as Tinder. Just say your hi's and set up the date, I say

 

On Bumble, the only app I’m on for now, women have to message first. If they do not do so within 24 hours the match is unmatched.

 

It’s good because, theoretically, you are only getting matches from interested women.

 

In reality, if they can’t muster up more than a single word chances are they are not interested...which begs the question of why they bothered to message in the first place.

 

I get more matches that never reach out and expire. If not for the periodic sex/mini RLs I wouldn’t bother.

[Cookiesandough]

On Bumble, the only app I’m on for now, women have to message first. If they do not do so within 24 hours the match is unmatched.

 

It’s good because, theoretically, you are only getting matches from interested women.

 

In reality, if they can’t muster up more than a single word chances are they are not interested...which begs the question of why they bothered to message in the first place.

 

I get more matches that never reach out and expire. If not for the periodic sex/mini RLs I wouldn’t bother.

They are probably interested if they said anything. Having used Bumble in the past and being on the flip-side, it's incredibly daunting to be the first to reach out. Even "hey" feels weird. Most women just aren't accustomed to it so it's like staring at a blank page trying to think of how to start a dissertation for a lot of us. Especially shy, conventional ones. Guys are more used to it, but I'm not making excuses, I know it's hard for them too. Not like you can say, "Hey. I see you like tacos too. How are you?" You have to be creative and give it a little thought like "I like the way you speak of tacos like a character out of Pendleton Ward's journal. I also like that you're an Animal Collective fan. What are your thoughts of Panda Bear's new stuff?"

 

*wipes brow*

 

I would definitely take it as high interested if a girl initiates at all. Even if it is to say "Er... oops. I didn't mean to message you...but hi"

Edited December 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough