Sex in sickness and in health

[wmacbride]

Something that can mean so much to someone who is ill is just holding them, even if it doesn't lead to sex.

 

the thing to keep in mind is that,hopefully, the illness isn't permanent and there will be better times ahead. the memories of how kind and caring the healthy husband or wife was when their spouse wad down can really stay with a person.

[central]

We agreed at the beginning of our relationship - long before any illness or injury occurred that could prevent or severely limit sex for an extended period - that in such circumstances we'd allow an open relationship after a few months, no further permission required, no questions asked, and no later recriminations.

[Trail Blazer]

We agreed at the beginning of our relationship - long before any illness or injury occurred that could prevent or severely limit sex for an extended period - that in such circumstances we'd allow an open relationship after a few months, no further permission required, no questions asked, and no later recriminations.

 

There are so many things I'll do differently in my next relationship that I never even considered when I first got into this one. I just couldn't imagine broaching such a topic like that.

 

It's crazy to think how much I'd do things differently if I could go back in time. But everything I didn't do back then culminated in the lessons I've learned now, so wishinf I could go back and change the past would be paradoxical by its very nature.

 

I guess on the flipside I'll probably make a better second husband than the one I am now. Lessons learned but too much damage to repair. I guess that's life, hey? I'll keep striving for that balance till I find it.

[elaine567]

We agreed at the beginning of our relationship - long before any illness or injury occurred that could prevent or severely limit sex for an extended period - that in such circumstances we'd allow an open relationship after a few months, no further permission required, no questions asked, and no later recriminations.

 

Yes, but your relationship with your wife can hardly be considered that of your average married, monogamous couple can it?

So whilst broaching the topic of "opening" up your marriage to you is a pretty normal and practical solution, to others the mere mention of opening up a marriage would almost be grounds for divorce by itself and if not divorce then the marriage would never actually be the same again.

 

People who value monogamy, practice monogamy and expect monogamy in return, sickness may test that, but I guess few would really expect to be "replaced" in their hour of need, by some other woman of man.

[Popsicle]

Here are my rules and if roles were reversed I’d expect the same treatment:

 

-If we’ve been together 7 years or more AND are married, don’t leave no matter what. Unless of course, your partner tells you to. (Which occasionally happens)

 

If you’re married less than 7 years or unmarried for any amount of time, then it goes like this:

 

-If the disease or affliction is acute, NO don’t leave. No matter what. (Look up the medical definition of the word acute)

 

-If the disease or affliction is chronic, then yes you can leave.

[dichotomy]

We agreed at the beginning of our relationship - long before any illness or injury occurred that could prevent or severely limit sex for an extended period - that in such circumstances we'd allow an open relationship after a few months, no further permission required, no questions asked, and no later recriminations.

 

 

As long as you agree to the rules.

 

Honestly for me - if I developed something severe -- like a devastating stroke with permanent damage, or Alzheimer or dementia - I would not blame my wife from seeking some friendly kind part time comfort, as long as she still stayed mostly present with me and loved me.

 

but it would have to be something very severe and long term. Not just me in a wheel chair.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well, I didn't actually go off sex at any point during my cancer treatment

 

Why not ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[heartbrokenlady]

Why not ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

I think my hormones hadn't shut down completely then. And also my ex never made me feel inhuman, despite my feeling it about myself. It helped that he wasn't squeamish about vomit and bodily fluids.

 

We had sex a month after my most major surgery. In the dark, and with me bandaged and partially dressed. But that was very early. Most people take much longer after the surgery I had.

 

I was so lucky to have him then. I don't think I'd have got thru without him.

[dichotomy]

HeartBrokenLady,

 

My GF at the time had no change in her desire for me either. She was a trooper.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think my hormones hadn't shut down completely then. And also my ex never made me feel inhuman, despite my feeling it about myself. It helped that he wasn't squeamish about vomit and bodily fluids.

 

We had sex a month after my most major surgery. In the dark, and with me bandaged and partially dressed. But that was very early. Most people take much longer after the surgery I had.

 

I was so lucky to have him then. I don't think I'd have got thru without him.

 

Seems you both understood (perhaps instinctively) the importance of maintaining that connection. Not sure why so many want to discount its value and contribution...

 

Mr. Lucky

[heartbrokenlady]

Seems you both understood (perhaps instinctively) the importance of maintaining that connection. Not sure why so many want to discount its value and contribution...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

I don't even think it was that. I think at the time we were just horny people.

 

It wasn't the sex that bonded us, it was facing a life threatening illness together. He held me down, during chemo. He saw me, bald, bloated, on the toilet, vomiting and still loved me. What a man, to still love me, thru that.