He came back... kind of...

[Addison]

So somewhere in these forums is the my whole not-so-dramatic story of breaking up and eventual reconciliation. Exactly one month after we broke up he came back. It has been 2 1/2 weeks now. We've spent a lot of time together, hanging out and having fun. He's very affectionate (we aren't having sex so don't start saying that's all he's after!) We've spent time with his family and gone out on dates. Everything has been great. Except that he doesn't call me. Atleast not like he use to. And it hurts my feelings and makes me feel like he doesn't care. Well, that's not the worst of my problems though. This past Friday he moved back to school 3 hrs away from me. I was suppose to go up there with him this last wknd to help him get his new apartment settled but on Wednesday he told me that he didn't want me to go. He said that he loved being with me but he just couldn't handle not being with me during the week and he didn't want to get back into a long distance relationship again. I was crushed. But then on Thursday he called and asked me to come see him before he left. And I did like a big fool. We ended up really talking about a lot of stuff though so it wasn't too bad. He told me "It will all be ok. Just try not to worry about it so much." Like that's possible. But he did tell me to come up there this coming this wknd. So he left on Friday and moved up there. He has called me once since he has been there and I called him once. When we talk he acts like he's never been happier to hear from me. In my mind though I keep hearing him say "I don't want a long distance relationship again." Even though you would think that would be "closure" to move on, it's not. Because he still acts like he loves me and a very important question that I asked him was left open ended... I asked him if I moved there if we would be together. He didn't say yes but he didn't say no either so now I'm all screwed up thinking about this stuff again. I love him more than anything in the world and moving there to be with him is something I would be more than happy to do. But it's a big move and not only has he not given me an answer about it, but I don't want to move there and in a month he change his mind. I know, I know... everyone thinks that I never should have let him back in. NC, NC, NC... yeah it was great while it lasted. But he did come back and I did let him back in. And I'm not ready to walk away from him yet... he still loves me (and I know that you all don't know that for sure, but please just take my word on this). I just need to let him figure out what he wants but it's so hard to do. I'm impatient...

[Art_Critic]

Originally posted by Addison

I just need to let him figure out what he wants but it's so hard to do.

 

That's not love ... A person doesn't NEED to figure out what he wants or if he knows if someone if right for him..

 

From what I have read the signals he is sending you seem to be that he isn't into you and eventually you will hear that he just wants to be friends..

 

You let him in/back to easy and now you will pay the price with your heart.

 

If you had waited till he could show you that HE WANTED YOU then and only then would you two be a couple

 

NC NC NC

[RecordProducer]

I believe you and I also got the impression that he loves you.

LDRs are difficult and I understand that he is tired of it. But he wants to be with you too. Of course he is reluctant to tell you to move there, it's a big step and he can't take the responsibility for that in your name.

 

If I were you, I would just keep things going the way they are without too much digging into the "let's talk about us" subject. Just be cheerful and sweet with him. Things will smoothen up and resolve by themselves. You don't have to do anything right now. Give him and yourself some time and think about this later. You had just broken up and gotten back. It's still fresh. Don't worry about him not calling you. He is confused.

 

If everything is okay in a few months you might talk about moving, but not right now. Just enjoy your time together. Why didn't you have sex? How old are you?

[Addison]

Thank you RecordProducer. It's not that I always want to hear that what I'm feeling is correct, but sometimes to have someone agree that there's still a chance for us feels really nice. I really do believe that if I'm not pushy with this and just give it some time things will work out. It's just hard. But I know that everyone on here knows how it feels. I'm 23 and when I said that we're not having sex I just meant since we have had this semi-reconcilation, not that we never did. I just don't want to give myself to him in that way when he's not willing to commit to me. My whole goal during this entire ordeal is just to know in the end, no matter what the outcome, that I did everything I possibly could to make this work. I'm just hoping for the best. Everything has slowly been looking up. And getting my hopes up too high right now isn't a good idea, it's just difficult to not be optimistic.

[Addison]

And by the way, Art-Critic, as much as I appreciate that you posted your opinion (because I did ask after all) I don't believe that what you said is true at all. How can you say that taking time apart and figuring out if someone is "the one" means that it's not love? Sometimes you do question love and you do need time to realize that they are the one you're suppose to be with. People get scared and don't always know with 100% certainty that what they are doing is correct. I'm not saying that my situation will turn out that way and he might not love me at all. I might just be fooling myself. But you can not say that you should just always know exactly what is best for you. I'm sure that you have questioned things in your life only to realize after the fact that it was what is best or right for you after all. I think that we all have.

[upsetnhurt]

Addison,

 

I am really hoping things work out for you as I can tell you are a real sweet woman. I say do exactly how you feel so that if it does not work out in the end you can always tell yourself that you did all you can do (DAIC). I am in the same boat and use that as my motivation to move on. Best of luck.

[Addison]

So things with my ex and I have been going really good. We just spent 3 days together this last wknd and then I had to come back home for work. The topic of me moving there to be with him came up in a casual way and he seemed really positive about it. Everything is so great, except that during the week when I'm here 3 hrs away from him I just feel so weird. He still doesn't call like he should but when I do talk to him or call him he's still really happy to hear from me. There's just some level of awkwardness that I haven't gotten past yet. The break up and time apart is still so fresh that I guess I still have these doubts and fears in the back of my mind. He called me his girlfriend when he was introducing me to his friend the other day but I think it was an accident because he tried to just hurry up and talk about something else. At least that word is still in his vocabulary. I think with it being so gloomy from the rain of the hurricane I'm just feeling down today. I thought that once we were on our way to being ok that I would be past all of these feelings. I guess maybe a break up like this affects you more than you would except. Or maybe I'm just crazy!

[Rocko]

So things with my ex and I have been going really good. We just spent 3 days together this last wknd and then I had to come back home for work. The topic of me moving there to be with him came up in a casual way and he seemed really positive about it. Everything is so great, except that during the week when I'm here 3 hrs away from him I just feel so weird. He still doesn't call like he should but when I do talk to him or call him he's still really happy to hear from me. There's just some level of awkwardness that I haven't gotten past yet. The break up and time apart is still so fresh that I guess I still have these doubts and fears in the back of my mind. He called me his girlfriend when he was introducing me to his friend the other day but I think it was an accident because he tried to just hurry up and talk about something else. At least that word is still in his vocabulary. I think with it being so gloomy from the rain of the hurricane I'm just feeling down today. I thought that once we were on our way to being ok that I would be past all of these feelings. I guess maybe a break up like this affects you more than you would except. Or maybe I'm just crazy!

 

It's perfectly ok to be on guard in a situation like this. What you are experiencing is what most people on these forums hope for, and I wish you all the best. Make sure he works hard to regain your trust and affection, you're worth it! Keep us posted!