MM LEFT wife

[lynnered]

MM left wife ,

last week is staying with his mother ,

he imd me today

I can t get a hold of you why you change your number? I wanted to talk right now so...oh well

You done with me? I took off tonight and am pretty much done with her

Oh well i guess you changed your number for a reason!

You want me to call?

Think so i told her last week i was done so

At my moms don t want to bring any drama with me anywhere elsse

For almost a week but i can t call now

You be around tomorrow

Well i gonna get going i will try to get a hold of you tomorrow i will talk to you them

Don t want her to follow me

i gotta go baby goodnight love ya please understand

our deal was he will move right in ,

hes saying he has to stay at his moms ,because she is acting psyco & following him ,

now hes saying its not sept yet

shes threatning to get him fired from work ,

i cant believe this is happening just earlier i was talking about i doubt hell leave its all so overwhelming

im scared he says hes going through alot

its what i want but i dont know!!

[lynnered]

he says hell move in when she stops following him everywhere ,

i called his cell she kept calling,

he was stupid didnt get all his stuff ,

he wants to wait to really talk tomorrow

i changed my tn so he couldnt get me & my cell doesnt work in house

i thought id be differnt when he left like hed come right here ,

but he says he just wanted to let me know whats going on ,

i think hes been gone longer then a week cause he was on IM 24/7 since aug 11th ,

so much going through my head right now!!

and he doesnt want to talk he only wanted to let me know whats going on & talk tomorrow

he said hes was tired of the situation ,there so ladies i guess they do leave,but wait & see how this unfolds

i was kind of mean cause i was like o so im still going to be hidden?

when weve discussed this before he said i would be right out in open

then he says he doesnt want to bring the drama to my doorstep cause shes been following him acting psyco saying shes gonna call his work & get him fired

[Art_Critic]

Left is not divorced ........

 

 

They alway's go back.. all it takes is a 38 sec phone call and you will be left with your broken heart..

 

Ask him to file for divorce and then wait for the final court date..

 

But it is a start .. but don't fall for this.. Leaving his wife isn't enough.. he is still married to someone else

[lynnered]

your right i know ,

its just scary almost getting what u want & doubting u want it

no i love the guy i told him he had til sept talked real brief on phone cause hes at moms house ,i said u said ud be in by sept he says its not sept

we will see

im just nervous scared giddy need to talk but he is on way to work ,&didnt want to talk about it til tomorrow

since i havent talked to him since 8/3 i think i asked him how he was about things as far as us ,he said the same soooooooooooooo

I DONT KNOW

[jadeblossom]

My MM left twice to stay at his mom's, and went back to his W both times even before a full week was over. The first time, he came over and told me that he loved me and finally we could spend our lives together. Well, 5 days later, he went back to her after she asked him to. So.... lynnered, not saying that your situation would be the same, but I agree, they tend to go back. Just be patient, wait and see, I can understand that you would feel scared now even though it's what you want, or think you want. Nothing is certain now. He could go back to her anytime.

[lynnered]

jadeblossom

i know thats why i was so upset about him staying there!!

he said hed move"right in"i mean weve known each other 6years ,been OW for 4 years so ,

he was to move in and tell her he was staying here he sounds so stressed he said he cant take it there no more no hes not screwing me over hell 2the naw

i told him i want some money lol no he was suposed to help me out then we fought then NC

no hes not going to screw me over

[RecordProducer]

He sounds more like he is in a limbo than determined to leave. The IMs he sent you are strange. Where are all the "I love you! we can finally be togetehr, I can't wait to see you..." stuff? Not trying to be negative, but it's weird. Wish you luck in any case.

 

Any children involved? For how long has he been married? Did you ask him to leave? Why did you change your phone #?

[lynnered]

No you not stop i gotta go baby goodnight love ya please understand

so kind of i love u !ur right RP i was just thinking where was the i miss u ,now we can be together etc

1 little girl 5years old hes been married almost 5 years then he married her cause&after she was born

i know & with the stalking i asked him was she driving her around with herWTF

she has a middle school aged kid from x

his deadline was sept,

ive been doing NC on &off last we spoke before tonight was 8/3

so i dont know u made me think !!

i might just meet him somewhere & tell him get in touch when hes been gone a little longer ??

i dont know!!

[lynnered]

RP changed tn was mad at him,

he has cell +IM ,

he said hes been trying to call house tn was changed ,

and cell goes right to hvm at house ,

[Barby]

I can understand how you'd be scared, this is what you've been wanting and now it's happened but as with everything else in life....it's not the fairy tale way you hoped it would be....from what I gather from your posts.

 

You said he claimed that he would move right in with you....but with the "W" acting crazy and stalkerish (though most scorned spouses probably act the same) aren't you glad that he didn't move in yet....just think that you may have had the "W" driving by all the time...calling (if she got the #), slitting your tires, ect, ect!!

 

Maybe it would be more stressful on your relationship with your "MM" if he did move in right away. Assuming of course that he is stressed after leaving a 5 year marriage and gone from being a live-in father to maybe a dad who'll see his baby mainly on the weekends....I can't imagine anyone not being stressed by this!

 

 

The stress would probably cause him to be irritated and grouchy which in turn would make you feel bad and probably question rather or not he regretted his choice.....It is probably better that he leave and have some time alone instead of jumping from one house hold to another....maybe he needs time to think things through and get his head clear. Don't ya think?

 

 

I also wouldn't be suprised if he didn't go back to his "W" but then again he did make the choice to leave and since he took that step, it could in fact be over for good!

 

One question....do you think that having him all to yourself is what you really want? Do you have any fears/thoughts that he might do the exact same thing to you?!?!

 

Either way..good luck and keep us updated!

[newbby]

be cool lynnered. keep your strength up. don't let him continue the relationship with you just yet. wait until he actually is in your house.

how long will she be "stalking him" for? could be another 4 years.

sorry, i just know all the tricks my mm tried. i know they are not all the same, just be wary thats all.

good luck, i really hope it works out

[brubaker2004]

Topic Review (Newest First)

 

 

newbby be cool lynnered. keep your strength up. don't let him continue the relationship with you just yet. wait until he actually is in your house.

how long will she be "stalking him" for? could be another 4 years.

sorry, i just know all the tricks my mm tried. i know they are not all the same, just be wary thats all.

good luck, i really hope it works out

 

 

 

i agree 100% newbby. but i am sure it is difficult when it feels like the life you want might FINALLY be here. from what i have read from the women on this site, though, it seems the MM do this frequently and have a tendency to go back to the W.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Honestly, I don't think him moving into your house is the answer either. He needs to be completely free of his W and get his ducks in a row before moving in with you. Staying at his mothers makes it only temporary in my books.

[lynnered]

Originally posted by jadeblossom

My MM left twice to stay at his mom's, and went back to his W both times even before a full week was over. The first time, he came over and told me that he loved me and finally we could spend our lives together. Well, 5 days later, he went back to her after she asked him to. So.... lynnered, not saying that your situation would be the same, but I agree, they tend to go back. Just be patient, wait and see, I can understand that you would feel scared now even though it's what you want, or think you want. Nothing is certain now. He could go back to her anytime.

well hes been out since 8/11,

talked to him last night &he did come by late

well she did ask him to come back last night,

which he told her no,

she cut his cell phone off !in his name not hers,

threatned to get him fired at work(he has a gov job ssoo)

and if he goes back he can stay

[lynnered]

barby ,

ive never implied i thought it would be a fairytale in any way ,

weve had coversions about how it would be so thats why im upset about the moving right in,

at the same time i dont need the drama on my doorstep,so i dont know

and the crazy and stalkerish

i warned him she would prob act nutty!

things have always been bad since june i think hes been telling her im leaving end of summer,

but u are right about slashing tires scenes outside i dont need that

""The stress would probably cause him to be irritated and grouchy which in turn would make you feel bad and probably question rather or not he regretted his choice.....It is probably better that he leave and have some time alone instead of jumping from one house hold to another....maybe he needs time to think things through and get his head clear. Don't ya think""

i agree & disagree with this statement lol

hes works oppisite shift then her so there wasnt alot of time spent the stuff that he says hes stressed about is the crazy stuff cutting off his cell,bank account cleaning out or closeing ,trying to get him fired from work etc

i just pissed me off we talked about this & i kind of wish he didnt contact me til he was in a better place

i know he wouldnt cheat on me!but the thing about having him ,well that i have some doubts like right now hes upset ,

and like u said kind of irriatable ,he even said hes scared we will argue cause hes a little mouthy ,

he said he felt like i was presureing him asking when hes moving in ,u know what he presuredd me how many times all i wanted was 4 him to leave me alone until he left her ?

it pisses me off that im suposed to just think about all his feelings yet he dont think of mine right now

im suposed to be strong i was hoping that was over ???

sorry im rambling

[lynnered]

Originally posted by brubaker2004

Topic Review (Newest First)

 

 

newbby be cool lynnered. keep your strength up. don't let him continue the relationship with you just yet. wait until he actually is in your house.

how long will she be "stalking him" for? could be another 4 years.

sorry, i just know all the tricks my mm tried. i know they are not all the same, just be wary thats all.

good luck, i really hope it works out

 

 

 

i agree 100% newbby. but i am sure it is difficult when it feels like the life you want might FINALLY be here. from what i have read from the women on this site, though, it seems the MM do this frequently and have a tendency to go back to the W.

im just going to treat him like a friend ,im sure as far as stalker stuff but your right he said she will prob do it until she finds someone else

great

that could be awhile

i hope it works out or he goes back to her

i dont want no long drawn out drama

i just want this finished

[I was the OW]

I was the OW to a MM who also left his W, but he went back to her three months after he left her. He said he owed it to his W and children to make the M work and he made a mistake having an A with me.

 

Just don't be suprised if he goes back to his W. I think you need to leave him alone until his D is final.

[lynnered]

Originally posted by I was the OW

I was the OW to a MM who also left his W, but he went back to her three months after he left her. He said he owed it to his W and children to make the M work and he made a mistake having an A with me.

 

Just don't be suprised if he goes back to his W. I think you need to leave him alone until his D is final.

well i don't know about D because in my state u have to be legally separated for 1 year,&I've been involved with him for 4years,

but i hate this its worst then when he was living at her house,

he hasn't been calling ,we only text ,he had 2 change his cell # cause she had it cut off

he doesn't feel"mentally stable "cause she's trying to get him fired ,calling him asking to come back,threating him,

its nothing like he said it would be!

he said he would wanna get married again down the road,

well he's asked me 2xs what if he doesnt want 2 get married again WTF

this is not what we discussed ,

i know he's going through a hard time but I've stood by him ,dealt with this situation til it was the right time,

his deadline to be moved in is /was sept ,

I've been giving him space ,it hurts ,i thought he'd be with me all the time ,etc but hes been using steroids and his W has the empty bottles ,

he has a gov job & she keeps calling & threating to tell his job

i feel like crap ,

all the i cant wait til i can t treat u rights,take u out ,etc

and this is painful cause he talked to me about everything now he don't wanna talk ,

i told him if he wants to go back do it ,if u wanna be single w/o me do it whatever u do just be honest

ill support him through it but after that I'm done ,no friendship & that upsets him "cause we were friends 1st"

he tells me "baby thanks again as usual you come through and i never do "

2xs in 1 conversion

i don't know how to deal with this !!

he's Iratable ,but he can go to gym &visit family but he doesn't come around or talk to me too much because" Sorry but now is not good time to be around you because i may be mean and fight and i don t want that"

i mentioned him saying when he left he said he wanted to move "right in ",

now asking about that makes him feel presured ?

how am i presuring u asking or talking about something u said u wanted to do !

I've been nothing but supportive & this is what i get ?

we did get into it a bit the 2times he's came over

he is not himself

its only been 3days me dealing with this

we were in NC til he left ,he left 8-11

i wish he didn't contact me til he had his head clear ,

i don't know,i am so miserable , thanks for listening 2 me ramble !!

[lynnered]

right now he just IMD me he might need a ride from area mall he was supposed to be 1hour away another state visiting family

yeah really clearing his head !

and don't even know y he don't have his truck?

thanks again i love LS only place i can vent!!

and o i forget if i mentioned i started therapy again to get me through this

i want this to work out sooo much ,

but maybe it wont if so thats OK,

i just don't want to walk away throw away the time I've been with him at the same time i feel whatever the outcome is to be it will show itself real soon !

I'm gonna support him through this hard as it may be ill let him go if he wants 2b single or if he wants to go back ,

but right now his head is so messed up ,

so maybe in a month or so ill get a better feel for things??

in my head i keep thinking ok lynne he says this yet does this

but im also preparing myself mentally to just say F***it

if im going to keep not getting what i want

[Barby]

Hello!

 

 

I posted earlier on in this thread....I didn't mean to make it sound like you believed it would actually be "fairy tale like"

 

 

You replied with............

 

ive never implied i thought it would be a fairytale in any way ,

weve had coversions about how it would be so thats why im upset about the moving right in,

 

 

I understand where you're coming from, expecting him to make good on the "promises" he made to you when the two of you discussed what would happen when he left his W.....you said that you've been with him for four years being patient and basically waiting for him to make good on his word. But right now, despite the fact that he did leave his home W/kids he may not be ready to hold up the rest of the "bargain" he made with you.

 

He told you...............................................................

 

he said he felt like i was presureing him asking when hes moving in, u know what he presuredd me how many times all i wanted was 4 him to leave me alone until he left her ?

it pisses me off that im suposed to just think about all his feelings yet he dont think of mine right now

 

 

To me that screams that he is NOT ready or willing to move in with you right now or anytime in the near future honestly! You said that you've set a deadline with him that he has to move in by Sept?!?!?!?!?!

 

 

He just left his wife THIS month....I'm sure he (as well as anyone who would be in this situation) would need more than a month to get his head together. I'm sure it sucks since you have been with him for 4 years but since he's been "single" for such a short time, the two of you haven't had much of a chance to have an out in the open relationship so maybe you should give that some time before pressuring him to move in with you.

 

 

Basically you have choices to either.....

 

1) wait on him and let him get things straightened out in his head (no more diff than what you have been doing)

 

2) stop this "waiting and guessing" game and force yourself to stop contacting him until he contacts you and informs you of what he wants to do.

 

3) continue to pressure (his words) him and impose the deadline for him moving in, and if he doesn't then end it with him or if you choose to do this you may lose him due to the pressuring before the deadline even comes!!

 

 

 

he's Iratable ,but he can go to gym &visit family but he doesn't come around or talk to me too much because" Sorry but now is not good time to be around you because i may be mean and fight and i don t want that"

 

 

It sounds to me like maybe in fact he IS trying to clear his head by taking time away from BOTH of you to see and ponder how he really feels and figure out what he really wants and desires.

 

I hope things work out for you, if you realize that he's not going to come around then I hope you're able to move on....waiting around for "closure" (assuming he doesn't keep his "promises) would probably waste your time and makes things harder on you....so if need be I hope seriously that you're able to move on and find someone who'll love and RESPECT you and your feelings. But if this works out between the two of you then I'll be wishing you all the best as well!

[lynnered]

Barby

"To me that screams that he is NOT ready or willing to move in with you right now or anytime in the near future honestly! You said that you've set a deadline with him that he has to move in by Sept?!?!?!?!?!

the sept deadline was set SEPT 2004!

so hes had time and hes last minuteing everythingit just hurts i guess,not trying to presure him just want to feel better inside ya know?

just want 1 thing he said would happen would !

you are so right about the three choices!

i know ,

i did tell him i would give him space ,

im starting therpy again (started over him before )

its just hes putting alot on me but has no understanding of me ,

therapist did say i sounded like i felt like "when is my turn"

and i do i love him but its like i expected it to be differnt even the staying at moms til W calms down not so bad ,

but i didnt expect him to shutdown on me even just communication,he just doesnt say alot &it hurts

so therapy & posting here im not talking to him about nothing just day by day ?

i dont know if thats best but hes so irriateable (which u said he would be)

i guess i feel like i went for a hug and got a slap in the face !

it dont feel good at all

thank u Barby

[Barby]

I am concerned at the fact that you stated that you've been in therapy once before "over him"....well that within itself should have been enough (the first time) to resign your position as the "OW" and now you're back in therapy again but once again it seems to be more about him...

 

It should be more about you and why in fact you're allowing yourself to be treated this way, why you feel you don't deserve better (well why you don't cut him off and find someone who does/will treat you right) and why you've been willing to "hang on" for so long (other than love...there is something you're missing/seeking that allows you to tolerate coming third in someone's life).

 

I think you should make the most out of therapy and don't make it about "him" !!!!

 

 

I read your other post....it sounds like he will/is in fact attempting to or has rekindled with his W (not giving you his cell, ect). There is much more to it than just not being there with his child. I believe it's easier to believe this so it doesn't bother one such much knowing that the one they love is still in fact in love/loving another as well as the "OW".

 

Please don't take me wrong, I don't condone nor look down upon affairs....I honestly believe in this case you deserve better and should look at why you're not allowing yourself to be strong and find better.

[lynnered]

barby,

1st of all i thank u for keeping up wh me!!

about the therepy in jan ,when i first joined LS ,i was debating leaving MM& knew it would be hard so i started therapy,which i quit going after 5 times,

are u a therapist (LOL)i meant that in a good way because what u said,

"It should be more about you and why in fact you're allowing yourself to be treated this way, why you feel you don't deserve better (well why you don't cut him off and find someone who does/will treat you right) and why you've been willing to "hang on" for so long (other than love...there is something you're missing/seeking that allows you to tolerate coming third in someone's life)."

and me & therapist discussed this and she feels i have feelings of not being good enough or deserving she believes due to my upbringing or lack of parenting (me & her have only had 2 visits)

weve talked about past relioshinships ,and she feels ive always accepted not being treated right ,

and ur right i should expect better !believe me i want better!

tomorrow ,wedensday we are suposed to sit down & talk i did talk to him on IM & he actully called from mothers house ,

i did tell him how i felt that i understand this is a hard time & i cannot be kept in limbo ,and hes is treating me badly,he is still at moms but he says

MM: love you i llove my baby i feel like i walking out on her and its not easy i planned to go to moms and then to you but i been too hurt i thought i would be happy to get away and go to you

MM: Im not trying to be mean to you i am so confused and hurt thats all

MM:Baby i can t explain my feelings but we can sit and talk and see what happens with that

MM:I need to sit and talk to my best friend and woman tomorrow

i guess part of it has to do with putting so much time into it too ,U know ive stuck around way too long ,&im scared of not meeting someone new ,starting all over ive been with himA 4years 2 months i dont know how to date!!

im not saying thats all of it i know i have alot of issues &my therapist said with the way my childhood & younger years went something was bound to come out she feels i am depressed & have aniexy ,

so with her i will work on all my issues ,i have 40 visits with my insurance then get more next year so i can keep going for awhile

she wants me to take medication but i worry that i will feel drugged & not myself ,

when i talk to him tomorrow ,i dont know how that will go but i guess ill see tomorrow where i stand i hope

 

[Barby]

So.....have u talked 2 him yet? How did it go?

[lynnered]

well heres what happend today,

i had to go to traffic court so it couldnt be til 12:30 after drops child from school to daycare

MM:Gotta get child from school at 1230 and take her to day case then i be over

MM:Today may be bad because i may not get any sleep so we may have to do tomorrow i think tomorrow would be best for us both

MM:Child had a hard time going into school today so i may keep her when i get her at 1230 i ll see how she is when i get her and let you know

MM:Waiting for her to get out now then i see if i can take her to day care ok

MM:Ok now i gonna take her to day care then i be over

MM:You not gonna believe it She threw a fit and would not go in and she was hitting and biting and pinching me

MM:That is not like her she is not being herself i beat her now i taking her to moms with me this is the kind of sh*T i gotta deal x

MM:Its not easy on me or her not being around

MM:Look if we talk later thats good if not i will be there tomorrow now stop asking if i can come over today i am not able to

MM:One more day then we talk now not good time i tired and baby got me angry

well then i got mad

Lynnered :i have been considerate of u have been out like 3 week & i have only seen u 3xs i have not seen u since friday &all u did was get some & sleep ,u still do not want to ever talk to me on the phone or give me ur cell that makes no sense,at all U dont wanna make time cause U if u wanna be with W & child or for whatever reason,and thats fine if thats where u wanna be but can at least be honest &let me know whats going on

MM:Later ok and i not sure of going back or not its hard

Lynnered:is that what u typed u might be going back?

MM: I wanna talk i don t know its not easy like i thought it would be

Lynnered:if u decide to go back ,it was ur descion i did nothing wrong & u at least come see me & say goodbye?

MM:I am not saying bye i still stay at my moms now but i am falling asleep now

lynnered:i wanted us to work so bad!!i love so much i cant believe i thought u just haveing adjustment issues,but itll be ok ur descion

MM:There you go! Flipping out

Lynnered: wasnt flipping out its just ur back & forth & u get mean & never really talk to me or act like u care about me

MM:Baby i am exhausted gotta sleep honey

so tomorrow i was a bit pissy with him !i didnt put all my comments ,but he dont get why im upset over cell,& he thinks im not being conciderate of him,what hes going through,

but see how he is about child?i in my heart & mind know its not about W,he doesnt like her hasnt really been talking to her ,i doubt hes going to be able to do this cause shes acting out ,and his this is not easy on me or her comment ?

i keep trying to stop crying:rolleyes: and think not matter what happens ,its going to end ,the wondering itll be done soon i can feel it ,& i doubt ill get "my man",but thats OK because if he goes back then i know hes never leaving i can cry my eyes out some more, post like crazy on LS:D ,go to my therapsit i know itll take a long time ,its going to be hard & u see how he types "I am not saying bye i still stay at my moms now "i know hes confused & really wants to leave but he feels like hes abandoning his little one ,i just dont get that he dont understand ,its an adjustment period he sees her everyday,maybe he just cant be a part time dad?

if he goes back ill be so heartbroken like a normal relationship,you cry over all the things you were going to do,things that will never be